


Emotional Pain Hurts as Much as Physical Pain

by Autobot2001



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support, Friendship, Gen, Holoforms (Transformers), Pain, Post-Loss, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Transformers as Humans, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 136,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24050050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autobot2001/pseuds/Autobot2001
Summary: The day Jamie has dreaded for a long time has come. She and her family make the dreaded decision to have the family dog, Buddy, put to sleep. The Autobots and her friends, Jayce and J.R., also dreaded when this day would come. The way Jamie’s family talked, Jayce thought this day would have happened months ago. She contacted the Autobots and Cade to stay in Jamie’s dimension and help her get through Buddy’s death. Not only did they realise Jamie is going through delayed grieving but Jayce has sudden terrifying thoughts causing her to have nightmares and anxiety attacks. As Jayce’s mental state declines. The Autobots realize Jayce and J.R. are traumatized after the nightmare situation four years ago. While this is different, they both have the terrifying thought; Jamie will end up dead. It’s not long before J.R. is deals with terrifying nightmares like Jayce. The Autobots and Cade  worry about all three of their friends and do all they can to help them, Which becomes a challenge as the days go by.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. The Day We Dreaded

It hasn’t been the best year for Jamie. Though her friends have been her support, she still struggled and stopped doing something she enjoyed doing. Her friends worried she’d quit altogether and still worried she’ll give up. They also worried she was suicidal.  
October first will not be an easy day to forget. While most would want to be with their dog as he’s put to sleep, Jamie couldn’t. Instead, she stayed home.  
“I’m worried about how she’ll be now. She struggled with the family saying Buddy should be euthanized since March and now the day is here,” a woman sat on the couch, her blue eyes staring at the stairs.  
“ We both know how sad she was when Onix died,” another woman said.  
“Wait, what?” a tall, robust man with dark brown medium length wavy hair in a messy style asked. Concerned, he just found out Jamie dealt with the loss of a dog before.  
“Nice going, J.R.,” the blue-eyed woman looked at J.R. in disgust.  
“Sorry, I wasn’t aware we would not tell them, Jayce. I’m surprised you didn’t contact them when Onyx passed yet this time you contacted them seven months ago, in March,” J.R.’s green eyes staring at Jayce in disgust.  
By now, the Autobots have joined them, sitting on the metal blocks they use as seats.  
“Stop, J.R.!” the green and black Autobot snapped.  
“Easy, Crosshairs. Please tell us about Onyx, Jayce,“ the red and black Autobot insisted.  
“It wasn’t a good week. The dog, Onyx, had to have been sick for at least a week, but it wasn’t obvious. I just remember on Thursday morning, Jamie noticed Onyx was freezing, he was shaking. She tried to warn him, but her dad yelled at her for putting a blanket on him. She insisted Onyx was sick, but he said the dog was fine. I don’t remember if Onyx was fine until Saturday or not, but he wouldn’t get up to go outside. He didn’t eat even while lying down,” Jayce started tearing up but tried to continue, “he continued to get worse. Still, Jamie’s parents didn’t decide Onyx needed to go to the vet until Monday. They got an appointment for the next day, but they ended up in an accident, totaling the car.”  
“Shitheads were not paying attention when backing up,” J.R. jumps in.  
“They got Onyx to the vet Thursday...but it was too late.”  
“Even the vet said the treatment would cost a lot, and he still wouldn’t recover.”  
By now, both girls have tears rolling down their faces. Crosshairs and Drift activate holoforms, holograms that look and function like humans. They both sat next to each of the girls and hugged them. The other two Autobots and Cade couldn’t believe what happened. Though Jayce and J.R. couldn’t tell them how Jamie was when she found out about Onix, they had a good idea of how she was.  
“I can’t believe what they dealt with alone. I don’t think Jayce thought of contacting us at the time,” Cade says to the other two Autobots.  
This is the second time we find out about a situation where we could have helped them. What else did the three of them go through alone when we could have supported them?  
“This will be a challenge,” the mostly yellow Autobot says.  
“I hope they won’t be like when Jadin attacked,” the fat, khaki-colored Autobot replied.  
“Not as bad. You know how much Jamie loves animals and how sad she’s been just because her parents brought up putting Buddy down in March,” Cade sighed, “Jayce and J.R. might be ok, but Jamie...,” he trailed off and looked at the stairs. A few minutes pass before Jayce and J.R. stop crying. Drift goes upstairs to see if Jamie is awake. It was ten in the morning, but Jamie would often sleep until noon. Today it was hard to tell if she was sleeping late like usual or because she was sad. He sat on the bed and looked at her, wondering how sad will she be and how can he help her. Crosshairs stands in the doorway for a few seconds before going into the room and sitting on the chair by Jamie’s desk.  
“What are we going to do?” he asks, worried.  
“ We’ve most likely seen close to how upset she’ll be since March.”  
Jamie woke up fifteen minutes later. Seeing the sadness in her eyes, Drift moved her onto his lap, hoping to comfort her before she started crying. Crosshairs sat next to him, unsure how he could help while Drift had Jamie on his lap. They both watched the tears roll down her face. Jamie was better than they expected, or was she trying not to cry? Crosshairs waited ten minutes before leaving Drift alone with Jamie, but she grabbed his hand to stop him. He sat back down next to Drift. Fifteen minutes pass before they realized Jamie was trying to go back to sleep. Though they worried Jamie was too depressed that she just wanted to sleep, Drift laid her back in bed and covered her with a red blanket and white blanket before lying next to her. Crosshairs noticed the Labrador retriever on the blanket. Though she had the blanket for a while, he wasn’t sure if she should use it, but he said nothing. Crosshairs left the room and headed back down the stairs to inform the others about Jamie.

“I wonder if she’ll do better since this was planned.”  
“I doubt it, J.R. You how much she loves animals,” Jayce replied in a worried tone.  
“It’s ok, Jayce. I don’t know how much help we’ll be, but she’ll have more support this time,” Cade assures her.  
Drift came down the stairs forty-five minutes later and sat on the couch between the girls. Drift got Jayce and J.R. to watch T.V., hoping to distract them so they wouldn’t worry so much about Jamie. He waited a few minutes before going to find Cade. He instructed Crosshairs to stay with the girls. It was odd to both of them Jamie was sad about losing Onyx but seemed ok with losing Buddy. 

“No, it’s most likely delayed grieving. I can’t see Jamie not being depressed. She even thought she’d be a wreck. There’s no way to know for sure how long before she ends up being depressed about losing Buddy. It might be a few days, a few weeks or even months.”  
Having gotten his answer, Drift walks away. 

Crosshairs gets up once he sees Drift, and the two go back to Jamie’s room. Drift sat on the chair by the desk while Crosshairs sat on the bed. Drift repeated to Crosshairs what Cade told him as he turned on Jamie’s desktop computer.  
“Damn it, so we’re just going to wait until it hits her?” Crosshairs sighed and looked at Jamie.  
“I do not like it either. It’s not like we can prevent Jamie from getting depressed,” Drift says before focusing his attention on Jamie’s computer. Crosshairs watched him look through all the pet photos Jamie had. It surprised him that she didn’t have them organized. They found pictures of Buddy and two other dogs. There were also pictures of other animals.  
“Wow, Onyx wasn’t the only other time Jamie lost a pet,” Drift sighed.  
“I want to find out what happened to these animals, but now’s not the time to ask. Why’d you want to look at the photos anyway?”  
“No reason.”  
Jayce walks into the room and sees Drift on Jamie’s computer, looking at pictures. She wasn’t sure if she should say anything.  
They don’t need to worry about the other animals. Jayce looked at Jamie and tried not to cry, but she hated knowing how depressed Jamie will get.  
“Come on. Jamie will be asleep for a while,” Drift says as he gets up and gets Jayce to leave the room with him. Crosshairs follows them. Drift takes Jayce to her room. The three of them sit on the bed, “it’s ok, Jayce. We’ve been through worse.”  
They stayed in the room for fifteen minutes before Jayce wanted to leave. The two mechs realized how worried Jayce was about Jamie. She watched Jamie deal with the loss of Onyx.  
“She’s concerned about Jamie. You think she thinks Jamie could…you know?” Crosshairs asks, not wanting to say harm or kill herself.  
“I don’t know. It makes little sense. Onyx got sick and died months after the nightmare. How can she worry now, but not then?”  
“Because it was sudden?”  
“Now’s not the time to figure it out though I think she’s still hurting from the nightmare and remembering what J.R. did has her worried.”  
No one likes talking about what happened. Everyone says the nightmare. Though everyone has moved past what happened, they worry it’ll happen again. They left the room, went back downstairs, and sat with the girls on the couch. They didn’t care Jayce and J.R. just wanted to watch T.V. 

By 1 pm, Drift goes back to Jamie’s room, turns off her computer, and lies next to her. Though he wasn’t sure when she’d wake up, he wanted to be here when she wakes up.  
I hope she won’t end up too depressed.  
Crosshairs comes in five minutes later and sits at the edge of the bed.  
“You don’t have to be here. I will have her go downstairs. Maybe I can get her to eat something,” Drift tells him.  
“You think she won’t eat?”  
“She doesn’t eat much, to begin with. I’m hoping to get her to eat something and not wait for dinner.”  
Crosshairs leaves the room. He comes back five minutes later.  
“Well, it’s not great, but it’s something,” he says as he hands Drift two granola bars.  
“It’s most likely all she’ll eat for now.” 

Jamie didn’t wake up until one-thirty. Drift tried to get Jamie to eat, but she didn’t want to.  
Damn it. I hope you’ll eat soon.  
Drift moved Jamie to his lap and hugged her. He could tell she was trying not to cry.  
Crosshairs left them alone, he wanted to find Jayce and J.R. Crosshairs found Hound and Cade, working on a project. He didn’t care what they were working on but liked how Jamie had equipment and supplies for the two of them to keep busy. Crosshairs headed towards the training grounds. He deactivated his holoform and left the base.  
Well, at least they’re doing something instead of worrying about Jamie. Crosshairs thought as he walked through the woods.  
The training ground was two-hundred-five feet into the woods. The Autobots would still be noticeable. Jamie invented a cloaking device around the property to hide the Autobots from anyone driving or flying by. Jamie also placed a device hiding them when people came to the house. The Autobots were hidden in the yard and training grounds.  
Crosshairs found Jayce and J.R. training, but he didn’t expect to find Bumblebee with them. He asked Bumblebee why he was with the girls, making sure Bumblebee didn’t feel like he had to watch them.  
“I just want to. Nothing else to do, and I like watching them train,” Bumblebee tells him.  
“It is fun watching them. I just don’t want you to think we have to. These two should be ok. We’re here if they need us. It’s Jamie I’m worried about. This will be a lot harder on her,” Crosshairs watched Jayce and J.R. for a few minutes. “How about you, Bee? You’ve known Buddy since he was four years old.”  
“I’m worried about Jamie. You’ve seen a little of her mental struggle.”


	2. Worry

By three-thirty, Jamie’s parents were home with dinner. Drift got Jamie to go to the house, which was only sixty-five feet from the base. Jamie loved having the base close to the house. Though it would seem odd to have such a structure to most, it was easy for Jamie to be with her friends without having to be gone for days. The arrangement was better than a weekend at a friend’s dimension and needing to get back in time for school. Though she’s an adult now and can to friends’ dimensions for as long as she wants, the base still serves the same purpose. Though the last three years, it’s served as Jamie’s home away from home.   
It relieved Drift Jamie was eating but knew being in the house was making her sadder. Hearing about her parents’ time at the vet didn’t help. They returned to the base when she finished eating. 

The two of them sat on the couch. Jamie turned on the T.V. and leaned on Drift. Drift put an arm around her. He hated watching her deal with the thought of Buddy being put down and now watching how sad she is now that Buddy is gone. All he could do was hope she won’t get too depressed and knew this is what Jayce was worried about. Everyone was now concerned about how sad Jamie would get.   
Bumblebee, Crosshairs, Jayce, and J.R. come back a half-hour later. They watched the girls get some dinner before Crosshairs sat next to Jamie. He knew Drift would have made sure Jamie ate by now.  
It’s going to be a long night. Most likely, Jamie will have a hard time sleeping tonight. Maybe Jayce and J.R. 

The rest of the night was a lazy night watching T.V. until Jamie fell asleep at ten pm. As he does almost every night, Drift carried Jamie to her room and laid her in bed. Jayce and J.R. watched, wondering if she’d be asleep all night or not?   
“Come on, you know Drift will be with her if she wakes up,” Cade says before going to the room he’s been staying in the past seven months. Jamie made sure there were rooms for her friends to stay in. Crosshairs got the two girls to go to bed. The other Autobots headed to their quarters.  
Drift laid on the bed next to Jamie. He couldn’t fall asleep. This was nothing compared to the nightmare, but he didn’t want to be asleep and not hear Jamie cry.   
At least I don’t have to sleep right now. 

“You didn’t sleep at all?” Crosshairs asks Drift. It was six in the morning.   
“No, I didn’t know if she’d wake up crying.”   
“You can’t keep that up. Jamie will struggle with this for a while. You need to sleep at night. She’d wake you up.”   
Drift got up and walked back to Jamie’s room. Crosshairs stayed on the couch.   
”Unbelievable, I know Jamie will struggle with this, but I didn’t expect Drift would be this worried about her,” Crosshairs thought out loud.   
“What happened?” Hound asks as he walks towards the couch. Crosshairs told Hound about his conversation with Drift. Hound didn’t agree with what Drift was doing, but there wasn’t anything they could do. They knew Drift was doing what he felt he had to do to help Jamie. The problem was that if he kept this up for a week, he’d end up needing a long recharge in his quarters. He’d be in recharge for two or three days. 

Jayce stands at the doorway of Jamie’s room twenty minutes later.   
“Come on, Jayce,” Drift says as he walks up to her, “You know Jamie has support this time,” He got her to go downstairs and get breakfast.   
“Jayce is anxious,” Crosshairs observed.   
“Yes, it’s strange she wasn’t when she contacted us and watched Jamie struggle with hearing her parents talk about putting Buddy down. Jamie’s doing ok for now.”   
“Because it happened,” Cade jumps in, “I told you yesterday, Drift, Jamie is ok for now, but it’s delayed grieving.”   
“Even with us here. Even though she knows how close you are to Jamie, Drift. Damn it.”   
“Jayce will be fine,” Drift assures Crosshairs. Even if Drift was wrong, Jayce would tell them if something was bothering her. By now, J.R. was awake and eating breakfast. Drift goes back to Jamie’s room. Cade goes to get breakfast, and Crosshairs watches Jayce and J.R. from the couch.  
I hope these two will do something today. Doubt Jamie will want to do anything. Crosshairs sighed. 

The two girls joined him on the couch ten minutes later. Jayce turns on the T.V. They would watch some T.V. in the morning before doing something else like training.   
I don’t think they’ll be watching for just two hours like they often do. Crosshairs thought.   
Cade goes back to the project he’s been working on. 

Two hours pass before Drift comes back down the stairs.   
“You don’t have to keep coming down,” Crosshairs tells him as he meets Drift at the bottom of the stairs.   
“I know I said those two should be ok, but I’m still worried about them. This isn’t close to as bad as the nightmare-.”  
“I know, Drift. You may be right, and these two will be ok, but I’m worried about them too. After watching what they went through three years ago, I don’t think any of us cannot worry about them.”   
“No,” Hound says as he walks up to them, “I am also worried. Bumblebee must also be worried.”   
“He is,” Crosshairs says, “I’m not sure if we should contact Prime. He might be helpful.”   
“No,” Bumblebee says as he walks up to them, “Crosshairs and Drift can help Jamie better than Prime.”   
“Better?” Drift asks angry Bumblebee said better than Prime.   
“You know what I mean,” Bumblebee says before walking away.   
“He’s right, you know,” Crosshairs says, elbowing Drift, “even Jayce and J.R. see how Jamie is closer to both of us than any of her friends but more towards you.”   
Come on, do I have to say it?   
Drift walks towards the couch and sits between Jayce and J.R. Crosshairs sits next to J.R., and Hound goes to resume his project. 

Drift was too worried about Jamie to watch T.V. He tried to hide it from Crosshairs and the girls. He stayed another twenty minutes before going back to Jamie’s room. Jayce and J.R. decided they had enough T.V. for now and headed to the training ground. Crosshairs goes to Jamie’s room.   
Is this how it will be for a while? Sure it’s not much different, for now, but it’s depressing. 

Drift sat on the bed, unaware Crosshairs came into the room and sat on the bed next to him.   
I hate that we’re just waiting for her to become depressed. I know she will be and I hate it, Drift sighed.   
Drift knew Jamie could be asleep for several hours. Even though he didn’t know when Jamie would wake up, He wanted to be in the room when she wakes up.   
“You don’t think Jayce and J.R. be fine, do you?” Crosshairs asks.  
“They will be for now, but once Jamie gets depressed, they most likely will be. Not as they were during the nightmare.”   
“You think Jamie will be despondent?”   
“Yes,” Drift sighed, “Jayce and J.R. couldn’t even finish telling us about how Jamie was when Onyx died plus how sad she’s been just hearing her parents say they should put Buddy down…”  
“Come on. She’ll be asleep for a while. Let’s go see what the others are doing.”   
Drift hesitated though Crosshairs was right. The two of them left the room. 

Drift tried meditating while Crosshairs watched Jayce and J.R. train, but he couldn’t concentrate, nor did he want to go far from Jamie’s room.   
Sure she may be ok for a while but if she’s upset and I’m not here.   
Using his Cybertronian form, he sat on a metal block, unable to stop thinking about the girls. Drift was more concerned about Jamie but knew Jayce and J.R. might struggle watching Jamie being depressed. He activated his holo form and went back to her room fifteen minutes later.   
Jamie woke up forty-five minutes later. She was in a good mood, but for how long? She was sad but not enough not to want to do anything.   
Good, she’s doing better today. Drift sat with her on the couch. 

Jamie continued to do ok for the next three days. She was still sad about Buddy’s passing, but not depressed. 

Sunday, Jamie and her family got more unpleasant news. Everyone hated how the family got hit with more unpleasant news. They were all having a hard time adjusting to not having Buddy. Jamie’s mom was having the hardest time with this news. This piece of news seemed to have caused Jayce to be more concerned about Jamie.  
“You’re more worried about Jamie, aren’t you?” Drift asked once Jamie left the base. The Autobots were sitting on the metal blocks while Jayce and J.R. sat on the couch.   
“Yes,” Jayce sighed, “Jamie’s grandmother was a writer. Though she only got published in magazines, I think she inspired Jamie to want to be a writer. You know she’s been wanting to write about our adventures and get published. She was working on a story inspired by a friend. When that friend died, she lost motivation for years.”  
“As much as I hate how that’s possible, we can’t make her do anything. It’s a bad idea and wouldn’t help,” Cade informs them.  
“She’s doing ok…for now,” Drift sighed. “doing something she enjoys doing.”  
“I assume doing another day of bulk recording. It’s a good thing she records a lot of videos at once,” Hound points out, “we know she will end up depressed and won’t want to do anything.”  
“And she’ll hate how inactive the channel is,” Bumblebee says, “she doesn’t like how she stopped live streaming.”  
Bumblebee, Cade, and Hound left the area. Drift stayed seated, not knowing Crosshairs didn’t leave.  
“Come on, Drift, I think she’ll be busy for a while,” Crosshairs insisted, “you know we’re all concerned about her, and Jamie won’t like seeing how worried you are. Let’s leave her for a while.”   
They went to watch Jayce and J.R. train. Bumblebee was already with Jayce and J.R. 

An hour later

“What the hell?!” J.R. yelled as Jamie attacked her in the air, “you planned on joining us an hour late,” J.R. smiled at Jamie.   
“If you say so,” Jamie laughs as she continues punching J.R.   
“Get her, Jamie!” Crosshairs yells. By now Cade and Hound have joined the watch party. Jayce landed next to them. After five minutes, The two got serious and started going at each other but still training.   
“Come on, Jayce, help me kick her ass!” J.R. yelled. Jayce joined them but wasn’t concentrating on the fight. Jamie knocked her to the ground within five minutes. She had a soft landing. Jayce didn’t continue training. Instead, she watched but headed back to the base ten minutes later.   
I don’t think she’ll be ok, Drift. Crosshairs watched her, worried. The others didn’t seem as worried as Crosshairs. 

Sure she’s happy today, but I hate knowing she’ll end up depressed soon. She already had a hard six months just knowing her parents wanted to put Buddy down. Jayce laid in her bed after a shower. I’m afraid she’ll do something stupid. I have to worry about J.R. doing something stupid but not Jamie. Jayce laid on her bed for an hour before Crosshairs came in.   
“Are you all right?” He asked as he stood by her desk.   
“I’m fine.”   
Jayce walked out of the room.  
No, you’re not, and you can’t hide how you’re feeling for long. Crosshairs followed her downstairs. J.R. was in the shower, and Jamie was at the house. The others returned to their projects. Crosshairs wasn’t sure if he should tell Drift Jayce is more anxious about Jamie. Not like she’d talk to them anyway, which Crosshairs hated.   
You’re going to wait until you can’t sleep to talk to us, aren’t you? Crosshairs sighed.


	3. What Are You Thinking?

A week has passed. Jamie wasn’t doing any gaming videos, but the others weren’t too concerned. A break from all her projects was a good thing right now. The three girls did some training but not their usual routine. Sunday, October thirteenth would be another shitty day, and the Autobots couldn’t be with Jamie. Today was her grandmother’s memorial. They still worried about Jayce and J.R. Not only did Jayce become more anxious, but now J.R. was becoming concerned. Everyone knew the memorial would affect Jamie. The question was, how much? Would she be a little sadder, or would depression hit? 

Jamie was home at six. She was tired and just wanted to watch T.V. Jamie laid on Drift as everyone watched T.V. with her. They watched T.V. until Jamie fell asleep at nine. It seemed odd to the others how she fell asleep at what’s considered early for them, but she had a long day.  
Wonder if she’ll wake up in a couple of hours? It seems to be what happens if she falls asleep between eight and eleven. Drift wonders as he lays Jamie in bed and covers her with the two blankets she uses. He debated putting the blanket with the labrador retriever away, but he didn’t remove the blanket. Drift found Crosshairs waiting for him outside of the room. Crosshairs wanted to know if Drift thought Jamie was getting depressed. Even though Jamie was tired, Drift thought she was getting more depressed and wouldn’t be long before she lost interest in doing what she loved. Crosshairs insisted Drift recharge and not stay up all night.   
Drift did what Crosshairs suggested though he still worried Jamie would end up waking up crying, and he wouldn’t hear her. 

Jamie woke up at two A.M. but didn’t bother Drift. She laid in bed, hoping to go back to sleep. Drift woke up at 10 A.M, looking at Jamie sleeping. He headed downstairs to see if Jayce and J.R. were awake. No one was downstairs. Drift assumed the other Autobots are still on the lower level but not recharging. No longer using his holoform, Drift headed down to the lower level to see what the others were doing. Bumblebee and Hound weren’t around, but Drift found Crosshairs sitting on the berth in his quarters. Crosshairs was lost in thought, and he didn’t notice Drift sitting next to him.   
  
“Why are you down here?” Crosshairs asked, amazed Drift left Jamie alone considering how worried he is.   
“Jamie is still asleep. You’re telling me not to worry about her, but you can’t hide how you are also anxious.”   
“How can I not be? Everyone is worried, but you and Jayce are very anxious-.”  
“So you thought hiding how anxious you are would help? Nothing will help us not be anxious about her. We just have to help Jamie through this.”   
Crosshairs sighed, “Jayce will struggle as well when Jamie ends up depressed.”   
“I was hoping since we’re here, she wouldn’t be so worried. Instead, she’s very anxious.”   
“Another fucking nightmare.”   
“No, not like before. Not even close. It’s difficult to know how J.R. is with this. Hard to tell if she’s hiding how anxious she is or she knows Jamie will be ok. Too bad she’s not as bad as you at hiding emotions.” Drift jokes though they both would like that to be true. They found the three girls were awake. They were used to seeing Jayce and J.R. eating breakfast and Jamie not eating. No matter how many times they see this scenario, they still hated how Jamie doesn’t eat. They’ve learned humans don’t always eat right when they wake up, but Jamie seldom eats during the day. Drift sat next to her on the couch and put an arm around her. Jayce and J.R. headed to the training grounds ten minutes later. 

Crosshairs headed to the training ground ten minutes after Jayce and J.R. He didn’t think Bumblebee and Hound would be there.   
“I can’t tell if they just want to keep training without Jamie or are trying to avoid her,” Hound observes.   
“I’m thinking both. Hard to tell if J.R. is anxious and hiding it or she knows Jamie will be ok. She knows how depressed Jamie will get,” Crosshairs says.   
“So, we’re observing all three of them anyway.”   
“You think we could avoid observing all three of them if the only issue was Jamie getting depressed?” Crosshairs asks, smiling at Hound.   
“I doubt it.”  
  
  
Jamie continued to be heartbroken for the next two weeks. With that, Jayce became more anxious. J.R. couldn’t figure out why. She thought Jamie would do better than when Onyx died since the Autobots were here. J.R. thought that’s why Jayce contacted them, but now she thought there was another reason Jayce wanted them here. 

One in the morning, Everyone is asleep, or so J.R. thought. J.R. couldn’t ignore how Jayce was standing outside, on the balcony at one in the morning.   
It’s strange, but this might be nothing. J.R. returned to her room. 

J.R. continued to find Jayce standing on the balcony late at night all week. Jayce would end up sleeping until eleven in the morning. As far as J.R. knew, the Autobots noticed how Jayce was sleeping late but weren’t concerned. J.R. knew the Autobots would try to get Jayce to talk to them if they felt like there was a problem. Still, she couldn’t wait any longer.   
I should get one of the others, but I don’t think she’ll say anything. Something’s bothering her, and I’m expecting her to end up crying.   
J.R. stood next to Jayce, unsure of how to start the conversation.   
“Why are you here?” Jayce asked five minutes later.   
Oh boy, I haven’t even said anything yet, and she’s already trying not to cry. 

Crosshairs had a hard time slipping into recharge. He was too worried about Jayce.   
. She has to be having a hard time getting to sleep for her to be sleeping later.   
He looked in both Jayce and J.R.’s room, not liking how both of the girls weren’t in their rooms, nor were they anywhere downstairs.   
Why the hell would they be outside this late? Crosshairs headed upstairs to the balcony.   
“You don’t get it, do you?” Crosshairs heard Jayce say in an annoyed tone. He stood by the door and listened to the rest of the conversation, “Buddy’s birthday is the eleventh, and you know how Jamie loved to spoil him.”   
“You think she’ll have a hard time?”   
“Maybe not the eleventh, but think the holiday season will be rough.”   
“She has the Autobots. I thought that’s why you contacted them?”  
“In March, when I thought this would happen. I don’t think they’ll be much help now.”  
“Have you not been paying attention all these years?” J.R. put a hand on Jayce’s shoulder, “This might be harder than when Onyx died, but Jamie will be fine.”   
J.R. returned to her room. Crosshairs already jumped to the lower level and hid, so J.R. didn’t see him. He waited a half hour before going out to the balcony so Jayce wouldn’t know he eavesdropped, hoping she’d repeat what she told J.R. Crosshairs had no such luck. As he expected, Jayce told him there wasn’t s problem and walked back to her room. Crosshairs waited forty-five minutes before seeing if the girls were asleep. He returned to his quarters and deactivated his holoform, hoping to slip into recharge.


	4. Concerns

Crosshairs informed everyone besides Drift, who was still asleep, about what he heard Jayce say, and what he thought would happen as Jamie became more depressed. He also told them how J.R. didn’t appear to be concerned about Jamie but about Jayce. He wasn’t sure if she’d have a hard time like Jayce.  
“She worries about Jamie and J.R. way too much,” Cade says.  
“They all worry about each other and us,” Hound replies, “the shit they’ve been through, I don’t blame them.”  
“Jayce is anxious for no reason. Jamie will be fine,” Bumblebee says, “she was right to call us, or at least Crosshairs and Drift,” he looks at Crosshairs, “no way I’d comfort her like you two. Even Jayce notices the closer relationship Jamie has with you two.”  
“You don’t sound too sure,” Cade comments.  
“Would like to know what she’s thinking. For her to call us but still be very anxious…” Bumblebee trailed off. They were all trying to figure out why Jayce was so concerned. Drift comes down the stairs but doesn’t question why the others are gathered. He walks by them and goes outside. The others wondered what he was doing since he didn’t retrieve his Cybertronian form. The others go off in different directions as Crosshairs sits on the couch, waiting for the girls to wake up. After hearing Jayce last night, he was a little more worried about her and continued to worry about Jamie.

J.R. came down fifteen minutes later. Crosshairs didn’t think she’d sit next to him or lean on him. He put an arm around her. J.R. sat with Crosshairs until Jayce woke up a half-hour later. Crosshairs didn’t like how the two left for the training ground before eating but tried not to worry.  
“What’s wrong?” Drift asks.  
“Jayce and J R. didn’t get before going to the training ground.”  
“You worry, they will neglect themselves?” Drift sighed, “Could be nothing, but it’s clear they’ve been affected by the shit Jadin put them through. They’ll never get over it even if Jadin stopped hunting Jamie.”  
“I don’t think any of us will. I know those two just didn’t want to eat before training though why suddenly-.”  
“They might do intense training today, and eating beforehand would be a bad idea. We’ll just watch them for now,” Drift goes up to Jamie’s room.  
The two of them came down a half-hour later. Jamie was quiet and just wanted to sit with the two mechs. Drift waited for a half-hour before trying to get Jamie to eat though he figured she wouldn’t.  
Damn it, why are you doing this to yourself?  
Drift turned on the T.V. before getting up and walking down the hall to another room. Jamie didn’t know Drift walked away, or Crosshairs followed him. She just watched T.V. while trying not to cry. She couldn’t stop thinking about Buddy.  
“This is worse than I thought. We knew Jamie would end up depressed, and I hate that she doesn’t eat all day. I didn’t think Jayce would be anxious to the point she has a hard time getting to sleep. I’m worried she will be as bad as before,”  
“No, you’re right about this not being as bad as before,” Crosshairs sighed, “but I’d like to know why Jayce is so anxious about Jamie even with us being here.”  
“I’m sure we’ll find out soon, come on.”  
Drift didn’t think Jamie would move onto his lap when he sat next to her.  
“It’s ok,” he says as he hugs her. Crosshairs sits next to Drift though he’s not sure what he could do. He didn’t want to go anywhere. The two mechs didn’t know Cade had walked in and was watching them.  
I don’t think things would be different if the shit with Jadin never happened. We’re all affected by that, but we also hate how sad Jamie got when her parents suggested they should put Buddy down.  
Cade walked back outside towards the training ground.  
Jayce and J.R. were still doing intense training. Cade found Bumblebee and Hound sitting on the ground, watching them.  
“They’ve been at it for an hour now,” Hound says, “strange they’re training without Jamie.”  
“Think Jayce just wants a distraction, and J.R. wants Jayce to be distracted. Won’t work for long. “  
“It would be great if that meant she’d stop worrying so much, but I doubt it.”  
Jayce and J.R. continued training for another hour before going back to the base. By now, Jamie was in her room, working on videos. Crosshairs and Drift were not around. Both girls cleaned up and got some food.  
“Leave her, you know she hates being interrupted,” J.R. says as Jayce heads to the stairs. Jayce sighed and sat back on the couch.  
“I don’t get it, why are you so worried?’ J.R. asks, but Jayce doesn’t answer her. The two of them forgot Bumblebee, Cade, and Hound were around and listening.  
Shit, I think I know why she’s so concerned. Does she believe Jamie would go that far? Well, either Crosshairs or Drift will find out soon. Cade returned to his project in the other room. Bumblebee and Hound stayed with Jayce and J.R., who, by now, are watching T.V. They sit on the metal blocks between the sections of the couch.  
Crosshairs and Drift came back an hour later. Neither worried Jamie wasn’t with the others. She would work until three in the afternoon. Jayce was distracted, but they knew she could not stop worrying about Jamie. As far as they knew, J.R. still wasn’t concerned. The two of them activated their holoforms and sat with the girls.  
Bumblebee and Hound were still sitting in the metal blocks. An hour later, Cade and Jamie join them. Jamie was doing ok as she sat on Drift’s lap, watching T.V. The rest of the night was like every other except for Jamie feeling sad about losing Buddy.

Five hours later

“No way, J.R. is fine,” Drift says. The Autobots were sitting on the metal cubes. The girls and Cade are in bed. Crosshairs doubted Jayce was asleep. He didn’t know if J.R. would be sleeping or was with Jayce in her room.  
“I wouldn’t be surprised if J.R. is anxious about Jayce that she can’t sleep,” Hound says.  
“There’s got to be more to why Jayce is anxious even though we’re here,” Crosshairs says,  
“Unless Jamie may end up more depressed than when Onyx died?” Bumblebee guessed.  
“How much more can..oh shit,” Crosshairs couldn’t finish his sentence, but the others knew what he was thinking. This terrified Drift, and he ran back to Jamie’s room.  
“She was fine all day,” Hound watches Drift run up the stairs.  
“She won’t be for long, but Drift thinks she was hiding how she feels,”  
“He knows she can’t. Sure, she keeps quiet, so it’s hard to know what she’s thinking, but she can’t hide how she’s feeling. Which s a good thing,” Bumblebee pointed out. None of them wanted to talk about this further. For now, everyone but Crosshairs headed to their quarters. Crosshairs found Drift and Jamie sleeping.  
Amazed, you’re even asleep, Drift.  
He then looks in Jayce and J.R.’s rooms. Both girls were asleep. Crosshairs headed to his quarters, but it took him a while to slip into recharge.

Thirteen days later

“See, you had nothing to worry about.”  
“For now,” Jayce says depressingly, “I’m surprised she did well yesterday but doesn’t mean she’ll be fine. Sure, Jamie spoils Buddy on his birthday but not as much as Thanksgiving and Christmas. Unless she’s somehow able to hide emotions now, fuck.”  
Crosshairs and Drift listened from the stairs. The others were already doing their own thing.  
“Seriously? You don’t think it’s because-.”  
“No, I don’t!” Jayce yelled before running out of the base.  
What the hell are you thinking? J.R. watched her until she was out of sight before heading up the stairs to her room.

“What now?” Crosshairs asks, standing by the desk.  
“I have no idea,” Drift sighed, “would like to know why she’s thinking this way.”  
“Makes little sense. I will ask Cade,” Crosshairs leaves the room. Drift lays on the bed next to Jamie.  
Are you thinking like that, Jamie?

“Hard to say But I doubt Jayce has been thinking this way since March and that’s part of why she contacted us. More like since October first. She should realize Jamie will be ok soon.”  
Crosshairs leaves the room. He sees Jamie on the couch, watching T.V. Drift was making tea.  
“Well?’ He says once he sees Crosshairs walking towards him.  
“There’s no way to know, but we know she will want to be with you. She’ll be safe.”  
Crosshairs goes to find Jayce. Drift brought the tea over to Jamie and sat next to her.  
You can’t just drink tea until dinner, but I can’t make you eat.

“There you are,” Crosshairs says as he sits next to Jayce, “what are you doing in here?’  
Why Jamie’s room in the house?  
“Go away,” Jayce says in a sad tone. It was clear she wanted to yell at Crosshairs to go away but was too sad.  
Crap, I thought you’d be fine. I know the three of you worry about each other and us, but you worry way too much. Unless Jamie hides how worried she is very well since she’s the leader of the group and the Autobots when they’re here. I don’t know, but you don’t have to worry so much.  
“You know Jamie will be ok. You don’t have to worry about her.” He hugged her for a few minutes before insisting they go back to the base.  
Crosshairs got Jayce to stay with Jamie, so he and Drift to see what J.R. was doing.  
She was lying in her bed, facing the wall, unaware the two mechs walked in until Crosshairs sat on the bed, and she heard the desk chair move. She turned to face them.  
“She’s scared,” J.R. says in a sad tone. They knew she was talking about Jayce.  
“And you?” Crosshairs asks.  
“No, I don’t know if Jayce is right, but Jamie will be safe,” by now, J.R. had tears rolling down her face. Crosshairs moved closer to her and hugged her.  
“Come on, let’s go downstairs,” Crosshairs suggests, and they leave the room.  
He gets J.R. to sit with the other girls who are watching T.V. He, and Drift stepped away far enough that the three girls couldn’t hear them, but the girls were still in their view.  
“Well, now we have to worry about Jayce. I think she’s too concerned about Jamie that she’ll have nightmares. You know how she was before,” Crosshairs says.  
Drift nods in agreement, “Maybe not now but likely by the end of the week. J.R. acts like she’s fine, but she’s better at hiding how she’s feeling. “  
“I’ll sleep in the hall so I can hear either of them,” Crosshairs suggests.  
“Not much more we can do. Could be right, and Jayce will be ok once she realizes Jamie will be safe. Sure, this could be extreme, but after what Jayce and J.R. went through before, I can’t just assume they won’t be like that.”  
Crosshairs nods in agreement.  
The two mechs went back to the girls. By now, Bumblebee was with them sitting on a metal cube. He knew they were most likely making a plan about Jayce. No way they’d let her deal with nightmares alone or J.R. if she ended up being anxious like Jayce and having nightmares.


	5. More Challenges

Ninety minutes later, Jayce and J.R. went to the training ground. Jamie has done little training in the past six weeks, which wasn’t like her. Sure they girls would have some weeks when they train fewer days than other weeks, but they never took a long break by choice. Jayce had a worried expression as she watched Jamie show no interest in joining them. She wanted to skip training and stay with Jamie even though Crosshairs and Drift are with her. J.R. took her hand so she’d follow her out. Jayce didn’t want to worry the two mechs even more, so she went with J.R. without hesitation.  
“Go with them,” Drift whispered. Crosshairs nods and follows the girls. He wasn’t sure if they’d be mad if they found out he was following them, but he wanted to listen to their conversation. He stayed hidden in the woods as the girls stood on the clearing. As he suspected, they started talking instead of immediately starting training.   
“When are you going to tell me what’s got you so worried?” J.R. asked trying not to sound like she’s demanding an answer  
“If you haven’t figured it out now, then you have nothing to worry about.”  
“Oh yeah, you’re anxious about something, but I have nothing to fucking worry about!” J.R. yelled. Jayce wasn’t sure what to say. J.R. was getting angry, “What the fuck is worrying you!!?”   
“Stop, J.R.!!” Crosshairs yelled as he walked up to them. He stood between them, held their hands, and got them to sit on their knees on the ground.  
“Listen to me both of you, Jamie will be ok,” he looked at Jayce, hoping she’d figure out what he means Jamie will be safe without having to say anything.  
If J.R. doesn’t know what Jayce is thinking, then I want to keep it that way.   
“Hey, what’s going on?” Hound asks.   
“Go with Hound,” Crosshairs instructed J.R. Hound knew Crosshairs wanted him to take J.R. somewhere away from here. J.R. looked at him then Jayce before going with Hound,   
“You will not tell her?” Jayce asked, “so what you going to do when..” she couldn’t finish before she started crying, Crosshairs sat on the ground, got Jayce to sit on his lap and hugged her, “Jamie will be ok. You know she’ll want to be with Drift. I don’t understand, why are you thinking this way now?” Jayce didn’t answer his question. She hugged Crosshairs and let tears roll down her face. 

J.R. said nothing on the way back to the base. She went to her room once they got back.   
“She doesn’t know, does she?” Cade asks.   
“No, Crosshairs doesn’t want her to know which is a good idea. She might not be like Jayce if she knew, but do we want to take the chance?”   
“No, Jayce already has a hard time getting to sleep, and I doubt it’ll be long before she has nightmares about what she’s thinking.”  
“J.R. might figure out what Jayce is thinking as Jamie becomes more depressed.”  
“Yeah, most likely, Crosshairs and Drift have thought about what to do about her. I can’t believe this. We thought we just had Jamie to worry about. I don’t …unless Jayce thinks because Jamie had Buddy for fourteen years and Onyx just for three. That has to be it. Even though Jamie loves animals so much, she’s had more time with Buddy.”   
“ Damn, we better tell the others later..or at least Bee. Crosshairs and Drift might have already figured it out.” 

Crosshairs and Jayce come back an hour later. Jayce goes into her room.   
Cade tells Crosshairs J.R. went to her room when she and Hound came back. Crosshairs looks in her room and finds her sleeping.   
Unusual for her to sleep in the middle of the day. Don’t tell me you’re starting to worry now.   
Crosshairs went to Jayce’s room. She was lying on the bed. Crosshairs sat on the bed though he wasn’t sure what to do. He said all he could say to let her know she doesn’t need to worry, but she was still worried or afraid. He watched her fall asleep. 

Drift was heading to Jayce’s room as Crosshair left.   
“She fell asleep, and J.R. is asleep,” Crosshairs tells him.  
“Unusual for those two. Even Jamie rarely sleeps in the middle of the day if she’s up early,” Drift looked in the room and sighed, “this might be a daily occurrence for Jayce and if the other two notice her sleeping more.”   
“Hard to say, but she may realize Jamie will be safe, and she need not worry. Still stick to the plan.”   
“Unbelievable, I thought we’d just have Jamie to worry about. The nightmare situation badly affected Jayce. It’s hard to say if J.R. is the same way. Imagine if Jamie knew what they went through.”   
“They’ll be ok. The others are also concerned about the girls and will help us. Come on. These two will be asleep for a while.” 

It wasn’t long before Jamie also fell asleep. Drift takes Jamie to her room and lays on the bed with Jamie lying on him. He’s able to get the red blanket on her.   
Neither Crosshairs or Bumblebee were bothered Drift hadn’t come back down fifteen minutes later. They figured he wanted to stay with Jamie. The problem was, he wouldn’t be able to hear Jayce or J.R. if they ended up waking up, crying. The walls were metal. Both Bee and Crosshairs were thinking, should they sit in the hallway? Neither of them did. J.R. was up a half-hour later. She just wanted to sit with Crosshairs.   
I hate how you hide your emotions well. Are you starting to worry?   
“What is Jayce so anxious about?” she asks.   
“I don’t know.” Crosshairs lies.   
Please let that answer your question. I don’t want to tell you why Jayce is concerned about Jamie. You’ll also be worried about Jamie.   
“So you will let her worry?”   
“I told both of you there’s nothing to worry about. She’s having a hard time realizing that. You know we wouldn’t leave her to worry when she doesn’t need to.”   
Shit, she doesn’t know what Jayce is so anxious about, but she’s concerned about her.   
J.R. didn’t know what to think. Jamie is getting more depressed by the day. Jayce is so anxious, but J.R. doesn’t know why. She knows Crosshairs and Drift know how to help her friends, but she is still worried. She wanted to know why Jayce was so anxious, but Jayce refuses to tell her. She also didn’t want to upset Jayce by trying to get an answer out of her.   
Jayce comes down the stairs a half-hour later and walks out of the base. Crosshairs watched her walk out, but J.R. was unaware. Without being instructed to, Bumblebee goes to see where Jayce is going.   
Jayce went to the training ground. She leaned on a tree and slid down to the ground. She was unsuccessful in keeping herself from crying. Bumblebee didn’t want to wait to see if Jayce would say anything before going to comfort her. Jayce didn’t care Bumblebee followed her. She hugged him as soon as he sat next to her. He listened as she told him how terrified she was at what Jamie could do. Crosshairs and Drift wouldn’t be able to keep her safe. Jayce didn’t understand why she was thinking this way. She knew Jamie would be with Drift, and the others would also help her. Bumblebee knew Crosshairs tried to assure Jayce Jamie would be ok, but Jayce was so terrified and having a hard time calming down. Bumblebee was thinking a drive would help, but his Cybertronian form was in the base. He couldn’t leave Jayce her, and if she came with him while crying, J.R. would see her. She had to calm down a little before they could go back. 

“Come on, let’s go downstairs.” Drift insisted. Jamie woke up five minutes ago but wouldn’t get off him. She was hugging him the best she could while he was lying down.   
“No.” She replies in a sad tone. She could keep it together and not cry, but for how much longer? Even Drift knew she was trying not to cry.   
“Ok, we can stay here for a while.” He says as he rubs her back in a circular motion.   
I don’t know if I should like this or not. All this time together and I’ve never done this before. I like it, but are you just too upset to get off me? I know you are not sure about us. You know I love you even though you’re mostly human, and I’m not unless I’m using my holoform. I know you are not used to such love, and this also makes things harder for you. 

Bumblebee took Jayce back to the base ten minutes later. He suggested they go for a drive, and she agreed. He was able to get his Cybertronian form. Bumblebee knew Crosshairs was watching him though even if he wasn’t, he’d ask about Jayce later. J.R. was watching T.V., which the Autobots and Cade tried not to be too bothered with, but the girls have been watching more T.V. than they usually do. It was getting harder to watch the girls behave differently.  
Bumblebee took Jayce for a drive for an hour before she wanted to go back to the base. By now, Jamie was at the house. Drift told her he’d be there in a few minutes. Jayce and J.R. got their dinner. They didn’t want to bother Jamie’s family though they know they’re here and the Autobots’ have been in the house with the family. It was easy to say they’re friends and come over often. There’d be a lot of explaining if Jamie said they’re friends who are staying at the base, especially five males. As far as Jamie knew, there wasn’t a problem having five male friends. 

Bumblebee had Cade and Hound join them, which concerned Crosshairs and Drift.   
“We have a little time. Where did Jayce go, Bee?” Crosshairs asks. Bumblebee tells everyone what Jayce said. Though they figured it out two nights ago, they hated how they were right and hated how Jayce didn’t know why she thought that way.   
“Shit and J.R. is trying to figure out why Jayce is so anxious. I don’t know how she’d react if she knew, but I don’t want to take the chance,” Crosshairs tells them. They all agree, and Crosshairs tells the others the plan he and Drift has while Drift goes to the house. 

“When are you going to tell me why you’re so anxious?”   
“When are you going to stop asking?”  
“When you give me an answer!! Why the fuck am I not allowed to know!!”   
With J.R.’s tendency to start a fight when she’s furious, Crosshairs got J.R. to go with him to her room. Jayce watched, unsure of how long she can avoid telling J.R.   
Damn it. I don’t want you to be so anxious like me. I know Jamie will be safe, she’ll be with Drift, but I can’t stop thinking Jamie will harm herself or worse.   
She didn’t realize she had tears rolling down her face until Cade was hugging her.  
“She will not stop asking until she knows.”   
“Crosshairs will handle her, come on,” Cade got her to sit on the couch and watch T.V.   
Anything to distract her, the problem is J.R. will keep asking until she gets an answer. 

“You don’t listen, do you? I said you had nothing to worry about,” Crosshairs says.   
“Nothing? Jayce is anxious that she has a hard time getting to sleep,” J.R. couldn’t finish before she started crying. Crosshairs sat next to her and hugged her.   
She knows Jayce could end up with nightmares and worry she’ll deal with them alone. Crap, she might decide not to stay in Jayce’s room.   
“We all know how Jayce can get. We won’t let her deal with nightmares alone. Drift, and I have a plan to help Jayce,” Crosshairs told her how he’d be sleeping in the hallway. J.R. was concerned he’d get caught, but Crosshairs told her he thought of that, and Jayce won’t find out.  
“I don’t like how she will have nightmares. They can get intense,” J.R. thought for a moment, “she’s.. she’s thinking-.”   
“And that’s why I didn’t want you to know,” Crosshairs sighed and hugged her tighter as she cried.   
Just like before, we make a plan, and it falls apart. 

Several hours later, the girls are in bed. The Autobots and Cade figured Jayce and J.R. wouldn’t be asleep, but they went to their rooms when Drift took Jamie to bed. Drift was concerned when Crosshairs told him to come back downstairs, nor did he want to leave Jamie alone. He was a little afraid Jayce could be right. The others were also wondering why Crosshairs had to talk to all of them and not just Drift. Crosshairs didn’t like telling the others how J.R. figured out what Jayce has been thinking that has her so anxious, but they knew she’d try to make Jayce tell her which would be more of a disaster. The problem now was they didn’t know if J.R. would have nightmares and when would Jayce’s start. If they both had them, there was no way Crosshairs could help both of them. They also had to be careful not to get caught. They could take the chance, and J.R. would be fine, but if they were wrong.   
“Well, I can sleep in the hallway with Crosshairs,” Drift suggests, not hiding how he didn’t like the idea, but the others knew there aren’t any other options. Though they wondered how much sleep would he get? If he got very little and the girls noticed, then they’d worry.   
“No, I know you won’t, and if they notice-.” Crosshairs started.   
“What else can we do? Easier for me to avoid being caught then the others.”   
“He’s right, but we don’t know if J.R. will end up with nightmares. This is a challenge,” Hound says.  
“Those two have a better chance of not getting caught or having a believable lie,” Cade says, pointing to Crosshairs and Drift, “Stay with Jamie, Drift. Crosshairs can get you if he needs help.”  
“We don’t even know if J.R. will be affected like Jayce now that she knows,” Hound says.  
“Better to be prepared than leave her to deal with nightmares alone,” Bee points out, “besides, I’d rather we have a pan, and she’ll be ok than not have a plan.”  
They all nod in agreement. They all knew they could be worried about J.R. for no reason. The thought of being wrong and leaving J.R. to deal with nightmares alone bothered them. As did how Jayce was thinking Jamie would harm or kill herself over this and how she’s feeling this way for no specific reason. Crosshairs went with Drift upstairs while the other Autobots went to their quarters, and Cade went to his room. He knew Crosshairs and Drift would check on the girls.   
“Good, Jayce was able to get to sleep, and J.R. isn’t having a hard time getting to sleep yet,” Drift says in a low tone as he sits on Jamie’s bed, “now, how long before one of them wakes up?” he says looking at Jamie. The room was silent for a few minutes. Crosshairs sat at the desk, not ready to sit on the floor in the hallway. He figured Drift had more to say.  
“I can’t believe it. I thought these girls were done with this shit,” Crosshairs knew Drift was talking about dealing with nightmares, “I hated watching Jayce and J.R. go through that as much as I hated watching Jamie fight to survive what Jadin did.”   
“We all hated watching them but won’t even be close to the nightmares they had during that shit,” Drift was half-listening as he looked at Jamie. Crosshairs knew he was thinking about how depressed Jamie will be and what if Jayce is right. “All three of them will be ok.”   
I’m concerned about the girls, but we’ve got this under control. Crosshairs stayed in the room with Drift for an hour before going in the hallway. Please let them sleep all night.


	6. A Terrible Morning

A week passed, the three girls have been doing ok. Jayce is still anxious about Jamie. J.R. still seemed ok though she knows what Jayce has been thinking. The girls also returned to training though not every day. Jamie returned to making YouTube videos and watching a live stream at night though she’d end up falling asleep by two a.m. Jayce and J.R. would go upstairs with Drift and Cade while the others would go to their quarters. Crosshairs would wait an hour in his quarters before going to sleep in the hallway. Though this might be extra work for nothing, the Autobots and Cade would instead do all this, then leave Jayce and perhaps J.R. to deal with nightmares alone. It was hard to know if Jamie was past being depressed or is this just for a brief period. Drift thinks she’s still hurting, but she’s able to get past the emotional pain for a short period. He worries this is the calm before the storm, and she will end up more depressed than she’s been since Buddy passed. The last couple of nights, Jamie has been feeling like herself. She’s up all night, watching the usual live stream she’d watch all night and writing stories about the adventures she’s had. This was good, but since Jamie stayed up all night, she’d end up sleeping later. Drift knew Jayce could worry, or she’ll like hearing how Jamie was back to staying up all night because she wanted to. 

Drift POV  
I’ve been waking up around eight am though I know Jamie would still be asleep for several hours. Jayce and J.R. still woke up early. I didn’t expect not to see Jamie in bed. Shit, I didn’t hear her get out of bed. I shouldn’t have been in a deep recharge. Downstairs, I found Crosshairs, Jayce, and J R. Didn’t even have to ask before Jayce told me Jamie was at the house. She didn’t tell me how Jamie was, but I think she’s at least tired. Has she even been to bed?   
I went to the house and found Jamie sitting at the table, eating a good breakfast. I hate how she doesn’t eat all day, but I also hate forcing her to eat. Jamie was tired; I was right; she hasn’t been to bed. She tells me she wanted to do some recording, but she was so tired. I insisted she goes to bed. We returned to her room when she was done eating. Crosshairs followed us though he didn’t need to. Jamie was tired but restless. I had her lay in bed and watch YouTube on her phone. I know her, she’ll be asleep soon. Crosshairs and I left the room and talked in the hallway. He tells me Jayce and J.R. slept all night. I tell him how Jamie was up all night and how I ended up in a deep recharge. He knew I was thinking what if Jamie fell asleep and ended up waking up in the middle of the night, crying.

Crosshairs POV   
I didn’t like that Jamie hasn’t been to bed. By four a.m., she’s asleep if she watches a live stream. It was good she ate before four pm. Drift hated how he ended up in a deep recharge, but I assured him that Jamie would wake him up if she needed him. We all worried that Jayce might be right about Jamie, but I could tell Drift was terrified. Drift tells me he doesn’t think Jamie would wake him. I knew he could be right, but I think she will. Knowing him, he’s thinking of not sleeping, and that’s not helping the girls. He was getting stressed. I told him to sleep while Jamie is sleeping, hoping he’d destress a little. We entered Jamie’s room, and sure enough, she was asleep. I told Drift Jamie will be ok before leaving. 

Jayce POV  
I figured Jamie would be sleeping. I was happy she’s been doing what she loves to do, but for how long? I know she will get very depressed. I still think she will harm herself or worse. I was lost in thought; unaware Crosshairs was trying to talk to me. When he got my attention, Crosshairs took my hand and led me up to my room. We sat on the bed, he asked me what was bothering me and don’t lie. Crap, I know he’s already worried about Jamie, but he will not let me avoid answering him and saying I’m fine will not work. 

Drift POV   
Jamie was asleep, but I was too concerned to go back to sleep like Crosshairs wanted me to. I headed towards the stairs when I Heard Crosshairs in Jayce’s room. I stood at the doorway, thinking she will get upset, and I will have to help Crosshairs get her to calm down. Crosshairs saw me and insisted I come in. I moved the desk chair near the bed. She told us she was still terrified Jamie would harm herself or worse. As I expected, Jayce ended up crying. I sat on the bed on the other side of her and took her hand as Crosshairs hugged her. We tried to assure her again that Jamie will be ok. I know it’s hard for her to believe over what she’s been thinking, but we’ll tell her until she realizes Jamie will be ok. I’m concerned she’s been weeping, and I know Crosshairs is thinking the same. 

J.R. POV   
I knew it terrified Jayce Jamie could harm herself. I knew Jamie would be safe. She likes being with Drift. He made sure she couldn’t do anything to hurt herself while in her room alone doing her recording. We all knew about the weapons room and already took the key from Jamie’s room. I know the Autobots and Cade had thought of everything once they figured out what Jayce was thinking. I’m more concerned about Jayce. Crosshairs took Jayce to her room; he noticed Jayce is still very anxious even though it hasn’t been noticeable the past two weeks. Is she weeping that Crosshairs doesn’t hear her? She’s trying to deal with this alone, damn it. What a fucking disaster. I hate that most likely, she’s crying right now. We all worry the nightmare will happen again, whether or not by Jadin. I know the nightmare had effected Drift more than the rest of us, but I didn’t realize Jayce was afflicted. 

third-person   
Jayce calmed down fifteen minutes later. Crosshairs and Drift got her to lie in bed, and she ended up falling asleep. They had to talk and figure out what to do with Jayce, but they wanted to wait until later and talk to the others. They’d be the ones helping Jayce, but the others would want to know what’s going on with Jayce. The two mechs wanted to talk to J.R., but the fact she hid her emotions well made this a challenge, or so they thought. 

Drift POV  
I didn’t think J.R. would tell us anything more than she’s fine. She told Crosshairs and me how she was more worried about Jayce. She knew Jamie is safe and will be pass this. J.R. hated how Jayce is taking this and feels she failed to see how bad the nightmare affected Jayce. She thought Jayce was like the rest of us. Worried, the nightmare would happen again, whether or not by Jadin. I have my ideas about why Jayce is effected by the nightmare more than the rest of us, but the reasons aren’t important. J.R. was concerned Jayce was trying to deal with the terrifying thoughts alone, weeping, so Crosshairs doesn’t hear her. She tells us she thought of staying with Jayce in her room, but she knows Jayce will refuse. She’d also end up sleeping on the floor. I’d tell her no if she would try to stay with Jayce, and Crosshairs would most likely say the same thing. I saw Bumblebee was walking by us but stopped and sat on a metal cube. Crosshairs and I insisted J.R. goes with Bumblebee. We knew he’d get the hint and take J.R. somewhere away from here for a while. It would be good for her. Crosshairs and I can talk while the other two are sleeping. It’s only morning, but this isn’t a good day. 

J.R. POV   
They wanted me to go with Bumblebee. I know they wanted to talk about what to do with Jayce. What are they going to do? If Jayce is weeping that Crosshairs can’t hear her, and I know she won’t let me stay in her room. I don’t have any ideas, wonder what they’ll come up with? I don’t want to go far, so Bumblebee let me sit by a tree at the training grounds. I end up thinking if Jayce is this worried and she’s not the leader, how often does Jamie worry about all of us? For someone who can’t hide emotions well like me, she’s great at hiding how she worries about us. Drift sleeps with her, so it’s not like she can quietly cry at night. 

Crosshairs POV  
I know Drift is even more concerned about Jayce, I am also, but this is an easy fix. I tell Drift how Jayce has the door to her room closed, so I will have to open it. Just enough that I can hear her, but she won’t know I opened the door. It was our only option. We will not let her cry alone or deal with terrifying nightmares alone. Never again. Bad enough, she’s like this, and I don’t know if J.R. will end up like this. 

Drift POV   
Crosshairs was right, and there wasn’t much more we could do without Jayce knowing. I had Jamie to worry about. She’s doing ok now, but I don’t think she will be for long. The only good thing was J.R. knew we’d make sure Jamie would be safe and help her and Jayce. I still worry she will hide how she feels if she gets upset about this. Back in Jamie’s room, lay on the bed and carefully moved Jamie on me. I don’t know if she’ll like being on me, but I do. I’ll deal with her when she wakes up. 

Crosshairs POV   
I sat at Jayce’s desk, and I don’t care how mad she will be. Something tells me she’s been having nightmares as we predicted and weeps when she wakes up. Though after ten minutes, I was wondering how is J.R. is doing. I peeked in Jamie’s room but didn’t expect Drift to have moved Jamie onto him and fall asleep. He was hugging her. Cade asked what was going on with the three girls before I could leave the base. I told him what was going on though I knew he wouldn’t like it. He knows Drift, and I have thought of everything we can think of that might be a problem. We may need the others to help. I told him Jamie and Jayce are asleep, how Drift, J.R., and I think Jayce has been weeping at night, and Bumblebee took J.R. somewhere. I doubt she went far. He wanted to come with me. As I thought, J.R. was at the training ground. Bumblebee told me she’s been sitting by a tree since they got there. She wanted me to go back to Jayce, worried even if it’s just a nap, Jayce would have a nightmare and wake up scared. 

Cade POV  
I watched J.R. tell Crosshairs to go back to Jayce’s room. She had a worried look, that’s something you don’t often see from J.R. Crosshairs agreed and walked back to the base. I was thinking J.R. needs to get away from here for a while, but she refused, so I sat next to her. The fact she didn’t yell at me to go away or Bumblebee earlier was unusual. J.R. likes to be left alone when she’s stressed or upset. She might be ok, and Bumblebee is here, but I want to stay with her. 

Two hours later. 

Jayce POV   
I wake up to see Crosshairs sitting at my desk. Has he been sitting there since I fell asleep? I asked him, and he tells me J.R. was the one who insisted he stay in my room though I think he would have anyway. Only eleven am, and it’s a shitty day. Crosshairs didn’t stop me from looking in Jamie’s room. Wonder if she’ll be mad Drift has her on top of him? Crosshairs insisted we go downstairs. J.R. was sitting on the couch while Bumblebee and Hound were seated on metal blocks. I sat next to J.R., and Crosshairs sat next to me. Bumblebee says Cade returned to his project. He likes all the tools Jamie has. I wonder how long Jamie will be asleep for? Already eleven in the morning. I don’t want to do anything today. I would like to stop thinking Jamie will harm herself or worse. 

third-person   
The girls, Bumblebee, Crosshairs, and Hound, watched T.V., waiting for Jamie to wake up. Only Crosshairs and Jayce knew Drift was also asleep.


	7. A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. tries to get Jayce to do some training, but she doesn’t want to. Bumblebee and Hound take the two girls for a drive, hoping to distract them. Drift thinks about his relationship with Jamie while he waits for Jamie to wake up. Later they all go out for dinner. The night doesn’t end well.

Crosshairs POV  
After an hour of watching T.V., J.R. wanted to do some training. Jayce was not in the mood.  
“Jayce, you know Drift is with Jamie. She’ll be ok,” I assure her. We don’t like trying to make the girls do anything, but training will be a better distraction than watching T.V.  
“Come on,” J.R. insists Jayce come with her, taking Jayce’s hand to get her to go with her.  
I watched Bumblebee follow them.  
“Were you going to have him go with them?” Hound asks.  
“I don’t think I have to ask him. They should be fine.”  
Hound leaves the base. I suspect he’s heading to the training grounds. 

Drift POV  
I’d been sleeping for two hours. It was noon, and Jamie was still on me, still asleep. I started thinking about my relationship with Jamie. Wondering if this is what it’ll take to be closer romantically. I know it’s bad to rush a relationship, and it’s not a good idea to rush with Jamie. Jamie takes longer than other human femme, but I don’t mind, I love her. Hard to say why she’s taking this long. Her not being used to affection, it takes a situation like this, or it’s been hard to focus on our relationship. Between the crap going on here in Jamie’s dimension, hiding from the humans and fighting Decepticons in Cade’s dimension, along with all the other missions Jamie had in different dimensions. I think it’s all three reasons. The other Autobots, Cade, and I have been staying here for seven months now, and we’ve been getting closer romantically. Slowly but that’s ok.  
Jamie woke up and looked at me. She was still tired and said nothing. She laid her head back on my chest.  
“It’s ok, go back to sleep,” I say as a rub her back in a circular motion. I don’t know if she’ll go back to sleep or likes this. I’m expecting Crosshairs to come in, wondering if Jamie is awake yet. Sure enough, he walks in ten minutes later. He looks at Jamie on me and smiles before leaving. 

Jayce POV  
I didn’t want to do any training. I just agreed with J.R. cause I knew Crosshairs would have me go with her. I sat by a tree, hoping she’d get the message, but she kept telling me to get up.  
“Come on. I thought we came here to do some training.”  
“Leave her alone,” I hear Bumblebee say. Did Crosshairs have him come here to watch us? J.R. sighed and sat next to me. I heard Hound ask Bumblebee what’s going on. Jeez, two of them, Crosshairs? I’m more bothered by how concerned he is about me then mad that he had Bumblebee and Hound come here. I know J.R. thinks Jamie will be ok, so the others are not worried about her. Hound didn’t stay for long. 

Hound POV  
“She doesn’t want to do anything,” I tell Crosshairs though I know we all agreed not to make the girls do anything. I think he was hoping being at the training ground would get Jayce to want to do some training.  
“She’s still terrified Jamie will harm herself,” Crosshairs sighed.  
“Even though she knows Jamie is with Drift or you most of the time. She knows we’d have a plan if that wasn’t the case.”  
“We’ve told her Jamie will be ok. She’s that terrified that it’s hard for her to think differently. Drift, and I worry she’s been having nightmares, and since the doors in this place are thick, I’m not hearing her cry. Already figured out how to fix that,” Crosshairs explains. I go back to Bumblebee and the girls. We took the girls for a drive. Anything’s better than doing nothing. Crosshairs knows we took the girls out. I suggested that he, Cade, Drift, and Jamie meet us at Jamie’s favorite restaurant. I knew he wouldn’t be sure about the plan, and we didn’t know how long Jamie would be sleeping. We couldn’t make a solid plan, but we had an idea to get her out. 

Three hours later 

Drift POV  
Jamie woke up at three in the afternoon. She didn’t want to get up, but I wanted to get her to eat.  
“Come on. You must be hungry.”  
She got off me so I could get up. Crosshairs walked in as I stood up.  
“It’s about time,” he joked. He told me Bumblebee and Hound took the girls out and what Hound suggested we do. Jamie didn’t want to, but it’s easy to get her to agree…for now.  
“She’s quieter than usual,” Crosshairs observed.  
“You know she will get worse. I hate it,” I sighed. We were waiting for Jamie to get ready. Glad she doesn’t take long as most human femme do.  
“You thinking like Jayce?” Crosshairs asks.  
“No, but even if I was, I can keep her safe.”  
Crosshairs said nothing else, but he was thinking about something. I was about to ask him, but Jamie walked out of her room. We found Cade and told him what Hound wanted to do. He agreed to come with us. Crosshairs contacted Hound and told him and Bee to meet us. Cade rode with Crosshairs and Jamie with me. Jamie loves blasting music when we go out, but she didn’t put any on.  
“You want to put music on?” I asked.  
“No,” she replied in a depressing tone, looking out the window.  
“Hey, where’s the music?” Crosshairs asks through the radio ten minutes later.  
“She doesn’t want to play any,” I tell him. I assume he doesn’t want to talk about Jamie while she can hear us since he didn’t reply to me. I look at Jamie and see she wants to go back to sleep.  
Damn it. She’s getting more depressed.  
“Don’t fall asleep,” I say as I hold her hand. Not much more about can do without drawing attention to myself. 

Jamie loves the Ninety-Nine restaurant though she gets the same thing every time. She sits between Crosshairs and me. Jamie was quiet, aside from giving her order. She had her tablet with her and would often work on one of her projects while waiting, but she didn’t want to do anything. I wasn’t even going to get her to play a game she has on the tablet. I know she can’t help it, but I hate this. 

Cade POV  
I knew this would happen, but I hate watching how depressed Jamie is. Not even Drift is making her feel better, not even a little. Jayce hated seeing Jamie depressed. I think if we were back at the base, she’d run to her room by now. J.R. appears to be like the rest of us: hating how depressed Jamie is. I feel that Jayce will have a terrible night if she hasn’t been dealing with nightmares already. 

Crosshairs POV  
I wanted to make Jamie feel a little better by going to get some cookies from Panera Bread, but I was bothered by Jayce in distress. I know Bee or Hound would take her, but I don’t think she’d go with them. I’d rather not make her go with them if she’s in distress.  
“She’s ok,” I tell her. She looked like she wanted to cry. I told Drift and Bee to go ahead back to the base before sitting on the passenger side of my alt mode. I held Jayce trying to get her to calm down. Even though she’s not crying, it’s still hard for her to calm down. My attempt to calm her failed, and she started crying. I think she’s been trying not to cry this whole time. Watching Jamie at dinner upset her. How the hell is J.R. ok watching Jamie deal with depression? I can’t believe how traumatic the nightmare was for Jayce. No way J R. isn’t affected. It took Jayce ten minutes to calm down. I’m hoping she’ll fall asleep on the way back to the base. I think she will have a hard time falling asleep alone in her room. It will be eight o’clock by the time we get home. 

Drift POV  
As I expected, Jamie fell asleep on the way back to the base. Though she’ll likely wake up in the middle of the night, I don’t want to wake her up. Not like I don’t carry her to bed often. The way Jayce was, I figured I better wait for Crosshairs to get back. I wanted to make sure J.R. was still doing ok. This is getting harder on all of us. Even though we’ve been through worse, this is shit.  
Bee got back ten minutes later along with Hound.  
“I told you she’d fall asleep,” Cade says as he puts the box of cookies he got on the counter, but he didn’t open it. “You all right, J.R.?” He asks, looking at J.R. slumped on the couch. Bumblebee and Hound stood by the couch, not sure what to do. I told them to go to their quarters. I didn’t even have to say anything to Cade; he went up to his room. I suspect J.R. has been trying to act like she’s fine, but she’s not. I think it’s not good that the three girls are closer to Crosshairs and myself. Though it’s also good, they have someone to go to. I sat next to her and tried to see if she’s trying to hide that she’s crying.  
“You don’t think Jamie will be ok, do you?” I ask, but she wouldn’t answer. I took the chance of J.R. fighting me off and moved her into my lap. Not only did she not fight me, but she hugged me and started crying.  
“I’ll take that as no,” I sighed. Either that or she hates how Jayce is. Either way, I hate how she’s been hiding how she’s feeling.  
“Come on, let’s go to your room,”  
We went to her room. I had her get in bed before I laid on the bed with her. Her crying was getting louder. I don’t know if Cade can hear her. 

Cade POV  
I stood at the doorway, listening to J.R. cry. I can’t believe she’s been hiding how she’s been feeling. How is she able to so well? Nothing I can do, so I headed downstairs and waited for Crosshairs to get back. Jayce was a wreck when I left with Bee. Crosshairs walks in ten minutes later.  
“She’s asleep,” Crosshairs says, carrying Jayce.  
“Good, J.R. Is a wreck,” I tell him. Crosshairs couldn’t believe J.R. was now having a hard time. At least Jayce won’t see J.R. in distress.  
Crosshairs puts Jayce to bed and tells me to go to bed before going to see how J R. is doing. I hate how I can’t help. 

Crosshairs POV  
Standing in the doorway, I hear J.R. coughing and Drift, trying to get her to calm down. I rushed down the stairs, filled a cup with water, and went back to the room. Drift saw me before I could say anything. He had J.R. drink the water and laid her back down.  
“They’ll be ok,” He says. Shit, she’s been hiding how worried she is about both of them? I’m no help, but I can’t leave. I sit at the desk. J.R. calms five minutes later. We stay for another fifteen minutes until we’re sure she’s asleep.  
“Guess we were fooling ourselves thinking she was fine,” Drift says as we leave the room. He closed the door, leaving it open enough so I’d hear her.  
“You sure you can handle this now?” Drift asks.  
“I can get you if I need help.”  
“Better get Cade involved now. You know if Jayce sees I’m not with Jamie, she won’t calm down.”  
“What a disaster, and I doubt this is ending soon.”  
Drift goes back to Jamie’s room, and I sit on the floor across from Jayce’s room. Thinking about how the nightmare affected Jayce and J.R., I’d go as far as saying the situation traumatized them.

Four hours later

Drift POV  
I stood at the doorway, trying to get to Jamie, but Crosshairs had a tight hold on me. No, this can’t be happening. Not again. I watched Cade work on getting Jamie’s heart to start again while Hound administered drugs. We’ve all had training for this, but I didn’t think it would be for this reason. Focused on Cade and Hound, I didn’t know Jayce and J.R. were watching this or how they need Crosshairs and me. Bumblebee was using his Cybertronian form to keep a grip on the two girls. I failed to protect her, and we would lose her. I fell to my knees, still watching the flat line on the monitor. She can’t be gone. Cade and Hound had been trying for ten minutes now. Jamie’s been able to be revived several times, but they both agreed she’s gone.


	8. Nocturnal Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drift wakes up from his nightmare, terrified he's seen a glimpse into the future. Crosshairs makes him talk about it. Soon after they witness Jayce having a Nocturnal panic attack

Drift POV  
I woke up sweating, my heart pounding. Only a nightmare but so detailed. I look over at Jamie, sleeping. Taking my chance, if she’s not in a deep sleep, I had to feel her heartbeat. I sighed, relieved it was just a nightmare but terrified. What if this was a glimpse into the future? I know, how silly but I can’t shake the thought that it might be. This was one of those dreams Jamie tells me about, the ones when details are missing. How did she kill herself? What can I do to prevent this from happening? So many questions over this nightmare. I got out of bed and left the room. Crosshairs was still awake. I sat next to him though I wasn’t looking to talk to him about this.  
“What the hell happened to you?” He exclaimed. I forgot I was sweaty.  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him. Not only did I not want to repeat the details, but I also didn’t want him to worry even more about Jamie.  
“Something is bothering you. You think I’m just going to ignore that?”  
I sighed and told him about the nightmare. He couldn’t believe the nightmare I had.  
“….I don’t know how she did it, but…” I couldn’t finish. By now, I had tears rolling down my face. Crosshairs didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even tell him I’m wondering if this is a glimpse into the future, but I know he’s thinking if it may happen. I sat with Crosshairs for ten minutes, thinking about the nightmare, before going to take a shower.

Crosshairs POV  
I couldn’t believe the nightmare Drift had. I knew the nightmare four years ago scared him, but I didn’t think it traumatized him like it did the girls. Course I should have known, he watched his girl fight to survive what Jadin did to her. He watched Jayce and J.R. struggle with the situation. Maybe I didn’t think he’d be terrified Jamie might harm herself because she’s with Drift most of the time, there was no need to worry. Drift came back upstairs a half-hour later. He stopped at Jayce’s room. I stood up and stood next to him. Oh crap, Jayce is crying in her sleep. We go into her room and see her tossing and turning in her bed while moaning. It looks worse than if she was crying. Drift even hating watching Jayce. No doubt she’s having a nightmare close to Drift’s, shit.  
“How to wake her without scaring her?” I ask him.  
“I’m not sure; you better go to Jamie’s room. You know Jayce will not going to calm down if she thinks no one is with Jamie.”  
“Wait a minute; let me get some water for her,” I say before rushing out of the room. I get water and return to the room in under a minute. “Here, good luck,” I say before leaving the room. Drift is right, though she might calm down if Cade’s with Jamie, I am not waking him up. I leave the door open so that Drift can call for me. I sat on the floor by Jamie’s room. She’ll be fine, and I can hear her and what’s going on in Jayce’s room. 

Drift POV  
This was tricky; I wanted to wake her up but not scare her.  
“Jayce, it’s ok. Jamie is ok.” I say as I rubbed her back. It was all I could think of to wake her without scaring her. I wanted to keep her in bed when she woke up, but she tried to get out of bed. She wanted me to hold her; it’s her choice for comfort.  
I held her as she cried. I know Crosshairs can hear her and, like me, hates hearing her or the other two girls cry. Was I wrong, and she’s been crying like this alone for the past two weeks? Damn it.  
By now, Crosshairs was standing at the doorway. He hated seeing how upset Jayce is. I motioned for him to sit in the bed. I’m not sure if this will work, but she needs both of us. Crosshairs sat on the bed and took Jayce’s hand.

Crosshairs POV  
Five minutes pass, Jayce is bawling. Damn it; we were very wrong about how she’s been dealing with this. Then she cries herself to sleep. I think Drift is also bothered by this and the nightmare he had to say anything.  
“Let me take her,” I say, hoping he’d get the hint; I think he should go back to Jamie’s room.  
“She all right?” I hear Cade asks. He sits at the desk, watching Jayce. Seeing the three of us with her is causing her to become more anxious though she knows Jamie is sleeping. I can’t believe how terrified she is.  
“Take her.” Drift says. Before I could move Jayce to my lap, she covered her mouth. Cade got the trash bin Jayce had in the room before Jayce ended up throwing up on herself.  
“Crap, she’s starting to panic. Go back to Jamie’s room.” I tell Drift, moving Jayce to my lap. Drift knew why Jayce was panicking but hated he had to leave the room.  
Jayce wouldn’t let me lay her down on the bed; she hugged me so I couldn’t lay her down. At least she stopped bawling, but tears still rolled down her face, and she was hyperventilating. I’m hoping she will not start chocking.  
“Jamie is ok.” I hear Cade say as he crouched down and rubbed her knees. She’s had worse, but I hate how she’s going through this. I got Jayce to lie in bed five minutes later. Cade left the room. I think he was expecting me to leave the room, but Jayce still isn’t calm. I lied on the bed next to her. 

Cade POV  
I know how bad Jayce’s anxiety attacks can be. Both Jayce and J.R. dealt with them during the nightmare situation. I forgot about how they also dealt with nocturnal panic attacks. What the hell was she dreaming about to trigger one? Has she been dealing with this alone for the past two weeks? I saw Crosshairs lying on the bed. He knows how to help Jayce better than me, and this must be part of what she needs to calm down. He stayed with her for ten minutes until she fell asleep.  
“She’s asleep.” He says as he closes the door, leaving it open a little.  
“I can’t believe she’s that terrified.”  
“She’s not the only one.” Crosshairs says before going to Jamie’s room. I follow him, knowing we need to talk about what to do about Jayce now after watching what she just went through.  
“You going to tell him?” Crosshairs asks Drift.  
Whatever Crosshairs wanted Drift to tell me, Drift didn’t want to.  
“What are we going to do about Jayce?” I ask, trying to change the subject.  
“There’s nothing we can do. We’ve told her Jamie would be ok, and she’s seen Jamie is with Drift most of the time. She’s still thinking Jamie will harm herself and, as we saw tonight, ends up crying after a nightmare. She panicked once you came in, Cade. No one was with Jamie even though she’s sleeping.” Crosshairs explains. By now, it’s two in the morning. Crosshairs and I leave the room.  
“What did you want Drift to tell me?”  
“I’m letting him decide if he wants to tell you or the others.” He tells me, so I drop the subject and go back to my room. 

Crosshairs POV  
I doubt Drift fell sleep. It’s a good thing we don’t need sleep every night like our human friends, but he can’t avoid sleep until this is over. After a week, he’d need a good, long recharge, which would defeat the purpose of staying up all night. I walked into Jamie’s room and saw Drift on the bed, his head down, so he’s looking at the floor. I sit on the bed next to him.  
“Can’t sleep?” I ask.  
“What do you think? I can’t believe Jayce has been dealing with intense nightmares alone and if they’re like mine. It’s amazing she’s able to go back to sleep.”  
“You know if you stay awake for several days, you will need a long recharge, which would defeat the purpose of staying awake.”  
“Yes, I know.” He sighed. I didn’t know what else to say. I looked over at Jamie.  
“You are afraid.” Drift says.  
“No, I don’t think Jamie will harm herself. I hate how depressed she’s getting and how this is effecting Jayce. I didn’t know you were also terrified.”  
“I wasn’t, I know I can keep Jamie safe. I don’t know why I had that nightmare.”  
“You’re not thinking it’s a glimpse into the future, are you?”  
“I don’t know, but what if it is?”  
“She’s with you most of the time. She’ll be fine.’ I say before leaving the room. It’s now two in the morning though Drift has me concerned he will not go back to sleep, and I hate there’s nothing I can do about it. I sit on the floor across from Jayce’s room and fall asleep. 

Jamie POV  
I always wake up in the middle of the night if I go to bed early, but I’m still tired this time. I just need to use the bathroom. It’s been six weeks since Buddy passed, but I can’t get used to how quiet this room is. Trying not to cry, I leave the room. Crosshairs is sleeping on the floor. Strange, but he must have a reason. After I use the bathroom, I ventured into the kitchen. It’s just a few counters, cabinets and a fridge. An electric tea maker and microwave on the counter. Is that even considered a kitchen? Well, I’m Hungary, time for a two-thirty snack. I find the box of Panera Bread cookies. I love it when the cookies are warm. I was so happy about the cookies and forgot Crosshairs was upstairs and can hear the microwave. I sat on the couch and ate the warm cookie. As I sat alone in the quiet base, I thought about Buddy. He would have followed me down the stairs, wanting to be let out. Once I finished the cookie, I laid down and buried my head on a pillow so I could cry, but Crosshairs couldn’t hear me.


	9. Planning and More Challenges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Autobots and Cade don’t like how Bumblebee and Hound found Jamie on the couch. Drift tells Bee and Hound about his nightmare. The Autobots, minus Drift, who doesn’t want to stay away from Jamie for long, and Cade adjust their plan. Crosshairs suggests he and Drift go for a drive to destress. J.R. finds Jayce having an anxiety attack but struggles to help her, which upsets her. Crosshairs and Drift don’t like that they came back to the two girls in distress.

Hound POV  
Seven in the morning, Bumblebee and I are up and head to the main level of the base. Seeing Jamie sleeping on the couch, scared us. We activate our holo forms and check on her.  
Guess we’re all afraid she will harm herself. I think as I look for any cuts and make sure she’s not having a flare-up.  
“She’s ok, Bee. Why is she even out here?”  
“She’s been crying,” Bee says. There were no apparent signs, but it’s the only reason she’d be out here.   
“What’s going on?” Crosshairs asks before he noticed Jamie.  
“She’s fine, but she’s been crying,” I tell him before Crosshairs asks what happened. He knew what I meant but wasn’t thrilled to know Jamie cane down here and had been crying.  
He was looking at her, unsure of what to do, which was strange. I thought he was just going to leave her on the couch. Crosshairs picked her up.  
“I’m taking her back to her room.” He says. I don’t even question why he wants to take her back to her room.  
“You’ll find out later.” Crosshairs says as he walks away. This is strange.

Drift POV  
I woke up and didn’t see Jamie, shit. I got out of bed and ran out of the room. Seeing Crosshairs carrying her scared me.  
“What happened?” I ask. I tried to keep calm, but I couldn’t.  
“She’s fine.” Crosshairs says as he walks by me. I follow him back to Jamie’s room. He lays her in bed and covers her with the red blanket. Crosshairs says she’s ok, but something happened. Crosshairs wanted me to come with him downstairs. Cade is leaving his room as we walk to the stairs.  
“You all right?” Cade asks me. Crosshairs asks him to come down with us before he could answer. We needed to talk about what Jayce went through last night with Bumblebee and Hound. Though there’s no change of plans, they want to know how the girls are doing. We were all starting to feel guilt. Wondering was there something we could have done for Jayce, so she wasn’t dealing with the effects of the nightmare four years later. Cade once mentioned Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but Jayce doesn’t fit the criteria. The nightmare traumatized Jayce, and it’s affecting her severely right now. Then I hear Hound say he and Bee think Jamie came down at some point, not sure if she did something else or just to cry without waking me.  
“I told you she wouldn’t wake me if she needed me,” I tell Crosshairs before going back upstairs.

Crosshairs POV  
Damn it, Drift, you’re that concerned about her now? I watch him go up the stairs.  
“What happened that has him so concerned?” Bee asks.  
“He needs to tell you two. Maybe he will tonight.” I say before going upstairs. Not the answer they want, and they should know what it’s better if Drift tells them. Cade better have gotten the hint. As I expected, Drift was lying on the bed next to Jamie. He moved to the edge of the bed when he heard me move the desk chair and sit down. I didn’t know what to say.  
“I figured out what she did last night.” Cade comes walking in five minutes later. Drift and I laughed, hearing how Jamie made her way to the cookies. Quietly so we don’t wake her.  
“How did she…damn, she was thinking about Buddy.” Drift sighed.  
“All three of them don’t want us to see them upset,” Cade says. “But find comfort being with either of you.”  
“They just love to make things complicated,” I say, half-joking though it’s true. “That’s why we have to plan either that or we leave them to deal with their emotional struggle-.”  
“No, I’m not doing that.” Drift says, thinking I was suggesting we leave the three girls to deal with this alone.  
“No, I’m not suggesting we leave them to deal with this. No way I can do that. Not much more we can do either, but you need to tell Bee and Hound about the nightmare, Drift.” I know he didn’t want to cause them to be more concerned, but if his nightmare is a glimpse into the future, we need to be prepared. Not just with taking care of Jamie but Jayce and J.R., I insisted we tell them now before the girls wake up.

Bumblebee POV  
I couldn’t believe what Drift was telling Hound and I. He seemed ok even though Jayce is terrified Jamie could harm herself. He says he was fine; he can keep Jamie safe. This nightmare just came out of nowhere. Seeing Jamie depressed last night had to have been the cause. This is concerning, is he going to end up having that nightmare every night? Drift didn’t want to stay away from Jamie for long.  
“I thought we were making a plan?” Cade asks.  
“I’ll tell him the plan later. The tricky part is what would Jamie do? We hide the key to the weapons room.”  
“If she wants a weapon, she’ll find a way. You know her.” Hound says. This was true. Jamie finds ways to get what she wants.  
“She can be quick and trained in ninjitsu. A plan for first aide?” I ask Cade. We knew Cade was trying to think of every scenario.  
“She’d run off so we couldn’t find her until it’s too late.” He says. We all knew he was right. “I’m sorry, That’s all I can think of. I don’t think she’d hide somewhere here.”  
“You’re right, Cade.” I sighed.  
“So all we can do is hope Jamie won’t do anything, and if she does, that we find her fast,” Hound says, really hating our options.  
“Well, the good news is we can carry first aid kits easily.” Crosshairs says before going to the medic bay.  
“Maybe, but there are injuries that we won’t be able to take care of with a first aid kit. Not even the ones Bulma made us.” Cade comments.  
“It’s something, Cade.” Hound points out. “We need to be prepared. Just hope she doesn’t go that far.” Crosshairs comes back with five capsules. He gives us each one before going upstairs. We’re all hoping we won’t need to use these or rush Jamie to medibay. Hoping Drift’s nightmare doesn’t happen, but we need to be prepared.

Drift POV  
I sat on the bed thinking about the three girls, or more like worrying. Are these girls cursed? Having to deal with a situation that causes them emotional distress every four years? Jamie already struggles. Glad it’s not as bad as Jayce. I’d hate if she was like that or that Jayce was left that emotionally injured that she’d be dealing with nightmares and panic attacks nightly. It’s bad enough a situation like this triggers them. I don’t know if she can care for Jamie if she suffered a severe flare-up. Though Bulma says what happened before was the worst by far, but is Jayce that terrified of seeing Jamie critically ill? We all know how to take care of Jamie, but I know Jayce would hate to be unable to take care of Jamie.  
“Hey.” I hear Crosshairs. He kicks my shine to get my attention. “What are you thinking?” He asks as he sits next to me on the bed.  
“What do you think?” I know he will make me tell him though I know it will bother him. I told him what I’ve been thinking about. “…So what’s the plan?” I finished.  
“Trying to change the subject?” He smiled.  
“How’s that changing the subject?”  
“Mmm..ok, it’s still about the girls. Well, Cade thinks all we can do is have first aid kits on us.” He sighed and looked over at Jamie.  
“What does he think she’ll do?” I ask, unable to hide the fear in my voice. I waited for two minutes, getting more concerned. “Crosshairs?”

Crosshairs POV  
I know Drift needs to know about the plan even though he’s with Jamie most of the time. Though if he wasn’t, I think he’d try to be with her more often now. Even if these two weren’t together, Jamie likes being with the two of us. We are her guardians. He’s already terrified, and this will frighten him even more. If Jayce knows he’s terrified, she might think Jamie can’t be kept safe. J.R. might be concerned we believe we can’t keep Jamie safe. If Jamie knows, she’ll ask, which might be a good thing, or we give her an idea.  
“He thinks she will succeed in getting a weapon and runoff.”  
“No.” He says and lowers his head that he’s staring at the floor.  
“You know he could be wrong, Jayce could be wrong.”  
“And If they’re right?” He asks, looking at me.  
I know Cade and Jayce could be right, and that’s terrifying, but the girls can’t see that we’re terrified. That will cause problems with Jayce and J.R. This is becoming very challenging.  
“Come on, let’s go for a drive.” I insisted. Though Drift didn’t want to, he followed me out of the room. We told Cade we were going for a Drive. I know Drift wants a short one, but I think he needs a good long one.

Cade POV  
While I’d rather they not leave, at least not until the girls are up. I know Crosshairs wanted to get Drift away from here before the girls see how terrified and upset he is.  
“How difficult you think they will be?” I ask Bee and Hound.  
“They should be fine. Problem is the longer Crosshairs and Drift are out.” Hound tells me.  
“I suspect they’ll be out for several hours. Good for Drift but Hound’s right.”  
“Great,” I mumble as I walk to the kitchen. I better eat before those two wake up. Course watch today be a day Jamie gets up early. Bee and Hound, now using their holoform, look in the three girls’ room. Thinking they’re concerned, one of them could be dealing with a nightmare. I can’t believe this. The nightmare four years ago was bad enough, now the emotional pain Jayce has. Jamie’s been dealing with it for a lot longer. These three are complicated, but damn they’ll kick ass. The Autobots are used to this. They’ve been dealing with Jamie for eighteen years now. I know they’d love if there was a way to help her so she would struggle.  
“They’re all still asleep.” I hear Hound say.  
“Jayce and J.R. had a terrible night. They’ll most likely be asleep for a while,” I tell them while looking for something to watch. I was still thinking about the girls that didn’t realize I was just scrolling through the T.V. guide.  
“Cade?” Bee asks. “You ok?”  
I tell him I was thinking about the girls and their emotional struggle. Hound joins our conversation about the girls. While we pretty much say the same thing every time we talk about the girls, we still end up with a lengthy discussion.

Crosshairs POV  
I figured Drift wouldn’t want to go far from the base. There was a small beach not far from the property. Drift, and I sat at a picnic table watching the activity on the lake. Drift just needed to get away for a while to clear his mind at least enough not to show he’s terrified. I could use the change of scenery myself. After Drift told me about his nightmare, I’ve been more concerned that Jayce could be right. Add that Cade thinks we can’t stop Jamie if Jayce is right. Things just got more challenging.

J.R. POV  
Eight-thirty in the morning. Drift isn’t with Jamie, but I know he wouldn’t stay away from her for long, and she was asleep. I was expecting to see Jayce sleeping, but I walked in to find her having an anxiety attack, oh shit. She’s all over the place with this shit. This time it’s minor compared to what she’s been dealing with, but I still hate it. How long has she been like this? Let’s see how well I can help her. I hate the look on her face, and she’s hyperventilating. I sit on the bed next to her and take her hands.  
“You’re ok, Jamie is ok.” Jayce started crying. I’m not sure if she’s getting more anxious or hates that I found her like this. I didn’t want to find Drift. I try to help her get her breathing under control, but I don’t think it’s working.

Drift POV  
I couldn’t stay away from the property for long though Jamie would be asleep for a couple more hours. It’s unusual how at least J.R. isn’t awake yet. Crosshairs and I go upstairs, not expecting Jayce to be having an anxiety attack.  
“Shit.” Crosshairs says as we walk in.  
“I can’t help her,” J.R. says. “I don’t know how long she’s been like this.” She looks at Jayce, scared no one can help her this time. Crosshairs takes her out of the room. J.R. has watched me help Jayce and knows what to do. Jayce must be refusing. Though I don’t know if someone dealing with an anxiety attack can push people away. Also, why is she having one now? I must think about all that later, she needs help. Sitting in my knees on the bed next to her, I took Jayce’s hands.  
“Look at me, Jamie is ok. She’ll be fine.” I say in a calm tone while looking at her.   
“No, she’s not.” She says, tears rolling down her face. All right, this is good. She’s never able to talk to me when she goes through this. Though I’m not sure if she’s making progress and no longer terrified about Jamie or whatever triggered the anxiety attack isn’t as bad as usual. Now, do I take the chance of causing this to get worse by continuing to figure out what’s causing this?  
“She’s dead,” Jayce says before she started blubbering.  
Shit, then what’s she dreaming about when she ends up with a severe anxiety attack? I know people experience anxiety attacks differently, but is it possible to have different symptoms each time? Unless…damn.  
“She’s ok, it was just a nightmare,” I say as I wipe the tears from her face. I try to get her to calm her breathing.

Crosshairs POV  
“What happened?” I ask J.R., sitting on the bed in her room.  
“I don’t know. I walked into her room and saw her like that. She wouldn’t let me help, and I think me being in her room was making her worse.” J.R. explained. It upset her Jayce was having an anxiety attack early in the morning and that she didn’t want J.R.’s help. Jayce’s situation just got complicated.  
“I’m worried this will not pass once Jamie gets over Buddy’s death.” She says. I can tell she’s trying not to cry.   
“We can’t assume, and you know what happened four years ago was a lot worse. I think she would have struggled the last four years.” I got her to come downstairs with me. J.R. didn’t stop to look in Jayce’s room. Jayce was quiet, at least as we walked by. We sat on the couch, and she leaned on me. The others were already doing their own thing. J.R. kept looking at the stairs, waiting for Drift, Jamie, and Jayce to come down. After five minutes, she wanted to go upstairs.   
“They’ll be down soon,” I assure her. She’s finally showing her emotions, and I hate it.

A half-hour passed, J.R. was getting anxious. I was about to tell her I’ll go upstairs and check on everything, but Drift and Jayce cane down. Jayce was still in a terrible state of mind. She and Drift sat on the couch. Drift looked at me. I knew he was silently telling me things just got worse. It’ll be a shit day, and Jamie isn’t even awake yet. We waited for a half-hour before trying to get Jayce and J.R. to eat. That’s all we need, for all three of them to not eat all day. Drift went upstairs to check in Jamie while the girls were distracted. I told him he could stay in her room. These two aren’t going anywhere.

Drift POV  
Jamie was still sleeping, though when Jayce said, ‘she’s dead,’ I panicked, but I couldn’t just rush out of her room while she was having an anxiety attack. Things just got more challenging with Jayce, and J.R. is no longer hiding her emotions. The way she looked, she’s been hiding a lot. We’ve been wanting her to stop hiding her emotions, but I worry she will end up like Jayce. I laid on the bed, so many questions running through my mind. Jamie woke up ten minutes later, but before I could say anything, she moved closer to me and rested her head on my chest. I put an arm around her. Crosshairs walked in ten minutes later and smiled.  
“She didn’t wake up when you moved her?”  
“She woke up and moved,” I said, smiling.   
“So it took this situation to get her to be more affectionate.”  
“You know how she is and what she’s been through.”  
“So, now what?”  
“Not much we can do, not even if Jayce will being dealing with anxiety attacks more often during this situation.” I sighed. Crosshairs sat at the desk. I could tell something else was bothering him. Jayce came into the room five minutes later.  
“See, you had nothing to worry about.” Crosshairs tells her. She looked over at the bed, seeing Jamie on me made her smile, and she left the room.  
“It would be great if seeing Jamie just now would put an end to her terrifying thoughts and anxiety attacks.”  
“With how bad they are, I don’t think so.”  
“Not even ten in the morning, and it’s a shitty day, that could get worse.” Crosshairs sighed and left the room.


	10. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drift finally finds out why Jayce has been dealing with nocturnal panic attacks and if she’s been dealing with them since the nightmare situation four years ago.

Crosshairs POV   
Jayce and J.R. just wanted to watch T.V. for the past two and a half hours. Both were leaning on me, and I had an arm around them. I think they’re done training for some time. I worry Jayce’s anxiety attacks will be more frequent. I was starting thinking about all the ‘what if’ questions around this situation when Jayce moved my arm off her and stood up.   
“Where are you going?” J.R. asks.   
“why? You going to follow me?” Jayce was not happy, J.R. asked. I put a grip on her so she wouldn’t be able to get up and follow J.R.   
We watched her go upstairs.   
“She’s going to her room, she’ll be fine,” I say. Why are you worried about Jayce going somewhere? Shit. I looked at J.R.’s concerned expression. Either she’s worried Jayce will end up dealing with an anxiety attack or worse. I watched Hound go upstairs. We’re all worried about the girls, but I didn’t think Hound would follow her. I would not ask him to follow her, either. 

Hound POV  
I know I don’t have to follow Jayce, but I’m worried about her. I stood at the doorway, watching bee get back into bed. She never goes back to bed in the middle of the day; Something is up.   
“What’s wrong?” I asked her as I walked in. I knew she’d say nothing but looking at her, she looked tired. “Something is wrong, I know you. You don’t go back to bed in the middle of the day. Unlike Jamie, sometimes.” She just stared at me, trying to keep her eyes open. She says nothing, so I leave the room. I’m not even going to look in Jamie’s room. Most likely, she’s still asleep, and Drift might be. I will have to wait until later to tell Crosshairs about Jayce. 

Crosshairs POV  
Hound came back down the stairs and sat next to J.R.   
“She’s ok.” He assured her. Hound couldn’t say anything, but I know if this was serious, he’d tell me we need to talk, and then we’ll deal with J.R. panicking. I see Drift and Jamie coming downstairs. Drift had Jamie sitting on the other couch and headed to the kitchen to make tea.   
“Where’s Jayce?” Jamie asked.   
“In her room,” I say, hoping that’s good enough for her since she doesn’t know what Jayce has been dealing with.   
“You want to watch T.V.?” Hound asks though he goes right to turn it on. These two likely will do nothing else, and it’s a good distraction for J.R. Now Drift will know Something is wrong. I don’t think he’d ask if he didn’t hear me tell Jamie where Jayce is. Jamie was doing better today. I doubt she’ll do any training but maybe some recording, Better than watching T.V. all day though J.R. might. Drift sat next to Jamie and gave her the cup of tea. Come on, Jamie, why do you not eat all day? 

Jamie POV   
After an hour of T.V., I headed to my room and did some recording. The others want me to take more time off. I moved my setup to my room here since my dad would make a lot of noise rebuilding a room in the basement. I can’t do recording while knowing people can hear me. It’s still a challenge knowing the others are around but won’t come upstairs. I stopped at Jayce’s room, expecting to find her on her laptop, but she was sleeping. Strange but might be nothing. They could be training hard in the morning without me. I heard Drift walking up the stairs.   
“She’s asleep,” I tell him before going to my room. 

Drift POV   
Jamie found it odd Jayce is sleeping in the middle of the day but isn’t concerned. Good, I have no idea what I’d say if she was. I walked into Jayce’s room. Jamie doesn’t want me in the room while she’s recording and I worry Jayce’s nap will be interrupted by a nightmare. That’s all we need, for Jamie to see Jayce struggling. Jamie would blame herself. Jayce might be mad at me for staying in her room, but I’d be distracted worrying about her, and J.R. would know. It’s becoming a challenge trying to help them while trying not to worry about the other two. Jayce is very sick mentally, and I hope it’ll pass when Jamie gets pass dealing with Buddy’s death. It would suck if she has to stop taking part in adventures with us. To be honest, I feel like it’s in part my fault she’s like this. I thought she was ok after Jamie recovered from Jadin’s attack. She had no signs she was still struggling with anxiety and anxiety attacks. Am I right how she wasn’t dealing with anxiety, and this is just hard in her, or has she been dealing with this the last four years alone? I’ll never know, but she needs us now, all three of the girls need us. 

An hour passed before Jayce woke up. I was expecting her to be mad at me and ask why am I in here, but she just stared at me. I don’t think she’s happy I know she’s been sleeping the past two hours.   
“Are you ok?” I ask as I sit on my knees on the floor. “Still having those nightmares?” I wanted her to talk about them though I have my guess what they’ve been about.   
“Yes.” She mumbled, tears rolling down her face.   
“It’s ok. I’d rather we’re here than for you to deal with this alone.” I had to take the chance at upsetting her. “Have you been dealing with this for the last four years?”   
“No, since Buddy passed. I…I don’t know why…” she couldn’t finish before she started crying. I sat on the bed, and she moved on to my lap. I knew this would happen, but I want her to talk about this. Bad enough, Jamie has been quieter than usual, and J.R. seldom shows her emotions. We don’t need Jayce to hide her feelings and nightmares. Crosshairs walks in, not liking what’s going on.   
“Again?” He asks.  
“No, this is the result of trying to figure out why she’s having these nightmares,” I say while rubbing Jayce’s back. These seem to get Jamie to relax, so I’m hoping it’ll work on Jayce. While I’m glad she hasn’t been dealing with this for years, I still hate that she doesn’t understand why she’s thinking bad thoughts which are causing the nightmares and anxiety. I don’t know if we can get her to stop thinking that way. Crosshairs sat next to me and took Jayce’s hand.   
“She’s ok. You know the others are here.”   
It took a few minutes for Jayce to calm down. She left the room to take a shower.   
“Well, the good news is this hasn’t been going on for four years and most likely will pass,” I tell Crosshairs.  
“Still the fact she’s this terrified and doesn’t know why.” Crosshairs sighed.   
“And?” I suspect he has Something else on his mind.  
“Nothing.” He says and walks away. I know he’ll tell us later. I followed him down the stairs. Jamie was still in her room, but I wasn’t worried. Jayce sat next to me on the couch when she finished with her shower. J.R. had a concerned expression looking at Jayce.   
“She’s fine,” I tell her. I know she’s worried Jayce had an anxiety attack again. She shouldn’t know when Jayce has one. Jamie headed to the house an hour later for dinner. We all watched T.V. when she came back, but it was an early night for the three girls, in bed at nine. 

“Another shit day,” Crosshairs comments.  
“Going to be more frequent,” Cade says.   
“There’s nothing else we can do but what we’ve been doing,” I tell them.   
“I can’t believe how bad Jayce is,” Hound says, concerned. I tell him, Cade and Bee, what my short talk with Jayce revealed. As always, they hate hearing it, but they also want to know. Crosshairs was very concerned.   
“What are you thinking?” Hound asks. We couldn’t believe what he was thinking. 

11/20 2 pm


	11. Emotional and Physical pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with emotional and physical pain during Thanksgiving with a family who doesn't care.

Cade POV  
I couldn’t believe what Crosshairs was thinking; we all couldn’t believe it. Yet he could be right. “Cade?” I could tell Drift was hoping I’d say Crosshairs is most likely wrong. We’d all like that.  
“I don’t know. It terrifies Jayce Jamie could harm herself or worse. She wants to protect Jamie, but if these nightmares and anxiety attacks become too much for her.”  
It’s not the answer everyone wants to hear, but I don’t think Jayce won’t think that way. Though I think Jamie is more likely to try something. Everyone knows there’s not much more we can do. This was a brief discussion before everyone went their separate ways to bed, except for Crosshairs and Drift.

Crosshairs POV  
“Are you going to stay up all night?” I ask. I know Drift is concerned about Jayce.  
‘Even if I was, I can’t leave Jamie alone all night, but Jayce-.”  
“Hey, I can help you know,” Cade says as he walks towards us, “and you know if Jayce sees both of you, she panics more even though she knows Bee or Hound could be with Jamie.”  
“Going to have to or he doesn’t sleep,” I say, pointing at Drift. With that comment, Cade explains to Drift how he would sleep, but he’d leave the door open enough to hear Jayce or I can wake him. Though I hope I don’t have to wake him up. We go up the stairs; Cade goes to his room while Drift and I see if Jayce and J.R. are even asleep. Jayce was in bed watching something on her tablet.  
“Leave her for a while.” Drift says and walks down the hall towards J.R.’s room. J.R. was already asleep.  
“What are we going to do about Jayce?” I ask.  
“It’s early, and she might end up falling asleep.” Drift says before going to Jamie’s room. He’s right, and I think he will come back in an hour to see if she is asleep. I stood in the hallway, leaning on the wall for a few minutes, thinking of all these potential scenarios. I know Drift has been doing this the past couple of days. After a few minutes, everything we’ve been dealing with troubled me and what we could face soon. Great, no way I can help Jayce now. I told Drift I was going for a Drive. He didn’t even ask why. I assume he knew why. One thing that sucks about being here is I can’t deal with this by shooting at a metal fence like in Cade’s dimension. Sure, homes aren’t so close together like in a city but close enough to be alarmed by gunshots.  
As Jamie puts it, she lives in a rural area, and the junkyard is in the middle of nowhere. I’m not sure if the cloaking devices Jamie invented block sound, and I’d instead not find out the hard way. I could go to Cade’s dimension, but I better stay here. Not as easy to contact me if I went to Cade’s dimension. A Drive to the lake it is. It’s been nice out; we should bring the girls to the lake before it gets too cold. A nice change of scenery would do them good. It’s the holiday season as humans put it, so I don’t think Jamie would want to go to Cade’s dimension. Jamie has trouble with her family, but her family is still important to her. How the hell she’s been able to be with her family and go on all these adventures, she’s amazing. I stayed at the lake for an hour. Jayce was still awake when I got back, and so was Drift, but he hadn’t looked to see if Jayce was asleep yet.  
“Great, she’s too scared to go to sleep. You know how bad the nightmares have to be for her to be like that.”  
“She will probably tell me to go away if I lie with her. Though I’m not sure, that would help her.”  
“I don’t want to leave her to fall asleep eventually.” Drift sits on the bed and looks at Jamie. “  
“All this trouble now and when she’s hit with terrible depression.” He sighed, “You know this isn’t the worst she’ll be?” I nod in agreement. It would be great if this was the most depressed she’d get. Knowing Jamie, Cade is right, and we’re seeing delayed grieving. She’s on an emotional rollercoaster. Jayce’s mental state is challenging enough, but it will be tricky when Jamie gets worse. I tell Drift to get some sleep before leaving the room. I went into Jayce’s room and sat on the bed. Jayce put the tablet on the end table. I know this will end badly, but I have to ask her.  
“You trying not to sleep?”  
“Yes.” She mumbled and moved next to me. I moved her onto my lap. She leaned on me as I hugged her. Should I get her to talk about these nightmares? We have our guesses what they’re about. I’m tired of watching her be so upset, and she’s most likely going to be later tonight due to a nightmare.

Jayce POV  
I feel better being with Crosshairs or Drift, but I also feel guilty. They should help Jamie get past Buddy’s death, not deal with me and my shit. I still can’t figure out why I think Jamie would harm herself or even go as far as kill herself. Even thinking about the other pets she has, how much she loves all the crazy adventures Jamie has, and how much she loves Drift…oh, now I think I understand. Though why after Buddy passed though she has a lot to live for?  
“What’s wrong?” Crosshairs asks, wiping tears from my face. I didn’t know I had tears rolling down my face. He worries enough; I didn’t want to add more for him to worry about.  
“Nothing,” I mumbled.  
“Hey, what’s going on?” I hear Drift ask. He sat next to Crosshairs. Great, now he will want to know.  
“Besides how she doesn’t want to go to sleep, I don’t know.” Crosshairs tells him. “What’s wrong, Jayce?”  
“Nothing,” I say, really having a hard time trying not to cry. Drift sighed and left the room.  
“You need to sleep.” Crosshairs says. I watched him move the blankets but didn’t think he’d pick me up, stand up, and lay me in bed. “I’ll lay with you if I have to.” He says as he covers me with the blanket.  
“No,” I say. I can’t hold back the tears. I hate this; my mental state makes me a burden to them. They’re supposed to be helping Jamie. Crosshairs sighed and whipped the tears one last time before leaving the room, though the tears kept rolling down my face. I turned to my side, so I’m facing the wall, trying not to cry. I know Crosshairs left the door open a little and could hear me.  
Crosshairs POV  
I didn’t think Drift would wait for me in the hallway. “She won’t say anything and doesn’t want me to lie with her.”  
“I think I know why.” Drift sighed. “Remember how she was with the nightmare situation?”  
“Even after we told her she’s not a burden.”  
“I think Jayce hates how she contacted us to help Jamie deal with Buddy’s death. Then she started having terrifying thoughts and look at what she’s dealing with now. She needs more support now. Thinking she’s a burden and is afraid that when Jamie needs more support from us, we won’t be able to support her.”  
“She forgets we had to support her and J.R. during the nightmare situation. Plus, if we need to, we can have the others help.”  
“She has too much on her mind to remember. I want to know what else she’s thinking, but it will be tricky.”  
“I just hope this will pass when Jamie gets over Buddy’s death or soon after.” We go back to Jayce’s room. We figured she wouldn’t be sleeping. “  
Well, you can lie with her. I need to go back to Jamie’s room.” Drift says before leaving the room. Damn, he’s terrified. Is he even going to sleep tonight? I sat on the bed.  
“Go away,” Jayce says, but I can hear the sadness in her voice. I lay on my side though I’m looking at her back. I didn’t know what to say. It didn’t take long before Jayce moved, so she was facing me.  
“you need to sleep,” I say as I rub her arm. Hoping she’ll fall asleep if I’m here. Don’t think it will be enough to keep the nightmares from happening or that she’d want me here all night. She closed her eyes as I continued to rub her arm. I waited for a half-hour before I was sure she fell asleep before leaving the room. I sat on the floor in the hallway, trying not to think about anything so I could sleep.

Drift POV  
Jayce took a turn downhill the next seven days. Not only did she try not to sleep, but she also got hit with nightmares and anxiety attacks every night and in the morning twice this week. Crosshairs had to get Cade to help him. I watch in horror at how bad the anxiety attacks have gotten. Hate if I tried to help while Crosshairs and Cade are with her, she’d panic more. I can’t believe she’s going through the same shit she dealt with during the nightmare situation. Even though this week, Jamie is doing much better. It’s still apparent she’s upset over Buddy’s passing. We all agree that this is temporary, and she will become more depressed again. J.R. caught Jayce going through the anxiety attacks in the morning and was upset Jayce hot that bad. So, while I hate how I couldn’t help Jayce, I had J.R. to support. J.R. tells me she’s scared Jayce could be like this after Jamie can get pass Buddy’s death and stop taking part in adventures with us. I know it’s hard to know for sure. I think if the nightmare situation didn’t cause her to deal with this crap after the nightmare was over, then she’ll get over this. I worry J.R.’s worry will cause her to be like Jayce. This is very challenging. Today is what humans call Thanksgiving, and Jamie’s family invited all of us to come over for dinner. Even Jamie warned her mom there’s seven of us, but she wasn’t bothered. Jamie’s dad cooks a lot on this day. Jamie was lying in bed next to me. I thought she went to sleep around four a.m. like she does when she watches the late live stream she likes. Damn it. I was in deep recharge again. Looking at her, she was tired and in pain.  
“You’ve been up all night again?” I ask.  
“Yes.” She says, knowing I don’t like it when I find out she hasn’t been to bed.  
“Why are you in so much pain?”  
“I don’t know. Not like I don’t sit at the desk for hours a day.” This was true, though the chair isn’t the greatest. Jamie tried to move to face me, but the pain was terrible.  
“Where does it hurt?” I asked. She yells me her lower back, “what are you going to do? You know you have to be at the house today,” watching her have a hard time getting comfortable and not in pain. Not even her backrest pillow was working, “why didn’t you use this when your back started hurting?” Jamie has been dealing with back pain for a while. Though this pillow is enough to take care of it, she didn’t even think of using it. Though the chair she uses isn’t great, “Well, best to rest before family comes will help.” I suggested we go downstairs and she rests on the couch. I left the room so she could get dressed.  
“Is she awake?” Crosshairs asks.  
“She hasn’t been to bed.”  
“Again?” He asks.  
“Yes,” I tell him how Jamie ended up with terrible back pain and hoping that a little rest before family comes will help. We know the others will not like hearing about Jamie. I brought the back pillow with us downstairs. Crosshairs and I hated watching her struggle to find a comfortable position. I don’t think she’s able to be pain-free. When she was as comfortable as possible, I went to make tea. Standing by the counter, watching Crosshairs sit next to Jamie as I waited for the tea. I know he’s not happy she hasn’t been to bed. Don’t yell at her, Crosshairs.

Crosshairs POV  
I couldn’t believe how much pain Jamie was in. At least she could get comfortable though I don’t know what we will do to relieve the pain. Though we have a problem now, how’s Jayce and J.R. going to react to Jamie in pain? It didn’t take long before I found out.  
“You ok?” Jayce asks as she and J.R. stood at the back of the ouch.  
“Yeah.” Jamie lies. Ok, Jamie, they’ll believe you now. As soon as you try to get up, they’ll know something is wrong…or sooner.  
“Uh, no, you look like you’re in pain,” J.R. says, concerned, which caused Jayce to be anxious. I got the two to come with me to the kitchen.  
“She’s fine.” Drift says, putting a hand on Jayce’s shoulder. “Her back is hurting a lot. She sat at her desk all night without her back pillow.” Although the pain Jamie is in doesn’t make her fine, I know Drift meant that Jamie didn’t harm herself like Jayce has been thinking. “Although I’m not sure how today will be.” he finished making tea and carried the cups over to the couch. He handed her a cup before sitting next to her. Jayce, J.R., and I sat on the couch with them. It wasn’t long before the others came around and found out that Jamie was in pain. We hated seeing her wince with the slightest movement. We all just sat on the couch and watched T.V. until noon. I was expecting Jamie to fall asleep, but she didn’t.

Drift POV  
I was hoping Jamie would have fallen asleep. Even a couple of hours would have been great. By now, she’s exhausted, but it’s time to go to the house. I wasn’t sure if Jamie would eat until dinner, but she says the food called pigs in a blanket go fast, so you have to be quick and get some. Jamie had a hard time getting comfortable add how many people are trying to find a place to sit and watch T.V. We all ended up sitting at the table. Jamie couldn’t sit on the couch and ended up laying on the ottoman. Unfortunately, her niece thought it is fun to keep slapping Jamie’s back. Jamie had to get up. She sat at the table between Crosshairs and me.  
“Let’s try this.” Crosshairs says, standing up, taking off his trench coat and folding it to make a pillow though it didn’t work.  
I don’t know if Jamie was full or in too much pain to eat. At least she had a little before leaving the table and going to a bedroom. I finished eating before going to see what was wrong. By then, Jamie had the family cat, Storm, in her arms. She had tears rolling down her face. Jayce told me how Buddy would be spoiled with a Thanksgiving dinner. A way Buddy is spoiled during the holiday season though it will be harder on her come Christmas. I sat next to her, doing my best not to scare Storm, she’s a skittish, senior cat. I put my arm around Jamie but said nothing. I’m not sure if they would hear me. Not like they care. Jamie’s family already moves past Buddy’s passing. Crosshairs comes in five minutes later. We sit quietly for five minutes before Jamie releases Storm and leaves the room.  
“She was in too much pain to even eat.” I sighed, “add, she was getting more upset about Buddy. They don’t get it.”  
“No, they don’t. I know Cade has said humans grieve in distinct ways, but to get over the death, this soon seems impossible to me. Like they couldn’t wait for him to die.”  
“They couldn’t. Remember, Jayce thought they’d put Buddy down in March. That’s when she wanted us to come here. Every time they said they should put Buddy down, I got angry at them.”  
“So did I. I think everyone did, and Jamie got upset every time. She’d tell them Buddy wasn’t too old and didn’t need to be out down. I don’t even want to know what she thought when they said even the vet thinks Buddy would have passed soon.”  
We got back to Jamie. Everyone but Jamie’s family was bothered watching the pain Jamie was in. I think they knew she was missing Buddy. Didn’t help when Jamie’s mom was jokingly calling for Buddy for a nice dinner, asshole. This day better be over soon.  
Back at the base three hours later, I took Jamie to her room. Though it wouldn’t make a difference if she was laying on the couch or bed, she couldn’t get comfortable. Laying on her stomach was the closest to comfortable she would get, but it was clear she was still hurting.  
“You want to see if a massage would help?” I ask.  
“I don’t think it will.” She says.  
“Well, that wasn’t a ‘no,’ so let’s try,” I say. Jamie said nothing, so I lifted her shirt to expose the lower back and massaged her back. I knew it would hurt at first, and Jamie didn’t like it, “your back is tight. Five minutes then if it still hurts, I’ll stop.” Feeling how tight her back was, this would still hurt after five minutes. Going to be a few days before her back stops hurting, damn it. Five minutes helped a little, but I stopped.  
“What did I walk in on?” Crosshairs asks, “lock the door.”  
“I was giving her a massage,” I said, trying not to laugh at what Crosshairs said, “her lower back is so tight and massaging hurts. She will be in pain for a few days.” Crosshairs frowned at this and left the room. I laid on the bed next to Jamie and turned on the T.V. Jamie wanted to lie on me, but moving was painful, “just stay still, I’m not going anywhere.”

Four hours later

Crosshairs POV  
Ten PM, I just wanted to make a quick trip to the store, but this took four hours.  
“You went out?” Jayce asked.  
“Yeah, I see it was a colossal mistake.”  
“Didn’t think I’d have to tell you guys about black Friday,” She tells me why humans packed the store and acted like animals. “… Why’d you go out anyway?”  
“We have a lot of medical equipment here, but nothing that would help back pain fast. I hate how much pain Jamie is in.” “Well, she’s asleep,” I hear Drift say, “though I don’t think she will be for long.”  
“Still that bad?” I ask. He nodded, “well if she wakes up, you can try one of these.” I give him the pain relief patches, “not sure if they’ll even work, but I bought five.”  
“I’m going to bed,” Jayce says and goes upstairs. J.R. watched her with a concerned expression.  
“What’s wrong?” I ask as Drift, and I sit on either side of her. She tells us she’s concerned about Jayce. Along with how Jayce’s mental state may last past this situation, she worries Jayce could get worse. We know what she means but can’t assure her it will not happen. J.R. also hates how there’s not much we can do. She ended up crying. Though we hate when the girls end up crying while talking about certain things with us, we’d rather they tell us, and we have to calm them than they keep their emotions to themselves. I took J.R. to her room, but Drift stayed seated on the couch. Knowing him, he was trying to figure out how likely it’ll be that Jayce ends up with emotional seizures. I laid with J.R., hoping that she’d fall asleep like Jayce does when I lie with her. Like with Jayce, I waited for a half-hour before leaving J.R.’ s room. Drift was still on the couch.  
“You think she’s right?” I ask Drift as I sit next to him.  
“I don’t think so. That nightmare situation is still a lot worse than this, but she also didn’t end up with two anxiety attacks a night with that. Maybe that’s the worst for this situation.”  
We sat quietly for ten minutes, thinking if Jayce is dealing with the worst for this situation, or do we need to be prepared for worse? Drift wanted to go back to Jamie’s room, and I went with him. We hated how she was still awake and in pain. “You want to try a pain patch?” Drift asks her. She was lying on her side. I watched as she moved onto her stomach, wincing in pain, “I know, it hurts, this should help, though.” Drift says, seeing Jamie’s discomfort as he put the patch on. I wanted to be sure she’d get to sleep, but I had to be in the hall to hear Jayce cry out, damn it. Though she went to bed a half-hour ago, I’m still taking a chance, “she should be asleep soon. Though I don’t think she’ll sleep all night.” He sighed. I left the room and sat on the floor across from Jayce’s room. I’ll see if Jamie fell asleep in a half hour unless I have to calm Jayce.


	12. I Want to Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though he knows Crosshairs and Drift have had everything under control the past month, Hound is tired of not helping them with Jayce’s mental state. Crosshairs tells him J.R. has been doing ok but not now. The two have to calm J.R. J.R. Just wanted to avoid everyone the next morning but her plan backfires. Bee finds Jayce crying and Jamie goes from starting the day off in a good mood to being upset.

Hound POV  
Three in the morning, I'm tired of not helping Crosshairs and Drift with the girls as much as I should be. I know they're just supporting the girls and calming them down when they are in distress, but I want to help. Crosshairs was still awake when I got upstairs.  
"Have you slept at all?" I asked.  
"Yeah, four hours. Why are you up here?"  
I sit down next to him, "I want to help. I know you and Drift just support the girls and calm them down when they are in distress, but I want to help and not just watch."  
"I'm not sure how you can. Jayce is the one struggling. J.R. has her moments, and Jamie hasn't gotten to that point yet. Though after his nightmare, Drift doesn't want to leave Jamie alone for long."  
He was right. Though this is another terrible situation affecting the girls emotionally, some differences are making it easy for Crosshairs and Drift to deal with the problems arising without the rest of us. They'd have our help if they needed it.  
"How about you have a break and sleep in a berth," I suggested, though I know he'd say no.  
"I don't know. With Jayce's mental state, I don't know if she'd be ok with that.  
She panics if Drift and I are with her while she is having an anxiety attack. Though she knows we'd have you or the others stay with Jamie."  
Damn, I hated hearing about Jayce's poor mental state. I stood up and went to J.R.'s room. I opened the door a little and saw J.R. sitting on the bed. I signaled for Crosshairs to come in the room with me.  
"Uh-oh." I hear him say. We go into the room, and he sits next to J.R. on the bed. "What's wrong?" Crosshairs asks.  
"Nothing," J.R. says. Crosshairs sighed and hugged her. She didn't want to talk about whatever was upsetting her, but we both knew it was about Jayce. Crosshairs assured her Jayce is ok and will get pass what she's dealing with. "No, she's not ok." We looked at each other, concerned.  
"Go check on her." Crosshairs instructs me. "What happened?" I hear him ask before leaving the room.  
Jayce can be a heavy sleeper, and I hope she is tonight. I don't know what J.R. meant by Jayce isn't ok so I wanted to make sure she didn't harm herself. I was able to remove the blanket off her and look for any cuts. Glad she wore shorts and a T-shirt tonight. There were no bloodstains, so I don't have to lift her shirt.  
"She's fine," I say when I get back to J.R.'s room. While I was checking on Jayce, Crosshairs tried to figure out what J.R. meant and would tell me later. He was trying to get her to calm down. I move the desk chair, so I'd be in front of Crosshairs, sit down, and take J.R.'s free hand. "Jayce is ok; she's sleeping." Crosshairs told me I could leave. He would lie with J.R. I couldn't help anymore anyway, so I waited for him in the hallway. Crosshairs left the room a half-hour later. He sat on the floor next to me. "Well, I think J.R. is like Jayce now and after she told Drift and me how concerned she is about Jayce."  
"What did she say?"  
Crosshairs told me the conversation he and Drift had with J.R.  
"…And that caused her to have a nightmare. I couldn't believe what she said. She said it was about finding Jayce dead."  
"She went from worrying Jayce would get to where she'd have emotional seizures again to Jayce killed herself, damn." I couldn't believe how much this was effecting Jayce and J.R. We realize how traumatized they are after the nightmare situation. Think Drift was as well, but he didn't even know it until his nightmare. Though Jayce didn't realize how traumatized she was until she started thinking, Jamie would harm herself or kill herself over Buddy's death. Drift kept thinking what if Jayce is right. I can't believe what this has turned into. Not much I can do, Crosshairs will not go down to his quarters even if I'm here for Jayce and J R. I have to help. I know Bee thinking the same way. Since Crosshairs won't go down to his quarters, I went back to mine.

J.R. POV  
I am lying in bed, thinking about last night. I took Crosshairs' attention off Jayce. Even with Hound with him, I don't think Jayce would calm down with Hound. She'd stress that another Autobot is seeing her emotional distress though they all know about it. Now, they're more concerned about me. Only eight in the morning, they won't fret I'm not up yet. The doors are thick metal, so I can't hear what's going on out in the hallway. I hear the door open ten minutes later, the desk chair being moved. Whoever walked in is now sitting at the desk. Odd, but I don't want to be bothered, so I don't move and kept my eyes closed.  
I had fallen asleep, but I don't know for how long. I rolled over so I could get out of bed.  
"It's about time you woke up." I hear. I sit up to see Crosshairs sitting at my desk. Crap, I forget someone walked into my room. So much for staying away from everyone. "Been waiting for two hours. Well, not sitting here for two hours." He adds. Two hours? Damn it, again, I kept him from Jayce and maybe even Jamie.  
"They're ok; Drift is with Jamie, and Bee took Jayce out." Crosshairs explained. Crap, he sees how worried I am. Crosshairs moved the chair in front of me.  
"Look at me," He says as he puts his hands on each side of my head and moves it, so I'm looking at him. "We have everything taken care of. We'd rather have to adjust things then you keep things bottled up. You know that's not good." He let's go of my head, gets up, and leaves the room. I lie back in bed, not caring it's ten in the morning.

Crosshairs POV  
After talking to J.R., I looked in Jamie's room. She was doing better today. Her back wasn't hurting as much, but she was melancholic and didn't want to do anything. Drift laid with her in bed. I'll leave J.R. alone for a while and go downstairs. We have to get the three girls out somehow. They stopped training days ago. Jayce didn't want to this morning but went with Bee anyway. Jayce wouldn't go with Bee if she didn't want to. Wonder how long before she makes him bring her back? Think we could use a day out. As I'm thinking, Bee contacts me, saying that Jayce doesn't want to go anywhere, even though she hasn't told him to go back. She knows we'd try to get her to stay out and isn't bothering to tell Bee she wants to go back. Not even out for a half-hour. I told Bee to come back. I sat on the couch, thinking about how we can get them to want to go out without forcing them?  
"Something wrong?" Cade asks as he sits on the other side of the couch. I told him how Bee is already bringing Jayce back and how I think we should try taking the three girls out somewhere. He knows I know we can't force them, but it seems like we can encourage them to go. We'll make a plan later. Too cold to go to the lake, which sucks. I waited for Bee and Jayce to get back. Jayce just wanted to be left alone and went to her room.  
"One of those days, Bee," I say, watching Jayce go to her room. "Leave her alone for now. She'll be fine."  
'You sure?" He asks, concerned. I wasn't sure, but she needed to be left alone.  
"I do want to check on J.R., and I'll peek in Jayce's room."  
I thought Bee would follow me, but he didn't. Jayce was lying on the bed. She was quiet, but I couldn't tell if she was crying. She's ok for now. I was about to go into Jamie's room when the door opens. Jamie walks right by me.  
"She got mad seeing you in bed with her?" I joke.  
"Funny, no. She didn't want to get out of bed though I don't think it was because I was in bed with her. So, we are looking at a terrible day?"  
"Yeah." I sighed, "I had Bee take Jayce out but didn't last long. They just got back, but I think she needs to be left alone for a while. J.R.'s already a mess. I was just about to see if she went back to sleep."  
We went to her room, and sure enough, J.R. was asleep.  
"Damn, she's that depressed today," I say as I close the door, "she had an awful night and didn't like that I was there to support her. Hound was with me, and she hated how he saw her emotional distress, how I was supporting her, and wouldn't be able to hear Jayce. This gets more challenging every day."  
"Yeah, this is concerning, and if Jayce didn't contact us…"  
"We can't think about that now, come on." I get Drift to come with me downstairs. Drift did his usual making tea for him and Jamie. Bee and I watched Jamie, hoping she wouldn't ask about Jayce and J.R.

Jamie POV  
Strange Jayce and J.R. aren't around, but I know they didn't go out. We have done no training in the past couple of weeks, and there's not much to do around here, at least that they're into. I do not want to do anything. Yesterday was depressing, and my back still hurts. Drift sits next to me and hands me a cup.  
"You want to go out today?" He asks.  
"No," I say, trying not to sound depressed. I like having the Autobots and Cade here, but I hate the reason they've been here the last eight months.  
"It's ok," Drift says as he puts his cup on the coffee table. He got the remote and turned the T.V. on. Seeing Bee, Crosshairs and Drift and how there's a reason they're here besides wanting to be here made me sadder. I couldn't just run to my room. I know Drift would follow me and maybe Crosshairs. I tried to watch what was on T.V. and not think of anything.  
Crosshairs left five minutes later but didn't go upstairs. He was going to the garage, and I think his alt mode is there. It's confusing alt mode or Cybertronian form, but you get used to it after a while. Though it can be creepy finding several Cybertronian bodies standing in a room. I've scared myself thinking something wrong several times when they were using their holoform even after all these years. I listened for an engine revving and the garage door opening, but I couldn't hear anything over the T.V. Bumblebee also left, I don't know where he went. After I finished the tea, I put the cup on the table and laid my head on Drift's lap. When he realized what I was doing, he got a pillow and put it on his lap.

Bumblebee POV  
I waited for a half-hour for Crosshairs to go back to Jayce's room, but when he left the base, I had to check on her myself. She's most likely sleeping, but I worry she did self-harm before going to sleep. She knows where the key to the weapon room is. I better find it and keep it in my quarters.  
"Oh, crap." I hear as I walk into the room. Jayce was sitting on her bed, not pleased I came in. I could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were all red, and mucus was still dripping from her nose. She must have just stopped as she heard the door open. She had a box of tissues on the shelf above her desk. Don't know why she didn't get them already. I grabbed the box and sat on the bed next to her. I hand her a tissue. I know I could find out what the problem is talking to Crosshairs, but I'd instead Jayce tells me. I got the trash bin, so Jayce to throw away the used tissues. Sure, I'm having her clear her nose just to cause her to cry again, but I don't feel like getting snot on me.  
"You're not supposed to see this," Jayce says while crying. As she spills out how she's feeling, I think I should have waited for Crosshairs. Hound coming in the room isn't helping either. Jayce became more distressed. Hound and I did our best to calm her down when she finished talking, though I don't know if she finished telling us what she wanted to. Hound got her to lie down. He told me to lie with her. He tells me Crosshairs lied with J.R. last night, and it gets them to calm down. I can't believe how bad her emotional distress is. I suspect J.R. is the same way or close. Most likely, Crosshairs and Drift are thinking, what if Jayce didn't contact us? What if she thought Jamie would do as well as she did after Onyx died? I know Jayce, and most likely, J.R. doesn't like how they also need us. It's better then what could have happened if Jayce thought Jamie would be fine. Jayce fell asleep fifteen minutes later.  
"These two will be a problem," Hound says as I close the door.  
"It's a problem that they get like that. That Jayce has terrifying thoughts and nightmares."  
"J.R. as well now. She saw I went into her room with Crosshairs last night and wasn't happy about it. Now that we know what both of them go through and not just Crosshairs and Drift, I fear they may try to hide their emotions. Try to deal with their emotional distress alone. That's bad enough, but I don't like Jayce dealing with anxiety attacks alone."  
"No one does, and they're going to make it harder."  
"Speaking of the girls, J.R. is still in her room. Come on." I say, and we go to J.R.'s room. I peeked inside, and she was asleep. 'She's still sleeping." We go downstairs.

Crosshairs POV  
"Not even doughnuts," I say as Jamie refuses to eat the doughnuts I got. I know it's considered breakfast junk food, but I hate how Jamie won't eat. I'm worried she could lose weight. Even Drift isn't liking how Jamie is refusing, and he doesn't like all the junk food Jamie eats.  
"Well, you got a human to change their diet, no problem." Cade jokes. We know he hates seeing this as much as we do.  
"No, not like this. I want her to cut back, not stop eating it. Besides, it's been a while since she had doughnuts."  
I left with Jamie sitting with Drift, drinking tea, and watching T.V. Now, she was lying down, facing the back of the couch. Drift was rubbing her back as we talked.  
"What happened?" I ask.  
"I left her to wash the cups and came back to her like this. Come on, let's go to your room." Drift says as he picks Jamie up. I see how depressed she is before Drift walks towards the stairs. Has the decline we've been dreading started? As Drift walks up the stairs, Bee tells me about Jayce and J.R. Damn; they're all not having a good day. Jayce would be asleep for a little longer, but I was hoping J.R. would be awake. She's been sleeping all day and hasn't eaten.  
J.R. was still sleeping, crap, I don't want to wake her up but if she doesn't wake up soon. Jamie was quiet, which amazed Drift. Even he thought she would end up crying. At least she's not like Jayce and J.R., trying to hide her emotions from us, but Jamie has already cried alone at night once.  
I think she's going to end up falling asleep. The three of them might sleep most of the afternoon, but I doubt that means they won't be going to bed early instead of staying up all night.


	13. A Day Out Ruined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Autobots and Cade plan a day of fun for the girls. Crosshairs is troubled with what Jayce and J.R> talked about on the way to the bowling ally. Crosshairs waited until later at night when the three girls went to bed. Not only does he ruin the good day, but Hound also has concerns about Jayce.

Drift POV  
The girls have been doing terrible all week. Jayce and J.R. have nightmares every night, and Jayce deals with anxiety attacks. Hound had to step in and help. I know he wanted to, but it’s not supposed to be like this. I’m having a hard time trying not to think about all the what-ifs while I lie in bed, watching Jamie sleep until I fall asleep. We’ve been talking about a day we’d take the girls out. It would be good for them. Just hope they’re not at the point where they refuse, and the only way they’d leave is if we make them. Which we don’t want to do, and we know it’s a terrible idea.  
The plan today was to go bowling—the only thing we all like to do in this chilly weather. I tried my best to encourage Jamie to eat breakfast without being forceful. We will not be getting dinner until late tonight. Jayce and J.R. ate, and I hope they don’t end up like Jamie when it comes to eating. We left at noon, Jamie with me, Jayce & J.R. with Crosshairs and Cade with Bee. Hound wasn’t bothered no one wanted to ride with him. Jamie wanted to blast music, which everyone loved. Otherwise, these drives are so boring since Jamie isn’t much of a talker nowadays. Don’t know if Crosshairs can hold a conversation with Jayce and J.R.

Crosshairs POV  
Jayce and J.R. Were talking as if I wasn’t there. Don’t tell me they forgot I can hear them? Well, as much as I don’t like eavesdropping on them, it’s good I am. They’re talking about how they feel about this situation and what they want to do. They’ve told all the Autobots even though they just wanted to tell Drift or me, and we told Cade what they told us. What I hear them say that they didn’t tell us is more concerning add that J.R. agrees though she’s concerned about Jayce.  
“They’re not supposed to be focused on us. We have to change that.” Jayce says.  
“Yeah, I know. How are we going to change that?”  
“Either we sleep in a room they wouldn’t think to look, though we’d be sleeping on hard floors or Jamie’s room in the house.”  
“Either place would be tricky. We would need to be back in our rooms before any of them know we’re not in our rooms.”  
The others need to know about this, but I’ll wait until tonight. Don’t want to ruin the others’ day.

We paid for an hour-long game. We’ll see how the girls are afterward. This place had an arcade; maybe the girls will want to play some games. Now to figure out who’s on a team.  
“Those two won’t be in separate teams.” I teased, pointing to Drift and Jamie.  
Drift smiled, Jamie kicked my shine for that comment, and the others laughed.  
“Ok, I’m not on your team.” I joked, and she kicked me again.  
“Stop.” Drift says and has Jamie sit next to him.  
“You done?” Cade asks me, annoyed. Though I got everyone to laugh, we had a time limit. I was on the same team as Drift and Jamie. Jayce was also on the same team. While J.R., Bee, Cade, and Hound were another team. Everything was going great for the first half-hour before Jamie somehow slipped and fell on her back as she tossed the ball. I heard the thud as she hit her head, shit.  
“Shit.” I hear Drift as he walked over to her. If she were far enough that he had to run to her, he would run as fast as he can. “You ok?” He asks as he crouched down. I get it, that thud was loud, but Jamie isn’t wincing in pain. She’s not looking like she’s in pain at all. Drift checked Jamie’s head for injury, but she was fine. He helped her up and had her sit on the couch. Don’t tell me you’re having her stop playing?  
“Well, your stunt landed you a strike,” Cade says, but he pins already reset. “Look on the board.” He says. Sure enough, Jamie got a strike. That was the end of her turn.  
“Don’t tell me you’re having her stop playing?” I asked. The others looked at Drift, wondering the same thing.  
“No, she’s fine. She can keep playing,” he says as he sits next to her.  
At least the day isn’t ruined with Jamie getting hurt. Bad enough I have to destroy the pleasant day tonight telling the others what Jayce and J.R. said.

Cade POV  
It may seem like Drift overreacted, but that thud was loud. At least Jamie is ok and the day isn’t ruined. The girls had fun and wanted to play another game. They even asked to do the two-hour session. Though it’s expensive, we were happy they wanted to keep playing instead of going home. Same teams as the first game. Each team won one game. Crosshairs, Drift, Jamie, and Jayce, won the third game. The girls wanted to play some games, which was ridiculously expensive. Jamie loved finding a Transformers game. It’s funny seeing all the transformers stuff in Jamie’s dimension. Then they wanted to play a dancing competition.  
Next thing we know, Jamie and J.R. are having a dance-off. Whatever, we’re just glad they’re having fun out. Four hours of fun and laughter later, it’s time to get some dinner. We always end up at the ninety-nine restaurant. Jamie was doing better today. Maybe enough to not upset Jayce. The good mood continued during dinner, and we went to Panera Bread. I think the Autobots and I were trying to think of what else to do. We know tomorrow can be the complete opposite of today. The girls were weary after a long day out but didn’t want to go to bed. Jamie has been enjoying watching Scooby-Doo movies on Boomerang. Might be a show that gets people saying there’s an age limit, but who fucking cares? Though we are expecting at least Jamie to fall asleep.

Crosshairs POV  
Ten PM, the three girls are off to bed. I was thinking Jamie would end up falling asleep sooner, and once Jamie falls asleep, Jayce and J.R. also go to bed.  
“You’re about to ruin a pleasant day, aren’t you?” Hound asks. I got Drift to stay while Jamie headed to bed, which got the others thinking I was about to tell them something unpleasant.  
“I have to, I can’t deal with this myself,” I say as Drift sits next to me.  
“What are they going to do?” Drift asks, concerned.  
“They want to sleep somewhere we won’t find them and deal with the shit alone.”  
“They hate how now we need to support all three of them.” Hound comments.  
“No matter how many times we tell them, we can support all three of them and adjust the plan if needed, “Drift says.  
“They hated what happened during the nightmare situation, and to them, this is a repeat of that.” Bee points out. “No matter how many times we tell them we don’t mind, we want to support them.”  
“Not an absolute repeat, but they hate how our attention is on all three of them and not just on Jamie.” Cade corrected.  
“They don’t understand that now we have to watch them and make sure they don’t sneak off. Even to a seldom-used room.” Hound says.  
“What are you thinking?” Cade asks, concerned.  
“No, Hound, you’re not thinking..?” This concerned me.  
“Yes,” Hound says, regretting he has to bring this up. “Jayce has me concerned she will though she’s terrified Jamie could harm herself. Notice how much this is affecting her? Her anxiety attacks are more frequent, along with nightmares every night.”  
“And J.R. isn’t far from being like Jayce,” I say as I slid my hand down my face.  
“So.. the only difference between the two situations is Jamie,” Cade says. “I don’t think she’ll end up with a severe flare-up, but…how bad is her mental state going to be?”  
As Cade finished talking, Drift headed upstairs.  
“He doesn’t like to stay away from Jamie for long. You know why.” I say, knowing Cade thinks he upset Drift. “I want to see if Jayce is even asleep.” I didn’t expect the others to follow me. After seeing Jayce and J.R. asleep, Cade went to his room.  
“Are you both staying up here?” I ask. “You both don’t need to be here.”  
“Recharge in your quarters, Hound.” Bumblebee suggested. “You’ve been helping Crosshairs the past week, take a break.”  
“All right,” Hound says and goes downstairs. I go to Jamie’s room as Bee sits on the floor across from Jayce’s room.

Drift was sitting at the edge of the bed. I know he’s thinking about how bad Jayce and J.R. are.  
“You ok?” I ask as I sit next to him.  
“I can’t believe Hound thinks Jayce will go that far. Bad enough, Jayce thinks Jamie will.”  
“We were all thinking this would be different. I could say we were thinking easier-“  
“We failed to see how much the nightmare situation affected them. We let Jayce and J.R. down. If Jayce was dealing with this shit the last four years-“  
“But she wasn’t. They both got past that, and they will this time.” I looked over at Jamie. “Jamie will get past Buddy’s death. We just need to support the three of them.”  
“Now we need to keep them from harming themselves, just like before. I hate it.”  
“We all do.” I couldn’t think of anything positive to say. Sure, Jamie isn’t suffering a severe flare-up, but Drift is terrified she’ll kill herself and had a nightmare about it. This was taking a toll on him mentally. Likely the same for the others but not as bad. I’m doing ok compared to Drift. All I could tell him was to get some sleep.


	14. Wanting to Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce and J.R. try to leave Jamie’s dimension, but the Autobots stop them. Bumblebee tells the girls the Autobots and Cade could have just left them to deal with their emotional struggles alone. Which scared Jayce, thinking he meant they’d leave. Bumblebee does not upset her as much as seeing Jamie appear out of nowhere, scaring everyone, and in a happy mood for once. Drift notices how bothered Jayce is by Jamie’s pleasant mood and takes her back to her room to talk about it. Things go downhill from there.

Jayce POV  
I’m tired of this shit, the nightmares about Jamie killing herself and panic attacks every night. J.R. tells me she’s having the same nightmare after she watched me go through an anxiety attack. It’s my fault she’s having nightmares. It’s a good thing Jamie hasn’t seen me deal with an anxiety attack. I’m not sure how she’d react, but looking at how J.R. is affected, it wouldn’t be good.  
“Jayce?” I hear J.R. say. I looked up at her standing beside me, “I’m bored and feeling like I need to get back to training. Let’s go to the training ground.”  
No one else was around; this would be an excellent time to get out of here.  
“Yeah, let’s go,” I say as I stand up.

I sat by a tree when we got to the training ground. Instead of telling me to get up, J.R. sat next to me.  
“Did you want to do some training?” I ask after five minutes of silence.  
“Yeah, but I like how we’re away from the base.”  
“Why?” I ask, confused. Everyone was busy and not around us strange J.R. wanted to leave the base.  
“We need to leave. The Autobots and Cade are supposed to be here to support Jamie and look at what happened,” J.R. was right, but leaving will cause more problems, “Well?”  
“No, you two are staying here,” we hear a voice, “you know, if you don’t want us to find you, don’t go to the first place we’d think to look,” Crosshairs lectured as he walked towards us. The others were with him, which not only worried me, but this worried J.R. Every time I worry they left Jamie alone, I try to make myself think they wouldn’t if they thought she wouldn’t be fine. This never works. Drift sat on his knees in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders.  
“You need to relax,” he says.   
Crosshairs sat next to J.R., though she didn’t appear to stress over all of them being here. The others also sat on the ground, so we were sitting in a circle. Great, it’s like an intervention. Drift positioned himself, so he’s sitting on his bottom and had his legs straight out. In the seconds he took to stretch his legs out, I could have run off while he got me to sit on the ground between his legs, but my brain didn’t tell my legs to run. Drift said the same things he always said. I’m amazed he’s not annoyed at how often he repeats himself. I’m not annoyed that he keeps repeating himself. I know why he and Crosshairs keep repeating the same thing, I just wish my mind would start thinking the way they’re trying to get me to think. It’s what Hound said that shocked me.  
“Look what you did.” J.R. raged.  
“Um, you suggested we sleep in a room seldom used,” I hissed, “and how we should leave.”  
“Enough, You two aren’t going anywhere!” Cade yelled.  
“You know we could have left by now if we didn’t want to help you two with what you’re going through or Jamie?” I know Bee was making a point, but that still stung. I must have had a scared look cause I felt Drift hug me.  
“Terrible choice of words, Bee,” he says. At least I could keep it together. I hate it when they see me crying. Five minutes pass before Jamie scared us, appearing out of nowhere behind Crosshairs. I don’t think instant transmission was meant for this, Jamie. J.R. got up and sat next to Drift as Crosshairs laid back enough to grab Jamie.  
“You think you’re funny?” Crosshairs says as he picks her up and sits up, holding her. I know it seems Jamie is a child, how the hell is she tied up in an alien war and other things? Her size doesn’t help either, but she knows when it’s appropriate to be playful and serious. Jamie is not like a child who would try to be playful like this every chance they get. She’s meticulous about when it’s ok though it gives us a needed break from things or, in this case, a distraction. I hope this discussion is over. This is good, but this doesn’t mean she’s over Buddy’s death. Christmas will be hard. Seeing her smile and laugh again, knowing this is very temporary hurt. I tried to break free from Drift without causing the others to look at me. I didn’t expect Drift to get up, help me up, and take me away from the others.  
Drift took me to my room, the only place that the others wouldn’t see us. He wanted me to sit on the bed. He knows by now how this will end.

Drift POV  
“Something is wrong for you to get upset seeing Jamie happy,” I say, sitting next to Jayce.  
“She will not be for long.” She tells me.  
“I know, no way she’s over Buddy’s death. She had one good day last week, and it seems today will be one.”  
Jayce bit her lip. She doesn’t think I know how depressing Christmas will be for Jamie. I know enough about what humans do on that holiday, “I know Jamie spoiled Buddy during Christmas. It will be tough for her this year.” Looking at Jayce, I think she was scared about how depressed Jamie would be. Her terrifying thoughts and nightmares weren’t helping her mindset. I think me saying what she was going to say helped keep her calm. She was still distraught, so I had her lay on the bed with me.

Crosshairs POV  
Jamie was doing better today. Been some time since Jamie was playful, and she wanted to eat when we got back to the base. It seems Jamie goes through waves of feeling depressed and happy, but we think the worst has yet to come. Cade has said there’s no way to know how long before grieving sets in. Someone can be depressed, but grieving hasn’t set in. For Jamie, I think that’s true. Dealing with loss is complicated. While these two are eating, I want to see what’s going on with Jayce. It’s been almost two hours since Drift took her to her room. Sure, she might have fallen asleep, but I would have thought he would have come down by now.  
“.. Stop, you’re ok.” I hear as I walk to Jayce’s room. Crap, so she fell asleep soon after Drift brought her into the room. She can’t even nap now without having a nightmare. I go into the room and see Jayce struggling to break free from Drift’s grip though she had her eyes closed. Geez, this is not looking good. I don’t even bother asking Drift what happened before I take Jayce before she falls off the bed. I sit on my knees on the floor, holding Jayce. Drift sits on his knees next to me. I hug Jayce, hoping this would get her to wake up. It was not good; her nightmares were intense, and she thought Drift had a grip on her in the nightmare. My hug might scare her, or she’ll realize it’s not part of the nightmare and wake up. When Jayce woke up, she looked at me with a scared expression before crying.  
“Leave them alone.” We hear.  
“Oh, shit.” He mumbled, but I heard him. I looked at the doorway. Oh shit, J.R. is watching us.  
“Let’s go.” I hear Hound before I see him taking J.R.’s hand, trying to get her to come with him.  
“No!” She cried.  
“I got this, now she will need you,” I say looking at Drift. He gets up and walks towards J.R.  
“Come on; she’ll be ok.” I know Drift would carry her away from here if he had to, but he’s trying to avoid that. Judging by J.R.’s scared and concerned expression, I thought he’d have to give in, but J.R. went with him. Hound walks in and sits on the bed. Considering how long she’s been dealing with this, but this time she’s terrified, we’ve been wrong about what the nightmares have been about.

Drift POV  
I took J.R. to her room. Jayce’s bawling is upsetting her. She knows how intense the nightmare was this time.  
“She’s not doing good,” J.R. says as I close the door. “Go help, Crosshairs.” I can tell she’s trying not to cry.  
“If that’s what you wanted, you would have left with Hound,” I say as I sit next to her on the bed. J.R. bit her lip. I know she was thinking about Jayce. Oh boy, what terrible thoughts are you going to have? I watched the tears roll down her face.  
“Hound might be right. Jayce is tired of this…” She couldn’t finish before she started crying. I understand what she was trying to say. She can change her thinking better than Jayce, so I tell her we’ll make sure Jayce is safe. This worked, and I was able to get her to lie down. Something else that seems to calm these two. Though I don’t think it will work on Jayce right now. I can’t leave J.R. even if she’s just lying down. I don’t think she’d stay here.  
“go, I don’t think Crosshairs can get her to calm down alone.” J.R. insists.  
“Aright, stay here,” I say. She’s right, Jayce us going to be a challenge.

Jamie POV  
How strange everyone, but Cade and Bee are upstairs. What the hell is going on?  
“Leave them alone,” Cade says as I head towards the stairs.  
“You don’t find it strange they’re all upstairs?”  
“For all we know, they might be planning something for you for Christmas, and they’ll tell Bee and me later.” He could be right. It is the sixteenth. Still, something doesn’t feel right about this. I see Hound coming down the stairs.  
“What’s going in?” I ask, standing less than five feet from him.  
“Everything is fine,” he says, but he’s lying. Have you forgotten I know how to tell when someone is lying, Hound? It even works with the holo forms. Hmm…make them tell the truth or make a run for it upstairs? That’s it; I will see for myself what the hell is going on. I shove Hound out of the way and run up the stairs, but before I could get to Jayce’s room, Drift stopped me, crud. Cade runs up the stairs.  
“Sorry.” He apologizes. “Come on, Jamie, let’s go.” He says as he grabbed my arm.  
“Go with him.” Drift says before I could say no. I thought Cade just wanted me to stay downstairs, but he told Bumblebee to transform and for me to get in. He said we’re going to the comic book store. Ok, now I’m convinced something is up. It’s always Crosshairs, and Drift says they’d take me not Cade.

Drift POV  
Cade texted me he got Jamie to leave the base though he’s not sure if she’s not suspicious or not. We’ll deal with that later. Leaning on the wall next to the door to Jayce’s room, I am thinking of reasons she’s terrified this time and alternative ways to comfort her. Hound comes upstairs five minutes later and asks why Jayce is terrified this time.  
“We thought she’d been terrified, but compared to now. She was frightened. I suspect she’s been dreaming about Jamie harming herself, and the wounds are minor. Now.. I think she had the same nightmare I had, but she’s the one watching you and Cade fail at reviving Jamie.”  
“Fuck, and there’s not much we can do. It’s a miracle she hasn’t been this way since the nightmare situation. How long before J.R. is like that. I can’t believe what this has turned into, making sure the three of them don’t harm or kill themselves.”  
“The way this has affected Jayce, It’s amazing she’s not overprotective of Jamie.”  
“What the hell caused the nightmare today. Jamie’s doing well today,” I told Hound what J.R. told me, “Now, it makes sense, crap.”  
“We knew this would get worse. Though we didn’t think Jayce could get worse.”  
We went into Jayce’s room to try to get her to calm down. She was tired that Crosshairs got her to lie on the bed. We all stood in the hallway when she fell asleep and talked about how much harder this has become. I told Crosshairs what J.R. told me.  
“You don’t think she's that bad that she will panic if Cade and Jamie aren’t back when she wakes up?” Hound asks.  
“I don’t know; she’s not thinking right, so it’s possible.”  
“Just another shit day, and it’s only noon.” Crosshairs sighed.


	15. Terrifying Turn of Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce brings up how bad things will be if Jamie finds out what her and J.R. have been going through. Crosshairs assures them that he, the other Autobots, and Cade have thought of that. J.R fears Jayce may be suicidal. When Jamie returns from an afternoon with Bumblebee and Cade, she demands answers from J.R. Being able to hide her emotions, J.R. can lie to Jamie without Jamie noticing. J.R. tells Crosshairs what she thinks Jamie would do once she finds out the crap she and Jayce have been dealing with. Later, J.R. discovers Jayce has left the base and is terrified about the reason why Jayce left. Once they find where Jayce went, Crosshairs makes the long drive to her location but realizes she needs time away from the baser and makes a terrifying discovery.

J.R. POV  
Jayce has been asleep for an hour. I wanted to check on her though I know Crosshairs or Drift would, just not this soon. They seem to wait two to three hours, but after what Jayce went through, I would think they’d change how often they check on her. She was sitting at the edge of the bed. I sit on the bed next to her but not sure what to say. I wish I had some kind of power to block the terrifying thoughts. Ok, If I had such a power, I would have prevented the thoughts right when she told me about them, but now, it would be useful.  
“How long before Jamie notices?” She asks, “we’re so fucked when she realizes what we’re dealing with.”  
“You know they have thought of that,” I assure her though I’m not sure myself.  
“She will know something is up!” Jayce yells.  
“Hey, what’s going on?” Crosshairs asks as he walks in.  
“What are you going to do when Jamie finds out?” Jayce asks. That’s very vague, Jayce, how’s he going to know? I thought, but Seeing Crosshairs frown at the question, I think he knows what she meant, “you don’t know, do you!” Jayce yelled before running out of the room. I tried to go after her, but Crosshairs stopped me.  
“Drift will see her and deal with her.” He says.  
“I..I think she’s suicidal,” I say.  
“We have thought of that,” Crosshairs says as he hugs me. I know they do their best to think of everything that could happen during this situation.

Jamie POV  
I had comics to pick up, but it’s odd for Cade or Bee to want to take me. Bee could have suggested we go to the comic book store without Cade. What’s stranger is how Cade suggested we go to Panera Bread, which is not on the way home. I thought he wanted to order out like usual, but no, he wanted to eat lunch there. I could demand answers, but I don’t want to make a scene in public. Doubt I’ll get answers just by asking. Something is going on, and I will find out.  
“Come on, You know we hate when you don’t eat,” Cade says. The smell of the clam chowder made me hungry, but I was distracted. Cade was on his phone, and judging by how he moved his fingers, he was texting. If he suggests we go somewhere else, then I know something is up. I will not rush eating my lunch either just to get back.

We got back home at three. I went to find Jayce and J.R. Doubt the Autobots will tell me anything, not even Drift. I found J.R. in her room, using her computer. She turned to look at me as I sat on the bed.  
“What’s going on?” I demanded.  
“Playing a game, see?” She says and moves so I can see the computer screen.  
“You know what I mean!” I Yelled as I got off the bed and walked to her. “What’s going on!” J.R. knows I can tell when people are lying.  
“I don’t know what you mean,” she says. She’s telling the truth, but I still feel like something is going on.  
“What’s going on?” I hear Drift ask. He and Crosshairs stood at the doorway, “come on, Jamie,” Drift says as he walks towards me. He takes my hand, and I go with him. Damn, I hate myself for being unable to refuse when it’s Drift.

J.R. POV  
I sighed once Jamie and Drift left.  
“Well?” Crosshairs asks.  
“She suspects something is up, but she can’t tell when I’m lying. See, hiding emotions can be good.”  
“No, it’s not,” he says. I can hear the concern in his voice. He thinks I will hide my emotions again. I don’t think I can even if I wanted to.  
“What are you going to do? She will try to find out what’s going on. We’re screwed if she finds out.”  
“What do you think she’d do?”  
“Once she figures out why Jayce is terrified and how both of us have been dealing with nightmares, she’ll figure out the cause and blame herself.”  
“Shit,” Crosshairs mumbled before leaving the room. I know Crosshairs went to talk to Drift and maybe the others. I suspect they worry Jamie, Jayce, or myself would cause harm or kill ourselves. They want to keep us safe without being overprotective or around us like hawks. Though Jamie is with Drift a lot already and we do spend a lot of time together. Geez, thinking of this, I realize how challenging Jamie, Jayce, and I can be, yet we’re all still friends after all these years. I laugh at my thoughts and resume playing the game I was playing.

Jayce POV  
Unbelievable, Wouldn’t surprise me if one of the Autobots stays with me most of the time. I can’t even sleep for two hours without a terrifying nightmare. If I don’t sleep, then Jamie will know something is up. I snuck away from the base. Hoping some time in the sky will help. If not, I can find a place where they won’t find me. It might be time to figure out a lie to tell Jamie so that I can go back to my dimension, and she won’t question why. I end up flying for an hour before finding an area in the woods. Considering the speed I was flying at, I might be out of the state. I’ll worry about that later. For now, I don’t care where I am. I brought some capsules with food. So that might not be sneaking off but running away.

J.R. POV  
Jayce was nowhere in the base. Her room was the last place I had to look. She wasn’t there, shit, she left. I rush downstairs and look around for Jamie. Good, she isn’t here.  
“What’s wrong?” Cade asks. Damn it, am I that used to showing emotions now that I have to think about hiding them? I looked at him but couldn’t say anything. I watched Crosshairs and Drift go upstairs. “J.R., what’s wrong?” Cade asked again, getting more concerned.  
“She left.” Crosshairs says as he rushed down the stairs, past Cade and I to the computer. This computer could open portals to the other dimensions. I focused on Crosshairs that I didn’t realize I started crying until Drift got me to sit on the couch and hugged me. It terrified me thinking about what Jayce could be doing. Did she leave the base and is somewhere harming herself? Did she leave the dimension?

Drift POV  
I hug J.R. on the couch, hoping to keep her calm. Crosshairs couldn’t find anything in the log, so Jayce was still around here, but where? J.R. can sense her energy, but I’m not sure if she’s not concentrating on finding Jayce or Jayce is in trouble, “can you sense her energy?’” I ask, but as I thought, J.R. can’t concentrate.  
“Now what?” I ask.  
“Try finding her by cell phone signal.” Hound suggested. Crosshairs went to work, trying to locate Jayce via her cell phone signal.  
Hound and I waited, worried Jayce is in trouble. I am also thinking about what I’m going to do about Jamie and J.R.  
It took Crosshairs ten minutes to find where Jayce was. She’s a three-hour drive away. Shit, how fast was she flying?  
“What are we going to do about her and Jamie?” Cade asked, pointing to J.R.  
“I’m coming,” J.R. said in a sad tone. The question was, do several of us need to go or just one of us?  
“No, you guys stay. I’ll go,” Crosshairs says and runs to the garage.  
“What choice do we have? No matter who goes, we still risk the chance that Jamie asks where any of us are,” Hound points out. He sits next to me, “she’ll be ok.” He assures J.R., “you want me to take her? Jamie could be back soon.”  
“No,” J.R. says. She leans on me, and I feel her trembling. Hound put a hand on her shoulder but said nothing.  
“Come on, let’s go to your room,” I say as I stand up. She got up, and we went up to her room.

Hound POV  
“Shit,” I mumble as I watch Drift and J.R. go upstairs, “you think she will be as bad as Jayce?”  
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up like Jayce,” Cade sighed, “we should expect the worst,” Cade says with worry in his voice. Jamie comes back five minutes later. She sits on the couch and turns on the T.V. Good; she’s not noticing the others are not around. Bee, Cade, and I sit with her. I’m still waiting for her to ask, trying to figure out what I’d say. There’s also the matter of if we have to make sure she doesn’t see Crosshairs and Jayce come in. Sure, add more challenges to this situation.

One hour later.

Jayce POV  
I sat on the ground, watching the sunset, still not sure what I will do. It seems, either way, I’ll hurt the others. I know J.R. is terrified right now. I can’t go back right now.

Crosshairs POV  
I’m concerned Jayce had a plan. She slipped up by not leaving her phone in her room. If she has hurt herself, then a three-hour drive away is not good. Why would she go somewhere far but leave her phone so we can find her? I can’t drive as fast as possible, either. Drift texts me updates on J.R. and Jamie. Jamie hasn’t asked where Jayce or I are, but J.R. is still terrified. Drift stays with her in her room while the others distract Jamie. Shit, what am I going to do if Jayce is injured or worse? How would we tell the other two? I still have two hours of driving.

Drift POV  
I hated seeing how terrified J.R. was. I’ve been doing what I do to help Jayce through an anxiety attack, hoping to keep J.R. from having one. I tried to get up, but she didn’t want me to leave. That’s not like her, shit. I text Crosshairs explaining how terrified J.R. is.

Two hours later

Jayce POV  
I hear a car driving closer to me. The headlights blinded me, but I don’t feel like I’m in danger. My only enemy wouldn’t be driving a car. The lights dimmed since it was now pitch black. I saw the color of the vehicle. Figured it was Crosshairs or Drift. If I fly off, he’ll just track me. Stupid me forgot to leave my phone in my room. J.R. would be too upset to focus on my energy.  
“What’s your plan?” Crosshairs says as he sits next to me, “you know J.R. is terrified?”  
“I know,” I sighed, “she is when she sees me. I don’t think I should be here. Don’t even bother,” I say, knowing what he would say. He took out his phone and started texting. Easy to guess who he’s texting and what. I was waiting for him to tell me how bad J.R. is. Instead, he tells me to read the conversation he’s been having with Drift. Damn, I knew she’d be terrified, but not this bad. Now I don’t know what to do. I hugged Crosshairs and started blubbering.  
“Shh, It’s ok. We’ll get through this,” Crosshairs tries to comfort me, but nothing works. He has me lie on him while he lies on the ground. I’m scared I will end up with an anxiety attack, “relax, it’ll be ok,” Crosshairs says as he rubs my back.  
“Nothing works anymore.” I sob. Crosshairs wanted me to tell him what I’ve been thinking. I told him most of my thoughts, but he knew I was hiding something. I didn’t even have to tell him; he figured it out.  
“No, Jayce, That will solve nothing.”  
“You forget when a friend dies, either in this dimension or their own, or Jamie dies, all memories are erased. She’d forget about me; everyone would. I wouldn’t have to deal with this.”  
Crosshairs repositions me so he can sit up. I’m sitting on his lap, looking at his terrified expression. It was so quiet that we heard my stomach growl.  
“You brought food, right?” He asks.  
“Yes.” I know where this is going. I got the food I brought while Crosshairs resumed texting. Great, now he’s telling the others. Waiting for him to say it’s time to go back.

Crosshairs POV  
We knew Jayce had some terrible and terrifying thoughts, but we didn’t think she was thinking about death. Fuck, this isn’t good. I don’t think she should go back to the base. I know she was planning on staying here at least overnight and has camping supplies. The problem is she’s too scared to sleep. Jayce gave me the box of capsules she had so I could make a campsite while she ate. Looking at what Jayce had, I don’t think she was going to stay here overnight. She had everything she needed for at least three days. After I put up the tent and lit a fire, I sent Drift a text telling him what Jayce told me and how I’m having her stay here for the night. I was expecting him to respond immediately. I know he’s dealing with J.R. I don’t want to cause everyone to panic yet, so I didn’t text the others. After turning off my alt mode headlights, I went through the rest of the things Jayce packed. She was planning on staying here, or at least away from the base, for days. Several boxes of capsules, not just the one she handed me. So I thought until I found a rope in her backpack, fuck. What was your plan, Jayce? I wondered as I tossed the rope into the woods. I knew it would hit a tree and bushes. Jayce heard the rope hitting the tree and bushes.  
“Must have been an animal running by,” I say before she could say anything. I sit by the fire, and she sat next to me. It was too early to have her go to bed, but what can we do? Better think of something cause I don’t think she will go to sleep.

Three hours have passed, as I expected, Jayce doesn’t want to go to sleep. She won’t admit it, but I know she’s terrified to go to sleep. Drift wanted to wait until she fell asleep for me to call him. I sent him a text telling him Jayce doesn’t want to go to sleep, and we must talk about this when Jayce and I get back. He gave me a suggestion to get Jayce to fall asleep even though he’s not sure if it’ll work.  
“Come on, let’s go lay in the tent,” I suggested while trying to think of what to add if she refuses. Jayce got up and went into the tent. I put out the campfire and went into the tent. I laid next to Jayce and put a blanket over us. Drift thinks this will cause her to fall asleep, and I hope it does. He informed me Jamie and J.R. are already in bed. J.R. wouldn’t let Drift go, but the others distract Jamie until J.R. fell asleep, Jamie went to bed soon after.  
Jayce tried not to fall asleep but finally did a half-hour later.


	16. Keeping Them Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other Autobots and Cade insisted on Crosshairs bring Jayce back. They'd rather have her back at the base to keep her safe and deal with her anger. While asking during a panic attack might not have been the best idea, Crosshairs did this knowing Jayce ends up falling asleep after dealing with one. Bumblebee and Crosshairs discuss Jayce before being interrupted by Jayce having a nightmare. Bumblebee does what he can to help before going back to his quarters. An hour later, Bee and Hound are in the main area, talking about Jayce. Crosshairs comes down five minutes later and join the discussion. It's not long before J.R. comes down and hears what they've been saying about Jayce. Hound quickly comes up with a distraction to get J.R> out of the base for a couple of hours. Crosshairs, Bumblebee, and Hound, realize they need to change some things to keep Jayce safe but aren't sure if j.R. will like the changes. All the Autobots talk with her, hoping she'll be ok with the changes they need to make to keep Jayce safe.

Crosshairs POV

The others insisted I take Jayce back to the base before she wakes up. They were right; she’d refuse to go back if I waited until morning. We’d rather have her at the base to keep her safe and deal with her anger. Though Jayce agreed to go back to the base, I asked her while trying to calm her down after a nightmare. With her mental state, I doubt she meant it, but it made things easier. She slept on the way back. She was calm as if she didn’t have a panic attack. Like she just fell asleep from the long drive back to the base. We got back to the base at five in the morning. I carried Jayce to her room, where Drift was waiting and had gotten the bed ready. Jayce moaned while I laid her in bed.  
“Shh, you’re ok,” I say as I cover her with the blanket. Drift and I stayed for a few minutes to make sure she stayed asleep.

“You stayed in there all night?” I asked as I closed the door, leaving it open a little as usual.  
“No, just since you sent me the text saying you were on your way back.”  
There was no need to ask about J.R. Drift would tell me if she had a night without a nightmare. No way she wouldn’t since Jayce left though Drift told her Jayce was ok. J.R. knows I’ve been with Jayce.  
“Did you stay in the hall?” I ask.  
“No, I stayed with J.R. until twenty minutes ago. They should be fine, go recharge in your quarters.” I could tell by his voice that Drift wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, but I’ve been up all night. Didn’t think Drift would go to Jamie’s room, though. Surprised he stayed away from her all night.

Bumblebee POV  
Drift was with J.R. all night, but I had to see for myself if she was ok. I saw Crosshairs’ alt mode parked. When did they come back? He wasn’t in the hallway when I got upstairs, strange. I walked into Jayce’s room, seeing her sleeping was a pleasant sight though I wondered, is she going to be woken up by a nightmare? When is this shit going to be over?  
“Is she still asleep?” I hear Crosshairs say. He stood next to me and sighed, “I can’t believe how bad she is. Humans would say she needs to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, but we’ve been doing what they’d do except drugs.”  
“She’s past drugs helping her unless they’re a very high dose. When did you get back and have you slept at all?”  
“An hour ago and no. I tried, but I can’t leave Jayce alone. Drift stayed with J.R. until I got back. He’s most likely not liking how he was away from Jamie all night.”  
“So, we will have to stay close to them as Jamie does with Drift?” I asked.  
“Yeah, at least Jamie wants to stay with Drift, but I don’t think Jayce and J.R. will like any of us staying with them most of the time.” Jayce’s moans interrupted us. I sat at the desk and watched Crosshairs lay on the bed with Jayce and rub her back. After five minutes, Jayce rolled over. I hated the scared look on her face. She was trying not to cry but ended up bawling. What was it this time, Jayce? I wondered as Crosshairs sat at the edge of the bed and had her sit on his lap. I have to help. I moved the chair to the bed and took Jayce’s hands.  
“Look at me,” I say, unsure if Jayce could hear me over her bawling. She looked at me, trying to stop bawling, “Jamie and J.R. are ok, they’re sleeping,” I say, not sure which one of the girls was in her nightmare, but I know it was one of the two.  
“It’s ok; it’s just nightmares,” Crosshairs says. It’s hard to say if saying things like that are working. There’s not much we can do, and we’d rather get her to calm down quickly.  
“You want me to check on them?” I ask J.R. she nods her head while she’s still bawling.

I know Drift is with Jamie, but I still peeked into the room. Drift was sitting at the edge of the bed.  
“Are you ok?” I ask as I walk into the room.  
“Is Jayce ok? I can’t believe how soon she had another nightmare. She had one at two in the morning before the drive back. She was too afraid to go to sleep. After yesterday, I see why,” Drift explains, “and J.R. last night.” He sighs. I didn’t know what to say, so I left the room. J.R. was asleep, so I returned to Jayce’s room. Jayce had stopped crying but was still distraught. I tell Jayce that Jamie and J.R. are sleeping before heading down to my quarters.

An hour later

Hound POV  
Bumblebee and I sat on the couch as he told me about Jayce. I just thought of how last night she told Crosshairs she’s tired of dealing with this and what she wants to do. We’re both concerned she will try to get away again and that J.R. will think the same as Jayce soon. Crosshairs sat with us five minutes later.  
“She fell asleep,” he says. “I don’t know if I should take that as good or not.”  
“I don’t think she could avoid falling asleep even if she wanted to. She ends up exhausted after dealing with an anxiety or panic attack and bawling,” I point out.  
“Again?” Crap, J.R. heard us. Though could we avoid her finding out? She sat next to Crosshairs and leaned on him. We’re at the point where Jayce needs One of us often, and Drift won’t leave Jamie for long. The problem is, will J.R. be ok being with either Bee or me? Well, I have an idea to get her to come with us out of the base for a while.  
“You want to go with Bee and me to get the other two breakfast?” I suggested.  
“Go with them,” Crosshairs encouraged her. Bee got up and took J.R.’s hand.  
“Sorry, it’s the best I can think of to get her to want to leave “  
“It’s fine. We’re at the point where I need to stay with Jayce. You or Bee need to be with J.R., Especially if she’s in the same mental decline route as Jayce.” I head to my alt mode while Crosshairs goes back to Jayce’s room.

Bee and I wanted to keep J.R. out of the base for a while, so we found a sit-down restaurant. J.R. found it odd at first. Bumblebee and I knew she was worried about Jayce and tried to get her mind off Jayce, but this was difficult. After we ate and got breakfast for Jamie and Jayce, J.R. wanted to go back to the base. By now, we’ve been out for two hours. She went to her room when we got back.  
“She ate but was quiet,” I tell Crosshairs.  
“Hard to say if she’s depressed or hiding emotions again,” Bee comments.  
“I don’t think she will like Bee or me being with her.”  
“You remember what I said-.” Crosshairs started.  
“Oh, come on, not this again.”  
“Well, it’s a problem now,” Crosshairs hissed.  
“She’ll understand if you tell her you need to focus on Jayce to keep her safe.” Bumblebee points out.  
“Let’s go talk to her now before Jamie or Jayce wake up.’ I suggested.

Drift was already in the room, sitting on the bed next to J.R. She was upset but hadn’t been crying. I don’t think Crosshairs knew how to start this conversation, and neither did I.  
“You’re not staying with Jayce?” She asked. Well, I think she just made this easier for us.  
“I can’t be with her and you,” Crosshairs started. I could tell he was worried about upsetting her, “you Know Bumblebee and Hound are here.”  
I knew J.R. wasn’t liking where this was going, “It’s ok, J.R. Bee and I are here for all three of you. We’re not letting you deal with this alone.”

Crosshairs POV  
Hound thinks it’s good that the three girls are closer to Drift and me, but it’s a problem when we can’t give our attention to all three girls. Sure, the last time this was a problem was four years ago, but it’s still a problem. Add how J.R. is reserved. The fact she’s showing her emotions and seeks comfort means she’s hurting.  
“You want me to make sure Jayce is safe, and I can’t do that while comforting you,” I say, making J.R. look at me. “You know we all want to help all three of you.”  
It was clear J.R. was torn between wanting to make sure Jayce was safe. She thought Jayce was suicidal before Jayce told me. She also wanted me to help her through her nightmares.  
“Go, before she wakes up,” J.R. tells me. I wasn’t expecting that response, but it seems she isn’t unhappy about this arrangement.

Jayce was awake, and she had a sad look. She rolled to her side to hug me as soon as I laid on the bed. Though she woke up on her own and not by a nightmare, she still had a scared look.  
“They’re both ok,” I assure her.  
“They know,” she said as tears rolled down her face.  
“J.R. knows you left, but she doesn’t know what you were aiming to do last night,” I knew she was trying not to cry. I moved her on to me, “shh; It’s ok. You know I could have made you come back when I found you, but the others and I decided you needed to stay away from here for a while. They took care of Jamie and J.R. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but we’ll all get through this.” I wiped the tears from her eyes though more kept coming. At least she’s not crying.  
“Hey, I brought her breakfast,” Drift says. I look over at the desk. Drift had some of the doughnuts Hound got. I’m not sure why Drift brought the food here, but I’ll ask him later. I got Jayce to sit at the edge of the bed and eat. Drift sat on the other side of Jayce. Drift knows she panics, but this time she was calm. He hugged her and repeated what I told her. We looked at each other. I knew he was wondering the same thing; Is she getting past her terrifying thoughts? Though it’s more likely, this will be a process, one good day at a time.


	17. A Disaster of A Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie is more depressed than she has been since Buddy passed. Jayce tells Crosshairs and Drift that today is the day Onyx passed. While Jamie can go through the day in a good mood, this time, she's reminded there's no spoiling Buddy on Christmas in nine days. The two girls seemed to be doing ok until later in the afternoon. Crosshairs also struggles with Jayce wanting to die instead of dealing with the current situation.

"What's wrong?" Drift asks, looking at Jamie's sad expression.  
"Nothing,"  
"Your voice says otherwise, what's wrong?"  
Jamie still refused to answer, so Drift left the room to make tea like he does every morning. Crosshairs was concerned when he didn't see Jamie with Drift.

"Is she ok?" He asked.  
"I don't think she's sick. Something is bothering her today," Drift replied as he grabbed the cup and bag of donuts, "don't follow me," Drift instructed as he walked towards the stairs. Crosshairs didn't follow Drift but was concerned.  
This isn't just you deciding to give Jamie a version of breakfast in bed, is it Drift? Though Jamie doesn't seem like the breakfast in bed type. Crosshairs thought as he sat on the couch.

"Here, I brought you breakfast," Drift says as he pulled out the tray from the nightstand to put the cup and bag on it. Jamie sat up and took a donut from the bag as Drift moved onto the bed next to her.  
Good, it's about time you ate before four in the afternoon. What is bothering you? I don't think it's just Buddy's passing.  
Jamie laid back down when she finished eating, her back facing Drift. He wondered if she was trying not to cry and didn't want to see her sad expression, or was she trying to go back to sleep? Drift knew she'd end up falling asleep, so he left the room.

"What else could bother her?" Crosshairs asks.  
"I don't know, and she's refusing to tell me,"  
"Oh, I know what it is," Jayce comments.  
"What?" Crosshairs asks.  
"It's the day Onyx died. Though Jamie hasn't been this upset in the past."  
"It's obvious; it's the sixteenth. She's reminded there's no spoiling Buddy at Christmas in nine days," J.R. explained before taking Jayce's hand and leading Jayce upstairs. Jayce didn't even hesitate.  
"That was weird. This is becoming routine," Crosshairs observed.  
"Not sure if that's good or not," Drift replied in a concerned tone.  
"Better than trying to come up with something to get them to leave the area."  
As the two talked, Hound ran up the stairs, "Damn, everyone's terrified about Jayce. I can't believe she got to that point while being concerned Jamie would…and still could."  
"She was calm while telling us part of why Jamie is depressed, but I don't think she's past her terrifying thoughts and nightmares. It will take time for all of us to get over this."

After what Crosshairs told us last night, I don't think it's wise to leave Jayce alone. J.R. isn't in the best mental state to keep Jayce safe. She is likely on the same path as Jayce and won't be long before she's thinking of taking her own life. They may be talking about plans to get out of here, and I need to deter them from that. Hound thought as he ran up the stairs to Jayce's room.  
"… It's amazing she's held out this long, but she cannot for much longer." Hound hears Jayce say before walking into the room.  
"Don't even," Jayce says before he said anything. Hound wasn't sure what to do. They didn't want him in the room, or at least Jayce didn't. He left the room and stood by the doorway. J.R. walks out of the room two minutes later. Hound waited a minute to see if Jayce would come out of the room. When she didn't, he walked into the room. Jayce was lying on her bed, facing the wall.  
She knew I'd come in and didn't want me to see her upset. Hound sat at the desk. Sorry, Jayce, but I don't dare leave you alone even if you are trying to fall asleep.

"I don't like how Jayce has to be watched," J.R. tells Crosshairs and Drift, "I know it's good, I would still be with her if Hound didn't come in the room. I knew he was standing by the room when he left," the two mechs' concern grew thinking how this situation would be if the Autobots and Cade weren't here. Crosshairs moved to sit next to her and side hug her, "What if her nightmares and anxiety are permanent?" J.R. asked.   
"I doubt it. Both of you dealt with anxiety and nightmares before. They stopped after Jamie recovered, remember?" Crosshairs says. J.R. wasn't sure if that would be the case this time, "she'll be ok, they both will be. We'll get through this."  
"Jamie and Jayce will get through their struggle," Drift finally spoke.  
"Come on, let's go for a drive," Bumblebee jumps in.  
"Go on, I think time away from here will be good for you," Crosshairs encouraged J.R. Though she was still concerned about Jayce, she went with Bumblebee.  
"She's terrified and doesn't want to leave Jayce alone. She only left her because Hound was nearby and would stay with Jayce. If Jayce didn't think to contact us and this all transpired…" Drift couldn't finish. Crosshairs was thinking the same and didn't know what to say.

Two hours pass before Jamie wakes up. She wanted to avoid everyone, but there's only one bathroom, and it's downstairs. Crosshairs and Drift were still sitting on the couch, watching T.V. They knew where she was going and waited to see if she'd go back upstairs.   
Jamie walked out of the bathroom and tried to walk past them to the stairs as quiet as possible, but Drift heard her.  
"Where are you going?" He says as he gets up and walks towards her, "come here." Drift picks her up and sits on the couch with her, "I know you're depressed, but you can't sleep all day," he says as he hugs her. Crosshairs wiped tears from her face.  
She's trying not to cry, but I don't think she won't be able to for long, he observed. Did you think Jamie would fight you if you didn't pick her up, Drift?

Drift waited a half hour before taking Jamie to her room.  
Jayce is most likely going to wake up soon. Though, we can't keep Jayce from seeing Jamie. I don't want Jamie staying in her room or sleeping most of the day, and she doesn't want to do anything either. Just part of this disaster.  
The three of them laid on the bed though Crosshairs was looking at Jamie's back; he didn't mind. It was hard for Crosshairs to support Jamie while Drift was hugging her, now he can help her. It was interesting to him how the three girls responded well to their back being rubbed.  
It gets them to relax and let themselves cry. Crosshairs thought as he heard Jamie cry. I know it's good for them, but I hate it. I know the others also hate seeing the girls cry.  
Crosshairs saw how much Drift hated that Jamie started crying. Drift moved her, so she was laying on him. Crosshairs didn't mind; he wanted to see if Jayce was awake yet. He left the room, closing the door behind him, and headed to Jayce's room.

"what's wrong?" Crosshairs asks, seeing how upset Jayce is. He sat on his knees by the bed. Jayce stared at him with sadness in her eyes. Crosshairs waited a few minutes.  
Don't tell me you're keeping emotions bottled up now? This is why we ask the girls what's wrong, even though we know.  
"You need to tell us what's bothering you," he says as he strokes her hair. Jayce still wouldn't tell him. Crosshairs lays on the bed next to her, worried she will keep her emotions bottled up. He laid with her for twenty minutes, thinking about Jayce's mental state before needing to leave the room.  
"You all right?' Hound asks when he sees Crosshairs at the stairs.  
"Go in Jayce's room," Crosshairs instructed, unable to hide that he's upset. Hound didn't ask why before going upstairs as Crosshairs walked to his alt mode. He sat on the Driver's side but not ready to drive off. No one was around, so he let himself cry.  
This is terrifying. Jayce wants to kill herself. This all started with her terrifying thought about Jamie wanting to kill herself. I'm scared Jamie might end up thinking that way and possibly J.R. This isn't supposed to be like this. We're not supposed to be worrying about the three of them like this.  
Crosshairs drove off ten minutes later.

"Wonder where he's going," J.R. says as she watched Crosshairs drive by, "It's strange he'd drive off now."  
"It is odd," Bumblebee replied, "he wouldn't leave if something were wrong."  
"Unless he's stressed that he had to leave, damn," J.R. says in a sad tone. 

Bumblebee stopped J.R. before she walked away from his alt mode when they got back to the base. He put his hands on her shoulders, "try not to worry. You're just going to stress yourself out."  
J.R. headed to her room though she wanted to see how Jayce and J.R. are doing.  
Hound watched her walk to her room.  
Unusual, she didn't want to check on Jayce and Jamie. Crosshairs and Drift will not like hearing about this.

Crosshairs sat on the hood of his alt mode, watching boats drive by on the lake, trying to destress enough that it's not noticeable. He knew he couldn't stop being stressed right now. A half-hour passed before Crosshairs was ready to leave. As he opened the Driver's side door, he noticed something flying towards him.  
Oh, crap.  
"What are you doing here?" Crosshairs asks once J.R. landed in front of him. All he had to do was look at her to figure out why she flew here, "I was on.my way back," he says as he hugged her before having her sit on the ground with him.  
What happened that you had to find me? Crosshairs winders as he continues to hug J.R. she wasn't crying, but Crosshairs knew she was upset.

"She flew off?" Cade asks.  
"We drove past Crosshairs on the way back." Bumblebee explained. No  
"He'd have a good reason for leaving but won't like that J.R. found him."  
The two of them headed to Jayce's room. They didn't know Hound was in her room. They talked in the hallway.  
"Crosshairs instructed me to stay in Jayce's room before going to the garage. I saw J.R. walk by the room instead of coming in," Hound explained, "Jayce has been lying in bed, facing the wall."  
"Jayce was doing good yesterday and could tell Crosshairs and Drift why Jamie is depressed today," Bee points out.  
"It will take time for her to get over her terrifying thoughts, nightmares, and anxiety." Cade explained, "I think things will get more challenging before things get better." They didn't know that Drift was eavesdropping.  
Fuck, I was hoping Jayce was getting better and sounded like J.R. is getting worse. What about you, Jamie? He thought, looking at Jamie playing a game on her computer. Are we going to be worrying about all three of you wanting to die? Drift couldn't stop a tear from rolling down his face. She's distracted, I'll sit in the hallway. He left the room and sat on the floor by the doorway. The others already left the area.

"You want to go back? We've been sitting here for fifteen minutes," Crosshairs says.  
"No," J.R. replies in a sad tone. Crosshairs was still hugging her.  
I don't understand why she doesn't want to go back now. Yesterday, she didn't want to leave Jayce's side. She must be getting stressed like me. How stressed are Drift and the others?  
"I want to stay in Jamie's room in the house," J.R. says. This concerned Crosshairs.  
"Why?"  
"I can't take seeing Jayce struggle anymore, and Jamie will struggle a lot more than she has been. I don't want to be around…." She couldn't finish before she started bawling. Crosshairs had J.R. sit with him on the passenger side of his alt mode. Crosshairs tries what he's been doing to get the girls to calm down, but it didn't seem to work now.  
I can't believe she went from thinking Jamie will be ok to her friends may kill themselves. I don't think time away from the base will help her either. Jamie and Jayce will also question why J.R. is staying away.  
"You know Jamie and Jayce will worry if you're not at the base."  
"They'll worry when they see how anxious and stressed I am,' J.R. sobbed.  
Crosshairs didn't know what to say. He just hugged J.R., hoping she'd calm down soon.  
I still have the backpack with the box of capsules Jayce had yesterday in the trunk. We might stay here overnight. Crosshairs got his phone and read a text from Drift, but he couldn't type a reply with one hand. The others are concerned, but it's not a good idea to take her back to the base.

"She must not be doing good for Crosshairs not to reply immediately. I will see if he needs help. Jamie should be fine, and Jayce doesn't want to leave her room," Drift says and walks to the garage.  
"I hope he's right," Cade says as Hound goes upstairs.  
"Maybe but the mood Jamie's in today, watch she'll not like Crosshairs and Drift are not here - or at least Drift," Bumblebee comments.

Drift walked to Crosshair's alt mode, opened the passenger side door, and crouched down.  
"What happened?" He asked, not liking how distraught J.R. is. Crosshairs told Drift why Jayce was so upset and a feasible plan for the night.  
"…I don't know what we're going to do."  
"I'm not sure either. Let me call Cade and figure out what-."  
"No, you have to go back," J.R. sobbed. Drift didn't know what to say. He walked back to his alt mode to call Cade.  
Things just got a lot more complicated. What the hell are we going to do? Drift thought, waiting for Cade to answer his phone.


	18. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. refuses to go back to the base. Crosshairs and Drift take her for dinner, hoping a little more time away from the base is all she needs. J.R. adds more for them to do before going back to the base. She’s not ready to go back once they finish all she wants to do. Things become challenging the rest of the night until the three girls are asleep. Crosshairs insists they plan on if either of the three girls harms themselves or gets away to try to end their life. They talk about how Jayce already tried and come to a terrifying conclusion.

Crosshairs POV  
I knew Drift was talking to Cade about what we should do. No way we can take J.R. back to the base right now. She was leaning in me as I hugged her. She stopped crying, and it was so quiet that I heard her stomach growl. Drift comes back five minutes later.  
"She's hungry," I tell Drift before he could start talking, "let's take her out for dinner."  
"Good idea," Drift says before returning to his alt mode. I'm not sure if he knows I am trying to delay having to bring J.R. back to the base, hoping she'd be ok going back. We'd be out for two hours. Maybe she just needs a little more time away from the base. We took her to Applebee's. We tried to get her to talk. We love talking about the three girls' adventures and the adventures we've been on together.  
"You think she's ready to go back to the base?" I asked Drift once J.R. left to use the bathroom.  
"She may be fine now. Once we're close to the property, she'll be noticeably unhappy. If either of the other two girls are around, they'll know she's been distraught the entire afternoon. We can't stay out until the other two are asleep, either," Drift started texting Cade. I assume he was asking Cade for input on what we should do. J.R. returns from the bathroom two minutes later.   
“Do you want to go back to the base?" Drift asks her. I assume this is part of Cade's instructions.  
"No, I don't want to be until this is over," she tells us. She kept herself from crying. Either she's doing better than two hours ago, or she's able to control when to cry. Unless she was crying in the bathroom, fuck.   
"Come on, let's go get dinner for Jayce. She's still distraught," Drift says, and we leave the restaurant.  
"You should get Jamie some cookies. She will not like that you've been out," J.R. joked; Drift, and I laughed.  
"We have some stops to make then," Drift comments. I know he's telling me we'll go along with J.R.'s desire to stay away from the base for a little longer. Both Drift and J.R. know Jamie and Jayce will panic if we're gone for long. We had to wait twenty minutes before picking up Jamie and Jayce's dinner. We parked in the restaurant's parking lot. I moved J.R. to my lap so that Drift could sit on the passenger side.

Drift POV  
This is becoming routine that J.R. knew we wanted to talk to her. She's like Jayce; we can say the same thing repeatedly, but she can't change her thinking for now. This will take time, and we're doing all we can to help the three girls.  
"You know Jamie and Jayce will not like that you're not at the base,” I say, trying not to upset her, "there's five of us here for you, Jamie and Jayce."  
"I can stay with you if that's what you want," Crosshairs says.  
"No!" J.R. exclaimed, tears started rolling down her face. Oh boy, she thinks everyone needs to focus on the other two.  
"You know Jamie is with me most of the time, and Hound has focused on Jayce. Cade and Bumblebee can help if either Jamie or Jayce end up being a challenge," I explain to her as I wipe the tears from her face. I can't believe she's thinking like Jayce now. Instead of the terrifying thoughts being about just Jamie, they're about Jamie and Jayce.  
"I think we should talk to the others about this. She needs to hear the others agree to this plan," Crosshairs says.  
"Yeah, good idea," I say before going back to my alt mode. I ended up thinking about how bad the three girls are and how much they'd struggle without us. I was thinking, what if the last time we saw the three girls, at the Junkyard in Cade's dimension last October, would have been the last time we saw the three of them? This is just as terrifying as the nightmare situation. I was disturbed by a woman handing me the bag with Jamie and Jayce's dinner.

We got back to the property at six. J.R. didn't want to go to the base, but we needed to talk to the others. I couldn't believe the scared look she had. Crosshairs and I knew what she was thinking.  
"Come on, it'll be ok," Crosshairs says as he takes J.R.'s hand but she was becoming anxious.   
“Give her a few minutes,” I tell Crosshairs before walking to the main area of the base. Jamie was watching T.V. with Bumblebee. She was distracted and didn't know Bumblebee got up.  
"Hound's been with Jayce,” he informs me.   
"We all need to talk later," I say as I give him the container with Jayce's dinner. I sit on the couch next to Jamie.  
"I got you dinner," I say as I took the other container and put it on the coffee table, "I know you haven't eaten all day. I got your favorite." I'm trying not to sound worried. Jamie took the container, put it on her lap, and started eating. I put an arm around her. At four feet, seven inches; she's too short for me to rest my head on her shoulder. I asked her what she's been up to since I left, both to have a conversation with her and to see how she's doing mentally.  
"Is J.R. ok?" She asked after telling me she's been playing Sims. What did the others say to her?  
"She's fine; she's with Crosshairs," 

Bumblebee POV  
"Hey, Crosshairs, Drift, and J.R. got you dinner," I tell Jayce as I put the container on the desk. Jayce was doing a little better, playing Sims as Jamie has been. Something to keep them busy. After spending the afternoon lying in bed. She didn't end up taking a nap. Hound spent the whole time with her. As far as we know, she didn't mind. I know that we're all thinking the same thing about the girls and hate it. At least Jayce is eating. Just hope neither Jayce nor J.R. end up like Jamie and won't eat all day. With Hound still in the room, I left to see how J.R.'s doing.

Crosshairs was sitting on the hood of his alt mode, holding J.R.  
"We'll get through this. I know it doesn't feel like it, but we will. Jamie and Jayce will be ok, I promise."  
There was nothing I could add. I sat next to Crosshairs and took J.R.'s hand. She was calm, but I know there's a reason Crosshairs hasn't taken J.R. into the base yet.   
"We can't stay here until this is over," Crosshairs says five minutes later, "come on, let's go to your room."   
I watched the two walk out of the garage, hating how things are going.  
"I can't believe how traumatized Jayce and J.R. are," I mumbled.  
"I know," Cade says, "It's amazing those two recovered from the nightmare…but I worry they won't this time and will have to stop going on adventures with Jamie."  
"No wonder Crosshairs got so stressed he had to leave. Everything we have to worry about… the only difference between the two situations is how Jamie is."  
We went into the base. Jamie was still watching T.V., "At least she ate," Cade whispered. We both headed upstairs. Jayce was eating while continuing to play Sims. J.R. and Crosshairs were lying on her bed.  
"I hope she didn't start panicking. Though she sees Jamie and Jayce are ok," I say, concerned.  
"We'll find out later," Cade says, and we go back downstairs. We joined Drift and Jamie, watching T.V.

By eight, Jamie was getting concerned about Jayce and J.R. Crosshairs, and Hound not being around wasn't helping either. I think she was worried because our routine is by now, we'd all be watching T.V. together add how Jayce and J.R. have been today. Jamie knows something is off but doesn't know what.  
"Jayce and J.R. are tired and just want to stay in their rooms. Crosshairs and Hound are with them," this was the best I could come up with without lying completely. This worked, but will it until this is over?  
"You want to go to your room instead? Drift asks. Jamie agrees with him, and they go to her room.  
"She's doing better than Jayce and J.R….for now," Cade observed.  
"For a couple more days," I say. We know how hard Christmas will be for Jamie.

Hound POV  
I watched Drift and Jamie go by the room. I noticed Jamie was upset.  
"Jamie," I hear Jayce say as she tries to leave the room.  
"You think it's wise for her to see you? You're more upset than she is," I say, "she's with Drift, she'll be ok. They might be going to sleep."  
"And J.R.?" She asked, worried, "she left hours ago after Crosshairs drove off."  
"She's asleep," Crosshairs says as he walks in the room, "she's ok, Jayce,"  
I don't know if Crosshairs is lying since we wanted to talk with her or J.R. fell asleep. After the afternoon she had, she had to be exhausted. Jayce wasn't accepting what Crosshairs said and tried to leave the room. Unaware of how J.R. is at this moment, I stopped her.  
"She's ok, I promise," Crosshairs tells Jayce as he gets her to sit on the bed with him. I was expecting her to tell him to go back to J.R.'s room, but he moved onto Crosshairs' lap and hugged him. Crosshairs tells me to go to J.R.'s room as Jayce now needs him.

J.R. was still awake but noticeably tired. She was lying in bed, playing a game on her tablet. I don't know if she's trying not to sleep or Crosshairs wants her to stay up so we can talk to her. I leaned on the wall near the doorway. J.R. is busy; she's not going anywhere though I'm risking her hearing Jayce by leaving the door open. Hopefully, the metal walls will keep her from hearing Jayce. Crosshairs walked out of Jayce's room ten minutes later.  
"That was quick," I comment.  
"She's not asleep but distracted."  
"You sure that's good enough to leave her alone?" I ask.  
"She'd have to go downstairs, and we'd see her," Crosshairs says before going to Jamie's room. He doesn't even walk into the room before turning around and walking back to me.  
"We will have to wait though I don't think J.R. can."  
"So, you kept her from going to sleep?"  
"No, she doesn't want to go to sleep yet, but she will not last much longer," Crosshairs tells me and we go into J.R.'s room.  
"Jamie and Jayce are still awake. No way you can stay up much longer, go to sleep. We'll talk to the others tomorrow,"   
"It's just Drift, and he'd be staying with Jamie no matter what," J.R. says. Crosshairs and I see how she's having a hard time keeping her eyes open.  
"I'll tell you what we decide tomorrow. You need to sleep." Crosshairs says as he takes J.R.'s tablet. She lays down, and Crosshairs Once again assures her that Jamie and Jayce will be safe, and we'll get through this. Crosshairs closes the door as we leave, leaving it open just a little.  
"We are waiting for Drift?" I ask.  
"Yeah, Though J.R. is right, we need to make other plans." He says before going downstairs. I know what he means, and the others will not like what we have to discuss. 

Cade POV  
"Jamie is still awake," Crosshairs tells me, 'I know he will focus on Jamie, but Drift needs to be apart of the planning."  
"Who will focus on each girl, isn't all you wanted to talk about, is it?" I ask.  
Crosshairs sighed, "No, after what Jayce told me and finding the rope. Add how J.R. is on the same path as Jayce. Even though she's terrified, Jamie or Jayce will take their own life."  
"Unbelievable," I say before sitting on the couch. I know a lot of medical stuff because of Jamie's illness. Still, the thought of having to take care of Jayce or J.R. I mean injuries are one thing, but if they ended up unconscious and unresponsive. It's scary enough when Jamie ends up that way.

Two hours pass before Jamie goes to bed. Crosshairs hated having to bring up planning not only what to do to keep the girls from harming themselves but what to do if they get away from us to try something. The more we thought of it, the more we're thinking Jayce wasn't thinking if she should end her life. She decided already, but then why did she wait? How can she be careless by leaving her phone behind?  
"…Jayce was scared to do it, and Crosshairs got to her in time," I concluded.  
"She sounded so sure about it to me, that she'd try again," Crosshairs points out.  
"She's not hating that I've been watching her," Hound says. Though this was good, this was also a sign of how depressed Jayce is. Going from hating that our attention isn't entirely on Jamie to not caring if Hound is watching her closely.  
"Good, we don't have to worry about her getting mad. J.R. wants me with her though she's so concerned about Jayce. She'll like hearing this."  
This just left Bumblebee and me. We would be back up if one of the girls is a challenge and to keep everyone's stress level in check. I know this is taking a toll on all of us. For now, the plan during the night was the same; Crosshairs and Hound upstairs in the hallway. Everyone but Bee headed upstairs, and I went to my room.


	19. Things Just Keep getting Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drift thinks about what he and the others talked about until Crosshairs walks in. He ends up tells Crosshairs that he's had the nightmare about watching Cade fail to revive Jamie several times in the past month. Crosshairs don't like how Drift has been dealing with how terrified he is when he walks up. A couple of hours pass before both mechs find J.R. is awake and upset but not crying. She has a hard time falling asleep. Early morning, Crosshairs discovers that Jayce is dealing with an anxiety attack and tries to help her. Jayce has had enough of the nightmares, anxiety, and panic attacks. What she hates is the others not focusing on Jamie as they should be. Jayce tries to get away is unsuccessful. J.R. finds out

Drift POV  
I walked into Jamie's room and sat on the bed. My mind was thinking about a lot of things related to the situation. I had to leave the room. I walked past Crosshairs and Hound, who were sleeping on the floor. I went to the balcony and stared at the nighttime sky.  
"Can't sleep?" I hear from behind me before Crosshairs stands next to me.  
"No," I say depressingly," thought you were asleep?"  
"I don't fall asleep that fast," He says, "You ok, or do I need to get Bee and you can recharge in your quarters?"  
"No, bad idea-."  
"I would not have Bee sleep with her."  
"You're disgusting," I say, elbowing Crosshairs' side.  
"You know what I mean, "he elbows my side, "need I remind you how you can't stay awake until this situation is over?"  
"I know, but we can't let Jamie know what's going on. You know she'll blame herself and if she realizes how Jayce and J.R. were during the nightmare situation…It was bad enough I've been dreaming about-."  
"What, you've had that nightmare several times?" Crosshairs asks, worried.  
"Yes, four times so far."  
"What do you do when you wake up?"  
"I didn't want you or Hound to know, so I just sit on the floor and try to calm down, hoping Jamie wouldn't wake up crying. I'm screwed if she wakes up."  
"So you risk making her panic instead of waking Hound or me? No, it's better for us to be woken up than for her to see you in distress," Crosshairs lectured me, trying not to sound pissed. Crosshairs went back inside, but I wasn't ready to go back to the room.

Crosshairs POV  
I couldn't believe Drift has had the same nightmare several times. Jamie has had some gloomy days, but she's doing better than we thought she would. We're all terrified Jamie will end up like Jayce and J.R., but now, I'd say we're worried about the girls' thoughts and what they may do. It terrifies Drift that he could lose his girl, and he watches helplessly. Things just get worse every day. 

Though the girls have been asleep for only an hour, I still peeked into their rooms. The three of them were asleep, but like every night, I wondered for how long and which one will wake up in the middle of the night? J.R. is exhausted, so maybe she'll sleep all night.  
I took my place next to Hound, who was asleep, waiting for Drift to come back.

Midnight and Drift still hasn't come back. I'm wondering if he went for a drive. I don't think he would even though Hound and I can hear Janie if she woke up crying. It's not an issue now if he doesn't sleep tonight, but I worry he will not sleep for days.

Two hours later

J.R. POV  
I sit in bed, tears rolling down my face. I'm so tired of these nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night. This one wasn't as bad that I'm able to be quiet. Sure, I'm biting my lip to be quiet, but I usually end up abruptly waking up balling that Crosshairs hears me. This time I was dreaming about Jayce telling me a plan to kill herself instead of finding her dead. I end up having a nightmare about finding either Jamie or Jayce dead every night now.  
"Don't tell me you're trying to deal with this alone now," I hear Crosshairs say. I was quiet. How did he know? And Drift is with him. Great, I know if I talk about the dream, I'll start crying.  
"No," I say in a sad tone while staring at the blanket. It's not a complete lie. Crosshairs walks to the bed and lifts my head. I'm having a hard time keeping myself from crying.  
"You are," Crosshairs sighs. I tried to tell him that my nightmare wasn't as terrifying this time, and I didn't want to bother him, but I ended up crying. So much for a night without crying. Crosshairs moved the blankets off me so he could move me onto his lap. Drift moved my desk chair in front of Crosshairs, sat down, and took my hand.  
"We don't care if you need us every night, we don't want you to deal with this alone," he says as he wiped the tears with his other hand. I'm amazed Drift is even here.  
I stopped crying soon afterward but didn't want them to leave.  
"Crosshairs will stay with you, but I have to go back to Jamie's room in case she wakes up crying," Drift says, moves the chair back to my desk and leaves the room. I still can't believe how well Jamie has been doing since Buddy's passing. It's only a matter of time before she's depressed.  
"You just want me to lie with you, don't you?" Crosshairs teased, and I smiled, "yup, I knew that would get a smile. Come on, it's two in the morning, back to bed."  
That's what bothered me. I know there are friends who would worry about depressed friends neglecting themselves, but is this too much?  
"I don't mind, J.R.," Crosshairs says, "I can't just leave you here, and hope you'll fall asleep."  
I know he'd leave if I told him to, but then he'd worry I wouldn't go back to sleep, so let him lie with me.

Crosshairs POV  
I could tell J.R. wasn't sure what she wanted. Sure, she wanted me to lie with her, but I think she's bothered by how much we do to support her, Jamie, and Jayce. I don't know if this isn't what humans would do, and Cade wouldn't tell us since he's also concerned about the three girls. Even if he told us this a lot more than what humans would do, I don't care, and I don't think Bee, Drift, or Hound would either. We'd listen to the girls. If J.R. wanted me to leave, I'd go. J.R. had a hard time falling asleep; she finally fell asleep an hour later. Just because Hound didn't come in doesn't mean Jayce didn't wake up while I've been with J.R. Hound was still sleeping on the floor but, I couldn't assume Jayce was still asleep. It relieved me to see her still asleep. Drift was asleep with Jamie asleep on him. I couldn't tell if she had been crying or not. I'll find out later, so I returned to my spot on the floor.

I woke up at seven, immediately thinking I needed to check on Jayce. Sure, I do this every morning, but this time I felt like I was needed.  
Not again, I thought, seeing Jayce in bed. I'd rather her end up bawling in the middle of the night than have an anxiety attack. I hate hearing the hyperventilating. I moved on to the bed, so I'm on top of her and take her hands. I'd like to know what she was dreaming about not to end up walking up, bawling, but with an anxiety attack. I don't want to move her until her breathing is under control. This takes a few minutes. As soon as her breathing is under control, Jayce tries to sit up. I know what she wants, so I sit at the edge of the bed so she can sit on my lap. I hug her and rub her back as she bawls. Jayce would cry after a panic attack but not like this. Hound and Drift walk in two minutes later, closing the door behind them. I tell them what's going on. Even they know this is unusual.  
"Should we get her to tell us what caused her to have an anxiety attack?" Hound asks.  
"I don't know," Drift says, looking at Jayce, who isn't panicking that Drift isn't with Jamie yet. He knows he's taking a risk by crouching in front of me, so she sees him.  
"What happened?" He asked her as he took her hand. Jayce wouldn't answer Drift. I worried there was something new causing her distress, and she didn't want to tell us. I know Drift and Hound are thinking the same.  
"Take her," I say, trying not to sound worried. Drift sat on the bed next to me, and Jayce let go of me and let Drift slid her into his lap. I left the room and went to J.R.'s room. I was thinking she's dealing with a panic attack, but she's still asleep.  
"You're worried about her?" Hound asks.  
"She's on the same path as Jayce. It's only a matter of time, but I hope I'm wrong."

We left the room and waited for Drift. He and Jayce came out of her room a half-hour later. We know she hated how she needed us again though she didn't panic that no one was with Jamie. I doubt this means she's getting better. Jayce went to take a shower.  
"Well?' I ask.  
"I couldn't get her to tell me what triggered the anxiety attack, unless…shit. She knows J.R. is on the same path of mental decline, so she's afraid of when J.R. starts thinking.."  
"Likely, even though she had a good night…well compared to how nights have been."  
I know Drift and Hound were thinking the same as me, about how the three girls would be without us being here. I know this causes Drift to panic about leaving Jamie alone. It didn't surprise me that he went back to her room. Hound said he'd keep an eye on Jayce. 

Jayce POV  
Standing in the shower, thinking about how I now had Crosshairs, Drift, and Hound focused on me, and what if Jamie or J.R. needed them? J.R. has already seen me during an anxiety attack, and I know it scared her. We're screwed if Jamie sees me or J.R. dealing with our nightmare or me dealing with an anxiety attack. Then it hit me; I should have gotten a weapon from the weapon room. The Autobots or Cade wouldn't come in here if I leave the shower on, and I don't think J.R. would either. Cade and the Autobots believe I'll get past this like before, but I don't think so. Jamie and J.R. wouldn't like it if I have to tell them I have to stop with our adventures and go back to my dimension for good. I sat on the floor of the shower and cried for a good five minutes before getting out of the shower. I couldn't stop crying as I got dressed. I can't stop, and I can't stay in the bathroom. Everyone would worry.  
Great, Hound is around. I didn't bother closing the door before going to a rarely used room as quietly as possible, but I wasn't successful. I made it to the room, but Hound made it before I could close the door. He entered the room and closed the door before taking my hands and getting me to sit on the floor. He wanted me to tell him what was wrong, but I do not want to tell him. He didn't ask again; instead, he hugged me. I trembled from being so upset and trying not to cry again. I thought things couldn't get worse until Bumblebee walked in five minutes later.  
"Is she ok?" Bumblebee asks. I see how worried he is.  
"She tried to sneak into this room. I don't know what she was going to do."  
Bumblebee leaves the room, no doubt he's getting Crosshairs or Drift. I can't take this anymore. I try to break free from Hound's grip, but I'm unsuccessful.  
"Stop, you're not going anywhere. I know what you want to do," Hound says as he tightened his hold on me.

Hound POV  
We all know Jayce is a mess. I think she likes Crosshairs or Drift's support but hates how it's taking attention away from Jamie even though she's asleep when Jayce needs them. Now she's fighting to get away from me. By now, I have to use my arms and legs to keep my grip on her. We all worried she'd end up this bad but not in the sense that she'd think of suicide but that she'd end up with emotional seizures. We know humans would be livid at us for not having her admitted to a psychiatric hospital, but we all agreed it's not what she needs. We've dealt with this already, but she is more of a challenge this time. I'm assuming Bee went to get Crosshairs or Drift.  
"It's ok, we'll get through this," I know it's like a broken record at this point, but this helps her, though, seems for a brief period now. What was she thinking while in the shower?  
The door opened. Crosshairs walked in and crouched down in front of me. By now, Jayce stopped trying to break free from my grip. I told Crosshairs how she was trying to get away from me. I didn't think Crosshairs would get Jayce to tell us what's wrong though I don't think he expected her to tell us. She already told Crosshairs all this the other day. The way she was talking, I think she forgot I was in the room and had a grip on her, or she doesn't care if I head this. Crosshairs sat on the floor and moved her into his lap so he could hug her. He didn't tell me to, but I felt I should leave the room though I hated leaving while Jayce was crying.

"Is she ok?" Cade asked.  
"No, she's not doing good," I tell him in a depressed tone before going upstairs. I catch Drift, leaving J.R.'s room.  
"What's going on with Jayce?" Drift asks. No surprise, he hated what I told him, "J.R. will likely be like that soon…and Jamie…"  
"She's that bad?" We hear J.R. say. She was standing at the doorway of her room. She was scared and trying not to cry. Before I could say anything, Drift led her back into her room and onto the bed. I went into the room and sat on the bed with them.  
"Crosshairs is with her-," Drift started.  
"She wants to kill herself! She thinks that is the only solution to her pain!" J.R. exclaimed before she cried. It's a good thing it's early morning. No doubt she'd have a nightmare about Jayce worse than last night if it was eight at night.  
"Go to Jamie's room, I have this," I say and move J.R. onto my lap. Drift leaves the room.  
"I can't believe Jayce got this bad, and Jamie could be," J.R. sobbed, "we'd be screwed if you and the others weren't here, but Jayce thought you'd be here just for Jamie. We could still be screwed and…" J.R. couldn't finish what she wanted to say, but I think I know what she wanted to say. Just like Jayce, she's having terrifying thoughts and terrified they'll happen.


	20. I know What You Want to Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce and J.R. are eating breakfast when J.R. runs off to her room. Jayce follows her and asks what’s wrong. J.R. is furious Jayce even asked and raves about what’s been bothering her before falling her to knees and crying. Unsure what to do, Jayce rends up distraught over what J.R. tells her.

Crosshairs POV  
Jayce and J.R. will still eat, which is good, but I don't think they'll want to do anything today, debating if we should let them stay in their rooms if they want. J.R. either could no longer hide her scared expression or didn't care to hide it even in front of Jayce. Jayce would ask what's wrong, but she didn't. She has to know at least half of why J.R. is scared. She didn't even finish her breakfast before going up to her room. This got Jayce's attention as she ran after J.R.  
"Better follow them, I want to know what they will talk about," I tell Bumblebee, Cade, and Hound. The three agree, they'd also like to know what the two girls will talk about, and we go upstairs. I stood close to the doorway, enough to look in the room, but the two girls don't see me. These two won't start physically fighting, but I'm most likely going to get Jayce to leave the room. Hound was on the other side of the doorway but not looking into the room—Cade behind Bee and me behind Hound.  
"What's wrong?" Jayce asked calmly.  
"You're joking, right? What do you mean what's wrong? I know what you want to do." I could tell J.R. was trying not to sound pissed. It scared Jayce J.R. knows what she wants to do, "I think of what would happen if the Autobots and Cade weren't here. You've been dealing with this shit for two months now. I end up thinking, would you be thinking of death sooner?" That was all J.R. could say before she fell on her knees and cried. Jayce didn't know what to do or say and ran out of the room and down the stairs. Without saying a word, I followed her. As I expected, she ran to the same room she ran to earlier. I stopped her from locking the door and entered the room.  
"No, I'm not leaving you alone," I say, trying to hide how afraid I am. We are all terrified and having a hard time hiding it, though not as bad as Drift.  
"I can't believe she knows." Jayce sobbed.  
"You think she wouldn't figure it out. She knows you and how terrified you've been about Jamie," I have her sit on the floor, but she wanted to sit on my lap. She ended up bawling and trembling.  
"I Know J.R. has been having nightmares, at least after watching me go through an anxiety attack." Jayce sobbed, "what if she-."  
"It's ok, you know we'd do all we can to keep you three safe," I assure her, "why else did you think Hound has been with you?"  
"I can't take it anymore."  
She's in more distress than she has been since this started. Crap, I know what's will happen. I tried to lay her on the floor, but she grabbed my trench coat. Her heart was racing while she was trembling.

Cade POV  
J.R. was easy to calm, so I left her room, closing the door behind me. Drift was with Jamie in her room with the door closed. I was guessing Jayce ran to the same room she went to earlier. Though Jayce and J.R. can be calmed by just one of us, I don't think it will be like that this time. Sure enough, I was right. Jayce was quiet, but I just knew she wasn't doing good.  
"Is everyone away from Jayce's room?" Crosshairs asks.  
"Hound's with J.R. and Drift is with Jamie. The doors to both rooms are closed," I tell him, standing by the door. Crosshairs stood up while holding Jayce. I followed him to Jayce's room.  
"You're ok, let go," Crosshairs says as he tries to lay Jayce on the bed, but she grabs his trench coat. She let go so he could lay her down. It's only nine in the morning, but Jayce will end up falling asleep. I knew Crosshairs would lie with her until she fell asleep, so I left the room and stood next to the door. Jayce may be having a terrible day, but it may also be time to talk about using drugs.  
"Is she ok?" J.R. asks me. I didn't even hear the door to her room open.  
"She's ok; Crosshairs is with her," This wasn't a lie, so I hope this answers J.R.'s Question.  
"No, she's not. She wasn't thinking about suicide before… She's sure Jamie will kill herself, so she wants to be gone before that. You know how this works. If Jamie dies here, it's all over."  
"Don't think about it, J.R., you know we have a plan in place to keep them safe," I say, putting my hands on her shoulders. I know she thinks Jayce wasn't as worried before. Jamie would have only died in my dimension; they would forget about the Autobots and me so that Jamie wouldn't be heartbroken. The same applies here, but the adventure would be over. It seems like Jayce was selfish before, but she wasn't. J.R. went back to her room.  
"How bad is Jayce?" Hound asks.  
"I walked in when she was quiet, but I know she wasn't just crying. I think it's time to consider drugs. Jayce may just be having a bad day, but if she's not."  
"Damn."

Jayce POV  
I can't believe J.R. knows. How long before she's thinking the same? And Jamie? I tried to get up, but Crosshairs stopped me.  
"Let go," I snapped as I grabbed his hand to take it off my arm. He took his other hand to remove mine. He took both hands and moved me onto him.  
"They're ok and being watched," Crosshairs says as he rubs my back. Crosshairs will not let me leave the room; he knows what I wanted to do. I lay my head in his shoulder and closed my eyes.

Hound POV  
J.R. didn't want to do anything, but she was restless. I know she wants to go to Jayce's room even though Crosshairs is with her. J.R. Wants to be the one to watch Jayce; she needs to see Jayce to know she's safe. It's not that she thinks we can't keep her safe, but she's that terrified. I watched her tossing and turning on the bed, not sure if she was trying to sleep or just didn't know what to do. I'm tempted to put her boots on for her and lead her out of the base. She needs to do something, and getting out might help her. Then there's how she'll be if this backfired on me. Another option; T.V. it's something for her to do rather than lie here.  
"Come on, watching T.V. is better than lying here "  
J.R. followed me but slowly past Jayce's room. I didn't know if she'd go into the room, so I took her hand and led her downstairs. Cade and Bumblebee weren't around. Good, we are worried about the girls, but we need to take care of ourselves, which includes doing something besides staying around the girls. Though it's a challenge, watching T.V. was something we could do and watch the girls at the same time. Unfortunately, I think Jayce and J.R. are at the point of wanting to stay in their rooms. Drift came down an hour later. J.R. looked at him, worried.  
"Jamie is still asleep," Drift tells us, "you ok?" He asked J.R. as he sat next to her.  
This was tricky; we want the three girls to tell us how they're feeling and what's on their minds, but we hate that they could end up crying. We could tell she didn't want to answer the question because she knows she'd end up crying, "it's ok," he says as he hugs her. He looks over at the table. Both girls didn't eat much before J.R. ran off. I was expecting him to get her to finish her breakfast but said nothing. We watched T.V. for a half-hour before J.R. wanted Drift to go back to Jamie's room. He did what she wanted. Now I'm bothered by how little she ate before running off. I got up to retrieve her plate. J.R. watched me walk to the table.  
"Are you going to finish this?" I asked. J.R. got up and walked to the table, "you will eat cold eggs?"  
"You know Jamie, Jayce and I are used to eating cold food."  
I went back to the couch. I wanted to see how Jayce was doing. J.R. isn't high risk like Jayce, but I'm not taking any chances.

Drift POV  
I looked in Jayce's room to see how she was doing before going back to Jamie's room. She had fallen asleep, and so did Crosshairs. It's a little concerning since he's the one taking care of Jayce and J.R. when they wake up in the middle of the night. Jamie was still asleep when I got back to the room. I sat on the edge of the bed, thinking of the three girls. How long before J.R. starts thinking like Jayce, and will Jamie end up like that? J.R. is right; they'd be screwed if we weren't here. It would have been likely that last October would have been the last time we saw them. I laid on the bed next to Jamie and moved her onto me and covered us with the red blanket. I wanted to cry, but I knew I'd wake her up.  
Jamie woke up thirty minutes later but didn't want to get off me.  
"You have to get up," I say.  
"No," she says in a depressed tone. It's one of those days when all three girls are melancholy. She had to go downstairs as much as she didn't want to get off me.  
I knew J.R. would watch Jamie. She stayed on the couch but watched Jamie walk into the bathroom. She bit her lip as the door closed.  
"You need to relax. We'll be watching Jamie and Jayce closely. She doesn't have a weapon-."  
"A razer, Drift. Those things can cause cuts that bleed and-,"  
"She'll be ok." Sure enough, Jamie walks out of the bathroom two minutes later. We watched her walk past us and go back upstairs. J.R. thinks Jamie and Jayce can't be left alone, so I can't make tea. Hopefully, soon, Jamie will want to come back down.  
I watched Jamie get back into bed, lying so I'd be looking at her back when I lay with her. It's good you don't realize that's another way e can tell how depressed you are Jamie. More than if I watched you cry. She will likely be difficult to get to do something besides lay in bed. I laid next to her, putting an arm around her and holding her hand.

Crosshairs POV  
Jayce ended up falling asleep, and I took the chance to get some sleep, keeping an arm around her so I'd know if she was getting up. I was not expecting her to be thrashing in her sleep. These nightmares are getting more intense, more detailed, and it's terrifying her. My arm being around her wasn't helping, but I worried if I didn't keep my arm around her, she'd end up falling off the bed. I fear she's having the same nightmare Drift has been having, but this time, she sees the missing details. She kept kicking my legs and let out a scream, oh wow that hurt my ears.  
"Jamie, No!!!"


	21. Shaken Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crosshairs tries to wake Jayce up while trying to keep her from falling off the bed. He discovers his arm around her is scaring her. This not only leads Crosshairs to think Jayce doesn't realize she's dreaming but he has an idea of what the nightmare is about. When Jayce finally wakes up, she's shaken up and terrified. Crosshairs calms her enough to show her Jamie is ok. Jayce, who has been hating how the Autobots and Cade have been focused on her struggles and not just Jamie, is terrified to let go of Crosshairs. More problems arise throughout the day.

Crosshairs POV  
Jayce was trying to get my arm off her, but she seemed to be still sleeping.“Stop, you’re ok,” I say calmly, “Jamie is ok.”I sat up and moved her onto my lap. I know my arms around her is scaring her, but she will likely fall off the bed if I don’t keep a hold on her. The door opens, and Cade walks in.  
“Shit,” he says as he watched Jayce try to break free from my grip.  
“Did you hear her scream?”  
“No,” he replied, alarmed. Jayce finally stopped trying to break free, but she wasn’t waking up. With the crap we’ve been through, it’s hard not to worry that something is wrong.  
“Come on, wake up,” I say under my breath, though it wouldn’t matter if Cade heard me. He looked at Jayce, worried. Jayce moaned before opening her eyes thirty seconds later. She stared at me, not sure what to think.  
“It’s ok, just a nightmare,” I assure her as Cade leaves the room.  
“I saw her…she-,” she quivered.“  
Jamie is ok.” Jayce was trembling, and her heart was racing. I wanted to ask her about the details but no way she could tell me.  
“It was so real.” Jayce was now trembling.  
“Shhh, it’s ok,” if she keeps talking about this, she will be in more distress. Jayce hugged me but was still trembling, “be quiet, and I’ll show you Jamie is ok.”  
I stood up while still holding Jayce and walked out of the room towards Jamie’s room. I opened the door enough so we could see Jamie and Drift in bed, sleeping, “See, she’s ok.” Jayce rested her head on my shoulder, tears rolling down her face. You’re still scared your nightmare will happen, just like Drift. Something tells me we have an additional challenge; either Jayce will refuse to sleep, or this nightmare she had will happen every time she sleeps. I don’t want to add that she will not eat, so I carried her downstairs. I think Jayce was frightened and didn’t care that I was carrying her.  
Cade was watching T.V. when I got downstairs, but no one else was around.  
“Bee and Hound took J.R. out,” Cade tells me while looking at Jayce, not liking how she’s doing. I saw J.R. had finished her breakfast, but by now, Jayce’s eggs were ice cold. I know the girls are used to cold food, but no, I’m not having her finish them. There were quick oats in the cabinet. I don’t know if I’ll get her to eat more than that. I put on her on the couch, so she was sitting. She was still shaken up from her nightmare, and she didn’t want to let go.  
“You didn’t eat much breakfast; you must be hungry.”  
“You want me to make her something?” Cade asks.“Yeah, I was just going try oatmeal,” I tell him as he heads to the kitchen. “When did they leave?” I asked as I sat on the couch with Jayce.“Fifteen minutes ago.”Good, they’ll be out for a while, and hopefully, Jayce will be back in her room. J.R.’s already anxious about Jayce. Jayce still wouldn’t let go of me and still had a scared look. We didn’t think her nightmare would be this intense.

Cade POV  
Jayce didn’t want to eat. It’s hard not to think she’s starting to refuse like Jamie even though she’s still shaken up from her nightmare. I knew she wouldn’t, so I didn’t make a lot. Crosshairs got her to eat before taking her back to her room. I thought about telling the others we may need to consider drugs for Jayce, but now I think we have no choice, at least at night. I know everything we’re doing is viewed as wrong, but no one knows how to help the girls better than us. No one knows what they’ve been through to cause this. I don’t think any human has been anxious over someone they knew was going through dealing with death like Jayce has been nevermind two people. Jamie has been doing amazingly well, considering Buddy was her dog. Still, there’s no way she will not get more depressed.

Drift POV  
I knew Jamie would fall asleep. While she’s sleeping, I checked on the other two. I didn’t like what I saw when I walked into Jayce’s room. Crosshairs says he’ll tell me later what happened. He told me it was hard to get Jayce to eat, and she started crying when they came back to her room. Jayce had tears rolling down her face. Not knowing what to say to her, I left the room. No one else was around. This was odd, what happened? Things just got a lot worse and will continue to get worse. Cade tells me Bumblebee, Hound and J.R. went out. Bumblebee and Hound thought to take her out because she was too stressed about Jayce and wanted to try to get her to relax. It’s good they didn’t have to force her. Though I don’t think they could, this was a good sign she’s not as bad as Jayce. I texted Hound to see how she was doing. Hound says she’s doing ok though he’s not sure how long she’ll last before they need to come back.Sure enough, the three came back a half-hour later. J.R. was anxious about the other two. She wanted to see for herself that they’re ok. J.R. isn’t as easy to distract compared to Jamie and Jayce, but we lucked out this time. She was distracted, so Bee and Hound can see how Jayce is doing.  
“I think she’s too scared to fall asleep,” Crosshairs says. He was sitting on the desk chair, looking at Jayce. She was looking right at him instead of lying on her side, so we’d be looking at her back  
What is going through your mind? I wondered as I sat on the bed and rubbed her back. We focused on how Jayce is behaving after what happened a couple of hours ago that we forgot about J.R.  
“Jayce?” We hear J.R. say. She was standing at the doorway. It’s a good thing the door to Jamie’s room is closed. Hound was closest to her and about ready to force her to leave the room.  
“Come on,” He says as J.R. tried to enter the room.  
“No!” J.R. yelled, which is not helping Jayce.“I’m fine, J.R.,” Jayce says as she sits on the edge of the bed. Hound was ready to pick J.R. up and take her out of the room, but she grabbed his hand and threw him into the hallway before running off. We couldn’t grab Jayce as she ran after her.  
“She didn’t want to leave the room but runs off?” Bumblebee asks before going in the hallway to help Hound up.  
“You two, with me,” Crosshairs says to them as he runs out of the room. I sighed and went back to Jamie’s room. I sit at the edge of the bed, trying not to think about what just happened. I always end up thinking about how screwed the three girls would be without us, and how much more of a challenge they are going to be.

J.R. POV  
I ran into a seldom-used room and tried to close the door, but Jayce caught up with me and stopped me from closing the door by jumping on me.  
“Get off me!!” I yelled and kicked her off me, but Jayce was fast and jumped on me again, holding my shoulders down.  
“Why’d you run off?” She asks, “I’m fine.”  
“No, you’re not. You think Jamie will kill herself and want to be dead first,” I started tearing up. Jayce got off me and laid next to me. I heard footsteps, sounded like more than one person walking in. Must be Cade and most likely Crosshairs. It was Crosshairs, Bumblebee, and Hound. Crosshairs moved Jayce onto his lap. I sat up to get a better look at her. Why couldn’t I be wrong? I know she was thinking about what I just said and how I know what she wants to do though I suspect she figured out I already knew. The room was silent.

Jayce POV  
There she goes again, what if…shit.  
“Crosshairs, I think J.R. is getting suicidal,” I whisper, but the room was so quiet, Bumblebee and Hound heard me.  
“I don’t think so. She’s been so concerned about you and Jamie,” Hound says as Bumblebee runs out of the room.  
“It's only a matter of time. I know she’s been dealing with the same shit as me; None of this should be happening,” I hugged Crosshairs while trying my best not to cry but failed.  
“Shh, it’s ok. You know what we’ve been telling you. We don’t care that we have to help all three of you.” I felt Hound put a hand on my shoulder.“Go see if Bumblebee needs help,” I hear Crosshairs say. Hound leaves the room as Crosshairs wipes the tears from my eyes, but I can’t stop crying, thinking about this situation, I didn’t know Cade came in.  
“Here, I know you had nothing to drink today, and with all the crying you’ve been doing.” He hands me a water bottle. He was right; my mouth was dry, “It’ll be ok,” he says while holding my hand, “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but we’ll get through this.”  
“What are we going to do about Jamie? If she finds out what J.R. and I have been dealing with..”  
“They way she’s been the last couple of days; I don’t think it will be an issue,” Crosshairs tells me. I know they’d adjust their plan with how things have been going today, but still, what if Jamie finds out? Just another thing to think about, “come on, let’s go back to your room before Jamie wakes up,” Crosshairs suggested.“I’ll see what’s going on with J.R,” Cade says and leaves the room. I get off Crosshairs, and we go to my room and sit on the bed. I still hate how Crosshairs is focused on me, but I don’t want him to go anywhere.

Drift POV  
“Are you going to get out of bed today?” I ask, more joking. Jamie woke up ten minutes ago and laid on me. I think it’s how she says she needs comforting though she isn’t crying. How she’s not at the point of grieving over Buddy’s passing is impressive, but I have a feeling she will soon. Christmas will be rough. Jamie wouldn’t even answer me, which may mean she knows she will end up crying. She’ll be heading to the house in about three hours, so I will not make her get up if she doesn’t want to. I can find out what happened with Jayce and J.R. later. She’s quieter than usual, which I hate. I caught Cade peeking into the room. Guess Jayce wanted him to check on Jamie and J.R.


	22. Losing Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her nightmare, Jayce is torn between staying with Jamie, making sure she's safe, and staying away from her, knowing she can't hide how terrified she is. Jayce doesn't want Jamie or J.R. left alone. The Autobots and Cade have their nightly discussion about the girls. Drift finds out Jayce had a nightmare. They adjust their plan to keep the girls safe before going to bed. Bumblebee insists Drift stay away from Jamie for a little bit since their discussions caused him stress. Crosshairs watches Jayce fight going to sleep for a half-hour before making her go to bed. He then goes to talk to Drift. It shocks crosshairs to hear Drift say he doesn't think the girls will get over this. Before going to bed, Crosshairs and Hound talk about how they're doing during this situation and what Jayce's nightmare may have been about that terrified her, wondering how long will Jamie's delayed grieving last?

Third-person  
Bumblebee and Hound stayed with J.R., though, like Jayce and Jamie, she just wanted to lie in bed. Like Jayce, she was trying not to cry. Both girls worried about each other wanting to be dead and about Jamie finding out about what they were dealing with. J.R. still thinks Drift will keep Jamie safe, but after the nightmare, Jayce became more terrified. She wants to be with Jamie as much as possible, but she also needs to hide how terrified she is. That means staying away from her as much as possible, making Jamie suspicious and more likely to find out about Jayce’s struggles.  
When Jamie went to the house, the Autobots and Cade tried to get Jayce and J.R. to eat while trying not to think the girls are at the point of eating very little like Jamie. Jamie just wanted to go back to her room when she returned to the base. Though this was good for tonight, the Autobots and Cade worried she was becoming more depressed. Jamie and J.R. were asleep by ten, but as Crosshairs feared, Jayce was too afraid to sleep or let him leave.  
“It’s ok; we’ll be at the bottom of the stairs, so neither of them can get away from us,” he assured her, knowing she was also not liking that Jamie and J.R. would be left alone for a few minutes. Jayce watched videos on her tablet while the others talked.

Drift POV  
“What happened that she’s terrified to let you leave her alone?” I asked, afraid to even know. Sure enough, I hated what Crosshairs told me. I didn’t know what to say.  
“I doubt Jayce wanted me to stay with her today because the nightmare terrified her,” Crosshairs tells us, “she will want me to stay with her. Not only is Jayce worried J.R. is now suicidal, she worries Jamie will find out what the two have been dealing with.”  
“The only difference is Crosshairs staying with Jayce, and I’ll stay with J.R,” Hound says.  
I can’t believe the turn Jayce took today.  
“You’re thinking of something, Cade.” Hound observed. We all look at him.  
Cade sighed, “I think we may need to consider drugs for Jayce. I think she will avoid sleeping because of how terrified she is about having the nightmare again,” Cade knows how much we hated using drugs on Jayce and J.R. before, but he might be right. For now, Crosshairs wants to get her to sleep without drugs. Feeling like we’ve adjusted the plan, everyone but Bee heads upstairs. Bumblebee grabbed my arm to stop me from going upstairs.  
“I know you will end up thinking about what we talked about, and you worry, Jamie will see you. I’ll stay in her room,” he doesn’t give me a chance to say anything before going upstairs. He didn’t say I should stay down here so I could go to Jayce’s room, but Crosshairs can handle her. I’ll just sit on the couch and think about all this like I do almost every night.

Crosshairs POV  
“You sure she won’t be difficult?” Cader asks.  
“She’s exhausted but scared to sleep. I don’t think she’ll be difficult that I need your help,” I tell him, and he goes to his room. Jayce was still awake and on her tablet. I was hoping she’d be asleep. She’s fighting falling asleep though, watching her rub her eyes.  
“You’re trying not to sleep,” I say, standing by the bed. She didn’t answer, “I’ll take that as a yes.” I slid her to the other side of the bed and laid next to her. Now I don’t have to worry about her falling off the bed or running out of the room if she has that nightmare again. Only ten-fifteen, I’ll let her continue to use her tablet for a little longer. I know Drift is thinking about what we just talked about. I hope Bee told him to stay out of Jamie’s room.  
Fifteen minutes pass, Jayce is rubbing her eyes more often but still trying not to sleep. How long will she keep this up before giving in?  
“I’m not sleeping. It’s bad enough I had that nightmare, to begin with, and now I worry it’ll happen,” Jayce tells me as tears roll down her face. I took the tablet from her and put it on the table. Looking at her, I put my hand on her shoulder to get Jayce to roll to her side and look at me. I take her hand and say what we’ve been saying when the girls are upset. For now, this just calms them for a while, but it’s better than nothing.

Jayce fell asleep ten minutes later. I wanted to see how Drift was doing. Jayce should sleep at least for a couple of hours.  
“Thought you’d stay in J.R.’s room?” I asked Hound, seeing him on the floor across from J.R.’s room.  
“She’s not at that point yet, and if you need help.”  
“Fair enough,” I say before heading to Jamie’s room.  
Bumblebee was sitting at the desk.  
“Don’t know if she’d freak out if I was next to her instead of Drift or if Drift would be mad, I’m lying next to her,” he says before I could even ask. I figured Bee told Drift to stay downstairs, knowing Drift ends up thinking about the situation after we talk about how the girls have been during the day. No way the others don’t, but they don’t have to worry about any of the girls seeing them upset. “I can’t believe how fast they went downhill,” Bee sighed. I wanted to know what he was thinking but now wasn’t a good time.

Drift was standing on the balcony, looking at the stars. I stood next to him, unsure of what to say.  
“Jayce finally fell asleep?” Drift asks.  
“Yeah, she tried so hard not to, but she’s exhausted. I just hope she sleeps for a while. Once a nightmare wakes her up, I don’t think she’ll go back to sleep.”  
“I can’t believe how dreadful things have gotten, and they can…no,…will get a lot worse,” Drift says in a depressed tone. It’s not like Drift to lose hope. I know he’s terrified one of the girls could do self-harm or kill themselves, and if it’s Jamie, not only does he lose his girl, but all this is over. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood next to him silently for ten minutes before he told me to go back to Jayce’s s room. I did as he wanted but worried be wouldn’t sleep at all tonight. Though I already looked in their rooms ten minutes ago, I still had to look in Jamie and J.R.’s room. They were still sleeping and calm, but I know J.R. will wake up soon.  
“You’re starting to get stressed like Drift,” Hound observed, “you sit out there for a while, I’ll stay with Jayce.”  
“No, I was with her when she fell asleep. The way she is, I don’t think she’ll do well waking up to someone else holding her as she’s panicking. How are you holding up?”  
“A little better than Drift, but like him, I can’t believe how fast things went downhill and what could happen.”  
“Same.” I sighed while looking at Jayce.  
“You didn’t ask her about the details of the nightmare, did you?  
“No, from her scream, I knew Jamie died in her nightmare, and she was having a hard time realizing it was a nightmare. She thought my arm around her was me holding her back from getting to Jamie. She likely would have fallen off the bed or ran out of the room if I wasn’t keeping a hold on her.”  
“She had the same one as Drift but filled in the missing details,” Hound guessed.  
“I think so. I worry she will have the same nightmare often like Drift until this is over.”  
“He has that nightmare often?”  
“Yeah, then he sits on the floor trying to calm down, hoping Jamie won’t wake up. Think Bee knows he’s stressed after our discussion about the girls. He told Drift he’d sit in Jamie’s room for a while.”  
“I hope J.R. won’t have the same nightmare. So far, it seems she thinks Jamie will be safe and is just worried about Jayce…but..shit.”  
I knew what Hound was thinking. “We thought this was about Jamie, but for now, she’s the least of our problems. Aside from not eating all day, she’s doing better than we thought. How long will that last?”  
“You don’t think she’s able to hide how she’s feeling but not as good as J.R.? Hounds asks.  
“I doubt it. All these years and she’s now able to hide her emotions after Buddy passed, impossible. She will not be like this for much longer.”


	23. Rapid Mental Decline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Autobots and Cade are talking about the girls. Cade insists Crosshairs use drugs to calm Jayce since she’s unable to sleep for more than three hours before being woken up from a nightmare. They are interrupted by a scream. When they rush up to Jayce’s room, they see Jayce on the floor, having a Pseudoseizure. They realize how much Jayce is struggling emotionally. J.R. has to be carried out of the room. Cade leaves once Jayce is out of the seizure to ask J.R. what happened before the seizure. He can’t believe what J.R. tells him, Bumblebee and Hound. Jayce ends up falling asleep, which doesn’t concern anyone for three hours. Drift is worried something is wrong. Crosshairs couldn’t believe he lied to J.R.; this isn’t like Drift. Jayce is fine until she has a nightmare and wakes up going through a panic attack.

Cade POV  
Things got more depressing the next three days. The three girls just wanted to stay in their rooms. Jayce has the same intense nightmare every time she tries to sleep. We are trying to avoid drugs, but how long before she can’t sleep at all? Jayce and J.R. will still eat, and Jamie continues to eat nothing all day. Jamie has been watching the live stream she likes to watch. Drift says she falls asleep by three A.M. He stays up with her, terrified she’ll sneak off to harm or kill herself. Jayce is terrified and wants Crosshairs to stay with her; J.R. doesn’t mind if Bee or Hound is with her. The three girls play computer games, which isn’t great but they’re doing something besides lie in bed all bed.  
“I think it’s time to give in, Crosshairs,” I tell him. It’s our morning discussion about the girls before they wake up. We never talked about how we should do morning and evening discussions about the girls; we’ve just gotten into the habit, “Jayce is exhausted and can’t sleep for longer than three hours before having a nightmare.”  
“He’s right; it’s something to help her,” Drift adds.  
“I know,” Crosshairs sighed.  
“At least J.R. seems to be stable,” Hound says, trying to change the subject, “she still has nightmares, but they’re not intense like Jayce’s.”  
“Yeah, but like Jamie and Jayce, she doesn’t want to leave her room,” Bumblebee points out.  
“Only a matter of time before she has intense nightmares like Jayce,” Crosshairs says as we hear a scream. We rushed upstairs and saw Jayce and J.R. in Jayce’s room. Jayce was having a seizure.  
“Come on, J.R.,” I say, taking her hand, as Crosshairs walked past me, sat on his knees next to Jayce, and cups her head in his hands.  
“No!” J.R. yells.  
I didn’t think Bumblebee and Hound would carry her out of the room. No way she could fight off both of them. One was holding her feet and the other under her arms. I watched Jayce go through the seizure, and I hope this is the only one. “It was only a matter of time before this happened,” Crosshairs says as he moved Jayce into the recovery position. He was right now the question is, will this be the only one or not? Will this be like during the nightmare situation? If that’s the case, how long before J.R. ends up with pseudoseizures.  
“You’re ok,” Crosshairs says as Jayce opens her eyes a minute later. Jayce can either start crying or remain quiet after a seizure. Crosshairs wanted me to lay her on the bed. He rested on the bed next to her and took her hand. Is this an outcome? This was tricky since the three girls are often on the rare or not normal side of outcomes when it comes to medical situations. I was so focused on Jayce; I forgot Drift was in the room until he moved the desk chair to the bed, sat down, and took Jayce’s other hand.  
“You’re ok,” he says as he stroked her forehead. I know soon one of them will ask me to see what’s going in with J.R., so I leave the room.

I figured they’d be in J.R.’s room. Hound had to use his arms and legs to keep J.R. from running off. Bumblebee was trying to calm J.R. I doubt they tried to figure out what happened. I sit on my knees next to Bee and take J.R.’s hand.  
“What happened?” I asked her.  
“I went into Jayce’s room. She was sitting on the edge of the bed. Before I could say anything, she started talking about the crap that’s been going on. She..she said, ‘i’m going to do it.’ before falling to the floor,” J.R. sobbed. I didn’t know what to say, but we had to get her to calm down. Damn it, Jayce, It’s bad enough you’re thinking this way but five days before Christmas.  
“You don’t think she took drugs that resulted in the seizure?” Bee whispered to me.  
“No, Crosshairs was with her until our discussion, and she would have had to get by us to get to the medbay. Her emotional stress got to her.”  
Once J.R. was calm, we got her to go downstairs to eat. I knew Jayce wouldn’t be downstairs, which worried J.R. Even though Crosshairs and Drift are with her. I don’t think she will eat much, but a little oatmeal is better than nothing.  
“You two got her?” I say once I finished making the oatmeal.  
“Yeah,” Hound says but doesn’t ask where I’m going. I had to go for a walk. Now I know how Drift has been feeling. Every night though? Damn. 

Crosshairs POV  
“She fell asleep,” Drift says. I sit up and see Jayce has fallen asleep, “we better go see how J.R. is doing.”  
“Yeah,” I say as I get off the bed and cover Jayce with a blanket. We realized what time it was and how no one was with Jamie, “go ahead. You’ll find out how J.R. is later.” Drift nods before going to Jamie’s room.  
As soon as J.R. saw me, she ran to me and hugged me. Only Jamie would do this if she was happy to see any of us. I felt J.R. tremble has she hugged me. I got her to let go so I could crouch down. I took her hands.  
“Jayce is ok. She’s sleeping,” I tell her as tears roll down her face. I saw the bowl on the table. Doubt, she finished eating, “come on, You know we don’t like seeing Jamie not eat all day.” Bee sat at the table with us as Hound walked to the garage. Is this getting to you too, Hound?  
“I’m scared,” J.R. mumbled. While I would have liked her to eat a little more, comforting her at the table will be hard. I picked her up and went to the couch. I had her sit on my lap. She leaned on my chest. I hugged her with one arm and stroked her hair with my free hand. I didn’t know what to say. What can I say?

Cade POV  
I was on my way back to the base when I saw Hound driving down the street. The road is too narrow for a car to stop on the side, so Hound would block the way for other vehicles if he pulled over. I got in on the passenger side, and he drove down the street.  
“This is getting to you as well?“ I ask.  
“I know what Drift has been feeling. I can’t believe how bad Jayce and J.R. have gotten. I know Jamie will soon.”  
“It’s getting harder not to think how this would have played out if we weren’t here…and still could.”  
“I don’t even want to tell Crosshairs and Drift what J.R. told us was going on before Jayce ended up in a seizure, but we have to,” I sighed in frustration.

We stayed out for a half-hour before going back to the base. Crosshairs and J.R. weren’t around. I insisted Bee go for a drive to clear his mind. As Bee left, Drift and Jamie came down the stairs. As usual, Jamie didn’t want to eat. She sat on the couch while Drift made tea. I sat with her, expecting her to ask where the others were, but she was quiet. I just had to look at the expression on Drift’s face to know she wasn’t in a pleasant mood. Wonder if she’s been trying not to cry all this time? Once Drift sat with her, I went to Jayce’s room. Didn’t know she had fallen asleep.  
I can’t believe you have a plan, and I have to tell Crosshairs and Drift. You may have just set J.R. up with more mental distress that she’ll also end up with a seizure. I hope neither of them has repeat seizures. Unbelievable, we go from thinking that this is nowhere near the nightmare; the only difference now is Jamie’s condition. Instead of watching her fight for her life, she’s depressed.

Drift POV  
Jayce has been sleeping for three hours now, and J.R. was panicking. Though Jayce has taken naps by this time the past three days, after watching her go through a seizure, it’s understandable that J.R. is panicking.  
“She’ll be ok,” I assure her. J.R. was standing at the doorway to Jayce’s room.  
“I don’t know,” she said in a scared tone.  
“I know she never slept after a seizure before, but she’s exhausted,” Crosshairs says before looking at me. J.R. doesn’t know what Jayce has been dealing with for the past three days. She thinks Jayce is just depressed, and it’s tiring her out that she needs a nap. I shake my head, no. J.R. is already panicking, and we don’t need to add to her anxiety. It’s getting harder to distract her.  
“Come on; I think time away from here will do you good,” Bee says as he hands me a device I asked him to get behind our backs.  
Crosshairs takes her hand, “go with Bee, Jayce will be fine.” Bee took her hand and led her downstairs, “so, did we just lie to her?” He asks me as he takes my arm to see what I was hiding, “you out of all of us.”  
“If she knew I wanted to check Jayce’s vitals, she’d freak out.”  
“Now?”  
“I know it would have been better to do this right away. I thought Jayce was just exhausted now; I don’t know.”  
“I think we just worry too much about three girls,” Crosshairs says, smiling. We went into the room, and I used the portable vitals scanner, everything was fine.  
“See, she’s fine.”  
“Something doesn’t feel right.”  
“Go back to Jamie; I’ll stay with her.” I looked at Jayce, who was still lying flat on her back as we left her three hours ago, “Go,” Crosshairs said as he shoved me to make me leave.

Jamie is distracted and didn’t know I left the room. Though Cade stayed with her, in case she noticed I left. He knew I checked on Jayce’s vitals.  
“Well?’ He whispered.  
“Everything is fine,” I say, and with that, Cade leaves the room. I sit on the bed and watch Jamie play the Sims. I end up thinking about the situation, what happened to Jayce today, and how Jamie will be as we get closer to Christmas.

Crosshairs POV  
I thought about why Drift would be so concerned about Jayce. True, this was odd that she fell asleep after a seizure, but she’s exhausted, and I know humans can be exhausted after a seizure. Fifteen minutes pass before Jayce moans in her sleep while tossing around. The problem now with Jayce is any touch seems to affect the nightmare. If I don’t do something, the nightmare will get worse, and she could roll off the bed.  
“Jayce, you’re ok, it’s just a nightmare,” I say without touching her. My hands were ready to stop her from rolling off the bed. She woke up a minute later, hyperventilating and tears running down her face. I’d rather have to catch her before she falls off the bed than see this. It’s been rough seeing this more often the last three days. It’s the same procedure to get her to calm down, but the past three days, Jayce has been telling me how terrified she is while I try to get her to calm down. I’m not sure if I should take this as the nightmares have been more intense, or the panic attacks have been more intense. Either way, it’s not good. She took longer this time to calm down. She was still crying when Cade walked in.  
“These panic attacks are getting worse,” I tell him, seeing how he hates seeing how bad Jayce is. I took the water bottle he had and tried to get Jayce to sit up and drink, but she didn’t want to move.  
“You have had nothing all day,” I say while positioning her, so she’s sitting up on my lap. She felt limp and was putting all her weight on my arm.  
“She’s fine,” Cade says, “give her a few minutes,” he gets up and leaves the room. Jayce was pushing away from me, trying to lie down again, so I laid her back on the bed. I took her hand and stroked her hair.  
This is the worst day so far. I don’t know if she stopped hating how we’re focusing on her or too terrified to care.


	24. Violent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. wants to talk to Crosshairs and Drift about what caused Jayce to have a pseudoseizure. Bumblebee starts telling J.R he’ll tell them tonight but then changes his mind, which pisses Crosshairs off. J.R. tries not to cry as Bumblebee repeats what Jayce told her. Crosshairs is furious seeing J.R. cry as Drift assures her they’ll keep Jayce safe. Bumblebee and Hound take J.R. out for a few hours. Crosshairs and Drift are about to go upstairs to check on Jamie and Jayce, Jayce runs downstairs past them, towards the medbay. Crosshairs gets her on the floor as Cade rushes to get a drug to calm Jayce. Jayce pushes Crosshairs off her, but Drift stops her. She fights both of them until Cade injects her with the drug, and Drift takes her to her room. Three in the morning, Crosshairs heard Jamie crying over Buddy’s passing. Both Crosshairs and Drift wonder if the delayed grieving has ended?

J.R. POV  
Jamie just wanted to stay in her room, and Jayce wasn't doing good. I got to her room. I know she had a panic attack again. Do Crosshairs and Drift know what set all this off this morning? I don't want to tell them, but I have to. I didn't think Drift would be downstairs with the others. Doubt they're talking about what's been going on this early. They were all sitting on the couch. I walked up to them but couldn't get my mouth to say something to get their attention.  
"What's wrong?" Bee asks, and the others look at me. I know I have a scared expression. He takes my hand, pulls me to him, and puts me on the couch between him and Hound. "You wanted to tell Crosshairs and Drift what caused Jayce's seizure?" Bee asked. I nodded, still unable to get my mouth to say anything.  
"You know we were waiting until tonight when the three of you went to bed. You..ok, let's tell them."  
I didn't think Bee would change his mind. This concerned Crosshairs and Drift more.  
"Bee, what are you doing?" Crosshairs asked, "You know she will cry repeating what happened."  
"I know, but she needs to hear what we will do. Might just help a little, but that's good." I bit my lip as Bee repeated what I told him so I wouldn't cry. I knew tears were rolling down my face. Looking at how shocked Crosshairs and Drift were wasn't helping either.  
"It's ok, it's better to cry," Bee says as he puts an arm around me. I let myself cry.  
"I told you that was a terrible idea," Crosshairs snapped.  
"It's fine, Crosshairs," Drift says, trying to calm Crosshairs. "It's ok, J.R. While that's what Jayce seems to want to do, She doesn't push Crosshairs away from her. Instead, she won't let him leave her side for long. I think she's still hesitant but can't take the nightmares and panic attacks."  
"How long before she's serious?" I sobbed. The tears blurred my vision that I didn't see Crosshairs walking to me. He picked me up, and sat on the couch with me on his lap. He held me close to his chest and stroked my hair.  
"I am so tired of all this. How long before it's over and in a good way?"  
"I know, we're doing everything we can to keep Jayce safe, and if it comes to it, Jamie."  
I was expecting him to ask me if I was considering suicide. I don't know if I am.  
Once I stopped crying, Bee suggested we get Jamie and Jayce dinner, though it was only two-thirty.  
"No," I mumbled.  
"They'll be ok. Go with them." Crosshairs insisted. He wouldn't force me if I still refused it I agreed to go with Bee and Hound anyway.

Crosshairs POV  
"I can't believe this," I say once I hear Bee and Hound have left, "the emotional pain those two are in, how bad their mental state is, how screwed they'd be if Jayce didn't think to contact us. Would they even be alive at this point?" I know Cade and Drift hated hearing that as much as I hated saying it, but it's true. "Jayce is already considering suicide, and if we weren't here.."  
"We have no choice but to use drugs now. It will help Jayce sleep. Think being exhausted contributed to the seizure along with her terrifying thoughts and stress they brought on," Cade tells me.  
"You don't think that'll be the only one, do you?" Drift asked, concerned.  
"I don't know, but I think it's likely."  
The only thing we can do is give in to drugs to help Jayce sleep all night, but she's still struggling during the day. We're past planning and can only take action as the challenge arise.

As we stood up to go upstairs and check on Jamie and Jayce, Jayce ran down the stairs and towards the medibay.  
"Shit, get back here!" I yelled as I ran after her. She knows what drugs we have. There are some that'll help her, but with her mindset, I fear she's not seeking drugs to help her. I have no choice but to jump onto her to stop her.  
"Get off me!!" Jayce yelled. This was not like her at all. Cade ran past me into the medibay. Hurry, Cade; you know she can get me off her no problem. That's precisely what Jayce did, but Drift was right there and also jumped on her. He held her arms while I held her legs, which was difficult as she kept moving, trying to break free. There was no calming her the way we have been this time. Cade came back a minute later and injected Jayce with a drug to relax her. The drug would take a few more minutes to work.  
"It'll be ok," Drift says as he stroked her hair. I waited two minutes before putting her legs on the floor, so Drift could pick her up and carry her to her room. He sat on the bed and hugged her. I moved the desk chair close to the bed, sat down, and held her hand.

Ninety minutes later

Jayce was calm, and the drug made her tired, but she could ignore how tired she felt for now. Drift was concerned about her but had to stay with Jamie, and I know he hates it. I was holding Jayce while sitting on the bed. I still can't believe how bad she's gotten.  
"I brought her dinner," Drift says as he closed the door, "how's she doing?"  
"She's been quiet," I say as Drift took her hand.  
"I brought you dinner. You need to eat," he moved the desk chair and put the container on it, "it'll be ok, and we'll get through this," he says while stroking her hair. I know we've said that so many times just today, but she needs to hear it. Drift leaves five minutes later and I get Jayce to eat while thinking, what are we going to do with her? Even in the depressed mood, Jamie and J.R. are in; they will notice we have drugged Jayce.

Cade POV  
Drift insisted I tell Bee and Hound what happened when they left. We won't be able to talk about the girls tonight like we have been. Drift was with Jamie in her room. Glad she didn't find it odd Drift wanted them to stay in her room. Though I think she was too depressed to question why he wanted them to stay in the room. With J.R. distracted, eating dinner, and watching T.V., now was a good time to tell them.  
"Damn, is she even eating?" Hound asked, worried.  
"I don't know, I hope so."  
"Do we need to contact Bulma or have what we need to make the nutrition drink we had to use during the nightmare situation?" Bee asked.  
"I don't know if we need to go that far, but it's a possibility," I tell him before going upstairs. Crosshairs got Jayce to eat though I doubt she'll finish what's in the container. I went into Jamie's room. Don't know why Drift and Jamie are sitting on the floor.  
"I'll be right back," Drift says as he stands up. Not very discrete, but how can he be with Jamie in front of him? We left the room, and he closed the door.  
"Do you know if Jayce is eating?" Drift asked.  
"Yeah, Crosshairs got her to eat, but I doubt she'll eat much."  
"I can't believe this is happening. I can't do anything to help."  
"You are, you know how Jamie will be if she finds out what's been going through," I say before walking away. Now's not a good time for him to be talking about the girls.

I went to my room, sat on the bed, and thought about the situation, and what else could we possibly do? It's bad enough we've been thinking about what these three could have done if Jayce didn't think to contact us but now to think the same could happen and we'll witness it. Taking Jayce away from the situation doesn't help her and will cause more trouble with J.R. and possibly Jamie. I heard a knock on the door; it was J.R.  
"What's wrong?" I asked as I lead her into the room, knowing what could happen. I closed the door and had her sit on the bed with me. It was clear she wanted to say something but couldn't. For her to be so vocal about how anxious she's been about Jayce, and now she's changed her mind.  
"It will be ok," I say as I hug her. That's all I said, but she started crying. I know she's feeling like this won't end or in the way we want. What concerns me is what she wanted to tell me. No, don't tell you're suicidal now, J.R. Someone is with each of the girls, so there's no need to ask her if that's what she's thinking. I worry her nightmares will get intense.  
"I'm scared I'll be...watching my friends kill themselves," She sobbed. She hugged me and started bawling. It wasn't long before she began to tremble.  
J.R. stayed with me for the past five hours. I took her downstairs to watch T.V. with Bee and Crosshairs.

Crosshairs POV  
J.R. fell asleep while watching T.V. I didn't think she'd last two hours before falling asleep. I took her to her room and put her to bed. I went to Jayce' s room to tell Bee he can go to his quarters, but he told me I should go to my quarters and get a proper recharge. I couldn't, not with the way Jayce has been today even though she's drugged and shouldn't wake up in the middle of the night. I went to sleep at my usual spot in the hallway.

Waking up three hours later to crying but it was coming from Jamie's room. I got up and walked to her room. The sound of crying was getting louder. Damn it; I was hoping I was wrong. Drift was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding Jamie. The T.V. was on, but Jamie wasn't one to watch something that would make her cry.. unless she didn't know it would.  
"What happened?" I asked as I sat next to Drift.  
"I don't know. She was watching T.V. I was sleeping. I wasn't in a deep sleep and heard her whimper. She was trying to be quiet. Once I held her, she let herself cry."  
It didn't take long before we figured out she was crying because she was thinking about Buddy.  
"No way she's just starting to think about him again," I say.  
"No, this has to be because Christmas is coming up." Drift put Jamie on the bed so we could both hug her.  
After five minutes, Drift wanted to get Jamie back to bed, but she grabbed both our arms. We got her to lie down five minutes later. Drift laid her in the middle of the bed so I could lie with them. Again, I was looking at her back, but it's fine. I stayed until we knew she was asleep.

Drift came with me to check on Jayce, and J.R. Bee was sitting on the desk chair by the bed. That was fine, but we hated how her vitals had to be monitored.  
"I'm just checking occasionally," Bee tells us. Though a severe side effect is uncommon, we're not taking the chance. They can be deadly, which is why we tried to avoid using this drug. Even before, with Bulma's support, we hated using this. "How much did you give her?"  
"Cade used the lowest dose possible. It seems that was enough for her for now." I realized I probably should have done one more dose once she fell asleep. I don't think we're at the point of needing to use an I.V. I know, like me, Bee and Drift hated that we're at the point of drugging Jayce to keep her calm. We are hoping this is the only time, but...  
"What happened?" Bee asked.  
"Jamie," Drift sighed, "she woke up crying."  
"You think she'll end up like Jayce?" I asked, noticing he's looking at Jayce.  
"I hope not, but I said Jayce and J.R. should be fine, but now we have to keep them safe and use drugs on Jayce."  
"Might just be for tonight," Bee suggested.


	25. Passed Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crosshairs notices Drift is very stressed but knows He wouldn't go back to Cade's dimension if Crosshairs suggested it. Crosshairs finds Drift sleeping on the couch early the next morning. Crosshairs is able to get Drift to drive to the lake to destress. Bumblebee stayed with Jayce all night until Crosshairs tells Bee he can leave. Bumblebee goes to J.R.'s room, expecting her to be asleep, but he finds her crying. She takes a half-hour to calm down before Bumblebee can take her downstairs to eat. As Bumblebee talks to Hound, J.R. sneaks off to Jayce's room. Crosshairs isn't in the room, but J.R. panics at the sight of Jayce on a portable vitals monitor. She tries to run out of the room, but Crosshairs stops her. J.R. is unable to break free from his grip though she should be able to no problem. Next thing she knows, she feels dizzy, and everything goes black, terrifying Crosshairs.

Drift POV  
I left the room but went downstairs and sat on the couch. I didn't know Crosshairs followed me.  
"The stress is getting to you," He says as he sits down.  
"And you?"  
Crosshairs sighed, "Yes, after what Jayce did, it's hard not to stress. J.R. could be next."  
"They might have been dead by now," I mumbled. Crosshairs said nothing, and we sat silently for ten minutes before he wanted to go back upstairs. With him gone, I let myself cry.

Four hours later

I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
"What are you doing here?" Crosshairs asks.  
"I must have fallen asleep," I say as I sit up.  
"The stress is getting to you, and I can't suggest going back to the junkyard for a few days."  
"I wouldn't go even if you told me to."  
"Well, at least go for a drive for a while. You know Jamie will be asleep for a while."

I drove to the lake but stayed in my alt mode, thinking about all this. Even though Jamie isn't showing signs of being suicidal, it's terrifying to think my girl would want to kill herself. It's terrifying Jayce and J.R. think that way, and Jayce tried yesterday. I can't stay away from them, but they can't see how anxious I am.

Bumblebee POV  
Jayce didn't wake up, which was good. The question is, how will she be when she wakes up? The drug had to have worn off by now.  
"I assume she didn't wake up?" Crosshairs asked.  
"No, she…hey, you make it sound like I can't handle her."  
"After yesterday, I don't know. She might be too much for one of us to handle."  
"We're so screwed if J.R. finds out. If Jamie finds out about all of this-."  
"We all know, Bee," I snapped, "sorry, I'm just concerned about Drift."  
"He didn't like what happened with Jamie last night, did he?"  
"Or What happened to Jayce. He's like the rest of us, thinking what if we weren't here? Will Jayce and J.R. go that far? It terrifies him Jamie could think that way soon. My turn, I don't know how she will be when she wakes up."  
While I could comment on how I could help if Jayce will be difficult, there's also J.R. to worry about.

I went to J.R.. 's room and found her sitting in bed, crying. She had to have just started crying. I sit on the bed and move her onto my lap. I wasn't sure if she'd push me away since Crosshairs has been the one to calm her down. I didn't think she'd rest her head on my chest and hug me. She was not bawling, but something upset her unless Crosshairs has been away long enough that she woke up bawling and is now calming down? All J.R. could say is Jayce's name. Now I understand, there's no way she didn't wake up bawling or even screaming. The nightmare paralyzed with fear and unable to run out of the room. She either dreamed that Jayce attempted to kill herself, and she watched, or Jayce was successful. Crosshairs will not like hearing this. I could text him now, but J.R. is calming down. She wouldn't let me lie her down.  
A half-hour passed, J.R. was calm but still hugging me. I got her to come downstairs and eat.  
Good, she wants to eat. I watched her make breakfast. Hound comes up as she's eating. He sat next to me on the couch.  
"Bad night?" He asked.  
"Bad past hour. As far as I know, J.R. didn't wake up at all overnight. I went into her room at six. Crosshairs wanted to stay with Jayce, J.R. was crying and could only say Jayce's name. I think I figured out what happened."  
"Shit."  
I didn't even have to tell Hound what I was thinking happened. He could quickly figure it out.

J.R. POV  
Bumblebee and Hound appeared distracted, good. Now I can get to Jayce's room. I slowly opened the door, not knowing Crosshairs was already in the room. I thought he and Drift went for a drive. I saw the portable vital sigh monitor and panicked. What did you do, Jayce? I wanted to cry but didn't want to wake Jayce. I backed away slowly, but before I could turn and run, Crosshairs grabbed my hand. No, I don't want to see that she's dying. I couldn't get my mouth to say that. I just tried to break free from Crosshairs' grip, which I should be able to no problem, so why can't I? I started feeling dizzy and unable to stand. I fell backward, and everything went black.

Crosshairs POV  
I caught J.R. before she landed on the floor. I was sitting on my knees, looking at her ghost-white skin tone. Shit, come on, wake up. I waited a long minute, knowing this is the longest a human can pass out before it's an emergency. She didn't wake up, and her lips were turning blue, fuck. I picked her up and ran downstairs to the medibay. Please let this be minor. I pled as I worked as fast as I could get J.R. on the monitor. I left Jayce's room for a minute, and this happened, fuck.  
"What happened?" Hound asked as I watched for the monitor to show J.R.'s vitals.  
"She passed out ninety seconds ago, and her lips turned blue."  
The monitor showed my fears.  
"That's low," Hound comments, concerned. He looked like he had something to do with this. I put J.R. on low oxygen via a nasal cannula. That was all I could do for now.  
"What did you do?"  
"Bee and I were talking and not paying attention to her. She had to have gotten into something," Hound says and starts looking around. We could do a blood test, but it would take time to get the results from Bulma. There was nothing out of place. What the hell caused you to pass out? Come on, wake up. I had to listen for myself that everything was ok. Her heart was beating slower than it should be, but her breathing was normal. Shit, it's hard to say if I need to call Bulma or not. Before I knew it, Hound left the room, no doubt contacting Bulma. Five minutes, come on, wake up. Nothing else I can do, so I moved a chair to the bed, sat down, and held her hand. Five more long minutes before Hound came in. He tells me to draw blood. Though Bulma is sure J.R. is ok, she wants to run blood tests to make sure. As soon as I finished, J.R. woke up. Hound still went to give Bulma the vials. I assured J.R. that she was ok, but I wanted to keep her on oxygen for a little longer. I got water from the sink in the room and helped her sit up so she could drink. J.R. was tired and wanted to lie down once she finished drinking. Her room was a better place to sleep. I took her off the oxygen and monitor, put everything away, picked her up, and carried her to her room. As I walked to the stairs, Drift saw me. He followed me to her room. J.R. fell asleep ten minutes later.

"What happened?" Drift asks once we were in the hallway.  
"You're stressed enough-."  
"Tell me!"  
I sighed and told Drift what happened, and as I expected, Drift hated hearing it.  
"…But he didn't tell me the cause. Don't know if they know or not."  
"Let's find out,' Drift suggests though I can hear the fear in his voice, afraid to find out.  
We both couldn't believe what Bee told us.  
"After we promised Jayce wouldn't deal with that alone," I was angry at myself for leaving her room when she needed me.  
"You were with Jamie, she wanted both of us," Drift reminds me.  
"Don't tell me Jamie is having a hard time now?" Hound asked.  
"As we expected, just before Christmas," Drift tells him.  
"Now, all three are struggling. We knew this would happen, but it still sucks," Bee sighed.  
"When will they start feeling like themselves? To be honest, I think it will be some time before Jamie gets over Buddy's death," I tell them.  
"I wish I knew," Drift says before going back upstairs. Hound and I also went upstairs. I went to Jayce's room while he went to J.R.'s room.


	26. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Drift sleep in her room at the house Christmas Eve. Drift knew Christmas would be hard on Jamie, but he still hated seeing her depressed. Jamie Just wanted to stay in bed, which Drift let her until noon when family comes over. Drift has Crosshairs come to the house. Neither mech thought she'd hug him and cry. Crosshairs and Drift watch Jamie struggle not to cry in front of her family, who do not care how depressed Jamie is. Cade is furious once he hears how the day went and wants to yell at Jamie's parents, but Crosshairs stops him. Crosshairs and Drift comfort Jamie in her room for a while before needing to leave the base. Jayce wants to go with him to the lake. He waits twenty minutes before asking Jayce if she wants to go back to the base, she tells him she wants to go back to her dimension. Drift isn't sure what to do.

Drift POV  
Jamie ended up waking up, crying in the middle of the night for the past five days. She didn't want to sleep at all last night. I think she did that on purpose, so she'd sleep all day since it was Christmas. We slept in her room at the house. Crosshairs enjoyed joking that we'd be doing something other than sleeping. Ten in the morning, Jamie's mom was yelling down the stairs for her to come up.  
"No," Jamie says in a sad tone. Jamie didn't fall asleep until five in the morning. She was so tired and heartbroken Buddy wasn't here for her to spoil. I let her sleep for two more hours, but her mom was getting pissed. Now Jamie's older brother and family are here.  
"She shouldn't have a problem with me being upstairs," I say, "you want Crosshairs to come here?" Jamie nods. I waited for Jamie to get dressed and for Crosshairs.  
"Are you sure this is a good idea? We weren't invited this time."  
"I don't think she will have a good afternoon without us."  
"It's about time," Crosshairs jokes. We didn't expect Jamie to hug him and start crying. He crouched down to hug her, "It's ok."  
I let her cry for a few minutes before calming her and wiping the tears, "Go upstairs. We'll be up in a few," I tell her. Jamie hugged me before going upstairs.  
"There's no way she just got that depressed,' Crosshairs comments.  
"Jamie can't keep emotions bottled up like J.R., or Jayce when she wants to. This has to be part of the delayed grieving. Periods of sadness, but one day, it just all comes out. Though she's been crying the past five nights."  
"Are you going to be ok?"  
"Yeah. Even if I wasn't, how am I going to leave without upsetting Jamie more?"

This was close to a repeat of Thanksgiving, minus the back pain. This time, it was harder for Jamie to keep it together. Again, I don't know if she was full before leaving the table and going to hide in the bedroom. She was weeping. I don't know what Crosshairs and I hated more, seeing her upset or how the family doesn't seem to care. After five minutes, Jamie got up and left the room.  
"Assholes," Crosshairs mumbles, "How blind are they that they can't see how upset she is? "  
"Same as Thanksgiving when they couldn't see how much pain she was in."

Jamie sat in the living room for the next hour, eventually watching T.V. with the older nephew. Her older brothers and family left an hour later, and immediately her mom showed how pissed she was at Jamie. Even I wanted to yell at her.  
"Thanks for ruining a nice Christmas," She said before giving Jamie her gifts. I know Jamie would have been happy to get the book she wanted until her dad lectures her how it's a collectible, and she can't look at it. She was too depressed to care. We stayed in the house for a half-hour before Jamie wanted to go back to the base.

Cade POV  
We had a great night planned when Crosshairs, Drift, and Jamie got back. Jayce tells me it's the first time friends have been around during Christmas. I knew it wasn't a good afternoon when Jamie ran past me and upstairs. Jayce and J.R. did not like seeing that.  
"What happened?" Hound asks.  
I was angry at what Drift told us. I don't know if I was angry, my friend was treated like that by her own family or thinking how can a parent not notice their child is upset?  
"That's it. I'm going to deal with this,"  
"No, Cade, just leave them. Jamie needs us," Crosshairs told me, which was unexpected. Bee, Hound, and I stayed with Jayce and J.R. They wanted to see Jamie, but that wasn't a good idea in their current mental state.

Jamie POV  
I lie on my bed, trying not to cry, but it's a challenge.  
"Come here," I hear Drift say as he picked me up and sat on the bed with me on his lap. Crosshairs sat next to him. I ended up bawling, "It's ok," Drift says as he hugged me. I feel like I can't stop crying. I didn't know how long I'd been crying before I started coughing.  
"Here," Crosshairs says, handing me my water bottle. I had a little water to stop the coughing before hugging Drift and continuing to cry. Crosshairs got up to leave, but I grabbed his hand. I know he's just sitting here while Drift hugs me, but I want him to stay.  
"I'll come back," he says as he wiped the tears from my eyes. I hated watching him leave the room. Felt like he was leaving the dimension for days.  
"Come on, I think laying down will help," Drift says as he moves onto the bed and tries to lay me down, but I tightened my grip, "too tight, Jamie," oops, I loosened my grip a little. I heard Drift open one of the nightstand drawers and move things around before closing it again, "you don't have any tissues and won't let me leave to get some, will you?"  
"No," I say in a sad tone. Drift sighed and started rubbing my back. I stopped crying, but tears kept rolling down my face.

Drift POV  
I knew this would happen but still hated hearing her cry. At least I got her to stop crying for now. I don't think she's letting me go or will want to leave the room tonight. Crosshairs came back five minutes later. He sat on the bed next to me and pulled out some tissues from his pocket.  
"Figured you'd need these," He says before wiping Jamie's eyes and nose before taking her hand, "it's ok, we'll get through this."

I waited another ten minutes before seeing if Jamie wanted to go downstairs though I figured she'd say no. I turned the T.V. on before leaving the room. Jamie hated I was leaving.  
"I'll be back," I said and kissed her forehead before Crosshairs hugged her. I worried she'd start crying again.  
"So, is Jamie coming downstairs tonight?" Cade asked.  
"No," I sighed, "I knew this would happen, but I hate it."  
"I hate hearing how she's been crying," Cade tells me,  
"Everyone hates it." I looked at Jayce and J.R., who seemed not to know what's going on.  
"They know," Cade tells me, "we tried not to tell them but-."  
"I don't think we could have avoided telling them. It will not be a good night."

I didn't want to stay away from Jamie for long, unsure how long she'd be ok with me being away, but I had to go for a drive. I can't wait until the girls go to sleep. I didn't know Jayce followed me to the garage until she grabbed my hand before I opened the car door.  
"What's wrong?" I asked, seeing how upset she was. She hugged me and started tearing up. How long has she been trying not to cry? "why don't you come with me?"  
She nods before going to sit on the passenger side of my alt mode. She was quiet on the drive to the lake. It's the only place close to the property that's quiet so I can destress. I'm sure the others also come here. It was too cold to sit on the beach even though there's no snow.

I sat on the passenger side of my alt mode, holding Jayce. This time, I wasn't worried about trying to figure out what is bothering Jayce.  
"She's very depressed now," Jayce says and bit her lip. I knew she was trying not to cry.  
"Jayce, you know it's better to cry."  
"I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of all this," Jayce didn't want to cry but ended up crying anyway.  
"I know, we'll get through this," I say as I hug her. I knew it; she's been trying not to cry. I came here to destress, and having Jayce with me isn't helping, but she should cry now. I worry she will have a nightmare about finding Jamie dead or the one I've been having. That is if she will sleep tonight. My phone was vibrating. I forget to text one of the others that Jayce is with me. I can't text them at the moment, so I called Hound, worried I'd be told J.R. is panicking. Even Hound lectured me how we're lucky J.R. hasn't noticed Jayce left. With Jayce crying, it was hard to talk, so we ended the call. It's a little cold tonight, but I think a walk would help Jayce.  
"Come on, I think a walk will do you good," I say while opening the car door. I can not let her know I was also trying to destress. We walked for ten minutes before turning around and going back to my alt mode.  
"Ready to go back?" I asked. Jayce shook her head no, "I know you don't want to see how depressed Jamie is now, but you can't stay away until she feels better."  
"I want to go home."  
I know she meant back to her dimension. I didn't know what to say. She wants to get away from the situation, which is usually a good thing. However, for her, she'll still worry about Jamie, and we'd worry she'd take her life in her dimension. Not to mention Jamie and J.R will not like that she left, "I know, Jamie and J.R. will be upset, but I don't think I can hide how depressed I am."


	27. A Difficult Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drift contacts Cade, seeking his advice on what to do about Jayce wanting to go back to her dimension. She's not in a good mental state, and they fear she wants to end her life in her dimension. Cade wants to know how Drift thinks Jamie will be if Drift is gone for a while. As the two are talking, Crosshairs comes by. Frustrated, Cade has Crosshairs help Drift come up with a decision. They realize they have to pick which girl to be distraught. While Crosshairs is talking with Drift, Bumblebee is with Jamie. He ends up thinking about how things have changed in Jamie's life, contributing to her mental and emotional struggle. He's distracted, allowing Jamie to leave the room. Bumblebee watches Crosshairs take Jamie downstairs to the house. He looks in J.R.'s room, and sees J.R> seems to be calm until she realizes Bee is in the room. Crosshairs is bothered by how Jamie is in a good mood, and Jayce isn't around to see it. As they watch T.V., J.R. sends a message to Drift though it's meant for Jayce, who still refuses to go back to the base. Drift waits until Jayce falls asleep to take her back to the base. After he puts her to bed, he and Crosshairs talk about what Jayce told him and how J.R. was after she sent the message.

Cade POV  
Drift texted me that Jayce wants to go home to her dimension. He knows it's a terrible idea but also sure Jayce will fight him when he tries to bring her back to the base. I wasn't exactly sure what to tell him. Bad idea to force her and the situation is causing her problems. It's typically best to take someone away from the situation. Still, Jayce is in a terrible position, a danger to herself no matter where she is. It's easier to keep her safe at the base. Then there's Jamie and J.R. to think about. Talking about what to do is better done with a phone call.  
"How long do you think Jamie will be ok with you not here?" I asked.  
"I don't know, she's exhausted, and Crosshairs is with her. It's hard to say in her current state of mind."  
This wasn't a helpful answer.  
"Well, one of the three girls will end up upset."  
"What's the problem?" I hear Crosshairs say. I didn't know Bee or Hound got him.  
"You talk to him. I honestly don't know what to tell him," I say, handing Crosshairs my phone.

Crosshairs POV  
We knew Jayce was depressed, but I didn't think she'd want to go back to her dimension.  
"Cade's right, this could be a disaster...but you can get back fast. Jamie's distraught mood will be better to handle than Jayce's. We have to focus on keeping her safe first."  
I know Drift hated I said let his girl be distraught, but he knows I'm right, we have to keep Jayce safe. I know how to handle Jamie. The other problem is that it's too cold to let Jayce camp out, and I don't think she has a capsule of supplies. Though the plan is to wait until she falls asleep, she'll either be furious at us for bringing her back or not be bothered that we brought her back. I'd contact him if he needed to come back then we'll deal with Jayce.  
"Jamie is exhausted, so hopefully she won't be a problem," Drift says before hanging up. I knew he was worried about her, but Jayce went with Drift instead of coming to me before I entered Jamie's room. She wanted him. Though I doubt she'd be bothered if I had Drift come back, It's not an issue right now. I hand Cade his phone and tell him the plan before going upstairs. I looked in Jamie's room. Bee was lying with Jamie, and she was quiet. I stayed in the hallway, though. Things just got a lot worse.

Bumblebee POV  
Even though I've known Jamie for twelve years now, I still can't get used to watching her be upset. Who can get used to a friend's emotional struggle no matter how long they've known them? Though I think I'm Jamie's third choice for comfort, I don't mind. What I didn't expect was that she'd want to lay close to me. I thought I'd be on the other side of the bed or even sitting at the desk. Her eyes were red from crying. I can't believe the shit day she's having, and her mom blamed her. Things weren't always like this with Jamie and her family. Jamie has become more vocal, although still not a lot. Enough to make her family mad that she's talking about her opinions on things. More interested in important things going on in the country or even in her life, minus the adventure, not even talking about how she's feeling is allowed. Then they get pissed at her for not talking to them. It's like they've turned into a family who expects Jamie only to talk when spoken to, and there's a correct way to respond. She can easily leave, stay with other friends or us, but she won't. Even when she felt they couldn't wait to get rid of Buddy. All this is taking a toll on her now delayed grieving seems to have passed, and she's depressed over his passing.  
I heard the door open and close, crap. I rushed after Jamie, who didn't go far but only because Crosshairs was right there.

"... They'll be back." Crosshairs says, "come on; let's go see if there are any deserts from today left," he suggests, takes her hand and leads her downstairs. Curious if she'll eat any of the deserts her dad made. I found J.R. in her room, playing a computer game. Hound wasn't with her, which now seemed odd. That's depressing that I'm concerned no one is with her. I can't believe how much this has affected us. I went into the room and sat at the edge of the bed. J.R. Joined me on the bed soon after I sat down.  
"We're screwed...this is getting scarier." That's all she could say before she started crying.  
"No, It will be ok," I said as I hugged her. This wasn't a lie, J.R. has to know that one of us is always with Jamie and Jayce.  
"Jayce took off again."  
"No, she went with Drift. She's ok," I don't know what Jayce's mental state is, but Drift can handle it. What concerns me is if J.R. didn't want to talk to any of us. She waited until someone came into her room.

Crosshairs POV  
Jamie's dad made a lot of deserts. She got two chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and a big glass of milk.  
"So what, cause Drift isn't here, you will eat as much dessert as possible?" I joked.  
"No," she laughed. I got myself a cookie, "you can't just have one."  
"We'll take some back to the base with us. The others will want some."  
We headed back twenty minutes later with a bag full of cookies and brownies. I couldn't take the pies, though. Jamie was in a good mood and wanted to watch T.V. in the main area. Cade and Hound joined us, eating the dessert I brought. Bumblebee and J.R. joined us ten minutes later.  
Jamie's happy now, and you're not here to see how happy she is, Jayce.  
I was trying not to worry about what kind of mental state Drift is dealing with right now.

Drift POV  
We've been at the lake for two hours, but Jayce still doesn't want to go back to the base. Though we've just been sitting in my alt mode, she's that depressed that she's not even bored. Crosshairs sent me a text saying we're missing out on really good cookies and brownies. Not even dessert will get Jayce to want to go back. I wonder if she's like Jamie and will fall asleep during a car ride? I might have to try that. I know she did once before, but she was in distress, and all the crying makes her tired. I'm so tired of this, and I want to take their pain away. I know the others also want to. It's bad enough we watch Jamie struggle mentally. No matter how hard we help her, those wounds won't heal.  
"You can go back," Jayce says. Crap, she knows how worried I am about Jamie.  
"No, Crosshairs is with her. I'm not leaving you alone," she hugs me and starts crying again, "It's ok, Jayce. You're not keeping me away from her. You should know by now how we plan for situations like this. Crosshairs will contact me if we need to go back."  
"No, I'm not going back," Jayce sobbed. I toughened my grip a little, expecting her to break free and runoff, but she tightened her grip on me. My phone was vibrating ten minutes later. A text from J.R. meant for Jayce, but she knows Jayce would ignore her phone vibrating. Does Crosshairs know what she typed and sent, or is he shocked that she broke out crying after sending this? There's no way she's not crying.

Jayce, I need you to come back. I'm scared every time you leave that you won't come back. You've only left twice, but it's scary. I need you, Jamie needs you. Don't break up the team.

I know that wasn't all J.R. was thinking, but she knew to be careful about what she says in Jayce's mental state.

Jayce finally fell asleep at ten, four and a half hours later. I drove back to the base and put Jayce to bed. The other two were already asleep.  
"Jamie did ok," Crosshairs says before I could even ask, "She wanted you, but-."  
"Don't tell me you lied?'  
"I said Jayce wanted to go out, and you took her. Not a lie at all. You told me she wanted to go with you to the lake."  
"Did you know J.R. sent me a text meant for Jayce?"  
"Yes," Crosshairs sighed. "I didn't know until I saw tears rolling down her face. I read the message before I could say anything; she hugged me and started crying."  
"I've noticed Jayce and J.R. are trying to do what they can to avoid crying. They're tired of this. Jayce told me she wants to go home to her dimension."  
"No way it's just to get away from this situation, shit. She's made that decision."  
"I don't think it's the current situation influencing her decision anymore."  
"She remembered the day Jadin betrayed them happened. December fifth, now she's hit with the memories, which had to have brought back memories from the nightmare situation. How the hell Jamie and J.R. aren't more of a wreck this month is beyond me."  
"More likely other things are occupying their minds. We just remembered that horrible day happened December fifth."  
"Only good thing now is J.R.'s unusual passing out five days ago isn't a sign of something serious."  
"But we have to watch them, or they'd kill themselves. Watching the three girls cry and Jayce's complex mental state is hard enough, but to think one of them or even all three..." I stopped myself and headed downstairs.

Crosshairs POV  
I know, Drift, and It's getting harder not to get upset thinking about what could have happened if we weren't here and how we could end up watching our three friends kill themselves. I know it's harder for you.


	28. New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three girls have been in a depressed mood for the past five days. They want to stay in their rooms, which bothers the Autobots and Cade. They also have the challenge of keeping everyone's mental health in check. Crosshairs, in particular, seems to be too worried about the girls. When he was relieved from watching J.R., he'd spend time with Jamie, hoping to get Drift to destress, Which pisses off the others. The tricky part is even with five of them; there are three girls to focus on. They want to try to do something for New Year's eve regardless of the girls' view on the holiday. Jamie has plans to watch a twenty-four-hour live stream. The Autobots and Cade get the three girls to watch some of the live stream ion T.V. in the main area. By nine, the girls go to their rooms. The Autobots and Cade talk about the day as they do every day before Bumblebee goes to Jamie's room, and Cade goes to his room. Crosshairs, Drift, and Hound stay in the hallway. Everything is fine for an hour until J.R. rushes out of the room, terrified. A night full of problems begins.

Third-person  
The next five days, Jamie, Jayce, and J.R. were depressed and just wanted to stay in their rooms. Crosshairs stayed with J.R. and Bumblebee with Jayce. Keeping everyone's mental health in check was a challenge. Even when Cade or Hound would stay with J.R., Crosshairs spent his time with Jamie. Both to get Drift to destress, knowing how much of a toll this situation is taking on him, and because he wanted to spend time with Jamie. Even Drift did not like how Crosshairs wouldn't destress. The two of them had their own dea of destressing by sitting in the hallway once the three girls fell asleep so they'd hear if one of them woke up in the middle of the night. They're able to sit quietly for three to four hours before one of the girls wake up. Whether it's Jamie, Jayce, or J.R., they want both Crosshairs and Drift. The two mechs aren't sure what to think in terms of Jayce. She went from panicking if she saw both of them while going through a panic attack to wanting both of them.  
The Autobots and Cade wanted to do something with the girls on New Year's Eve, but the three girls weren't in the mood to go out, nor did they see the big deal with New Year's Eve. Cade and the Autobots didn't know if this was the depression, or the three girls didn't think New Year's Eve was a big deal.   
To the Autobots and Cade, the girls were doing better today. The girls still wanted to stay in their rooms, but they wanted to play computer games. It was an improvement to the others. They also planned on watching part of a twenty-four-hour live stream later in the afternoon, though they weren't sure if the girls would watch all of it.

Cade POV  
More of our fears came true in the past five days. Though we expected the three girls not to want to do anything, we were hoping Jayce and J.R. wouldn't end up like Jamie and not eat much all day. We have to bring food to them, or they won't eat. It's hard to know if it's the depression or trying to starve themselves. IThe three girls stayed in their rooms until three-thirty. Jamie's the one who had this plan though we weren't sure if it would fall apart. Jayce and J.R. leaned on Crosshairs while Drift held Jamie on his lap. It was apparent the three girls were trying to enjoy what we were watching. How long before one of them would go back to their room. Bee and I went to get the girls some dinner at five. We returned an hour later, but they wouldn't eat. Come on, girls, we don't want to have to put this plan into action.  
"How long are we waiting until we put the plan in place?" Hound asked.  
"Once they get difficult and refuse to eat no matter what we do," I tell him, "which I fear might be soon."  
"Unbelievable, I wouldn't be surprised if-," Bee started.  
"No, Bee, don't think like that."  
The rate things have been going downhill; I get why he thinks Jamie will soon be critically ill. That's all we need to add to everyone's stress. We go back to watching the live stream with the others. By nine, the three girls went to their rooms.

Drift POV  
"Go on; I'll be right there," I tell Jamie. She didn't ask why I wasn't coming, which is a good thing right now.  
"Lucky, she's not questioning why you're not coming," Crosshairs comments.  
"I don't think she would, regardless of the situation."  
"They did better today. Considering the rapid decline, this was a very good day," Hound comments.  
"You know how terrible nights have been," Crosshairs emphasized.  
"At least Jayce doesn't need to be drugged, but I still can't believe how violent she got," Cade reminded us before going upstairs. There wasn't much to talk about. Bee, Crosshairs, Hound, and I sleep in the hallway. Jayce and J.R. aren't difficult that two of us need to calm them, but Bee and Hound don't want to be far from the girls now.   
We go upstairs and look in Jayce and J.R.'s rooms. Depression and panic attacks make them exhausted, but they still fight sleep. Crosshairs and I have to lie with them so they'll fall asleep. Glad Jamie is distracted, but I still worry Jamie will get upset the longer I'm not with her. Sure, Jayce and J.R. will let Bee and Hound comfort them, but Crosshairs and I aren't sure if they'd fall asleep with Bee or Hound  
. Both Jayce and J.R. took a while to fall asleep though they are exhausted. With Jamie still distracted, Crosshairs insisted I sit with him, Bee and Hound. I can't leave the door to Jamie's room open.  
"She should be ok for a while," Crosshairs assured, "she's distracted watching that live stream."  
Bumblebee goes in her room abywsy. I soon think Crosshairs didn't just want me out here to destress. However, the conversation is short-lived. The hallway becomes silent for an hour until J.R. comes running out of her room and towards Crosshairs.

Crosshairs POV  
This is very unusual for J.R. She's knows I've been sleeping in the hallway but never ran out of her room and she's already had intense nightmares. She's hugging me tight, and it's hard to get her to sit on my lap. J.R. is trembling, and I know she's trying not to cry. Hound got up and headed downstairs. No way he's going to his quarters after watching J.R. I will not ask her what is terrifying her. The fact she's trembling this early in a panic attack tells me this one is the worst nightmare so far. Assuring her Jamie and Jayce are ok caused her to start bawling.  
"I'm terrified they'll send up dead," J.R. sobbed. She's even more terrified than Jayce now. I fear her nightmare was one of two Jayce has; either she watches Jamie, Jayce, or both kill themselves or find them dead.  
Hound comes back five minutes later with a couple of tablets and water.  
"Here, this will help you sleep," I say, trying to get her to take the pills  
Once she took the them, I picked her up, brought her to her room, laid her in bed, and covered her with the blanket.  
"It's going to be ok," I assure her while stroking her forehead. Tears rolled down her face, "you just want me to lie with you," I joke before lying on the bed with her. She rolled over to face me. It wasn't long before she had a hard time keeping her eyes open. Once she fell asleep, I left the room, closing the door behind me.  
"I didn't think she'd be the one needing drugs," Hound comments.  
"I fear Jayce will need drugs soon. Their nightmares are getting more intense, and they hate what the nightmares are about," I point out, "I was hoping two weeks ago would be the only time we'd have to use drugs."  
Drift gets up and goes to Jamie's room. Bee walks out of the room two minutes later.  
"I missed something," Bee comments, concerned. I didn't want to tell him, but he wanted to know no matter how bad what happened was. He said nothing before going to Jayce's room.  
"The door's locked!" He exclaimed.  
"Fuck!" I get up and go to the door. Hound runs downstairs to get lock picking tools, "go see if any drugs or weapons are missing, now!" I demanded. Bee runs downstairs while I keep trying to open the door, hoping it's just jammed.  
Even though she's been fine being alone at night, I should have known she'd find a way to sneak something she could use to kill herself with.  
"Move!" Hound demands as he runs towards me. He works as fast as he can to pick the lock. We walked into the room quietly but terrified at what we'd find. Jayce was sleeping, and I didn't find any wounds.  
"She took nothing from the medbay," Bumblebee whispers, "I locked the door." While risky to do if Jamie has a severe flare-up and has a hard time breathing, add it's unpredictable when Jamie will suffer any level of flare-up, this is something we have to do to keep Jayce from killing herself. Then it hit me, oh fuck. I looked around the room, Bee, and Hound watching, concerned.  
"Let's go," I whisper when I didn't find what I was looking for.  
"What were you looking for?" Hound asked as I closed the door, leaving it open a little. I didn't want to tell them, but they'll demand I tell them.  
"Rope," I said. As I expected, they couldn't believe what I just said, "I didn't find any."  
"Why'd she lock the door?" Bumblebee asked.  
"So we don't hear her go through a nocturnal panic attack and possibly an anxiety attack in the morning," I tell them. Aside from dying alone from a drug overdose or hanging herself, this was the only other reason Jayce would lock the door.  
"I'll stay with her for a while," Bee says and goes in Jayce's room before I could say anything.  
"You going to tell Cade and Drift?" Hound asked.  
"Not Drift, and there's no need for Cade to know," I replied before going to Jamie's room.

Drift POV  
It's eleven-thirty, Jamie is still watching the live stream. Crosshairs comes in and sits on the edge of the bed with me. It's funny watching the live stream, but not hearing what's going on, and hearing Jamie laugh. Crosshairs jokes about how humans kiss their partner at midnight. I think he's enjoying joking about this. He knows Jamie is slower than most femme, but he says she won't get mad. I don't know, Jamie is a complicated femme. It seems something bothers Crosshairs and he's hoping for a good laugh. I'll ask him tomorrow or later tonight if Jamie falls asleep. Fifteen minutes until midnight, and my mind is thinking terrible thoughts. Not about how mad Jamie could be, but what if this is the only chance I get?  
"You ok?" Crosshairs asked, whispering. I didn't answer him. I knew I'd start crying. I'm not embarrassed he'd see me cry, but if Jamie hears me, then sees me crying. I left the room and stood by the doorway. Hound is watching me but doesn't get up. Crosshairs didn't follow either. I tried to calm myself but kept thinking, what if I'm right? I have the same nightmare almost every night, and the way Jayce and J.R. are going downhill, how can I not think Jamie will be the same way soon? This got me thinking about her illness and watching her go through a severe flare-up. I'm now shaking with fear. I have ten minutes to stop. 

Walking into the room and standing by Jamie, waiting for midnight. Crosshairs already has a smile on his face.  
If she ends up mad, Crosshairs, I'm blaming you.  
Right at midnight, I kissed her cheek. I'm not even going to try on the lips like humans do.  
"What the…Drift," Jamie exclaimed, looking at me. She took her headphones off and stood up, still smiling. Crosshairs started laughing, and I couldn't help but smile. I picked her up and sat on the bed next to Crosshairs. Most femme would kiss their mech back, but I'm not bothered Jamie didn't.  
"That was fun," Crosshairs says before leaving.  
If you have any dirty ideas, Crosshairs, you can forget them.  
I lay back on the bed, seeing Jamie smile. Nope, guess it wasn't Crosshairs being in the room that prevented her from kissing me.   
Any other night, I could stare at her blue eyes all night, but now I'm haunted by these thoughts. I need to get out of here without upsetting her. I moved her off me and left, but she followed.  
'Where are you going?" She asked calmly. I didn't answer her, knowing I'd sound upset. "Drift?" She said, now worried.

Jamie POV  
I don't understand why he had to leave the room. I want to run after him but can't move.  
"DRIFT!!" I yelled before feeling something poke me and started falling to the floor.

Crosshairs POV  
What the hell, Drift?  
"When did you get one of those syringes?" Hound asked.  
"While the girls were watching T.V., I thought I'd have to use it on Jayce."  
"I'm going after him!" Hound fumed.  
"No, Don't, leave him. You need to watch J.R.," I instruct before carrying Jamie to her room.  
I sat on the bed, holding her, realizing what i have done.


	29. A Fun Idea Gone Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hound is furious at how Drift walked away from Jamie, leaving her distraught until Crosshairs tells him what happened. Hound then finds Drift's alt mode isn't in the garage before Crosshairs carries Jamie to the garage. He wants to take Jamie to Drift, worried she'll wake up terrified. Drift feels guilt about what he's done but insists Crosshairs takes Jamie back to the base; he can't come back yet. Crosshairs waits, hoping Drift will change his mind but eventually goes back. Crosshairs worries Jamie will wake up distraught but ends up falling asleep. As Crosshairs feared, Jamie did wakeup upset about what happened. He did his best to comfort her until she cried herself to sleep. Drift returns in time to eavesdrop and hear how distraught Jamie was before going to sleep in his quarters. The morning isn't any better for Jamie or J.R.

Hound POV  
"What an idiot, what the hell was he thinking?" Hound raged, trying not to yell. He looked at Jamie, "Does he even realize what he did?"  
"I'm the idiot, Hound. I should have known it would set him off."  
"What did you do?"  
"Something that should have been nothing more than a little fun, but it was a terrible idea in his mental state. All I said was Drift should kiss Jamie at midnight. He thought she'd be mad but did it anyway. She wasn't mad; I think he can't stop thinking what if she kills herself. Might be the only reason he kissed her, thinking it would be his only chance," I explained, "seeing Jayce and J.R. struggle isn't helping, but he wants to help them."  
I left the room, but before I went to J.R.'s room, I went down to the garage. Just as I thought, Drift left. I don't like he left to deal with this alone. I can't watch Jamie and J.R. The drug Crosshairs used on Jamie isn't a sleep aid, I doubt she'll sleep all night. As I leave the garage, Crosshairs walks in, carrying Jamie, wrapped in her red blanket.  
"You sure that's a good idea?" I asked, know he was taking Jamie with him to find Drift.  
"I don't think I can calm her when she wakes up. No way she will not have a frightful dream about what just happened," He says.

Crosshairs POV  
I can't believe what an attempt at some fun did. I don't think I killed their relationship, but I hurt Jamie. I figured Drift still wouldn't go far from Jamie.  
"You brought her?" He asked, worried as he watched me carry her to his alt mode. He took her from my arms, and I sat next to him.  
"I'm sorry," He whispered, though he knew Jamie couldn't hear him.  
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you to kiss her. It was just fun, but I should have known the idea would upset you considering how we've been thinking lately."  
"Now I scared her. I heard her yell my name, but if I went back-."  
"I know, It'll be easier to deal with this than if you went back to her."  
"Take her back; it's too cold tonight."  
"She will wake up, and I doubt I can calm her down. You come back to the base then." I knew from the look on his face he wasn't ready. Jayce and J.R. are not in a suitable position to have both of us gone tonight, and Drift will make me take Jamie if I leave. It's hard to say if he's selfish or not. If Jamie sees him upset, she'll be distraught, but I know she'll dream about what happened and wae up. It would be better for him to be with her. I waited fifteen minutes, hoping he'd change his mind, before taking Jamie back to the base,  
"I'm sorry, I love you," he said and kissed Jamie before handing her to me.  
You better come back before she wakes up, Drift, though I don't know if the drug will keep her asleep until morning.  
I put Jamie to bed and turned off her computer before laying on the other side of the bed. Though Jamie's bed isn't a king-size or even queen size, the way she sleeps, there's room to keep a space between us. I couldn't sleep though, I know Jamie will be upset, but I didn't know when. I know it will be at least three hours but still couldn't fall asleep.  
I had fallen asleep, crap. I looked over at Jamie. The clock on the nightstand read four in the morning. Drift still wasn't back. It's quiet but…damn it. Jamie had her head buried under pillows. I don't know if she saw me or not. She was fighting me as I tried to hold her. I don't know if she thought I was Drift and was mad or wanted to be left alone.  
"It's ok; he'll be back," I tell her as I rubbed her back for a few minutes before Jamie moved to my lap and hugged me. She was trying not to cry but failed.  
This is why I wanted you to come back, Drift.  
I would let her stop crying on her own, but after seeing Jayce deal with seizure, I worried, even with Jamie's ongoing emotional struggle, this would be too much for her that she'd have a seizure.  
"Is this what she's been doing at night?" Hound asked, standing at the front of the bed.  
"No," I tell him.  
"You want me to get more of the drug?"  
"No, too soon."  
Even if it weren't, I'd still tell him no. Hound leaves the room, and Jamie starts coughing. I get her to drink some water. Jamie's been crying for five minutes. I try to get her to lie down, the only way that works is if she's lying on me. Now I can feel she's been shaking. I know Hound contacted Drift, I hope he gets here soon. Rather Jamie falls asleep on him. That didn't happen, Jamie fell asleep five minutes later. I laid her on the bed and covered her with the blankets. Hound was in the hallway, waiting.  
"I sent him a text," Hound tells me, "I said nothing nasty."

Fifteen minutes later

Drift POV  
I stood in the hallway, listening to what Crosshairs was telling Hound. I can't believe I upset Jamie that much. Hearing she's asleep, I went down to my quarters. It's been a long time since I recharged in here. I couldn't slip into recharge, Jamie's scream kept playing in my mind. I don't know when I finally slipped into recharge.

Four hours later

J.R. POV  
These nightmares are getting more terrifying.  
"Hey, it's ok," I hear Bumblebee say as he hugged me. I don't know if he's been in the room or just walked in and I didn't hear the door. I know Bumblebee is here to comfort me, but I feel like I need Crosshairs. I couldn't say anything, but I think Bee figured it out. He left the room, and Crosshairs came in soon afterward. The Autobots must be so tired of saying the same things over.  
"…it's ok. Bee is with Jamie, and Hound is with Jayce."  
Strange Drift isn't with Jamie, but I know he doesn't like to stay away from her for long. What if watching Jayce and I go through this shit terrifies him? Thinking Jamie will go through the same? I started bawling, thinking about it.  
"What was the dream about?" Crosshairs asked.  
I couldn't say anything.

Crosshairs POV  
What concerns me is Bee said she just woke up and is already panicking. I don't think the sleep aide prevented her from waking up from a nightmare. The nightmare last night terrified her more than the other nightmares she's been having. J.R. let me lie with her, but she couldn't stop crying. She won't tell me what's wrong, either. It's easy to guess it's about Jayce's suicidal thoughts. Still, I want her to tell me specifically why she's panicking this early in the morning. I don't know how if Bee can calm Jamie or even if she'll let him. Damn it, now's not a good time for you to be somewhere else, Drift. Your girl will need you.  
"Hey, what's going on?" I barely hear with J.R.'s crying. I tried to sit up to see who walked in, but J.R. stopped me, that's not a good thing.  
"I'm not going anywhere," I assure her as I moved her onto my lap.  
"What's wrong, J.R.?" Drift asked as he crouches down.  
"She won't tell me, but she woke up like this. Bee had to get me. I think she just needs a good cry and wanted me to comfort her." With that, Drift left the room. Good, there's not much you can do here, and you need to be with Jamie. I don't know how other femmes would have reacted to the way Drift left or how they'd react seeing their partner who did that come back. It's hard to say how Jamie would have reacted in she wasn't in a poor mental state. Not as bad as Jayce and J.R., but she's slowly getting there.

Drift POV  
"I had to, Hound, she'd be more upset if I stayed."  
Bad idea checking on Jayce, who was still asleep.  
"Whatever, Jayce is fine, now go."  
I could tell Hound wanted to yell at me but didn't want to wake Jayce.  
"Stop!!" I hear Bee yell, crap. I run to Jamie's room and see her fighting Bee's hug. Did I upset her that much? "Ok, fine," he says and sits at the desk. I watched Jamie lay on her stomach and cover her head with pillows.  
"She's in a mood, and I can't figure out why," Bee says as I walk to the side of the bed. Jamie didn't hear Bee was talking to someone. I sat on the bed, put her on my lap, and hugged her.  
"I'm sorry, you know I love you." I hated looking at her sad expression. The door opened and closed, Bumblebee had left. I laid down with Jamie on me. She still had tears rolling down her face. I can't tell her why I had to leave for the night. I don't think she's mad to the point there's a relationship to repair, but I don't know what I'm going to. It's getting harder to hide my fear there might not be a relationship soon.

Crosshairs POV  
There's no way J.R. will tell me what's causing her to panic this early in the morning. I worry this is Something new she'll be dealing with until this shit is over. She was quiet but didn't fall asleep. While still holding her, I stood up and walked out of the room.  
"Awful night?' Cade asks as he leaves his room.  
"Bee was with her. He told me she woke up like this."  
We went downstairs and tried to get J.R. to sit on the couch, but she wouldn't let go of me. Cade appeared shocked at this behavior. I didn't want to upset her more this early in the morning, or at all, but I'm getting worried about what she's thinking that's her terrified even to let go of me. Without asking him to, Cade made a little oatmeal for J.R. At least she ate, but Cade didn't make a lot, and J.R. didn't want any more.

Cade POV  
While eating very little is normal for someone with depression, clinging to someone isn't. J.R. had to have had a terrifying dream. There's not much of a list to go down to figure out what could terrify her.  
"Let go, I'm not going far," I hear Crosshairs say, which was upsetting J.R. This is worse than I thought.  
"It's fine, Crosshairs." I told him before going upstairs. This isn't a good sign. I don't know if Bee or Hound is watching Jayce, but I should tell them what's going in with J.R.  
"That bad? That explains a lot," Hound sighed. We looked at Jayce, worried she'd be the same as J.R., and there's nothing we can do to help them.


	30. An Eventful Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three girls are struggling this morning. The Autobots and Cade hate it; they wonder when this situation will be over.

Hound POV  
I hate how the only time Jayce appears to be calm is when she's asleep, though I know her mind isn't calm. There's nothing we can do about it but drugs which we hate. Crosshairs seems to prepare a syringe but will only use it if necessary.   
I heard Jayce wake up abruptly, sitting up and hyperventilating. This isn't as bad as she usually is, but I still need to calm her down.  
"what was it this time?" I asked. While it's predictable, we want the girls to tell us what their nightmare was about. Making sure they continue to talk about this and to know if there's anything new causing their nightmares. This doesn't work every time. I'd still like to know what terrified J.R. last night that she couldn't tell us.  
Unfortunately, Jayce is the same way. She's not crying either but has a scared expression.  
"Ok, let's go get some breakfast," I suggested. She agreed, and I left the room so she can get dressed. Jayce's actions lately make me afraid to leave her alone. Giving the girls space is getting tricky. She came out five minutes later, and we went downstairs. It's been the same challenge getting the girls to rat though I thought Jayce was hungry since she didn't refuse to get breakfast. As she ate, Cade told me J.R. is clingy to Crosshairs and his suspicion of why. We failed to make sure Jayce couldn't see us, but we could see her if she tried to run off. Jayce tried to run upstairs, but Cade stopped her.  
"Let me go!" She yelled, trying to get Cade's hand to release her. She was putting up a fight that we both had a hard time getting her to sit on the floor until.  
"Shit," Cade exclaimed. He lowered her to the floor, "I said this is possible, but you know I was hoping to be wrong."  
I did not miss these seizures, rather listen to her bawling while going through a panic attack than see this. These are terrifying to watch.  
"This is taking a toll on her. There's nothing we can do about it- at least without Jamie and J.R. noticing."  
"Anything I can do?" We hear Bumblebee ask.  
"No, but this one is lasting longer."  
Three minutes until the seizure stopped. Jayce took longer to wake up this time and was exhausted.  
"Take her, Bee. I think it's a good idea to lie with her, but you don't have to. She's going to fall asleep." Cade instructed. Bumblebee took Jayce back to her room.  
"It would be great if we can take their pain away," I say.  
"We didn't see this coming. We thought Jamie would be our only concern. Should have known Jayce and J.R., we're traumatized after watching Jamie fight for her life."  
Cade goes upstairs; I assume to check on J.R. and Jamie. I don't think Jayce even touched the oatmeal. Most likely would have been the same if we started giving Jayce and J.R. nutrition drinks. Every day we're thinking, how will this turn out?

Cade POV  
This situation is unfamiliar to most humans. I'm doing my best to give the Autobots guidance with what I know and the girls' response to the nightmare situation. It's getting harder, and I am so tired of saying there's nothing else we can do for the girls.  
Looking in J.R.'s room, she had fallen asleep. Crosshairs was sitting at the desk.  
"Did you drug her?" I asked.  
"No, too early for that, and I'm trying not to unless I have to. She had the worst nightmare last night and ran out of her room. I don't know if she wanted to find me or go to one of the others' rooms. I had to give in and give her sleep aid."  
"You know what her nightmare was about?"  
"Yes," he replies in a sad tone, "I can't believe she's having nightmares like that. Only a matter of time before Jayce does."  
Perfect timing as Bee and Hound walk in.  
"Should I tell him?" Hound asked. This worried Crosshairs.  
While I would have said no since it's looking like Crosshairs is just going to ve focusing on J.R. now, I fear J.R. will end up with these damn seizures. Hound told him about how Jayce had another one, and it was longer this time.  
"…She fell asleep," He finished.  
"Forget drugs to calm them; they end up exhausted and sleep a lot more. They're calm until they have a nightmare. I worry they'll become frequent, and the girls won't be able to sleep for lengthy periods," Crosshairs says, frustrated, looking at J.R.  
"You have more to add to this, don't you, Cade?" Bee asked.  
I sighed, "only to add to everyone's worry. I figured a terrifying nightmare had to have caused J.R.'s clinginess. Either she's only been dreaming about Jayce going that far, now she had a nightmare showing them dead, or her nightmare last night showed what happens when Jamie dies; all of us disappear before her eyes."  
The others couldn't believe what I just said. They know how likely Jayce will end up with the same nightmare and the same reaction as J.R. There's no planning except to not tell Drift about the nightmare that caused J.R. to be clingy. He's stressed enough as it is, I'd say more than the rest of us, This could be tricky, but the girls just want to stay in their rooms. With J.R. asleep, Bee told Crosshairs to take a break. Though it just means sitting in the hallway, it's something.

Drift POV  
I heard Jamie moaning in her sleep, shit. So now, instead of being depressed over Buddy's passing, I caused her to fear that I'm leaving her. Not in the sense that we broke up, I don't think Jamie says we're together like that yet, but that I'm leaving the dimension. Oh, Jamie, if only I could tell you how terrified I am to lose you. Every day in the back of my mind, I worry I'll end up watching you fight for your life again. Even during the minor flare-ups, I know how they can become deadly.  
Crosshairs come in as I moved to the edge of the bed, holding Jamie. He sat next to me but said nothing. I could tell he hated that he did last night. I know he just wanted to have fun.  
'Don't even say it," I tell him. I know he wanted to apologize, but it's my shit mental state that ruined the fun.  
"How can I not be sorry? It's my idea that did this."  
"No, I've been terrified Jayce could be right. it's bad enough she's thinking of taking her own life, but thinking Jamie could end up thinking that way."  
The room was silent for five minutes before Jamie started kicking in her sleep. I repositioned her to hug her. Crosshairs hated watching this tough this isn't as bad s Jayce and J.R's nightmares and panic attacks. Jamie woke up a minute later, hugged me and started crying.

Crosshairs POV  
This isn't just a misunderstanding; a fun idea turned into a disaster. No, I think Jamie has always been afraid that Drift would leave her, that we all would. How much stress is she under thinking this way or knowing if she dies, from injury or a severe flare-up, in a dimension, it's over? Add the crap she's been through in her dimension. Jamie has a lot of wounds that can't be seen or healed completely. She's complicated, and she's learned that humans in her dimension would rather not deal with people like her.  
Drift made Jamie look at him.  
"Listen to me. I love you, and I will never leave you." I know it was hard to see how upset she was and the tears rolling down her face. He waited a few minutes for Jamie to calm down before handing her to me to make tea.  
"We'll never leave you, Jamie," I promised while hugging her.  
Come on, Jamie, we've been dealing with your struggles for six years now. Why would we abandon you now? Bumblebee, Jayce, and J.R. have been with you longer, and they're still with you. I don't think you understand how much you mean to all the Autobots, all your friends. One problem was taken care of. If only the other problems were that easy to take care of. Drift returned ten minutes later. I had to get back to J.R.


	31. Giving Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everything, Jayce has been dealing with, she's ready to give up, believes her mental state is permanent, and wants to go back to her dimension. Shwe tells J.R. who agrees, it's better to just leave than tell Jamie. The Autobots and Cade overhear them and try to assure the two girls that they'll get over this.

Cade POV  
Jamie has been doing better the past week. It’s hard to say if she’s recovering mentally and emotionally from Buddy’s passing, or this is just another good period. That’s another challenge; when are the girls going to start being themselves? There will be mental wounds that’ll never heal.  
J.R. is still terrified and will not let Crosshairs leave her for long. She won’t talk about her nightmares or thoughts at all. We were trying to prevent that. J.R. has been terrified to sleep, and Crosshairs has had to use sleep aid every night. It’s getting harder to get her to eat. At this point, it’s a good thing she’s clingy. We don’t have to worry about J.R. not wanting Crosshairs around her to make sure she’s safe.  
Bumblebee has been focused on Jayce the past week. She’s been the same in terms of how frequent her nightmares, panic, and anxiety attacks have been. Jayce gets little sleep in between. The only good is that she hasn’t had another seizure.  
Now add Jamie is sick. Ok, shouldn’t be a problem, but I worry with Jayce’s mental state, she’ll worry, though she’s the one who told me Jamie would keep working while sick. This time, though, Jamie is exhausted. She’s able to work for a couple of hours before going back to sleep. We all thought this would worry Drift, but he was calm and took care of her like he always does.  
Drift was in the kitchen, and something was bothering him.  
“Jamie was freezing last night but no fever,” He tells me. That was odd but no reason to worry until he told me she’s been heavy breathing. I wanted to check on her myself. We went upstairs and found Jayce at the doorway. Considering how worried she looked, we can assume she went into the room to see Jamie. Either she doesn’t look good, or Jayce could hear her breathing, Where the hell is Bee or Hound?  
“Jayce, she’s fine,” Drift assured her, which may or may not be a lie. Then I realized I needed to get some things from the medbay. It’s a good thing I didn’t think of it before coming upstairs. I’m sure Jamie is fine, but I didn’t want to say anything, and it turns out I’m lying.  
“Jayce, what are you doing?” Crosshairs asked. Oh boy, please don’t panic in front of Jamie’s room, Jayce, “Come on, Jamie is sleeping,” Crosshairs says as he takes Jayce’s hand and leads her away from the room. What bothers me is we have to lie to keep her panicking to a minimum. Once I heard the door to Jayce’s room close, I went to get what I needed. Sure, just a cold, why go through all this trouble? I think it’ll help Drift not worry so much, and with Jamie’s illness, it’s hard to know if this a sign of a flare-up starting or not.  
“She fell asleep,” Drift tells me as I walk into the room. I can hear her breathing, no wonder Drift was worried. He’ knows if this is normal or not. This was not snoring or a runny nose either. The tricky part is I only know what Jamie’s lungs sound like when she’s going through a flare-up, both minor and severe, and when she’s recovered from it.  
“She’s fine, normal body reaction to a cold virus,” I assure Drift. I didn’t lie to him, if I had the slightest thought something was wrong, I would tell him, “Even normal to want to sleep more.”  
I left the room and slowly walked by Jayce’s. From the sound of things, Crosshairs may need to use the drug, crap. I need to put things back in the medbay. Better prepare a syringe just in case.  
Crosshairs POV  
Every passing day, Jayce gets worse. I’ve asked Cade if she could be in physical pain, but there are ways to know even if she’s trying to hide it. I thought J.R. was the worst now since she’s been clingy, but in just the five minutes I’ve been sitting with Jayce, I can tell how bad she is. Drift comes in and suggests we lie on the bed with her. It’s something that calms both girls, and I think he wanted Jayce in a safe position. As always, Jayce falls asleep.  
“Three months and they’re both still thinking this way,” I sighed.  
“Jamie’s emotional struggle and lack of talking about it doesn’t help either. She’s still not acting like herself. Maybe that’s what Jayce and J.R. want to see to know Jamie will be ok. Then they’ll start to recover. Come one, let’s go see if J.R. is awake.”  
J.R. was awake, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She has been crying, shit. She must’ve woken up soon after I leave the room. I can’t tell Drift why she’s so terrified about being left alone now, but how long can I keep it secret? Drift hugged her while she cried. I know he hates how he can’t help with Jayce and J.R. more, but he’s helping the two of them by staying with Jamie.

Five hours later

Jayce POV  
“What are we going to do?” J.R. asked me. We were sitting on the couch. The Autobots and Cade left us alone, but we know they’re around and locked the medbay. I can’t find the key to the weapons room, either. Jamie has been sleeping all afternoon.  
“I don’t know, it’s been three months, but we know how Jamie is.”  
“I thought with how you have nightmares and anxiety attacks; how you’d have to stop going on adventures with Jamie and me, but..maybe we should leave her anyway.”  
I couldn’t believe J.R. said that but I’ve been thinking the same way.  
“I can’t help her, anyway. The last month, I’ve been having nightmares about Jadin coming back and trying to kill Jamie again, but this time, the Autobots weren’t around…” I couldn’t finish before crying. I think J.R. understood enough because she was also crying. Next thing I know, Drift is hugging me. I see Crosshairs hugging J.R.  
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Drift asks once I stopped crying, “Don’t tell me it’s because you didn’t want us to worry more? What do you think, not telling us anything does?” This was turning out to be like a therapy session. Autobot psychiatrists, yeah, I think I like that better than human psychiatrists.  
“I’ve been dealing with Jamie’s emotional struggle for twelve years, and the others been dealing with it for seven years. Don’t think we don’t want to help you two with yours,” Bumblebee lectured.  
“There’s nothing you can do,” I mumbled.  
“I know it feels that way. It will take time,” Drift says.

Six hours later

Cade POV  
“Well, this was good. I don’t like how they have to think we’re not listening for them to talk about what’s been going on with their nightmares,” I start.  
Jayce and J.R. are in their rooms, Jamie is asleep, and we have a lot to talk about tonight.  
“I can’t believe they’re thinking of leaving Jamie, after I promised her we wouldn’t leave her,” Crosshairs says, frustrated. I’m not even going to ask what happened that he had to promise that.  
“We know a little more about what’s been bothering them. We have to make sure they keep talking.” I tell them.  
“But still not much else we can do?” Hound more says thanks asks.  
“I’m sorry, but no, not unless you want to use drugs or often than to get them to sleep.”  
“They’re not even talking about their nightmares anymore. We can’t leave them alone and hope they’ll talk about it while we’re nearby,” Drift points out.  
We tried to figure out what we can do to deal with this challenge and talk about Jamie’s mental state, but I didn’t ask Crosshairs why he had to promise her that we wouldn’t leave her. Crosshairs went to prepare a couple of syringes and grabbed sleep aide tablets for Jayce and J.R.  
He gave one of each to Drift. Neither Bee nor Hound asked questions. I suspect. Crosshairs and Drift think the two girls will be a challenge to get to sleep.  
“Looks like we’ve been booted from helping, Bee,” Hound joked.  
“What? No, I-,” Crosshairs started.  
“Relax, I know what you’re thinking.”

Hound POV  
I know Crosshairs thinks the two girls will refuse to go to sleep no matter how exhausted they are. Don’t know if he’s thinking the girls know talking about how they’re feeling triggers new intense nightmares. We go upstairs, and Cade goes to his room. Crosshairs and Drift go to Jayce’s room first. Bee and I stand on either side of the doorway do we’re not seen but can hear how things go.

Crosshairs POV  
Jayce has a hard time keeping her eyes open, but she told is she will not sleep. Did she have the same nightmare about Jamie dying and watching us disappear? What sucks is Jayce and J.R. know one of us is with them all night when they wake up and most of the day.  
“What has you scared?” Drift asked, but instead of answering, Jayce started tearing up, “ok, you want to try sleep aide?” He shows her the pills. Jayce agrees and takes the pills. Drift and I lie with her until she falls asleep twenty minutes later.  
“You better stay with her, Drift, since Crosshairs has been staying with J.R.,” Hound suggested, “how much trouble can Jamie be while sick?”  
This was true, Jamie slept most of the day. He knows whoever is with her would get him if he was needed. He came with me to J.R.’s room. J.R. was the same as she’s been the last week. I was hoping she’d be doing better, so I didn’t have to use sleep aide. She’d cry herself to sleep but end up waking up in a few hours. Drift stayed with Jayce, Bee stayed with Jamie, and I stayed with J.R. We told Hound to go recharge in his quarters, but he wanted to stay upstairs.


	32. What Has You Terrified?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four days have passed, Drift has a hard time not worrying about Jamie being sick after watching her fight for her life three years ago. Jayce and J.R. will not eat much, but today J.R. doesn't eat before running off to her room. J.R. tells Crosshairs what bothers her; the two unaware Jayce hears everything until Hound tells Crosshairs. The two wonder when this shit will be over. It's a quiet day until Drift hears J.R. scream before running towards him.

Drift POV  
Jamie has been sick for four days now. Jamie doesn't have typical cold symptoms. She's exhausted and sleeps a lot—a low-grade fever and periods of being freezing or too hot. Jamie doesn't think she needs medicine.  
Cade was checking Jamie over when I walked into her room with tea.  
"Yes, you looked concerned, I thought I should check on her," he says before I could say anything, "he worries too much, doesn't he?" Cade joked, looking at Jamie. This got her to smile and laugh. I put the tea on the tray that pulls out from the nightstand.  
"She's fine, just a lingering cold," Cade says before leaving the room. Jamie will drink the tea and go back to sleep. Knowing this, I went to check on the other two.  
"I'll be here when you wake up," I say as I kissed her forehead.  
This has been our temporary routine—a slight change in what I've been doing for three months. Jayce and J.R. have been sleeping in the past three days, and Jamie will be asleep by the time I get back to the room.  
Jayce and J.R. weren't in their rooms. They must be doing a little better today to go downstairs to eat breakfast. Hopefully, this means they're eating more than they have been the last two weeks. The two were sitting on the couch on either side of Crosshairs. The T.V. wasn't on, but I don't think the two girls wanted to watch T.V.  
"They will not eat," he tells me before I can even ask. Even though it's only ten in the morning, this is concerning. They didn't look sick either, just depressed. I went back to the room and laid with Jamie, falling asleep with her.

One hour later

Crosshairs POV  
Come on; we don't want to have to resort to nutrition drinks. Even then, we'd have to make sure they drink enough of it.  
I watched the two girls sit at the table, eating very little oatmeal. There's not much in their bowls, to begin with. We've been questioning if oatmeal is a good thing to give them. We like how it's quick to make. When I can take my attention away from these two, I'll do some research. Everything was fine, except for how they won't eat until J.R. got up and ran upstairs. Jayce wasn't sure how to react.  
"Go, I'll stay here," Hound instructs me. I ran upstairs though I don't think J.R. is thinking of doing anything to harm herself. I thought Jayce was fine at night and found the door locked, so I'm not taking any chances.  
J.R. is lying on her stomach in bed, crying. I sat on my knees at the side of the bed and started rubbing her back. I don't know if she knows it's me or doesn't care who came in. J.R. had a short cry before she looked at me. She got up to sit on my lap and hug me. I can't tell if this is something new bothering her or she's been keeping things bottled up again. I coaxed her to tell me what has been bothering her. Thankfully, it's nothing new, but the longer this goes on, the more terrified she becomes Jayce, Jamie, or both will harm or kill themselves.  
J.R. is scared to see Jayce, thinking it'll be her last time, and I suspect she'd be thinking the same about Jamie if Jamie wasn't in bed, sick. It doesn't matter if one of us is with Jayce and Jamie; J.R. is still terrified. She knows one of us is with Jayce most of the time, and we've taken all the precautions we need to, watching if there's anything we've missed. Then it occurred to me; is she also terrified we'll give up on them? Though she knows how Jamie can be with her struggles, we're used to this even though now it's all three of them. I don't know what to tell her. Is there even anything I can say that get her to realize the other two are safe? I just hugged her and let her cry for a few minutes before lying on the bed with her. As far as I know, she hasn't had the nightmare about watching us disappear after Jamie dies again, but I worry she's had this nightmare at least once in the past week.  
I left J.R.'s room an hour later. As always, she fell asleep after crying. Figured Jayce would be in her room, and Hound was with her. He tells me she also had a crying episode, and I was not too fond of why.  
"She heard what J.R. said," he tells me, "I'm sorry, I didn't know she snuck off until I caught her running to her room."  
Jayce knowing this, whether by eavesdropping or J.R. telling her, is not good with her mental state. She'll confront J.R. about this, which normally would be good, but I'd rather not take the chance with Jayce's current record of seizures. Two in twenty days is better than her record during the nightmare situation. However, I'm not taking the chance, and J.R. is terrified of watching Jayce go through one. The problem is how to keep her from confronting J.R. about what she heard J.R. say?  
"I don't think that would matter," Hound says in a worried tone, looking at Jayce, "Even if she doesn't confront J.R. about what she heard, she'll think about it."  
Hound was right, and it sucks, thinking we're preparing to see another seizure. How much more mental pain do these two have to endure before this is over?  
"I'd rather have the three of them deal with emotional struggles all the time than this shit," Hound says, "Even when Jamie has challenging days, it's nothing compared to this."  
"I don't know, Hound. This looks like old mental wounds from the nightmare situation brought on by Jayce's unexpected thought that Jamie could harm or kill herself over Buddy's passing. They were lucky to be able to recover after watching Jamie fight for her life. Though I know Jayce worries, whether every day or just watching Jamie go through a minor flare-up. If Jamie has another severe one, she won't be able to take care of Jamie. At least she's able not to worry about Jamie when they go on their adventures or join us in battle. Remember, Cade brought up Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but doesn't think Jayce fits the criteria. You've seen her; she is scared when we realize Jamie is having a minor flare-up but can care for her. Her behavior now would fit the criteria."  
We sat quietly, thinking about what I've just said.

one hour later

Drift POV  
I was leaving Jamie's room when I heard a scream coming from down the hall. The door to either Jayce or j.R.'s room has been left open. A few seconds later, I see J.R. running towards me. I don't think she was coming this way to get me. Oh shit, she must have fallen asleep, and Jamie was the subject of her nightmare. What else is she worried about now?  
"She's sleeping," I tell J.R. She has a terrifying expression on her face, "what was the nightmare about this time?"  
She said nothing and tried to head back to her room, but I grabbed her wrist to stop her.  
"I know you had a nightmare about Jamie, why else would you scream and run to her room?" I was trying to get her to tell me what terrified her, but she didn't like hearing that I heard her scream. Crosshairs comes down the hall two minutes later, but even he can't get her to say anything. She was getting more distraught the more we tried to get her to tell us. This was strange; she wants to tell me something but is also terrified. Next thing I know, Crosshairs picks her up and carries her back to her room. Hound walks by them and asks me what happened.  
"Damn it, well, I suspect Jayce will wake up soon. They can't even sleep for long without drugs," Hound sighed before going to Jayce's room. I'll wait until later to find out if Crosshairs got J.R. to tell him what terrified her. I went back into Jamie's room and sat on the bed. I hate hearing Jamie's heavy breathing, but I saw Cade's equipment this morning. I doubt he just listened to her lungs and possibly heart. He checked her vitals, making sure her oxygen level wasn't low. I doubt he would have done all that if I didn't look so worried. I wouldn't be bothered if Jamie ended up with a minor flare-up, it's Jayce and J.R. I worry about. I don't think they'd be able to process what's going on and know Jamie will be ok. It wasn't long before I got a text from Crosshairs.

Cade POV  
I don't like how J.R. slept for two hours before waking up, terrified. Nor do I like the text Crosshairs sent me;  
J.R. slept 2 hours before waking up, terrified. Drift said he heard a scream before she ran down to Jamie's room. She wouldn't tell him what's terrifying her. I worry this won't end well.

He didn't mention it, but I went to the medbay and prepped a syringe. There's nothing I can do to prevent what he's thinking will happen. He added that he instructed Hound to do all he can to keep Jayce in her room if she wakes up. 

"You need to tell us what's terrifying you," Crosshairs says.  
"You had a nightmare about Jamie, and I need to know," Drift insisted, "You want me to keep her safe?"  
"You can't,' "she said in a sad tone, tears rolling down her face. This concerned me, and I'm sure Crosshairs and Drift are also concerned. She knows we know what to do to take care of Jamie even if she ends up with a severe flare-up. We tried for ten more minutes to coax her into telling us. Things went downhill from there.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Autobots and Cade try to figure out what's terrifying J.R. as the three girls have a challenging day, 

Cade POV  
Crosshairs was right; this was too much for J.R. Now she’s having a seizure just as Jayce walks in the room. We had to take the chance, though we didn’t get a specific answer, we have an idea about what J.R. was trying to say. Bee and Hound acted fast and carried Jayce out of the room.  
“Go with them,” Crosshairs instructed Drift while cupping J.R.’s head.  
“It’s fine, Crosshairs. We got some answers, and I don’t think we could have prevented this,” I tell him. I don’t think J.R. could have made it through this situation without at least one seizure, “You ant me to leave?” I ask since I know he’ll lie with J.R. when she can be laid on the bed.  
“Yeah, you better go help with Jayce,” Crosshairs tells me.  
I don’t think Jayce will be difficult, but she’s likely having a seizure.  
I hate that I was right, three now, even in twenty days, this isn’t good. I waited in the hall with Bee and Hound. We need to talk about this now and not tonight. I thought of what J.R. meant by Drift can’t keep Jamie safe. I’m thinking Drift shouldn’t hear what I’m thinking, but he will not take no for an answer. As for the seizures, not much we can do. It’s impossible to keep the two girls calm enough not to risk triggering one. Bee, Hound, and I waited an hour before Crosshairs and Drift left Jayce and J.R’s rooms. Drift wanted to check on Jamie before our discussion. Hound tried to get Drift to stay away while we talked, but Drift insisted on staying. Aside from mentioning my suspicion of what J.R. was dreaming about: Jamie dealing with a severe flare-up, there wasn’t much more to talk about. This was just something to add to the list and no way to help J.R. Drift goes back to Jamie’s room.  
“He doesn’t know, does he?” Bee asked Crosshairs.  
“Hell no, That would worry him.” Crosshairs replied. They tell me the medbay is locked for Jayce’s safety, but they know how dangerous that is. I agree with Crosshairs’ decision. We all know the risk of locking the medbay and keeping the room unlocked.

two hours later

J.R. POV  
I sat on the couch with Jayce. It’s four in the afternoon, so Jamie is at the house. Good thing she’s not very sick that she can’t even get out of bed. Her family would be pissed if Jamie didn’t come to the house. I hate them, they yell at her for not acting like an adult sometimes but then treat her like she’s not even eighteen. I don’t think they’d care if Jamie died. They don’t know about her secret life, but they’d notice she’s not around if she died; their memories wouldn’t be erased.  
“Stay here,” I tell Jayce, trying not to sound upset, but I failed.  
“Where are you going?” She asked.  
“Just stay there,” I say and start crying while running upstairs. I know Bee, Hound, and possibly Cade were around while Crosshairs was with Drift upstairs, but I want Crosshairs. He and Drift walked put of Jamie’s room. Don’t know why they’re in there since Jamie is at the house.  
“What’s wrong?” He asked as I hugged him, crying. I can’t take this anymore. I think Jayce has the right idea. I don’t think we’ll recover from the mental strain this time.  
“I don’t know, she was fine,” I hear Jayce tell him.  
“We better take them to one of their rooms,” Drift suggests. Before I can break free from Crosshairs, he picks me up and carries me to my room. He knows I would runoff. We went to my room though Jayce thought she shouldn’t be apart of the conversation.  
“You know what’s been bothering her today?” Crosshairs asked her  
“No, I don’t want to know,” she says and tries to leave the room, but Drift stops her.  
“Both of you end up thinking the same eventually. Whatever’s bothering J.R. will bother you soon,” Drift says. He’s right, but if I can delay Jayce thinking this way even for a day, I’m going to.  
“Let her go, Drift,” I begged. I hear the door open.  
“Good, they’re both with you,” Bee says.  
“Take Jayce, Bee,” Drift says. Jayce doesn’t hesitate to go with Bee, “Jayce isn’t here now. What has you terrified that I can’t do anything about?”  
I wanted to tell him but thought of how this will hurt him more than he’s been hurt by this situation.  
“I know this has to do with Jamie’s illness. We won’t be able to prevent what was in your nightmare, but at least we can be prepared.” Drift explained before hugging me.

Drift POV  
I couldn’t believe how bad J.R. was trembling. I looked at Crosshairs, unsure if I should keep trying to get her to tell me. We know the risk of continuing. He nods before sitting on the bed. I got J.R. to sit on the bed with us. It takes a little time, but J.R. finally told us what terrified her. Something new for her to be terrified about, and there’s nothing we can do to change her thinking.  
“Now we need to calm her,” Crosshairs says, worried we’ve gone too far. We laid with her for an hour though this time, J.R. didn’t fall asleep. Crosshairs told me I could go, most likely, Jamie is back. CAde tells me Jamie went to her room. I just wanted to lie with her.

four hours later

“J.R. caused you to worry more, didn’t she?” Crosshairs asked, standing at the front of the bed.  
“More about her mental state not what terrified her about Jamie,”  
The room was silent, and Crosshairs frowned, hearing Jamie’s breathing.  
“That can’t be normal.”  
“I don’t think Cade will object if you want Bulma to look over Jamie.”  
“She’s been like this for four days. I think she would have shown if this was more than a cold by now. Come on, before Jayce or J.R. wake up.”  
I laid Jamie on the bed and left the room. Neither of us wanted to tell others, but they want to know.  
“What’s got her terrified?” Hound asked.  
“She was dreaming about Jamie having a severe flare-up while no other friends were around. Jayce was panicking, and J.R. froze though she knows how to care for Jamie,” Crosshairs started before. I could say anything, “She listened to Jamie gasp for air until she died.”  
Even Crosshairs had a hard time saying that. The others couldn’t believe what Crosshairs said or that J.R. dreamt this. Though what occurred in J.R.’s dream isn’t accurate at all, J.R. dreaming about Jamie dying concerns us.  
“She’s all over the place now. I think she’s a higher risk of suicide now,” Cade guessed.  
“Has she heard Jamie’s breathing since Jamie got sick?” Bumblebee asked.  
That shouldn’t cause nightmares alone, but if that’s all it took, J.R.’s in a terrible mental state.  
“Things just keep getting worse,” Hound says, frustrated.  
“All I can think of, Bulma was against before. I know she’s not here, but she’d only be against something if it would do more harm than good,” Bumblebee comments.  
“How would we explain Jayce and J.R. being heavily sedated to Jamie?” Cade Points out, “It’s easier to lie about why they’re in their rooms all day. Sure, same lies, but if Jamie goes into either of their rooms. Do you see the problem? This is a very challenging situation. Unfortunately, I think all we can do is watch Jayce and J.R. and make sure they’re safe. Use drugs when we see fit. We’re lucky other ways to calm them work.” Cade stressed, “then there’s the matter of when are they past this? It’s not like before when they knew Jamie would be ok.”  
With that, Cade went to bed, Bumblebee and Hound sat at their usual place in the hallway, and Crosshairs and I went to Jamie’s room. We didn’t like seeing Jamie sitting in bed, crying.  
“Did I hurt her that bad? She thought we left?” Crosshairs asked, worried.  
“I don’t think so,” I tried to assure him. We hate hearing the girls cry period but hearing Jamie cry now while she’s dealing with heavy breathing. Not a good combination. Holding Jamie, so she’s sitting up on my lap, I was waiting for Crosshairs to take her and tell me to leave.  
We found out she was crying over Buddy. She was doing good, not crying about him for the past ten days. I watched Crosshairs become concerned as Jamie started breathing faster. I can’t worry now, no way I could without Jamie seeing how worried I am. I can’t lie her down, though, that gets the three girls to calm down faster. Didn’t think Crosshairs would leave the room, but he wasn’t gone long. He sat on the bed and pulled out some tissues and handed them to Jamie.  
“Hopefully, this will clear the airway a little,” He says, I can tell he’s worried Jamie will get worse. This helped, but I still didn’t want to lay her down. She calmed down within five minutes. Jamie didn’t want to go to sleep. She watched the live stream that she watches on her tablet most nights while I left the room with Crosshairs.  
“She was crying again, wasn’t she?” Hound asked before we could say anything, “Why else would Crosshairs stay in the room?”  
“Yes, and being sick made her crying sound awful. She doesn’t want to go back to sleep, but I think she’ll fall asleep soon,’ I say as Crosshairs, and I sat on the floor. No one said a word, but I know we were all thinking of what Cade said earlier and Jamie crying. Wondering, will this end soon, or is this be how Jayce and J.R. are now? I know Jamie will have days when she’s missing Buddy, but she’ll do better as time goes by. I know the others were thinking. How will this end? Jayce and J.R. are at high risk for suicide, and those two think Jamie is though she hasn’t shown she is even thinking suicide.


	34. Self Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie is no longer sick but enjoying her time with Drift, until Crosshaires walks in, making assumptions about what Jamie and Drift are doing. Jamie isn't sure if she should be concerned Jayce and J.R. are sleeping in. Crosshairs tells her they're fine before going up to see if either of the girls are awake. She catches Jayce, leaving her room to take a shower. After being informed about how Jayce was overnight from Bumblebee, Crosshairs goes to J.R.'s room. He catches the end of a conversation J.R. and Hound are having. J.R. is telling him how terrified she is. J.R. goes down stairs ten minutes later. She thinks nothing of Jayce being in the shower for twenty minutes until she realizes what Jayce could be trying to hurt herself. Sure enough the door is locked. She can't just knock it down either since the door is made of metal. Once Hound unlocks the door, J.R. is shocked at what she's seeing.

Jamie POV  
I’ve been feeling better the past two days. That was an odd cold. I know Drift was trying not to worry, I think Crosshairs started worrying, but my Illness doesn’t help either. The downside of not having the Autobots around more often. Though Jayce and J.R. knew I was sick and weren’t concerned.  
Once again, I’ve been going back and forth about the Autobots being here for the past ten months. I like having them here and love having Drift here. It still feels like they’re here to help me with Buddy’s death and not because they want to stay here. It’s still hard not having Buddy around. I feel like a new dog is what I need but also feel like it’s too soon, besides my parents say no. Sure, I’m twenty-six but might as well say I’m not even eighteen while living here.  
“Are you getting up today?” Drift asked, “while I love having you lie on me, we should get up.”  
I sighed and moved off him, but I’m still lying next to him.  
“Come on; you’re not sick anymore. You’re small enough, and I can pick you up.” He gets off the bed, walks around the bed, and picks me up, but he sits back and n the bed, holding me.  
You’d do the same even if I were as tall as Jayce and J.R. I’m not that much shorter. Only six inches.  
“I thought you wanted to get up.” I teased.  
“Funny little lady,” he laughed and kissed my forehead as the door opened.  
“Lock the door!” Crosshairs exclaimed, and we both laughed. No, Crosshairs, I’m not ready for that, and we had clothes on.  
“You ruined the moment,” Drift joked, as he stood up and kicked Crosshairs’ shin. After receiving his punishment for interrupting us, Crosshairs leaves the room.  
“Come on, time to get up,” Drift says while grabbing clothes for himself, “I’m going to take a shower.” He walks out of the room, closing the door behind him. Wonder what Drift would do if I were still in bed when he comes back? Na, I have too much to do. I got dressed in one of my many Autobot logo tee’s, black jeans, socks, and boots. I normally would wear my redfish orange Gi, but I’m not feeling like going back to training. I want to catch up on my recording first. Drift finished with his shower when I got downstairs. Jayce and J.R. weren’t around. I hope they didn’t get sick. They weren’t around me while I was sick, but it’s that time of year. I sat next to Crosshairs while Drift made our tea. He knows we’re Jayce and J.R. are, but I’ll leave them alone.  
“They’re sleeping,” Crosshairs tells me. I must look worried. I don’t know why, even if I’m right and they’re sick, there’s no need to worry. Drift comes over with our tea, and sits next to me, hands me my cup, and turns on the T.V. Crosshairs goes back upstairs ten minutes later.

Crosshairs POV  
I should be happy Jamie is doing much better. She’s still crying at night over Buddy, but it’s nothing compared to what Jayce and J.R. are dealing with. I worry she will find out about the crap Jayce and J.R. have been dealing with. Neither of them can sleep without a sleep aid. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last as long as it’s supposed to. The two get four hours of sleep before waking up terrified. Then they sleep for two to three hours before waking up again. This process repeats three to four times a night. We’re lucky they’re not exhausted all day, and they aren’t showing how terrified they are when Jamie is around them. We can’t figure out what these two need to see to know Jamie is doing better mentally. It seems like there’s no answer, but even if we knew what they want to see, it’s up to Jamie to show them.  
Jayce was leaving her room with Bumblebee. She was carrying clothes and going to take a shower.  
“So, how bad this time?” I asked Bumblebee.  
“she sleeps for two hours before waking up, terrified. It takes a half-hour to calm down and another thirty minutes before she falls asleep.”  
“I can tell there’s something you’re not telling me.”  
“When I tell her we’ll get through this. She …she says, just let her die.”  
“Damn it; we’ve done all we can do by locking up everything that she can use.”  
I opened the door to J.R.’s room, catching Hound and J.R. in the middle of a chat.  
“…I hate these nightmares about either Jamie or Jayce hurting themselves or killing themselves. I can’t even sleep.” That’s all J.R. said before crying. I was about to go downstairs but heard Hound ask if J.R. wanted me, and she said yes.  
“Crosshairs, how long have you been listening to is?” Hound asked once he saw me standing by the door. J.R. gets up and hugs me, crying. Hound leaves the room as I get J.R. to sit on the bed with me. She wanted to sit on my lap and hug me. She repeated what she told Hound. Because she already talked to Hound, she was calm and ready to go downstairs ten minutes later. I went to see if Jamie and Drift returned to their room. Jamie would probably be mad for saying their room, but those two have been sleeping together for almost a year.

J.R. POV  
Only Jayce was downstairs. She must have been in the shower for twenty minutes. I think nothing of it and sit on the couch; I’m not hungry. Then it hit me five minutes later, oh fuck.  
Just as I thought, the door to the bathroom was locked. Ok, I don’t know if Jayce normally locks the door since there are five guys around, but it’s not good the door is locked now. Why I didn’t think of it sooner, I don’t know. Maybe Jayce’s mental state wasn’t as bad though it’s been bad for the past two months. That’s not important right now. I need to unlock the door. The medbay is locked, crap. I wanted to see Jayce before any of the others, that’s all I need to have a couple of Autobots see her naked. I sent Hound a text. He ran down with lock picking tools.  
“Go, I’ll stay here,” he said once he unlocked the door and turned away.  
I know Hound’s having a hard time looking away, hearing Jayce cry and my gasp over what I’m seeing.  
“Hound, We will need the first aid kit,” I say, seeing Jayce has clothes on. The blood makes things look worse than they are. I have to tell myself a razor can’t cause any serious harm. Add that standing makes the blood flow faster down the legs. She had to have cut herself several times. Blood stained her shorts, so she did this while in the shower but got dressed. I sat next to her and hugged her, waiting for Hound to come back with help.

“What the hell?” Cade exclaimed as he, Bumblebee, Crosshairs, and Drift stood around the doorway. The bathroom is too small for all of them to come in. Hound walks in, shocked at what he sees.  
“Jamie will be busy for a while. I’ll stay with Jayce,” Drift says as he walks into the room, “Go with Crosshairs, J.R.”  
I wanted to stay though I know Jayce did nothing serious, I know she’ll be crying over the pain, maybe even scream, and I don’t want to hear that. I left the room and went to my room with Bumblebee and Crosshairs.

Drift POV  
I watched Cade and Hound look at Jayce’s legs, seeing what she did. Jayce was quiet while they tried to stop the bleeding. She had five cuts on each leg that are two inches long. This made trying to stop the bleeding difficult. This wasn’t just from shaving; she did this on purpose.  
“We have to wrap her legs until the bleeding stops. Too many places were the blood can escape,” Cade tells us after he and Hound tried to stop the bleeding for five minutes. They had to wrap her legs tight enough, which hurt. Jayce started crying and tried to get them to stop. I took the chance and let her cry as I carried her back to her room. Jamie works for hours, but watch now be the time she has to use the bathroom.  
I sit in the bed, holding Jayce, trying to get her to stop crying. I don’t think she’s in pain that she’s uncomfortable. I know there’s local pain management in the first aid kit. Cade would have used it if he thought Jayce was in pain.  
“Shh, it’s ok.”  
To be honest, I’m worried Cade sees more serious cuts.

Hound POV  
I can’t believe what Jayce did.  
“Is J.R. thinking wrongly about Jayce’s cuts?” I asked Cade.  
“No, Jayce didn’t do anything serious.”  
“Why is she bleeding like that then? I asked, worried.  
“She has five cuts on both legs. Add that she was standing when she cut herself. This will look worse than it is. Just like in the shower.”  
I looked in the shower with him. It looked like Jayce had a large wound that she tried to take care of herself. We had to work quickly to clean the mess. I know Cade worried he could be wrong, and Jayce has serious inquiries, but we can handle whatever she has done.  
“Jayce was also starting to get agitated. I fear she was hoping we wouldn’t find her, but she wouldn’t bleed enough to cause serious consequences.”  
“Is Jayce, right? That she can’t recover from this?” I hated asking the questions, but I had to.


	35. Trying again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. is terrified Jayce will never recover mentally. After waking up from a nightmare, she tells Bumblee and Crosshairs to give up on her and Jayce. Bumblebee promises the Autobots or Cade will never give up on the three girls. A couple of hours later, Jayce tries to leave the base, knocking J.R. out before flying off.

Crosshairs POV  
J.R. has been quiet since we got to her room. I thought she was fine, though I was hugging her until I felt tears on my hand.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“Jamie is doing better, but Jayce is getting worse. All this time, and now she turned to self-harm.”  
I didn’t know what to say. It’s hard to say either way right now. We don’t feel like we can say Jamie is pass Buddy’s death yet. This whole situation is complicated. I just let J.R. cry.  
Cade comes in five minutes later.  
“She’ll be ok,” he says, taking J.R.’s hand. I wanted to ask about what Jayce did, but if J.R. is wrong and Jayce gave herself serious injuries, I don’t want J.R. to know even though Cade said she’ll be ok.

One hour later

Because of their horrible sleep schedule, by noon, both Jayce and J.R. are taking a nap. Jamie was still working, which allowed all of us to see how bad Jayce harmed herself. Cade wanted to take care of her wounds in the medibay and used sedation to keep her asleep.  
“This will look bad with the dried blood,” he warned before cutting the wrapping off. He was right; the dried blood made this look as if Jayce has several large lacerations, but this is the first time I’m seeing what Jayce did. Cade cleaned the cuts before applying Neosporin, using gauze to cover the cuts and re-wrapping her legs below the knees. Drift took her back to her room when Cade finished. Hound told me he’d sit in J.R.’s room.  
“I can’t believe this,” Drift sighed as he covers Jayce with a blanket.  
“J.R. thinks Jayce can’t recover from this,” I tell him.  
“It’s too soon to tell. I don’t think Jamie is pass Buddy’s passing. She’s been crying at night, and this is the first good day she’s had in a while. I think Jayce needs to see a couple of good days; then, she’ll start recovering…I hope.”  
“And J.R. she was calm seeing what Jayce did, knew Jayce couldn’t seriously injure herself, but she was thinking what if Jayce can’t get over this though she’s not over this either. Both of them can’t sleep for over two hours before waking up from a nightmare.”  
“At least four times a night now, I can’t believe it. “Drift sighed on frustration, “if she has to stop going on adventures with Jamie and J.R., both will be heartbroken.”  
Great, he has more on his mind, though we’re all thinking the same, he’s been thinking he could lose his girl.  
“You think Jamie would stop all this if Jayce couldn’t continue with her?”  
“I doubt she’ll stop everything, but she’d likely stop with the adventures.”  
We sat quietly, thinking about what Drift said and the situation until Bumblebee walked in ten minutes later, telling both of us to get back to the other two. It turns out, Jamie is also napping.  
What I hate is I’m waiting for J.R. to wake up, terrified. If something happens during the day, she ends up having a nightmare about it. I ask Bumblebee to get me a syringe. We’ve lucked out during this situation, but now we have the challenge of seizures. Again, better than the nightmare situation, but ut’s not good, they have them. Bee stayed in the room, hoping he could help me calm her without the drug. A half-hour passes before J.R. is moaning in her sleep. Three months, and it’s still not easy to watch this. After ten minutes, she started thrashing. I don’t know if she’s like Jayce; any touch, while she’s like this, will terrify her, so I keep my arms ready to catch her if she ends up falling off the bed. Two minutes of this before J.R. wakes up and screams. She doesn’t do that every nightmare, but this means whatever happened, terrified her. I tried hugging her put she fought me.  
“Stop, you’re ok,” I say while fighting J.R. Even Bee gets involved, trying to get her to stop. I don’t want to drug her, but she can harm us, no problem. I give in and inject the drug. I’m able to keep a hold on her while waiting for the drug to kick in. Bee sat on the bed, ready to add more restraint if needed.  
“You’re ok,” I assure her as I feel her relax, “Jamie and Jayce are ok.”  
“We’ll never get over this, just give up on us,” J.R. cried.  
“No, we will never give up on the three of you,” Bumblebee promised.  
More signs about J.R.’s mental state. She knows Optimus could have given up on Jamie; her behavior, emotional struggle, and illness is not a good combination in the military. Still, he made things work, and it’s one of the best decisions he’s made. It seems she forgets about all that in her current mental state.

Jayce POV  
Trying to bleed to death was my last option. I knew a razor couldn’t work, but it’s all I can get to. They locked the weapons room and medibay. They know the risk they’re taking by locking the medibay. I doubt I can leave the base as I did before. Well, I can try later.   
“You sure this is a good idea?” I hear Hound ask. Someone was at the door.  
“Jamie is still asleep and likely will be for at least another hour. You can text me if she gets anxious.”  
I sat up and watched Drift walk in and sit on the bed by me.  
“Jamie is still asleep,” Drift repeated, thinking that didn’t hear him, as he moved me to his lap and hugged me. I can no longer keep myself from crying, and I hate it.  
“What are you thinking?” Drift asked, pulling me away from his body, so I am looking at him, “I don’t think I would have been able to tell Jamie if you were seriously injured or dying. You know how upset Jamie and J.R. would be?”  
I couldn’t say anything, and tears kept rolling down my face. Drift pulled me in for a hug.  
“I’m not mad, I’m terrified you want to die, we all are. I know you’re hurting, but this isn’t the answer. We’ll get through this.”  
I was now bawling and trembling. I can’t take it anymore and will find a way to die.

Two hours later

Jamie is back at the house. I'm sitting with J.R., who I think wants to watch me like the Autobots have been watching us. Damn it; I’m going to have to hurt her to get away. She looks At me, terrified.  
“What?” I ask, annoyed, trying to get her to stop looking at me. She ends up talking about how he hates what we’re dealing with but is also terrified I am trying to kill myself.  
“Don’t tell me you’re not thinking the same!” I hissed; it’s now or never, “I’m sorry.”  
“For what?” J.R. asked, confused, which is an odd response since I just yelled at her.  
“For this,” I say before punching her chi points and knocking her out. I can do this fast enough that she couldn’t scream.  
“Stop!!” Hound yells, but what can he do when I’m in the sky?

Drift POV  
We didn’t talk; we just took action. Crosshairs and Hound rushed to the garage to get to their alt modes and follow Jayce. Cade carried J.R. to the medibay. Bumblebee tells me he wanted to see if Jayce still had her phone on her. Hopefully, she does, I think I know what she’s going to do.  
“She’s just unconscious,” he says looking at the monitor, “Most of us are missing, Jamie will notice. Things are getting harder to keep secret from Jamie and Jayce and getting more violent. We’re fucked if Jamie finds out or Jayce succeeds.”  
“She left her phone here,” Be tells us. Cade and I looked at each other, not sure what to think or do now, “Hound thought of this. There’s a tracker on her clothes. Still, there’s the issue of how fast she’s flying.”  
“I was wrong. I thought Jayce and J.R. wanted to see Jamie have a few good days before starting to recover.” Cade tells us.  
“You could still be right. These three aren’t like other humans,” I point out, “A few good days may be all Jayce and J.R. want to see that she’ll be ok. This may last another month, or six months, there’s no way to know, but I don’t think they’ll be like this permanently.” I know I could be wrong, but I hope I’m not. It would devastate Jamie. Letting everything fall apart is easier than what we’ve been doing, but it’s not right. I will not hurt my friends, my girl.  
“I’ll stay here and let you know when she wakes up,” Bumblebee tells me. Jamie doesn’t stay at the house for long.  
“You think J.R.’s energy has changed since she was knocked unconscious?” Cade wondered.  
“Jamie would have rushed back,” Bee says, and he’s right. Still, we should be ready for a disaster. We have to figure out what to do about Jayce.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cade sits in the medbay by J.R., waiting for her to wake up while reading texts from Hound. What Hound is texting Bumblebee, Cade and Drift horrifies them. J.R. wakes up, terrified about what Jayce might have done, which results in a chain of medical events. Drift comes in and tries to help. J.R. ends up unconscious again just as Jamie walks in, terrified. This terrifies Drift more than Cade. Drift comes back five minutes later, hoping Cade heard from Crosshairs and concerned about J.R. Cade gets a message that Crosshairs and Hound are on their way back, and Cade needs to get the medbay ready. When the two come back with Jayce, neither Cade nor Drift can believe Jayce's poor condition. J.R. wakes up as the others help Cade with Jayce. She's terrified at what she sees.

Cade POV  
I can't believe Hound's messages he's been sending Bumblebee, Drift, and I. Jayce tried suicide by drowning. I sat by the bed, thinking about what we could try to do when I heard J.R. I've been informed about what she does before waking up, terrified. Though, it's more of a way to know how terrifying her nightmare is. Easy to know what it's about now, I want to wake her up but will I scare her? I texted Drift, hoping he could come in. I don't think changing who supports her through a panic attack is a good idea. There's Bumblebee, but I think Drift would be better right now. J.R. sat up, hyperventilating.  
"Jayce..she-," J.R. started.  
"She's ok," I lied, I don't know if Jayce is ok. All I know is what she attempted to do. J.R. tried to get out of bed, fighting me as I tried to get her to lie down. I had to hit on the bed to get a good hold on her. All this caused her breathing to worsen, J.R. was gasping for air. I know this can happen with panic attacks, but I fear Jayce caused internal injuries. Bumblebee walks in, not liking what he's seeing or hearing and leaves.  
I don't know if she needs Drift or medical attention, but try to get Drift, Bee.  
I don't see obvious signs J.R. is having a hard time breathing due to internal injury. I can't move to get the oxygen oximeter. Drift comes running in a minute later, also not liking what he's seeing or hearing. He tried the usual procedure to get her to control her breathing and get her to calm down while I kept my hold on her, making things difficult. I waited two minutes, monitoring J.R. for signs she has low oxygen. Before I could tell Drift we need to give in and use the drug, J.R. ended up in a seizure. Problem is a seizure can happen from lack of oxygen, but J.R. also knows the reason Jayce knocked her out, and it terrifies her. Drift cupped her head, keeping it rested on my shoulder. I moved my legs to allow her legs to convulse and moved her arms out of my grip. This is dangerous, but we can't move her to the floor.  
"This isn't good; you think Jayce injured her?" Drift asked.  
"I don't know; I couldn't get any equipment before I had to restrain her."  
J.R. was unconscious for two hours, I should have put her on the monitor, but she wasn't showing signs of low oxygen.  
"You did what you thought was right."  
This seizure lasted three minutes. We waited a minute for J.R. to wake up, but she wouldn't wake up. Drift took her from me do I could get off the bed. I got what I needed as Drift laid her on the bed. I was able to put the leads on her without taking the top of her gi off.  
"J.R.!" We hear Jamie cry.

Drift POV  
I hated the terrified expression Jamie had.  
"Leave her, Bee," I say as Bee was about to pick Jamie up. This isn't good, but taking her away now will not help. I walked up to her and crouches down, making eye contact, and taking her hands.  
"She's ok, Jayce just got too rough with her," I can't believe I'm lying, "go with Bumblebee, I'll be back in a few minutes."  
Please don't be difficult.  
I watched Bee take Jamie's hand and leave the room. Jamie looked behind at us as she was led away. I sighed as I stood up and walked back to the bed.  
"I wonder if she trusts you or couldn't concentrate to tell if you're lying."  
"I don't know, we're lucky she believes me, but if this is serious, she and Jayce will panic."  
"All I know is her oxygen is a little low, but there's no way to tell if she's recovering from the seizure or this is something else. If she doesn't wake up in an hour or so, then this is serious. Leave it to J.R. to be on the rare end of outcomes."  
I looked at the monitor, her oxygen level wasn't dangerously low, but still, why did it drop?  
"Go back to Jamie before she panics."  
I know Cade will keep me informed of any changes.  
Bumblebee was holding Jamie while sitting in the bed. Sitting next to him, I see how scared Jamie is. Jamie doesn't like seeing any of us hurt. I think her extensive medical knowledge, both human and transformer, causes her to panic at first, seeing any of us injured.  
"My turn to see what's going on," Bee says to get my attention. I take Jamie from him, and he leaves the room. Either my lie is keeping her calm, or she's sensing J.R.'s energy, and it's fine. How long before she finds out the others aren't around? I think our luck ran out, she's going to find out what Jayce and J.R. have been dealing with.

One hour later

Cade POV  
J.R.'s oxygen level returned to normal, but she was still unconscious. An hour now, after a seizure but, everything was fine. There's been no word from Crosshairs or Hound, Which can be good and bad. I didn't just rely on the monitor to tell me she was ok. I've been listening to her heart and lungs every twenty minutes. I checked her abdomen for bleeding, but there weren't any abnormal sounds. Drift comes in, stands on the other side of the bed and strokes J.R.'s forehead.  
"Come on; I don't know what I'd tell Jamie."  
"She's doing better, but I might have to contact Bulma if she doesn't wake up soon."  
"Have you heard from Crosshairs and Hound?" Drift asks as he moved a chair to sit by the bed.  
"No," I tell him in a sad tone.  
We both sat quietly, thinking, has our luck run out? Jamie will find out what these two have been dealing with, is Jayce even alive?  
My phone goes off, A message from Crosshairs;  
We're twenty minutes away, get the medibay ready.  
Shit, I hand Drift my phone, and he's not liking what he's reading either. While I have no idea what Jayce's condition is, I know to prep to treat her for hypothermia. Drift tells Bee to do his best to keep Jamie in her room. I suspect Jayce's energy will be lower than J.R.'s, and if Jamie noticed the drop in J.R.'s.

Jayce looked in worse condition than what the monitor was telling us. Still, eighty-five degrees is too cold. Crosshairs tells me the temperature was lower when they got to her. This is a good sign then, she's warming up. I'm not even going to ask what the scene was when they got to her. It had to be terrifying. I know Crosshairs and Hound hated that they had to take her clothes off. Would Jayce be pissed two mechs saw her naked? Don't know, and I'd rather we don't find out. Though they quickly wrapped her in Crosshairs' trench coat. It's working to warm her up, so I'm keeping her wrapped in the coat and adding a couple of blankets. She should only need one IV line with warm saline. We were so focused on Jayce that we forgot J.R. was in the room. Oh boy, I'm just full of errors today. The terrified look on J.R.'s face is worse than the look Jamie had earlier.  
"No, she will not make it," J.R. says before crying.  
This may be another mistake, but J.R. needs to get out of here. I hand Crosshairs a portable monitor. I don't even have to tell him, Crosshairs takes the monitor and carries J.R. out of the room; her crying gets louder as they walk away.  
"Yeah, I think that was a mistake," I say, resuming my care of Jayce.  
"Staying here would have caused her to become more upset. Still, I think Crosshairs will need help," Drift says and starts prepping a syringe.  
"I don't even think she looked at the monitor," Hound guessed, "Jayce friggin' looks dead, but the monitor shows she's warming up and doing better than when we got to her."  
Drift took a picture of the monitor before leaving the room. I know he was hoping the visual will help, and the use of the drug could be avoided.  
"I will see if Bee needs help with Jamie," Hound tells me before leaving the room. I can't go with either of them, Jayce could still decline.

Crosshairs POV  
J.R. was bawling and trembling. I don't think there's anything I can say. Sure, Jayce is warming up and stable, but she looks like she's dying. Add J.R. knows Jayce tried to kill herself. Drift walked in and moved the desk chair to the bed before sitting down. He did something on his phone before resting it on his leg.  
"Look at me," he says while turning her head to make her look mat him, "Jayce will be ok, look," he showed her his phone. He knows Jayce could decline, but she's been holding steady since we started warming her. J.R. is terrified Jayce will decline or kill herself another way.  
"I'll be right back," Drift tells me and leaves the room. I tried to get J.R. to calm down while waiting for Drift to come back, but it's not working. Hound came by to make sure she was ok and left. Not much he can do to help calm her down. Drift comes back ten minutes later with food. J.R. is quiet, but still trembling as tears roll down her face. J.R. is too worried about Jayce to eat. Drift leaves the food on the nightstand.  
"Everything will be ok," he assured J.R. and left the room. I will wait a little bit before trying to get her to eat again. I noticed Drift left a syringe on the desk. Did he think she'd be that bad? Though I doubt she's eaten for some time and the combination of drugs on an empty stomach isn't good.

Drift POV  
Jamie is distracted, and Bumblebee is with her. He knows to text me or get me if she becomes anxious. Hard to tell if J.R. didn't like that I wasn't there or terrified about Jayce, but I'm not taking any chances with Jayce.  
"I said I'd stay here," Cade says as he sees me walk in.  
"She won't wake up until her body temperature is normal?" I asked while reading the monitor. She's slowly warming up.  
"There's no obvious answer. Could be as she gets close to normal temperature or some time afterward."  
"Go get dinner; I'll stay here," I say as I sit by the bed. Cade leaves the room.  
"Come on, J.R. is terrified, and I don't know I will explain this to Jamie."  
Ten minutes pass before Crosshairs walks in with J.R.  
"I'm sorry, it's what she wanted," He apologized as J.R. walked up to me. Crosshairs would use his best judgment and tell her no if he thought it wasn't a good idea. What I worried about is J.R. thinks she needs to see Jayce, to say goodbye.  
"Look," I say, turning her head to the monitor, "she's getting warmer, she'll be ok."  
Crosshairs moved a chair by mine and got J.R. to sit with him.  
Come on, Jayce, J.R. needs to see you're ok.  
Another fifteen minutes pass before J.R. insists I should go back to Jamie.  
"If she finds out what's going on, we're screwed."  
As always, she ends up crying at the end of her sentence. She ran out of the room. Crosshairs and I followed her. Oddly, she went up to her room. We laid on the bed with her. Didn't expect her to tell us how terrified she is, though we already knew, we want her to tell us.


	37. Trying to Starve to Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce wakes up the next morning and goes to see if J.R. is ok. J.R. is pissed at Jayce and rages at her before passing out for exhaustion. Drift takes Jayce downstairs. Jayce hears the stress and frustration in Drift's voice as he tells Cade he doesn't want to talk about why Jayce is upset. Cade takes Jayce to his room to try to have a conversation and figure out why she's been having terrifying thoughts though he's not successful. He takes her back downstairs. By now, Crosshairs is sitting on the couch. Cade leaves Jayce with Crosshairs. Crosshairs is troubled by how Jayce is trying to starve to death. He takes her to her room and gets Hound to stay with her. His worry about Jayce starving herself turns into happiness that Jamie is finally eating before dinner. Still, he worried about Jayce. Drift has him go to the lake to destress. Crosshairs ends up staying at the lake for three hours. His stress about Jayce quickly returns. The situation quickly becomes an emergency.

Jayce woke up late morning the next day. She was fine but worried about Jamie, and J.R. Drift informed her Jamie only knows J.R. was knocked out but thinks Jayce was too rough with her while training. He told her how J.R. thought she wouldn’t make it though Drift showed her the body was warming up. He pled with her to stop trying to end her life, tried to assure her they’ll get through this, but Jayce still doesn’t believe him.

J.R. POV  
I’m exhausted but restless at the same time. I want to be left alone, but Crosshairs stays in my room, sitting at the desk.  
“Is she ok?” I hear Jayce say. Good, she woke up but I don’t want to see her.  
“You think you should be in here right now?’ Crosshairs asks.  
Jayce apologizes, and that pisses me off. I rolled off the bed and stood right in her face.  
“You’re sorry? For what? Just knocking me out? Going off to try to end your life again?” I yell, “I thought you would have died overnight. Jamie was already terrified seeing me knocked out,” by now, I started sobbing, “how would the Autobots and Cade explain if she was sensing your energy was fading? I don’t think I could either.”  
Jayce led me to sit on the bed with her, hugging me. Next thing I know, Drift comes into the room. The two mechs sit with us on the bed, Drift by Jayce and Crosshairs by me. We end up in a discussion that results in both Jayce and I crying. What upset me was Jayce telling Crosshairs and Drift to let her die, it’s better than Jamie finding out what we’ve been dealing with. It’s been how I’ve been thinking, but it still hurt hearing her say it. Crosshairs and Drift say what they always say, and, amazingly, they’re not tired of repeating themselves.  
“…We will never give up on the three of you.” Drift promises just like Bee did before. That’s the last thing I heard before passing out.

Jayce POV  
“She’s fine, Jayce. Just exhausted, she couldn’t sleep at all last night,” Crosshairs explained calmly.  
“Come on, let’s go so she can sleep,” Drift insisted. He took my hand and led me out of the room and downstairs.  
“What happened?” Cade asked.  
“Not now,” Drift says, I hear the frustration in his voice. I freed my hand from his grip and sat on the couch. I’m not surprised he’s stressed, they all must be. Yet they won’t give up on us?  
“Go back to Jamie’s room,” Cade instructs Drift. Without questioning why Drift goes upstairs. I want him to focus on Jamie, especially after yesterday, but now it hurts watching him go upstairs.  
“Leave me alone. I know you’re all stressed,” I say as I stand up and head towards the stairs.  
“Come with me,” Cade grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to his room. We sat on the bed, but I don’t think Cade knew how to start the conversation.  
“What’s going on with you?”  
“They don’t tell you anything?”  
“They do, but I want to hear it from you. I don’t understand, why are you terrified this time but not while we watched Jamie fight for her life?”  
“I don’t know.” That’s all I could say before crying. I don’t know why all this shit was happening. Jamie has shown no signs of being suicidal. I was right, she needs more support getting past Buddy’s death, but she’s getting better dealing with the fact he’s gone.

Cade POV  
It’s hard to tell if Jayce is lying or hasn’t realized how much the nightmare situation affected her. Jayce was quiet as I thought of why she would be this way. This wasn’t just about Buddy or how traumatized Jayce is.  
“You know Jamie has many friends to support her and not just us. She could stay with any of us if she wanted. “  
I thought this was what Jayce needed to hear, but she kept crying.  
I don’t understand what else is upsetting you?  
I’m done trying to figure this out, for now, I just hugged Jayce and let her cry.  
When Jayce stopped crying, I brought her downstairs to eat though I know she still won’t eat much. Crosshairs was sitting on the couch, watching T.V. Jayce sat next to him. She was still noticeably upset.  
“It’s ok,” he says as he hugs her. She rested her head on his chest. Crosshairs didn’t even ask why Jayce was upset. Jayce was too upset to eat. I went back to my room to think about what we could do to help the girls? Can Jayce and J.R. even recover, or are they going to be like Jamie but also with nightmares and pan  
Crosshairs POV  
I assume Cade tried to have a conversation with her, trying to figure out why she felt this way and maybe figure out what we can do to help. I tried to get Jayce to eat, but she refused. I would wait a little while, but then I realized she hasn’t eaten in twenty-two hours. The question is, will Jayce even drink anything? It’s not dangerous if I wait, yet, but she will become ill. After what she tried to do yesterday, she is trying death by starvation. Though Jayce and J.R. have done no training for a couple of months, they’re still very fit. Damn it, Jayce, bad enough you keep trying but the slow and possibly painful way? I don’t know if it’ll be painful for her, but it will be for the rest of us. If she drinks nothing, then we will take extreme measures, fuck. I took Jayce back to her room. She laid on the bed, facing the wall. I need to get out of here. I texted Hound to come to Jayce’s room but left before he came in. We passed each other on the stairs. Hound said nothing as we passed each other. I can’t go far from here. I just sat in my alt mode.

Hound POV  
Jayce has to be doing poorly for Crosshairs to leave again. Seeing her lying on the bed, I realized why he had to leave. Hard to get past what she did yesterday, but someone needs to be with her. Doubt Crosshairs wants to tell the others; I don’t want to, but they will want to know.

Drift POV  
Jamie doesn’t seem worried about J.R. I suspect J.R.’s energy is as it should be. I didn’t even think to ask Bumblebee how Jamie was when Crosshairs and Hound brought Jayce back. No way her energy wasn’t lower than normal. Not sure if it would drop that Jamie would be alarmed. I don’t want to take the chance of upsetting her, so I’m not asking her, the other two are ok.  
“I want pancakes,” Jamie says, looking at me.  
“That’s random but ok. Let’s go out for breakfast.”  
I want time alone with my girl out of the base. J.R. is sleeping, and Jayce isn’t difficult that several of us need to be with her. I went to a spare bedroom to get dressed while Janie dressed in her room. Bumblebee was sitting on the couch. Jamie had to use the bathroom before we left.  
“You taking her out?” Bee asked.  
“Yeah, she wants breakfast, and I thought I’d take her out.”  
“Crosshairs has been in the garage the past half hour.”  
“Crap, last I saw him, he was with J.R. Try to keep Jamie away, I’ll talk to him.”  
Crosshairs was sitting on the hood of his alt mode.  
“What happened?” I asked as I sat on the hood next to him.  
“I don’t want to talk about it. Too early to ruin the day.”  
“Fair enough, You want to come with Jamie and me?”  
“She will finally eat before dinner? When was the last time she ate before dinner?’  
“I know, I don’t want to force her to eat. You coming or not?”  
“I thought it was a date?” Crosshairs teased as Jamie walks in. Jamie wanted Crosshairs to come with us. Fine by me, I don’t know if she’d consider the two of us going out as a date. It’s eleven in the morning, by the time we get to town, places will serve lunch. Jamie knew this and told me there’s a restaurant that serves breakfast all day.  
“You’re determined to get pancakes,” I laughed before getting on my alt mode with her. Crosshairs got into his, and we drove off. I sent a text to Bumblebee and Hound, letting them know Crosshairs, Jamie, and I are out.

Crosshairs POV  
Watching Jamie finally eat before four in the afternoon and a lot, I couldn’t stop thinking how Jayce is refusing to eat. I want to text Hound to find out what Jayce is doing and possibly ask him to try to get her to eat. Still, I know I won’t be able to hide how stressed I am about this—not looking forward to our discussion tonight. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Jamie this happy. We know she could be upset tomorrow or even later today.  
We returned to the base after we ate. Jamie went to her room. The other two girls were still in their rooms.  
“The other two are being taken care of, why don’t you go to the lake?” Drift suggested. I guess I can no longer hide how stressed I am. I did what he suggested and drove to the lake.  
Sitting on the hood of my alt mode, I wondered how stressed are the others? No way Hound isn’t troubled by what happened last night. Cade and Drift saw her, even though they didn’t see the worst, Jayce still looked dead when we brought her back to the base. They have to be bothered by what they saw. Not sure if Bumblebee came in the room overnight, but he knows what she tried to do.

three hours later

Four in the afternoon, I’ve been at the lake for three hours. Though the others would contact me if I was needed, I better get back.  
Jamie was at the house, J.R. was sitting on the couch with Bee and Drift, but she didn’t look like she’d been crying. Then it hit me when I saw she was eating, Jayce hasn’t eaten in twenty-six hours, fuck.  
“She’s been sleeping since you left with Drift and Jamie,” Hound informed me. This is tricky, depression makes her tired, she ended up crying this morning which makes her tired, but she’d also be tired from not eating this long. I don’t know if I should wake her or not. I tell Hound it’s his turn to destress and sit at the desk, hoping Jayce would wake up soon.  
I waited for a half-hour before checking Jayce’s vitals. I don’t know if they’d change, but I want to make sure. Everything was fine. Everything was fine, but now I’m thinking, do I need to bring her to the medbay? Would Jamie sense a change in energy? That would be useful, but then she’d be distraught from seeing Jayce like this and knowing that Jayce is trying to starve to death. I went down to the medbay to get some supplies. I hated that we had to ask Bulma for the nutrition drink we used before, that we had to tell her what we feared Jayce and J.R. would try to do. The tricky part is if Jayce refuses even to drink anything. We have a pan, hoping to take small steps instead of going right to feeding tube placement. Though an I.V. may be considered a feeding tube, it’s not as invasive. Hopefully, easier to hide since Jayce is wearing long sleeves. We don’t want to force, but we’re prepared if we have to.  
“We’re at that point, aren’t we?” Drift asked, seeing what I had in my hands. I had him come with me to Jayce’s room.  
“Yes, we’re at this point,” I tell him while putting the supplies on the desk as he closes the door, “Jayce refuses to eat, and she hasn’t in twenty-six hours.”  
“You sure she’s just sleeping then?” Drift asked, alarmed.  
“I don’t think she’d be in a coma now, but she has to be feeling weak that she just wants to sleep. I don’t want to wake her up, but I will have to if she doesn’t wake up soon.”  
Jayce woke up a half-hour later, and as I expected, she was weak. I prepared for several scenarios. This was what I wanted to happen. Jayce would drink the nutrition drink, but I had to hold her. If he’s this weak, one will not be enough. Then I realized a number I didn’t check that would tell me what I wanted to know. I instructed Drift to get several more bottles of the nutrition drink. Now would be a great time to have a blood sugar test kit, but normally there’s no need for one, so we don’t have one. I laid Jayce back on the bed to text Hound. I think it’s safe to say Jayce has low blood sugar, but we need to know how low.  
“Jayce, you awake yet?” J.R. asks as she walks in. She sees the stuff I put on the desk and how bad Jayce looks, “What..did she…”  
I took her hand and had her sit on the desk chair. No way I can lie about this.  
“She’s being taken care of,” I say as J.R. continues to stare at Jayce. It doesn’t help that Jayce is too weak to say anything.  
“She’s trying death by starvation…and it’s working,” J.R. starts crying.  
Drift walks in, put the bottles on the desk, and started texting one of the others. I don’t think thirty seconds pass before Bumblebee ad Hound come in.  
”Go with them,” I say, calmy.  
”No!” J.R. exclaimed, grabbing my arms.  
”I can take care of Jayce.” Drift says. I pick up J.R. and walk out of the room with Bumblebee. I know J.R. wanted to stay in the room, but she also wants me, so she’s not fighting to be put down.


	38. Arguing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drift takes care of Jayce in the medbay before Crosshairs and J.R. walk in. J.R. is afraid Jayce will die even if she's stable, and Drift tells her Jayce is ok. Crosshairs takes J.R. out for dinner to get her out of the base. Later, Crosshairs and Hound tell Bumblebee, Cade, and Drift what happened when Jayce tried suicide by drowning, unaware J.R. woke up and listened at the top of the stairs. When she's heard enough, j.R. goes to her room, sits on the floor and cries. She wakes up to Crosshairs and Drift sitting by her. J.R. tells them she's afraid Jayce will keep trying to end her life, which results in the two mechs arguing about what to do to keep Jayce safe. Crosshairs walks out of the room, which upsets J.R. as much as hearing the two argue. A few hours pass before Crosshairs finds out his words and actions scared J.R.

Drift POV  
"Did you get a blood sugar test kit?" I asked Hound.  
"Yeah," He says, handing me a box. I did the test and looked over the note Bulma wrote.  
"Not good, Bulma's notes say the lowest number to be in the normal range is seventy-two. Jayce's is sixty."  
Bulma already thought of that and provided a few bottles of glucose, "I need to take her to the medbay."  
Jayce was unconscious at this point. I worried we were too late, and Jayce is dying. Hound watched as I worked as fast as I could while being careful.  
"This will help, but this might take several rounds all night," I explain, "enough until Jayce wakes up and isn't weak."  
I'm guessing though her level was so low, this has to take awhile. I want to stay here, but worry Jamie could sense something was wrong. Jayce isn't dying...yet. As I'm thinking if I should go to Jamie's room or not, my phone goes off. Bumblebee tells me he's with Jamie, and she's unaware of what's going on for now.  
"Jayce?" I hear. J.R. and Crosshairs were standing at the door.  
"She'll be ok," I assure her as she walks towards the bed.

J.R. POV  
Even reading the monitor, reading stable vitals, I still can't believe Jayce will be ok.  
"Why are you doing this to yourself, Jayce? Do you think I'm no longer struggling like you? You were worried Jamie would find out about our struggles, and now it's like you don't care if Jamie finds out that we've been dealing with or that you're dying." I fell to my knees and cried. Both Crosshairs and Drift came to me and hugged me, "She won't be ok. She'll keep trying," I say before they could say anything. Neither said a word. Be I must have been crying for ten minutes before I could stop.  
"I know it seems like things won't get better, but they will," Drift says as he wipes the tears from my eyes. How many times does he have to tell himself that to believe it?  
"come on, let's go get dinner," Crosshairs suggests. I didn't want to leave, but there's nothing I can do for Jayce.

Third-person  
Drift sat on the chair by the bed, holding Jayce's hand.  
"This isn't the way, Jayce. I know you're tired of the terrifying thoughts and nightmares,"  
Drift didn't know that Jayce was starting to wake up. She kept her eyes closed and listened to Drift, "J.R. is already stressed knowing you're trying to kill yourself, and seeing you unconscious in the medibay the last two days terrifies her. She doesn't even know what you did after you knocked her out," Tears started rolling down his face, "she thinks you're dying. I..I don't know how I'd explain to Jamie if she found out. How would we support her and J.R. as they watched you die?"  
Drift let himself cry, hearing Drift cry caused Jayce to tear up. She had to bit her lip to keep quiet. He cried for a few minutes before he could stop. He sent Hound a message before leaving the room. He went to his alt mode and drove off.

Hound POV  
Drift asked me to sit with Jayce, but I don't know where he went. Like Crosshairs, Drift wouldn't leave any of the girls without a valid reason. I looked at Jayce and noticed the tears.  
"Jayce? Come on, open your eyes," I sat on the bed and moved her on to my lap, being careful with the IV line. Cade comes in and sees what's going on. Jayce opened her eyes and hugged me.  
"Her number is much better. Still a little low," Cade tells me. He took her off the IV and cleaned up the area, "you need to drink this."  
He shows her the nutrition drink.  
Please take it; you're still sick.  
Jayce took the drink. Cade told me I could take her back to her room before leaving the room. I'd rather wait, I don't think J.R.'s in a good mental state to realize Jayce was taken to her room.  
Jayce slowly finished the drink and wanted to lie down. She was still tired.  
I laid her on the bed and sat on the chair. Jayce falls asleep ten minutes later. I don't know if I should be concerned she was awake for only an hour. Crosshairs sent me a text asking if Jayce was awake. I told him what took place the past hour. He tells me to bring her to her room. He thinks J.R. will panic regardless of where Jayce is since Jayce will be asleep, damn.

Crosshairs POV  
We should have been back an hour ago, but I figured J.R. wasn't ready to go back, so I made a couple of stops. J.R. fell asleep on the drive back, which is what I was hoping would happen. I carried her back to her room. By ten, Jamie was asleep. Now for what I'm not looking forward to, telling Bumblebee, Cade, and Drift what Jayce did.  
"You guys don't have to know." I tried to get them to change their mind, especially Drift, but they want to know.

J.R. POV  
I woke up, knowing the Autobots and Cade would be at the stairs. I have to use the bathroom.  
"If we were even a minute later, I think it would have been a different story." I hear Crosshairs say. I sat at the top of the stairs and listened to the conversation.  
"I pulled her out of the water. She was awake and gasping for air but very weak. I don't think she knew we were around. She wasn't conscious for long," Hound explained to them.  
"I took everything off her and wrapped her in my coat. She had to be put on a non-rebreather and 60% oxygen. I know that's an emergency, but we felt she wasn't stable enough for the drive." Crosshairs adds. By now, I'm biting my tongue and covering my mouth with my hands as tears roll down my face.  
"Her breathing improved after ten minutes, enough to be put on a nasal cannula and 40% oxygen. Though she didn't warm up a lot, she was stable enough for the drive back."  
I've heard enough, I run to my room, close the door, fall to my knees, and let myself cry.

"J.R.?"  
I opened my eyes to see Crosshairs worried expression. He was holding me. Drift was sitting next to him. I can't control myself anymore and started bawling.  
"Jayce is ok; she's in her room sleeping." Drift tells me.  
'She will keep trying until she succeeds," I sobbed, "There's no way to protect her."  
"There's an extreme measure with a high chance Jamie will find out,"  
"You know Bulma refused to do that before, It's not a solution," Drift hissed.  
"What else are we supposed to do? The stress we've be3en under just the past two days and J.R. Jamie's seen both Jayce and J.R. unconscious, why don't we just tell her what's been going on?"  
"No!!" I exclaimed both because this is a terrible idea and to get these two to stop arguing.  
"I'm done with this," Crosshairs snapped, puts me on the bed and leaves the room. At least he didn't slam the door while closing it. I wanted to run after him but scared of what he might say to me.  
"Come on, Let's go somewhere away from her for a while."  
Drift picks me up, and we go down to the garage. Crosshairs' alt mode was still here.  
Drift put me on the passenger side of his alt mode before getting in on the driver's side and driving off.

I knew he'd go to the lake. I sat on his lap, hugging him as he sat on the hood of his alt mode. Drift said nothing for five minutes.  
"What are we going to do? He will leave."  
"No, he's won't." Drift was sure of this.

Drift POV  
J.R. was getting cold; we've been sitting outside for a half-hour. She didn't want to let go of me either, so I sat on the passenger side of my alt mode, hoping she'd fall asleep. I know she will wake up, terrified at some point tonight. She might get two hours of sleep before that happens. Five minutes pass before I see a car behind me. No doubt it's Crosshairs. Decepticons don't even know about Jamie's cross-dimension travel. J.R. is half asleep on me. Crosshairs walks up to the door and opens it. I give him a look of disgust. He sees J.R. half asleep, takes off his trench coat, puts it on her, closes the door quietly, and goes back to his alt mode. Crosshairs left five minutes later. I waited for a half-hour before going back to the base. Crosshairs alt-mode wasn't in the garage. Don't know if he's out or recharging in his quarters.

Bumblebee walked out of Jayce's room as I came up the stairs. He followed me into J.R.'s room and took Crosshairs' trench coat from me. No way I'm leaving her wrapped in that after what happened tonight. I laid her in bed and covered her with the blanket. Bumblebee and I left the room and went downstairs.  
"What happened?" Bumblebee asked as he put the trench coat on the back of the couch. I knew telling Bee what happened would piss him off.  
"Nothing to worry about, Bee."  
Bumblebee goes upstairs. I grabbed a couple of things from the medibay before going back to J.R.'s room.

Two and a half hours pass before Crosshairs comes into the room. He retrieved his trench coat on the way.  
"You sure it's a good idea for you to be in here?" I hissed.  
"Yes, I know she will wake up, terrified, and it would help if I'm here."  
It wasn't long before we heard J.R. I was expecting a scream or for her to try to run out of the room. It's more troubling hearing her talk in her sleep.  
"No, Crosshairs, don't go. Jamie will be devastated."  
Crosshairs picked her up and sat on the bed, thinking J.R. would try to run out of the room.

Crosshairs POV  
So that's what J.R. thought hearing how angery I was, shit.  
"J.R., It's ok, I'm still here," I hugged her, hoping to get her to wake up. Bad idea, she's freaking out, thinking one of the others is restraining her from following me in her dream. She was trying to break free from my grip. Drift and I kept talking, trying to get her to wake up. It took her two minutes to wake up.  
"It's ok, I'm not going anywhere," I promised as she cried.  
I can't believe this; her mental state is terrible. J.R. wouldn't get this upset over arguing, actually she's the one who starts most of them around here.  
"Go back to Jamie's room. She will take a while to fall asleep."  
Drift leaves the room, and I lie on the bed, J.R. on top of me, still crying.  
She falls asleep ten minutes later—what a disaster of a day.


	39. J.R. Turns to Self Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce and J.R. have a rough morning, but no one thought it would result in J.R. hurting herself. Jayce finds her but thinks she just had a panic attack until the others find the two girls. Jayce tries to keep calm since J.R. doesn't seem aware she's hurt, but worries J.R. tried to end her life.

Crosshairs POV  
J.R. wasn’t bothered that she was laying on me when she woke up. She was able to sleep for seven hours before waking up. She didn’t wake up from a nightmare. She ate the half cup of oatmeal we’ve been giving her and Jayce, but she still won’t eat more than that. Jayce now refuses to eat, but I can get her to drink a nutrition drink. I don’t know if her low blood sugar situation last night scared her enough to give up trying to die from starvation. I hope so, that was not a great sight to see. J.R. was troubled by how we have to give Jayce nutrition drinks now. I hope she doesn’t end up getting to that point.  
Drift and Jamie come down. Jamie goes into the bathroom as Drift walks over to the table. Both Jayce and J.R. had a worried expression, but Drift didn’t seem to be worried.  
"Good call on putting the drink in a cup. Looks like iced coffee or those Monster coffee drinks Jamie gets," Drift points out before going to make tea.Wasn’t thinking Jamie could see the drink, I thought those two would still be in bed, but he’s right.  
“No, Jayce, you finish it!” I demand, regardless if she’s thinking of giving the drink to Jamie. Soon after, Jamie joins us but wanted to go upstairs once Drift finished making their tea.

Drift POV  
Jamie either didn’t notice the drink or didn’t think to ask about it. I think I was right, and she thought it was iced coffee. It’s hard not to think about what’s been going on, especially the past three days and what will happen. Jamie continues to be the least of our problems. She’s no longer crying in the middle of the night, but I can tell she’s still having a hard time with Buddy’s passing. Jamie has returned to her recording and writing. Good, I can leave her alone for a few hours. Jayce and J.R. are difficult.  
“You going to do any recording today?” I asked. It’s a way I can tell how she’ll be today. I don’t want to assume, and it turns out she’s having a bad morning.  
“Maybe later, I want to stay here with you,” she said, smiling. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile without something funny being said to her. The others can handle Jayce and J.R., though I worry how difficult are they going to be?

“Shouldn’t be a problem. With the way Jayce has been, Jamie needs to be distracted,” Crosshairs emphasized. I was washing the cups as we talked. Jayce and J.R. were in their rooms. Crosshairs and I went up together, but I didn’t like what we heard coming from Jayce’s room. She was sitting at the desk while Jayce sat on the bed.

J.R. POV  
“You’ve caused everyone so much stress the past two days. Worried, you’d die and trying to keep Jamie from knowing. Crosshairs is considering leaving. How long before the others think the same as him?”  
“No, J.R., that’s not true!” Crosshairs snapped. Jayce looked at him then me, confused.  
“I was trying to make her worry and stop trying to kill herself!” I raged before tearing up. I wanted to say more, but I cannot. I ran out of the room.  
“J.R.!!” Jayce yells, but I’m not stopping.

Jayce POV  
I tried to run after J.R., but Drift stopped me.  
“Let me go, Drift!” I yelled, “she will hurt herself!”  
“I’ll take care of her,” Crosshairs assures me before leaving the room.  
“You’ve caused her so much stress just the past couple of days. Now you’re worried about her?” I didn’t know what to say. He’s right; I caused everyone to worry more than they have been the past couple of days. Drift sat on the bed and had me sit on his lap.Drift repeated what he said last night, though he didn’t know I woke up and heard him. Something else that bothers me; he can’t say it to me. This time, he could keep himself from crying, but I couldn’t.  
Crosshairs POV  
“Stop!” I Yelled while running after J.R. out of the base, down the trail to the training grounds. Sure, she’s terrified knowing Jayce has been trying to end her life, but I don’t think that means J.R. won’t try. Once we got to the clearing, I jumped onto her. I rolled onto my back, so she’s lying on me. J.R. didn’t say anything; she just laid on me and cried. Neither Jayce nor J.R. can control when they cry. Both are hurting emotionally, and nothing is working. A few minutes pass before she’s quit. I get up and walk back to the base. I took her back to her room. Doubt she wants to see Jayce.  
“I’ll be right back,” I tell her after laying her on the bed.   
Jayce was crying when I looked in the room. I walked in and crouched down in front of Drift.  
“J.R. is ok,” I assured her, taking her hand, “she’s in her room.”  
“Hey, what’s going on here?” Bumblebee asked. Drift looked very concerned, “Jamie is fine; she’s doing more recording. Why is J.R. crying?” He looks at Jayce, “and Jayce.”  
“She was quiet when I left her not even five minutes ago,” I tell him and leave the room.

J.R. was lying in her stomach as she cried.I sat on my knees and rubbed her back.I’m out of ideas if I can’t leave her alone for a few minutes before she cries. I wish we could take the girls’ emotional pain away.

Three hours later

Jayce POV  
It’s strange waking up to no Autobots in the room. The door is open, but no one is by the room. Wonder if J.R. is asleep? Though I should assume yes.  
Shit, she’s alone and not doing good. This looks like she was alone for at least an hour. I doubt she was sitting on the floor, then, an anxiety attack startef. I sat on my knees beside her and took her hands. I’d like to find out what the hell happened that she’s on the floor, but I need to help her get her breathing under control. Crosshairs comes in five minutes later. By now, J.R.’s breathing is better, but he didn’t look shocked to see J.R. was going through an anxiety attack. He leaves but returns not even thirty seconds later with the others. They all couldn’t believe what was going on. Now I’m getting scared I’m missing something. Then Cade runs down the hall toward the stairs.  
What am I missing? What did you do, J.R.?   
Before I could even do a full body check, Hound and Bee pick me up; just like they did before with J.R., Something is very wrong. I don’t know if J.R. knows, so I bite my lip, trying not to scream. She needs to stay calm. I doubt I’ll find out what happened. They’ll keep me away, and I can’t concentrate to focus on her energy.

Cade POV  
Should we be happy Jayce didn’t notice the blood on the floor? Or think something else was wrong with J.R.?  
I had to take the top of J.R.’s gi off. Both Crosshairs and Drift stayed with me, thinking J.R. would put up a fight. She seems out of it, which isn’t good considering the injury we’re looking at. I can’t hey a good look while on the floor, so I made a temporary bandage. Any ouch would be painful, but J.R. was quiet. I had to look to see if she was even awake. I hope she’s calm because of her high pain tolerance, but if she wanted to bleed to death, then why isn’t she fighting me to stop taking care of the wound?  
Crosshairs carried her downstairs, keeping a hand on the wound.

After Crosshairs carefully laid her on the bed, I put J.R. on the monitor. Everything was fine, which most likely meant she cut herself and should be ok. I removed the temporary covering. The wound was still bleeding, but I need to know what I’m dealing with.  
“You are so lucky, J.R.,” I mumbled, seeing the cut isn’t deep, but it’s enough to need stitches.  
“She’s falling asleep,” Crosshairs informs me, not sure if he should be concerned or not.  
Her vitals were still good. Why is this happening? This is when the girls’ different and unusual response to anything medical is a problem.I took clean gauze and put it on the wound.  
“Drift, try to stop the bleeding,” I instructed. I waited for him to put his hand on the gauze before taking mine off. We’re screwed if J.R. has internal bleeding.   
Everything is ine, no signs of internal bleeding or J.R. losing too much blood. Something caught my eye as I walked to the other side of the bed.“Shit.”Crosshairs and Drift looked at the direction I was looking. Jayce made it in and is terrified. She had to have locked the door behind her for Bumblebee and Hound not to run in the room.How long has she been standing there?

Crosshairs POV  
We have no idea how long Jayce has been watching us, but I doubt she’s been here for more than two minutes. Jayce is terrified at what she sees, and before I knew it, she fell to the floor. I sat on my knees and rested her head on my legs.  
“Just take care of J.R.,” I tell Cade. Even if Jayce’s fainting spell turns out like J.R.’s, I can take care of her. I should take her back to her room, but I’m waiting for her to wake up in case she ends up like J.R.

Thankfully, this wasn’t the case. Jayce woke up thirty seconds later.  
“She’s dying,” Jayce mumbled.  
“Can you concentrate on her energy?” I whispered. Jayce is doo terrified to concentrate. I can’t stay here and find out either; I need to get Jayce out of here.I picked her up, exacting Jayce to put up a fight, but she didn’t.She locked the door. Bee and Hound stood at the other end. They followed me upstairs to Jayce’s room.

The room is quiet for five minutes; then I realized.  
“So, no one’s with Jamie?”  
This also terrified Jayce, and she tried to break free from my grip. Sure enough, we see Jamie running by. Bumblebee and Hound run out of the room after her.  
Does this mean J.R.’s energy is dropping? Should I let Jayce go back to the medbay?


	40. What Else Can We Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. has a scare while Cade takes care of the wound, which alarms Jamie. Cade and Drift hate seeing Jamie in the medbay and try to get her to leave without Jamie finding out what happened. Drift has a hard time getting her to leave. Jayce is distraught knowing Jamie knows something is wrong with J.R. Crosshairs tries to assure her Jamie doesn't know the details. Still, Jayce worries it's only a matter of time before Jamie finds out everything that's been going on the past three months. J.R. wakes up in a lot of pain, which concerns Cade and Crosshairs, but there are no other issues besides the wound. Cade gives her local pain relief. Drift tells Crosshairs what scared Jamie, forgetting that Croswshairs doesn't know about the scare J.R. had in the medbay. Cade and the Autobots worry their friends might have been dead by now, and Jamie would watch them die alone if they weren't here.

Drift POV  
You're lucky just to need stitches, J.R, and your blood pressure didn't drop too much and returned to normal fast. What's concerning is Cade says this isn't normal, but he can't find anything else wrong.  
"I will inform Bulma about this, but she's fine," Cade tells me.  
Bulma is like a doctor to all three girls but mostly to Jamie. I just hope we don't have to have her come here and help with severe injuries.  
"Oh, fuck," Cade exclaimed.  
Jamie is standing by the door, terrified. J.R. is still unconscious. I covered her with a blanket, so Jamie shouldn't find out about the wound. Cade's response to seeing Jamie in the room didn't help.  
"She's ok," I assure her.  
"No, she's not," Jamie mumbled.  
Shit, I figured J.R.'s energy had to have changed with the drop in blood pressure but not enough to cause alarm. I crouched down, so we're making eye contact.  
"I want you to concentrate on her energy," I waited thirty seconds, "you sense she's ok now, right?"  
She nods and hugs me.  
Please don't ask what happened.  
"She'll be ok, Go ahead," Cade tells me.  
I picked Jamie up and walked towards the door.  
"No!" She cries and tries to break free.  
This is not like Jamie at all. Now I'm worried. Did she go back to sleep and had a nightmare about Jayce or J.R. getting injured after seeing them both unconscious? Regardless, I don't want to show her J.R.'s wound.  
"J.R. will be ok," Cade says, standing by me. I know Jamie still didn't want to leave, but she stopped fighting me.

Hound and Bumblebee stood by the medbay as I walked out.  
"Sorry, she's quick," Bumblebee apologized before he and Hound went into the medbay. I went back to Jamie's room and sat on the bed. Things keep getting worse, and it seems there's no end in sight. Jamie is still hugging me, but she isn't crying. I'd rather guess what upset her than ask. She'd end up crying if I asked.

Crosshairs POV  
"Jamie knows what is going on," Jayce sobbed.  
"No, she doesn't," Bumblebee says as he walks in, "she saw J.R. unconscious but doesn't know what she did."  
"Three times now she's seen either J.R. or me unconscious. How long before she finds out? I can't take it anymore."  
"I know," I hugged her and rubbed her back as she cried. All we can do is comfort her as she cries and keep her safe, which has been backfiring on us.  
What is it going to take for you and J.R. to start feeling better?  
I laid on the bed with her. Jayce took longer to calm down, but she fell asleep.

I went down to the medbay. Bumblebee and Hound were there. J.R. has been unconscious for a half-hour. Cade showed me the wound and what he did.  
"You can take her to her room. She should be ok but take the portable monitor with you."  
I took the monitor from him and put it in my pocket before carrying J.R. to her room.  
I laid her in bed, making sure she's covered. She will be mad we've been seeing her with just a bra. Glad we didn't have to take her gi off completely. Not even going to lie with her, I'll sit at the desk. I may still get yelled at, but I can't leave her alone after what she just did.  
Why J.R.? You were so worried Jayce would harm herself, now you've hurt yourself worse than the wounds Jayce gave herself.  
I know, but now, many humans would give up on these two, but we will never give up on them.

J.R. wakes up five minutes later. She tried to move to her side but was in a lot of pain. I don't think she could answer me; I sent a text to Cade about her pain. J.R. had tears rolling down her face but wasn't making a sound. Was the pain tolerable, but now you're in more pain or unaware of the pain before you passed out?  
This perplexes even Cade, he wasn't sure if it's just because of the stitches. For now, we opted for a local painkiller. The injection was painful for her, which is unusual. I laid with her, and she fell asleep ten minutes later.  
Two in the afternoon and the three girls are asleep. It troubles everyone hearing about J.R.'s sudden intense pain. Cade is sure the local pain injection wouldn't block the pain if it's an internal injury or bleeding. He felt her abdomen as to took care of the wound and did the injection, nothing felt off. We then talked about how J.R. even got a weapon and what we could do to keep her from doing self-harm again and Jayce from trying to kill herself. It's getting more challenging keeping Jayce safe. J.R. is easy; she had that one weapon. We locked it in the weapons room. Last, we talked about how it seems there's no end to this, or it's looking like it'll be an ending we don't want. I went with Drift to Jamie's room while Bumblebee stayed with Jayce and Hound with J.R.

Drift POV  
"Jamie knows something happened to J.R.,"  
"What?" Crosshairs exclaimed, looking at Jamie.  
"I don't know if she went back to sleep and seeing both Jayce and J.R. unconscious the past two days caused her to dream about them getting injured, or J.R.'s energy changed when her blood pressure dropped, and it was a big drop. Wish we could sense energy like them in our holoforms, then I wouldn't be guessing."  
I forgot Crosshairs has been unaware of J.R.'s condition since he brought her to medbay. He couldn't believe what happened.  
"That has to be it. Even if it's not, seeing her friends unconscious in medbay is scaring Jamie- add that we were not even in a battle. She knows something is going on. Only a matter of time before she demands answers from us."  
Crosshairs sat on the bed, frustrated. I sat next to him, not sure what to say. We're all not sure what to do now with Jayce and J.R. They're not even close to recovering mentally. Jamie is close to finding out which would be a disaster.  
"so, how was J.R. when she woke up?" I asked.  
"She woke up in pain, which leads me to think she wasn't quiet because of her pain tolerance." With that, Crosshairs left. I know he doesn't want to leave J.R. alone for long after what she did.

Cade POV  
I waited until three to check on Jayce and J.R.'s wounds. Jayce's should be fine since she cut herself with a razor, but she has several cuts on each leg that are two inches long. I'd rather be safe and make sure they're healing properly. I could ask Hound to do it since he's watching her, but I'd rather look myself.  
"I still can't believe she did that," Hound says, looking at the wounds with me.  
"After what J.R. did today, this is nothing but still troubling. Things are getting worse every day. I hate to say it, but Jayce and J.R. would be dead by now if we weren't here. We'd never know, but Jamie would watch them die. We've been able to distract her. Question is for how much longer?"  
I ended up waking Jayce, which was a good thing. The way her nightmares have been, It's likely I could end up scaring her as I took care of the wounds. I know she wouldn't take care of them, and these aren't wounds you can just bandage once and leave alone. I was expecting Jayce to stop me, but she laid quietly.  
"Done, I still can't believe you did this, Jayce. This isn't the way," I said before I left. I brought the supplies back to the medbay. I went to my room, thinking of the usual questions the Autobots have and thinking what if Jayce does something that I have to resuscitate her? It's scary knowing I could end up doing the same to Jamie again, likely several times. Maybe not for several months but it's still scary. We've lucked out, it's been four years since her last severe flare-up but we know how unpredictable her illness is.  
Two hours later. Jamie went to the house while the other two stayed in their rooms. Now J.R. won't eat, which confirmed our fear; she was trying to bleed to death—even after Jayce scared her twice with her attempts to kill herself. Crosshairs tells me he scared J.R. into thinking he'd leave them last night. Now she doesn't care? We're all thinking, what can we do?


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crosshairs has to give J.R. painkillers via injection for the pain caused by her wound as J.R. is trying to punish herself for what she did. Cade and The Autobotots plan on taking the three girls out later in the day. Though Jayce is exhausted, she tries to take part in what everyone is doing instead of ruining the afternoon.

Two days have passed, both Jayce and J.R. stay in their rooms. J.R. has been in too much pain to move and wants to avoid painkillers. J.R. agrees to them at night, which keeps her asleep all night. The Autobots and Cade are happy Jamie spends a lot of time in her room, working. They don't need to come up with a lie about why Jayce and J.R. are in their rooms all day. They do want to get the girls out of the base.

Crosshairs POV

"Hold still and it won't hurt as much," J.R. fought me as I took care of her wound, "that's it, I tried doing it your way, but I'm giving you painkillers."  
I wanted to until we left to give her long-lasting painkillers, but with J.R. fighting me, I can't take care of the wound. I prepared for this and brought a painkiller injection, "Isn't that better? It is for me, now I can finish."  
Once I finished taking care of the wound, I told her about the plan to go out later.  
"Good luck getting Jayce to come with us. I know she's been in a mood."  
Jayce has had little sleep in the past two days, so she'll be exhausted. I left the room so J.R. could get dressed and went to Jayce's room.

"She's still asleep. Woke up five times overnight," Hound informs me, "I don't think she's coming."  
"We can wait until mid-afternoon to leave. Jamie will want to do some work first, and she's still asleep."  
"How is J.R.? I worry she will end up with an infection."  
"I think she's trying to punish herself by dealing with the pain. You forget Jayce's wounds can get infected. Glad they don't cause her any pain."  
"I don't understand why J.R. would punish herself. It's not her fault. Jayce thinks death solves her emotional pain."  
"I don't either, and I worry she will keep trying like Jayce. Trying to go first, so she doesn't have to watch Jayce die."

With that, I returned to J.R.'s room. J.R. was sitting on the bed.  
"Come on, let's go get breakfast."

Bumblebee and Cade are ready downstairs.  
"You ok?" I asked Cade after I gave J.R. her breakfast. Jayce has had a tough time the last couple of nights, and Cade has had to help.  
"It's nothing," he tells me.  
I'll ask him later. I sat back at the table, hoping J.R. would want more to eat, but she still ate very little. I let her go back to her room to play a computer game until it's time to go.

With J.R. distracted, I went to Jamie's room. The only time I've been able to see Jamie the past three days is after our nightly discussion when she's asleep.  
"Is she ok?" I asked, seeing Jamie sitting on Drift's lap at the edge of the bed.  
"Yeah," he replied as I sat next to him. Janie didn't appear to have been crying, but she was upset.  
"Maybe she needs caffeine," I joked, "I'll take her," I move Jamie to my lap, and Drift leaves the room, "what's wrong, Jamie?" She wouldn't answer me, "Jayce and J.R. are ok."  
I made her look at me, hated the tears forming in her eyes. So that's it, seeing Jayce and J.R. unconscious in medbay scared her. Now Jamie is crying, and Drift will be so mad at me.

Drift POV  
"What did you do?" I tried to keep calm while asking Crosshairs. I was gone for ten minutes.  
"When were you going to tell me how much seeing Jayce and J.R. in the medbay scared her? I thought she was doing ok after seeing them."  
I shot him a look, hoping he'd know I didn't want to talk about it in front of Jamie. After putting the cup on the tray, I sat next to Crosshairs.  
"Jamie, I'm ok," I hear J.R. say as she walked towards us. Standing in front of us, she lifted Jamie's head, making Jamie look at her, "I'm ok, Jayce is ok-."  
"No, you're not," Jamie sobbed  
Shit does she know about the wound after all? Oh shit, J.R. can't hide that she's lying.  
"I am, now stop crying," J.R. demanded. If this is how she will hide the truth, then we're better off telling Jamie the truth, "we're supposed to be going out later today and can't have you crying." J  
.R. hugged Jamie before leaving though Jamie still had tears rolling down her face.  
"She's right, we want you to be happy before we leave," I kissed her forehead before giving her the cup of tea.

With Crosshairs holding Jamie, I went to find J.R. I hope he knows that's what I'm up to since I couldn't tell him in front of Jamie. J.R. was laying on her bed, crying. It hasn't even been five minutes since she left Jamie's room. She was having a hard time trying not to cry while talking to Jamie. She looked at me as I sat on my knees.  
"She knows," J.R. sobbed.  
"She's seen both you and Jayce unconscious in the medbay. Seeing you in there twice scared her, but she doesn't know why besides the lie about being too rough during training," I explained while I rubbed her back.  
Oh boy, Jamie and J.R. are already distraught, and Jayce isn't even awake yet. I hope we can have an enjoyable afternoon out. Bumblebee comes on, and I tell him what's going on before he tells me to go back to Jamie's room, thinking she's difficult to calm down. I left but went to Jayce's room. Bumblebee knows since he watched me leave and Jayce's room is the first room on the left when you go upstairs, Jamie's is the last room on the left.  
Jayce was still asleep, so I didn't stay long. It's only ten-thirty, so we'll let her sleep a little longer.

Ninety minutes later

Hound POV  
Jayce woke up at noon. Glad she slept longer than two hours and, I didn't have to wake her up. Nor did she wake up from a nightmare. Just hate how she's refusing to eat. She'll only drink the nutrition drink. We think she's drinking them because she hated how she felt after not eating for twenty-six hours. At least she gave up on trying death by starvation...we hope. I told her we have plans to go out later; she didn't seem to care. I just hope we're not forcing her to come with us.  
Jayce went to J.R.'s room when she finished with her drink. Bumblebee is with her, so I don't have to follow Jayce.

Jayce POV  
"What's wrong?" I asked J.R. as I sat on the bed. Bumblebee was sitting at the desk. I don't know if he knows why J.R. is upset, but I want her to tell me.  
"It's nothing," she insists.  
I sit next to her, hoping she'd yell me. I'll sit here until it's time to leave if I have to.

That's what happened. An hour passed, and J.R. said nothing.  
"Don't worry about it," Bumblebee tells me before we go downstairs. I gave J.R. space and rode with Bumblebee. She didn't seem to be bothered with this.  
How can I not worry about her? Something is troubling her, but she won't say anything, at least not to me.

The Autobots and Cade's plan is roller skating. Who the hell came up with this idea? They planned on roller skating and came up with a game, which is what Jamie would do. I say it's a version of hot potato but no music, and the potato, in this case, is Jamie. We have to keep moving around the rink and keep Jamie moving without making her fall.  
"Who came up with this?" I asked Jamie, smiling.  
"Not me but sounds like a fun game," she replied, smiling.

Everyone had a hard time getting used to the skates before we even stepped into the rink. That made everyone, including me, laugh. It's a good thing we're the only ones here. After a few minutes, the game started. We all laughed while watching Janie try not to fall as we passed her to each other. She lasted fifteen minutes before falling flat on her butt. We continued to laugh as Drift tried to help her up, but he ends up falling, which got Jamie to laugh.  
"Here, let me help," Crosshairs says before falling flat in his butt. All three tried to get up but couldn't. Crosshairs and Drift ended up on top of Jamie.  
"Always on the bottom," Jamie sighed. The three of them finally got up.  
"So, who wins?" I asked. It turns out; they didn't think if that. They just wanted to make up a fun game.  
"Whoever causes the person the fall," Jamie suggests, "someone else can be the one being passed around."  
We all laughed.  
"Ok, my turn then," I volunteered. I lasted ten minutes. No one else wanted a turn, so we skated around. Five minutes pass before I see Jamie taking her skates off. Drift wanted to skate with her, but her size made it a challenge. It looks like they decided he can hold her as he skates. Ten minutes pass before I stop. I'm exhausted, didn't think I'd last as long as I did.  
"You ok?" Crosshairs asks soon after I sit down.  
"I'm fine; I don't want to ruin the fun."  
"We're going to dinner afterward. Going to be at least three more hours. You sure you'll be ok?" Crosshairs asks as I'm rubbing my eyes.  
"Is J.R. Going to last that long, pain wise?"  
"She should, but I came prepared for that. Not much I can do for you, but take you back to base." With that, he skated off.

Crosshairs POV  
I don't want to force Jayce to go back to base, but I don't know how much longer she'll last.  
"Is Jayce ok?" Drift asks, which I didn't think he would since he's holding Jamie unless Jamie is worried about Jayce.  
"She's tired but doesn't want to go back to base."  
"Well, we can't force her."  
"You being difficult, Jamie?" Bumblebee asks.  
"No, Jayce is. She's exhausted but doesn't want to leave. If she falls asleep on the way to the restaurant, take her back to the base, Bee," I instructed Bumblebee. He nodded in agreement and skated off.  
Five minutes pass before Jamie wants to put skates back on.  
"Good, you were getting heavy," Drift joked as he put Jamie down. Jamie kicked my shin, causing me to fall.  
"I didn't say that."  
Jamie laughed before running off.  
"Well, at least she's happy," Drift says as he helped me up.

A few minutes pass before we see all three girls skating together, laughing. Jayce was having a hard time standing.  
"Think it's time to go get dinner?" I asked the others.  
"Yeah, don't know how much longer Jayce will last," Drift says.  
We all agree and tell the girls it's time to go.

Bumblebee POV  
Jayce tried to stay awake, but it was a challenge. I think she'd fall asleep for two minutes then wake up. She'd know if I'm driving back to the base.  
"You sure you don't want to go back to the base? It's ok, Jamie and J.R. will understand."  
"No!"  
Maybe it's a good thing she's trying to stay up longer. It's only four so she'd wake up in the middle of the night. If she can hold off a little longer, she might sleep all night.

Drift POV  
It's been a long time since Jamie listened to any music but, I missed playing our playlist. Jamie isn't a fan of love songs, romantic movies or scenes, or anything like that, but these songs are the exception. Now, if I can get her to sing. She was tired but able to stay awake. Doubt Jayce can, but Bumblebee hasn't said he's taking her back to the base.

Dinner was the same as always when we go out, minus how Jayce is exhausted. I'm expecting Jamie to be asleep by the time we get back. The downside is she'll be awake by the middle of the night. Doubt being exhausted will help Jayce stay asleep for longer than two hours.

We got back to the base at six. Jamie and Jayce fell asleep on the way back.  
"Lazy bums," J.R. joked before going to her room.  
"Did you see that?" I asked Crosshairs as we walked towards the stairs. He was carrying Jayce, and I was carrying Jamie. J.R. is walking as if she was in pain.  
"The pain medicine wore off," Crosshairs sighed, "she will refuse until she goes to sleep."

I went to J.R.'s room after I put Jamie to bed, and sure enough, she was in a lot of pain. She wasn't going anywhere, so we had our nightly discussion about the girls.  
"Well, it was a pleasant afternoon until ten minutes ago. J.R. is in pain again," Crosshairs tells the others.  
"It's something though I doubt it's the start of the road to recovery, it's hard to say," Cade adds.


	42. Needing A Good Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. is regretting what she did now that she realizes how much pain she's in. Thinking about how her plan failed and why she wanted to die causes her to cry, and she can't stop no matter what Crosshairs or Drift say or do to comfort her.

J.R. POV  
The worst place to cut, this fucking hurts. I wanted to bleed, and the abdomen is an excellent area to achieve that. Not great when you're found and saved from dying. Though, Jayce found me way before I got to that point. I don't know what happened. I cut myself and laid on the floor, but five minutes later, I ended up with an anxiety attack, and Jayce came in. I want to die before Jayce. I don't want to watch her die. She's tried three times, no way she won't try again. Between the thought of Jayce trying to kill herself and the pain I'm in, I'm now crying.  
"It's ok," I hear Crosshairs say before feeling a poke, "sorry, but I know you'd refuse no matter how much pain you're in."  
He wiped the tears from my eyes, waiting for the pain medicine to kick in before holding me on his lap. Even with the pain gone, I can't stop crying.  
"What's going on with you?" He asked. Drift walks in and sits next to him, "I think she just needs a good cry, " Crosshairs tells him.  
"I don't understand, J.R. You saw how happy Jamie and Jayce were this afternoon," Drift says as he wiped the tears from my eyes.  
You don't want to know.

Five minutes pass and I still can't stop crying.  
"How much have you not been telling us?"  
Crosshairs moved to lie on the bed, he positions me so Drift could sit on his knees, and rub my back.

Cade POV  
I wanted to check on J.R.'s stitches but wasn't prepared for what I saw or heard when I walked into the room.  
She can't be crying from pain. I know Crosshairs wouldn't let her.  
"What's going on?" I asked Drift, hoping he can hear me.  
"We don't know, and she won't tell us. Crosshairs gave her pain relief," Drift says.  
I waited two minutes for either of them to tell me to get the drug we've been using to calm the girls. Neither of them told me to get it, so I left the room.

With Jayce and Jamie still sleeping, I sat in my room, thinking about the girls.  
I can't tell the Autobots what I've been thinking. They're already terrified Jayce will try to kill herself again, and J.R. may harm herself again. Hard to say if she will try to kill herself. I can't tell the Autobots I'm terrified that I might have to revive either of them. I think they know the fear I have that I could end up trying to revive Jamie, but we've lucked out the past three years. They don't know I review the notes and logs from time to time.

A half-hour passed before I leave my room. No one is in J.R.'s room. Bumblebee is with Jamie, and Hound is with Jayce. Jamie is awake, watching T.V. in her room.  
"Crosshairs and Drift are trying to see if time at the lake will help J.R. She stopped crying but is still in distress," Hound informs me, "I don't understand, the three girls were content all afternoon. She didn't fall asleep so, it's not like she woke up, terrified from a nightmare."  
"She's terrified Jayce will try to kill herself again," I tell Hound, looking at Jayce.

Drift POV  
I know Crosshairs has everything under control, but I wanted to come with him to help with J.R. The one who hid her emotions is the one struggling the most. Crosshairs took her for a walk, though he was carrying her, while I sat on the hood of my alt mode. Good thing this is a rural area. No one would understand why Crosshairs is carrying a grown woman. I doubt anyone would understand the girls' friendship and what these girls went through. We may do things differently, but we do what we need to. The things Jayce and J.R. have tried while we're here. It's terrifying to think how much sooner all this would happen, and Jamie would watch her friends die alone before taking her own life. I sat on the driver's side of my alt mode and cried.

"Hey, are you ok?" Crosshairs asks. I didn't even hear the door open.  
"I don't want to talk about it," I say.  
"Ok," Crosshairs says, concerned, "J.R. fell asleep. I'm going back to the base," he informed me and closed the door. Looking at the time, Crosshairs took J.R. for a ten-minute walk before he returned and found me upset. Ten minutes pass before I returned to the base.

Bumblebee is with Jamie, so I stood on the balcony. Crosshairs joins me five minutes later.  
"I don't want to talk about it," I tell him before he could even ask.  
"No need to, I know you've been thinking about what would happen if we weren't here." I could tell by his voice that he's been thinking the same.

We didn't realize we've been standing on the balcony for an hour until Crosshairs got a text from Hound. J.R. woke up, terrified. I followed him to her room. Definitely can say the pleasant afternoon we had isn't a sign that the girls are recovering from this shit. Add the tight grip J.R. now has on Crosshairs, and she's trembling. Shit, is she at that point like Jayce? Only two hours of sleep before waking up from a nightmare.  
"Jamie...and...Jayce," she sobbed.  
Yup, that confirms it, fuck. Even after seeing them, happy and laughing, she still has that nightmare.  
"They're ok," Crosshairs assured her, "Go to Jamie's room," Crosshairs insisted, "J.R. will take a while to calm down."  
I left the room, worried. Jayce was also awake, terrified, and crying. Should we think this is permanent?

Bumblebee POV  
With Drift back in Jamie's room, I went to see how Jayce and J.R. are. Damn, a pleasant afternoon turned into a terrible night.  
Cade also discovered Jayce and J.R. are in distress.  
"Damn it, what's it going to take for the nightmares to stop?" Cade wondered, "I worry they will be permanent, Bee."  
"Add J.R. is terrified Jayce will try to kill herself again. I don't know if it terrifies Jayce J.R. will continue to harm herself or try to kill herself."  
"I don't know, Bee," Cade sighed and returned to his room.  
I know both Crosshairs and Hound have been trying to avoid drugs, except for pain management for J.R., but I think they'll have to give in.  
I went to the medbay and prepared a syringe for both of them along and grabbed two portable vitals monitor. I put one syringe and monitor on the desk of both girls' room and waited in the hallway.  
Two hours pass before Hound leaves Jayce's room.  
"I tried not to give Jayce the drug. She fell asleep but only slept for an hour. She's getting worse," Hound sighed, "no way she's going to stop trying to kill herself."  
I fear he's right. No doubt, J.R. is the same way. What are we going to do?


	43. Another Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With J.R. on pain medication that keeps her asleep all night, Crosshairs stayed with Jayce to give Hound a break. Though she's still asleep, Crosshairs goes into her room to check on her, not liking how she looks. He gets Cade to take a look. Jayce is in the room when the two return. She does not like there's something wrong but not panicking. Jayce calmly tells them, and Hound, why J.R. is very sick before leaving the medbay. She quickly realizes why J.R. cut herself in the first place and why she was rushed out of the room when she found J.R. Hound tries to assure Jayce she found J.R. in time before Drift comes downstairs, Jayce tells Drift what's going on, but now she's panicking. It's not long before Cade finds out why J.R. is very sick and starts giving her medication. A new challenge arises soon afterward.

Crosshairs POV  
Two days have passed. We can't tell if Jayce gave up trying to kill herself and won't harm herself. J.R. continued to deal with the pain from her wound, but it's easy to give her pain relief. Cade has looked at the wound twice a day, and it seemed to be healing, or so we thought...

I slept in Jayce's room to give Hound a break since J.R. sleeps all night. J.R. has been sleeping until ten, so I wasn't too worried, but I went into the room anyway. She was still sleeping but looked awful. J.R. looked pale and felt warm. I didn't want to wake her up, but I need to figure out what's wrong now. I returned to the room with Cade five minutes later. Jayce was sitting on her knees by the bed. She looked at us, concerned but not panicking. Where's Hound? I don't know if she'll be difficult.  
"Something is wrong," Jayce says, scared.  
So, she knows it's not a cold or the flu.  
"I'm taking her to the medbay," Cade explains.  
J.R. moaned as I picked her up. I know the pain relief wore off. It's concerning a moan is her reaction instead of telling me she's in pain.

Cade, Jayce, and I headed downstairs to the medbay. Hound was relaxing and watching T.V. Hound spotted us and tried to get Jayce to stop following us. "It's ok, Hound, let her," I tell him. He comes with us to the medbay. We're not sure if J.R. is asleep or very weak and is keeping her eyes closed. I laid her on the bed, Jayce stood on the other side and held J.R.'s hand as Cade put J.R. on the monitor. J.R. had a slightly elevated heart rate, low-grade fever, and is breathing a little faster than usual, but it's not noticeable just listening to her breathe.  
"How did this even happen?" Hound asked.  
"The knife she used wasn't clean. Even though Crosshairs has been taking care of the wound, infection is still possible three days after the wound occurred," Jayce explained. She was calm while explaining but had a concerned expression.  
"J.R., you awake?" Cade asked. I assume he's trying to figure out how to deal with this. I know be doesn't want to wake her up. J.R. opened her eyes and looked at Cade, "I need to take care of the wound and see what kind of infection you have. I can give you the pain medicine, but I don't know how well that'll work," he explained. I know Cade is doing what's needed. He'd have a good reason for not giving J.R. something for her fever.  
"I'm leaving, she will be uncomfortable, and I don't want to hear her cry," Jayce whispers to me before leaving.

Jayce POV  
I know J.R. will be ok. We caught this early but, she's so uncomfortable, and there's little Cade can do to help with that while she's on antibiotics. Shot, how long do we need to wait to get them from Bulma? Then I realized, oh fuck.  
"She was trying to bleed to death."  
That's why the Autobots rushed me out of J.R.'s room two days ago. I thought she just wanted to cut herself.  
"You got to her in time," I hear Hound behind me. I turned to face him, "you just said she used a dirty knife, and that caused the infection," he put a hand on my shoulder, "she'll be ok."  
"What happened?" I jumped, hearing Drift's voice, "I'm alone, Jamie is still asleep. Now, what's going on?"  
I insisted we go to my room to talk. We'd have a lot of explaining to do if Jamie finds out. I told Drift what's going on.  
"...she might get what she wants."  
"She wasn't concerned when she saw J.R.," Hound tells Drift, "she said we caught it early, and J.R. will be ok."  
"J.R. will be ok," Drift assures, "I will see how she's doing."

Cade POV  
I tried to get samples for Bulma to test, as I don't know how to do the test needed, but J.R. was becoming agitated. She feels like crap, but I knew from her moans she did not like this. I was expecting Crosshairs to yell at me to stop.  
"All right, I'm done," I say and take out my phone, "Let's see if pictures are enough for Bulma to figure this out."  
From what I'm seeing, this isn't serious, but I don't want to be wrong, and we find out this I serious as J.R. is dying.  
"You'll be ok," Crosshairs assures J.R. as he covered her with a blanket when I finished taking pictures of the wound. The door opens, and we both jump worried it's Jamie.  
"It's just me," Drift says as he walks over to the bed, "how is she?"  
"Awful, but Cade couldn't get what he needed, so we're hoping some pictures are all Buma needs to figure out what type of infection she has." Crosshairs explain.  
"Who asked 'what else can happen'?" I tried to lighten the mood, but they weren't pleased, "ok, sorry." I left the room, waiting for Bulma to contact me.

Drift POV  
J.R. looked up awful, both Crosshairs and I worried this is serious and hated how Cade is waiting to hear from Bulma to start treatment. J.R. closed her eyes and fell asleep.  
"So, even if this isn't serious, J.R. will still feel like shit for a few days," Crosshairs starts.  
"She looks like she has the flu, that's what we will say if Jamie asks."  
"She's missing some symptoms. I don't think a human can have the flu without coughing or a running nose," Crosshairs points out, "I don't think we can fool Jamie when it comes to anything medical."  
Crosshairs is right, and Jamie might find out what's going on.  
"J.R. is asleep, go back to Jamie," Crosshairs tells me.

I found Jayce sitting on the couch, scared.  
"Jaimie will find out," Jayce fretted.  
I put my hands on her shoulders, "calm down, and she won't."  
Bumblebee tried to get Jayce to go upstairs to her room, but she ran to the medbay, Bumblebee followed her.

Crosshairs POV  
The doors flew open as Jayce ran into the room towards me.  
"Shh, calm down. J.R. is asleep," I had Jayce sit on my lap, "you said yourself she'll be ok, what changed that?"  
"J.R. didn't want to harm herself; she was trying to bleed to death."  
I sighed, "we know, we didn't want you to know. J.R. will be ok."  
"She will be, Jayce," I hear Cade say as the door closed, "Bulma is certain this isn't a serious infection. She gave me a list of things to watch for."  
Cade leaves the room; I assume he's headed to Bulma's dimension to get the antibiotics for J.R. One of the few things we don't have here. Though the medbay was more for Jamie's care during a flare-up, Jamie insisted on having a full medbay for both humans and Autobots. However, antibiotics are only for bacterial infections, which no one has gotten while here. Cade came back fifteen minutes later and started an I.V. for J.R.  
"I will do this for today, and we'll see how she's feeling. I doubt she wants to move. This will take a half-hour."  
"You sure you don't want to wait until she wakes up," I ask, worried J.R. will wake up.  
"She will be asleep for a while," he says as he poked J.R. As I feared, she felt it but was too weak to move. She just moaned, I watched tears roll down her face, "you want me to stop?" Cade asked, thinking I was about to yell at him.  
"No, keep going," I say as I get some tissues and wipe the tears from J.R.'s eyes, "it's ok, Cade is giving you medicine to help you." I stroked her forehead, hating how warn she felt.  
Let this be a minor infection.J.R. fell asleep soon after Cade finished putting an IV in.  
"Why do you have to be on the unusual side of things, J.R.?" Cade asks, "you, Jamie, and Jayce. This is a minor infection; she shouldn't be that sick."  
"Are you sure it's minor, then?" "You want me to sedate her and get samples for Bulma?"  
I feel like I'm questioning Bulma's knowledge if we do that, but this is unusual.  
"No, we'll watch J.R. closely." With that, Cade left the room. I know J.R. will be asleep for a while, but I should stay here.

Drift POV  
With Bumblebee and Hound staying with Jayce, I returned to Jamie's room and laid on the bed with her laying on top of me.  
"It's about time you woke up," I joked as Jamie looked at me. My phone was vibrating, but I don't want to alarm Jamie.  
"You will not see what that's about?"  
"If it's important, they'll come in."  
They wouldn't come in to tell me what's going in with J.R. I hate I have to lie to Jamie. The one time I want to keep Jamie in her room for a while is the time she can't wait to use the bathroom. Though I didn't know how long I would have her stay here. It should be fine as long as she doesn't go into the medbay.

Jamie POV  
How strange Drift ignored either a call or a message. I don't know if Optimus would contact any of the Autobots via their cell phones, but it's odd Drift didn't see who is trying to contact him. I caught Cade heading towards a hallway where the medbay and weapons room. No need to get weapons so...shit, which one of them is unconscious now? Drift was busy making tea, and I know he won't let me go to the medbay, so I will have to go while he's distracted. I wasn't prepared for what I see. J.R. was unconcerned again, but she looked awful and needs medicine. "Jamie?" Cade exclaims.  
I don't know what's wrong with J.R., but I fell to my knees and cried.

Jayce POV  
It's been an hour since Crosshairs brought J.R. to the medbay. Cade must have heard back from Bulma by now. I want to know what we're dealing with. This was not what I expected.  
"Jamie?" I exclaimed and ran to her though Crosshairs was already with her. He saw me, got up, and left the room.  
Geez, Crosshairs, do you think Cade can't be with her for the minute it'll take you to get Drift? This isn't like Jamie at all. She'd investigate what she sees, not immediately panic.  
"Jamie, you know you can't assume what's going in by what you're seeing," I say as I hugged her, "J.R. will be ok."  
I'm worried about her mental state if she's frightened by what she sees. Course, seeing J.R. unconscious in here once and me twice before doesn't help.  
"Jamie, it's ok, J.R. will be ok," Drift says as he sits on his knees beside me.  
"This isn't like her. What are we going to do?" I asked, afraid we need to show her the wound and how J.R. has a minor infection. She knows how Jayce and I are often on the unusual end of things medically. Her entire medical history is rare but, if she's frightened now, then I think showing her will not help. She can't concentrate on J.R.'s energy either.  
"Come on," Drift tried to pick Jamie up.It's shocking to see she's fighting him. It might not be the best way to get her to stop, but I forced her to the floor and pinned her down by the shoulders. I'd like to slap J.R., but that can wait a few minutes.

Drift POV  
Our luck has run out. Jamie may not know what Jayce and J.R. have been dealing with for almost four months, but the fact she's terrified seeing J.R. in medbay isn't good.  
"Let her go, Jayce."  
I had my hands ready to keep Jamie from running off. She let me hug her.  
"Shh, it's ok." She's still crying but calming down.  
"Show her J.R. is ok," Jayce insisted.  
They might be a good idea or frighten Jamie even more. Still hugging Jamie, I stood up and walked to the monitor. Though J.R.'s heart and respiratory rate were still slightly elevated, Jamie should understand this doesn't mean J.R. is critical. I don't want to show her the wound. I stood by the bed for a minute before carrying Jamie out of the room.  
Sitting on the couch with Jamie on my lap, I tried to get her to stop crying. Crosshairs sits next to me five minutes later with Jamie's water bottle.  
"Here, you need to drink some water," he says as he hands her the bottle. She had a little drink.

Cade POV  
I can't believe how terrified Jamie is from seeing Jayce and J.R. unconscious in the medbay, but why? With her extensive medical knowledge, this makes little sense. Something else has to be bothering her. Jayce is bothered by how frightened Jamie is and not about J.R.  
"Jayce, how is J.R.'s energy?" I asked.  
"As it should be even with her elevated heart and respiratory rate. I don't understand why Jamie is reaching like this," she says and hugs me.


	44. Infection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once Drift is able to calm Jamie down, Drift discovers Jayce is no longer concerned about J.R., but angery at her. A little time passes before Drift is in the medbay with Jayce. He has to help Crosshairs with an unusual way to feed a adult woman but they both don't want to use an invasive method. J.R. ends up throwing up what she took and Jayce is pleased about it. Jayce runs out out of the medbay, followed by Drift, she runs up to J.R.'s room and finds another knife. Drift realizes they forgot to make sure J.R. didn't have anymore.

Drift POV  
Jamie is still crying, and I don’t know what to do. I see this is upsetting Jayce. The only thing I haven’t tried is having Jamie lie down. Considering how much she’s been crying, she’ll end up falling asleep. I carried her back to the room and tried to lie her on the bed, but she wouldn’t let go. I sat on the bed and moved in a slow rocking motion.   
“Shh, calm down, J.R. will be ok.”   
Jamie let me lie her down five minutes later. She stopped crying, but tears still rolled down her face.   
This isn’t like you, Jamie. Why are you terrified? 

Once she fell asleep, ten minutes later, I went downstairs to see how Jayce is doing. Everyone, but J.R., was sitting on the couches.   
“Are you ok, Jayce?” I asked.   
“No! I’d love to hurt J.R!” She raged.   
“No, that’s not the right way,” I get Jayce to sit next to me and hugged her, “what happened? You were concerned about her an hour ago.”   
As Jayce tells Drift why she’s now angry at J.R., Crosshairs goes back to the medbay. 

Crosshairs POV   
J.R. hasn’t eaten since yesterday. Doubt she’ll be well enough to drink a nutrition drink. Hmm.. how safe is using a syringe as humans do to give their sparklings medicine?  
A beep startled me; it’s only the infusion pump. As I stood up to take care of it, Cade walks in and cleans up the completed infusion.   
“What’s wrong?” He asked.   
I told him what I was thinking to try since J.R. will feel like shit when she wakes up. We’ll see how she feels. I grabbed the 300 ml syringe just in case. Cade and I sit by the bed, waiting for J.R. to wake up.   
Jayce and Drift come in five minutes later. Jayce panics at the sight of the large syringe.   
“It’s ok, Jayce, I might use this to give J.R. nutrition drink. Doubt feel well enough to sit up.”   
Drift sits on the chair next to me, and Jayce sits on his lap, hugging him. Cade looks at J.R.’s wound before leaving the room. We waited for a half-hour, Jayce insisting Drift get back to Jamie every ten minutes before J.R. woke up. As I expected, J.R. feels like shit and can’t sit up. Now I think we should have made Jayce leave. Though J R. Wasn’t hungry, I wanted her to drink a little bit of the nutrition drink. She was feeling weak and didn’t want to sit up.   
“Sit on the bed so she can lean on you. You might need both hands, so I’ll hold the syringe,” Drift suggested. We watched tears roll down J.R.’s face onto the bed.   
“You need to eat, and I don’t think we need to use the IV options. You should start feeling better in two days,” I explain to her. I know I would be wrong but decided we will hold off on IV feeding for now. It’s not as simple as an IV for fluids or medication. Drift goes to the counter to fill the syringe while I get J.R. to sit up as I move onto the bed. As I expected, she leaned on me. Drift brought over the filled syringe and an emesis bin. Jayce watched from where she was seated, concerned as Drift and I tried to help J.R. Tears rolling down her face, but she kept taking what was in the syringe, slowly, for a minute until she threw up. Good thing Drift had me hold the emesis bin.   
“It’s ok,” I assured her, “how much did she have?” I asked as Drift disposed of the vomit.   
“100 ml,” Drift replied, concerned.   
“That’s not good, but that’s it for now.”   
“You fucking deserved that!” Jayce yelled and slapped J.R before running out if the room. Drift immediately ran after her. Between Jayce slapping her and me moving to lie her down, J.R. is distraught and crying.   
What the fuck, Jayce? 

Cade POV  
It’s hard not to think something is wrong when one of your friends runs out of medbay, and another friend is running after them, even if neither stop to tell you something is wrong.   
“What did Jayce do?”   
“Slapped J.R. after J.R. threw up. Yet she was concerned watching how Drift and I had to help her get a little bit of the nutrition drink before she threw it all up. I’m concerned J.R. has a serious infection.” I explained.   
“You want me to sedate her and get samples?”   
I nodded, Cade got what he needed as I explained to J.R. what he will do. I know she will fall asleep, but I don’t think s localized sedative will work.   
Why do these girls have to be on the rare side of things, medically? For them, this could be an unusual response to something simple, or J.R. has a serious infection. Bulma even tested Jayce and J.R. for conditions that affect the immune system.   
“I’ll be right here,” I promise J.R. as the sedation drugs kick in. I doubt she’s scared, rather confused why Jayce slapped her. I moved a chair by the bed and sat down as Cade worked. 

Drift POV  
Jayce running to J.R.’s room is not good. The second she went into her room, I realized we failed to make sure J.R. didn’t have any other weapons. Jayce would know what J.R. has in her room. Sure enough, she found another knife.   
“Stop!!” I yelled before grabbing the knife.   
Great, the one time I don’t have a syringe with me.   
I need to be careful with her. She hasn’t had pseudoseizures in a week. I’d like to avoid her having one. Once I got Jayce to the floor and had a hold on her, I slid the knife across the floor out of the room.   
Now that I can use both arms, I position Jayce on my lap and hug her.   
“You’re angry at J.R. for trying to bleed to death but worried how sick she is,”  
Jayce said nothing and started crying, “it’s ok; we’re taking care of her.”   
My phone vibrates, I know it’s from Crosshairs which terrifies Jayce. It’s not grim news...yet.   
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Jayce asked, concerned.  
“It’s only been five minutes since we left the room. You think J.R. Is that sick?”   
Jayce said nothing.  
Bumblebee comes by and picks up the knife before telling me he’ll watch for Jamie and closed the door. 

Jamie POV   
“Drift?” I asked though no one is in the room. Strange he’s been here when I wake up, or I’m laying on top of him. It’s nothing, I’ll find him downstairs.   
Walking down the hallway, I notice Jayce’s door is closed; she’s still sleeping or getting dressed. No other reason we close the door to our rooms.   
Drift wasn’t downstairs either, only Bumblebee. Then I remembered, shit.   
“J.R.!” I exclaimed and tried to get to the medbay, but Bumblebee grabbed me.   
“Stay out of there,” he says.  
So I’m right, J.R. is in there.   
“Sorry, Bee,” I apologized before throwing Bumblebee onto the couch and running to the medbay.   
“... I’ll get these to Bulma and-fuck!” Cade looks at me. Crosshairs run to me.   
“She’ll be ok.”   
I can’t get my mouth to demand an explanation. I stared at J.R. while Crosshairs picked me up and sat on the chair by the bed.   
“You saw her vitals, she’s fine,” he says as he hugged me.   
“Then why is Cade bringing something to Bulma to look at?”   
Either I can’t concentrate, or Crosshairs is telling the truth.   
“I’ll be fine, Jamie,” J.R. says while reaching for my hand. I took her hand J.R. looked awful, but many illnesses can make you look and feel awful.   
“Come in, she needs to rest,” Crosshairs stood up, making J.R. release my hand and walked out of the room while carrying me. 

J.R. POV   
Fuck, Jamie found out, and I can’t even show her I’ll be fine. Hard to when you feel weak, but I know Crosshairs found the infection early. I scared Jamie twice already being unconscious in here, no wonder she’s freaking out over this. I tried to get out of bed, but I can’t even sit up. Crosshairs walks in five minutes late  
“It’s ok; Bumblebee is with Jamie.” Crosshairs assured me as he stroked my hair.   
“I don’t think this is a minor infection; I shouldn’t feel like shit.”   
“You know Jamie, Jayce, and you are unique with anything medical. Though I hate how you feel like shit even if this is a minor infection.”   
“Help me get to Jamie,” I say as I try to sit up again, but Crosshairs made me lie down.   
“No, you need to rest, she’ll be fine.”   
He sat on the chair by the bed. 

Jayce POV   
Walking by the couch, I see how upset Jamie is. I walked into the medbay, seeing J.R. asleep and Crosshairs sitting by the bed.   
Cade walks in after me.   
“Can I see the pictures you took of J.R.’s wound?” I whispered. Cade found the question strange but handed me his phone. I looked at the pictures while he told me he sent samples from the wound to Bulma.   
“I think I know what this is.”   
“Don’t tell me this is serious?”   
“It can be, but we caught it in time.”   
As I’m saying this, Cade gets a message from Bulma, “as I thought; Cellulitis. You’re damn lucky, J.R.,” I sighed.   
“Have you heard from Bulma?” Crosshairs asks from behind me, making me jump. As I told him, Crosshairs became worried, “so not a simple infection? Fuck.”   
“It is, you caught it in time, and Cade already started the treatment. She’ll start to feel better in two to three days,” I explained.   
“So...are we telling Jamie?” Cade asks, “I don’t know if we can without telling her about the wound. She’ll want to know how J.R. hot it.”   
“I don’t know,” Crosshairs and I say simultaneously.   
“We’ll ask Drift,” Crosshairs advised.   
“Ask me what?” Drift asked as he walked in. We all looked, worried Jamie is with him, “Jamie is with Bumblebee.”   
We informed Drift about J.R. and asked if we should tell Jamie.   
“I don’t know...” Drift trailed off.   
“Oddly, she’s freaking out over seeing J.R. in medbay again, but I don’t blame her. That’s three times in seven days she’s seen J.R. in medbay, twice she was unconscious, though I don’t know if Jamie understood J.R. was asleep when Jamie saw her here today. I think we should tell her but lie about the cause of the infection. Cellulitis can happen with any cut that’s deep enough. Maybe it’ll be better if J.R. explains.” I suggested. I know Drift hates how we’re choosing how much we want to upset Jamie, and there’s no way to avoid upsetting her.   
“It’s a good idea, Drift,” Crosshairs added. 

Crosshairs POV  
Cade and I watched Drift leave, and Jayce follows him soon after. I know we just told Drift to pick how to upset Jamie, and he hates it. We can’t avoid it now.   
“I swear we resolve one problem, and another takes its place,” Cade comments as he looks over J.R.  
“Too soon to say for sure. It would be great if Jayce was done trying to end her life. Not stressed emotionally, more like she trader the pseudoseizures for getting little sleep and frequent panic attacks every night.” I point out as I stood by Cade. We looked at J.R.’s wound, red and warm to the touch.   
“It’s spreading,” I said, trying not to sound worried.   
“I know, we still got it in time before it turned severe,”  
Cade took more pictures and sent them to Bulma. I know this could mean increasing the dose of antibiotics, but it’s still worrisome to know this could be bad. His phone vibrates, that was fast. Cade reads the message.  
“Well, she should still be better in seven to ten days, but now, she will need IV treatment that will take right hours a day,” Cade explained.   
“It’s not like she’s getting out of bed. Go ahead, start now,” I tell Cade, go to the other side of the bed and take J.R.’s hand. She already has an IV line in place, but she might still feel what’s happening and wake up. Though I doubt she’ll think she’s under attack, it’s better to be safe. J.R. woke up but not alarmed.   
“You’ll be ok, Cade’s giving you medicine to help, but it will take eight hours to complete,” I explain, trying not to worry that her silence doesn’t mean she’s getting weaker. J.R. is still on the monitor, and no alarm sounded, she must be stable. J.R. doesn’t stay awake for long. Cade and I leave the room; he goes back to Bulma’s dimension while I see what everyone is doing. It’s been an eventful two hours. 


	45. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie is still distraught over J.R., and Jayce hates seeing her like that; she and Crosshairs go to the lake where Crosshairs tries to assure Jayce that J.R. will be ok. Jayce falls asleep and ends up having a panic attack from a nightmare. While Drift helps her, Crosshairs goes to Jamie's room to find her distraught again. Unsure if He can get Jamie to calm down, Crosshairs takes her back to Jayce's room, hoping tog et Drift without Jaycxe noticing but fails. Jayce tries to calm her down, but Jamie runs out of the room. Jayce worries Jamie will now be dealing with nightmares and panic attacks. Jayce can't decide if J.R. will be ok or not.

Jayce POV  
Sitting next to Jamie, she may be calm, but I can tell she's still frightened about J.R. Drift sits on the other side of Jamie and moves Jamie onto his lap. She leans on him, and he hugs her. This is how she responds after seeing J.R. unconscious in medbay twice before today with an IV, I'd hate to imagine how she'd respond to everything else J.R. and I have been dealing with.Drift sits next to Jamie and moves her onto his lap. She leaned on him as he hugged her. Crosshairs sits with us, not liking how distraught Jamie is over this.  
"I told you, I don't get it," I whisper to him.  
"It is strange, but you said it yourself, you think seeing both you and J.R. unconscious in the medbay scared her, especially since J.R. was in that position twice. Drift just isn't sure how distraught he wants Jamie to be. I think he will not bring this up unless she asks."  
"You think we can get away from here for a while?""  
Should be fine."  
We get up and head towards the garage though I think we were both waiting for Bumblebee, Drift, or Jamie to ask us where we are going. 

Crosshairs POV  
Hate to say it, but I'm liking how Jayce is not liking how Jamie is reacting to J.R. being in medbay without knowing why she's there again. Maybe this is what Jayce needs to stop trying to end her life, or this is just theory.  
The lake is our favorite place to destress; I doubt it's because it's close to the property. The problem is there's snow so we can't sit in the sand or go for a walk. Though, Jayce didn't mind sitting on the passenger side of my alt mode. There's nothing to talk about, we've figured out what she's been thinking based on her actions.  
"I'm worried J.R. could still get very ill even though we caught the infection early," she says.   
I can't tell her Cade, and I noticed the infection spreading even if it's slow to spread. Now that I think about it, did Bulma tell Cade this is serious, or is it still minor? I do not want to cause Jayce to worry any more than she is. We've kept the pseudoseizures under control, and I'd rather not have her go through another one. Even if this isn't a concern, I don't want to add to what she's already worried about.  
"She'll start to feel better in two days, maybe three," I assure her. Not sure if I'm lying, but I doubt Cade wouldn't tell me if the infection is worse than Bulma previously thought. That was the end of the conversation. Jayce fell asleep twenty minutes later, I drove back to the base and carried her to her room. No way I can help her through a panic attack in my alt mode. The others, excluding J.R., we're watching T.V. and distracted, so I didn't have to worry about getting caught. The tricky part is how long I can leave her alone? The others can use a break.

J.R. is awake when I walk into the medbay. What concerns me is her fever is going up, and she's freezing even with a blanket. I left to get the blankets from her bed and get Cade to come look at her.  
"I just want to look," Cade says while J.R. is trying to stop him, "ok, I'll wait."  
He went to the cabinet and prepared an IV bag. Must be pain relief and fever reducer.Cade sent Bulma a text as J.R. fell asleep. Once he knew J.R. was asleep, he looked at the wound again. I watched from the other side of the bed, hoping the rise in J.R.'s temperature doesn't mean the infection is spreading fast. He says it's the same as thirty minutes ago.  
"It's too soon to say the infection stopped spreading. Going to be a tough twenty-four hours," Cade says as he sits on the chair next to me.  
"Too soon to say if this can turn serious or even life-threatening?" I asked.  
"It's normal for her to feel worse before she feels better. Who's with Jayce?"  
"No one."  
"Go, I'll stay here though J.R. will be asleep for several hours."

Cade was right; I needed to return to Jayce's room. A half-hour passed before she woke up, hyperventilating, trembling, and bawling. She was asleep for an hour. No doubt today's events caused this.  
"J.R.," she says as she tries to sit up, but I'm holding her shoulders down.  
"She's ok, relax."  
Jayce kept fighting to get up and hyperventilating. Even if she just wanted me to hold her, I want to get her breathing under control first, but I risk a pseudoseizure if I wait too long. Damn, Jayce is a mess.  
Drift walks in, stands beside me, and takes Jayce's hand.  
"You're ok, J.R. will be ok," he assured her. Jayce took longer than usual to get her breathing under control. Drift held her and moved in a rocking motion. 

Jamie POV  
Are they lying, and J.R. is dying? Why else would Jayce be panicking like this? I ran to my room, laid on my stomach on my bed, and cried.  
"Jamie?!" Crosshairs exclaimed as he got on the bed, "what's wrong?" He asked as he rubbed my back. Crosshairs waited two minutes before moving me on to his lap and hugged me.  
"You watched Jayce go through a panic attack, didn't you?"   
I couldn't say anything. Next thing I know, Crosshairs is carrying me as he walks out of the room.   
He goes into Jayce's room, which is quiet.  
"Drift?" Crosshairs says in a low tone.  
"Jamie?" Jayce says, worried and gets off the bed. Drift doesn't stop her as she walked towards Crosshairs, who crouches down.  
"It's ok, I'm fine, and J.R. will be fine. Let her go, Crosshairs," Jayce says. She carried me to her bed once Crosshairs let go. We sat on the bed, and she hugs me.  
"J.R. will be ok," she says Before looking at Drift, he nods. How strange, unless they debated keeping something a secret from me. I can't concentrate on detecting if Jayce is lying while she tells me J.R. has an infection that made her very sick, but she'll feel better soon. Doubt they'll tell me how she got an infection. 

Jayce POV  
Jamie sat on the bed with me as I hugged her for two minutes before she broke free and ran out of the room, Drift running after her.  
"How can you tell her J.R. will be ok while you just want through a panic attack? After a nightmare about J.R.?" Crosshairs asked.  
"I know," I sighed before walking out of the   
room, down to the medbay.

J.R. is still asleep, so I sat by the bed. Crosshairs sat next to me instead of telling me to leave. I sent Drift a text asking if Jamie is ok, knowing it may be at least a half-hour before he replies.  
"Crosshairs, do you think Jamie will have nightmares and panic attacks like J.R. and me?"  
"I don't know as you said, this isn't like her," he sighed.   
Along with being concerned J.R. will become very ill, I think about how Jamie is responding now is how she and J.R. would have been if Crosshairs and Hound got to me even five minutes later when I tried to die by drowning. Wait if...fuck. All this time, I worried Jamie would become suicidal, and I think I just set her on that path. I'm the one who put J.R. on that path.  
"I'm sorry," I mumbled before running out of the room.

Crosshairs POV  
"Jayce!" I yelled from the medbay as I watched Jayce run. Hound said he'd handle her. I turned around to see J.R. trying to get out of bed.  
I woke her up, great.  
I rushed to the bed before J.R. fell to the floor. She's crying as she's trying to get out of bed.  
"Jayce," she sobbed as she plops back down on the bed.  
"Hound is with her. You can't even sit up for long, but you think you'll get to her?" I say as I position her back in bed. She shivers as I cover her with blankets.  
Damn, 103°, how long before this medicine works?  
"You want to try eating again?" I asked, looking at the time. I know J.R. is embarrassed she threw up in front of Drift and me. She needed to eat something, and I am trying to avoid putting in the IV needed for feeding.  
"Let's try a little at a time and resting for a minute or two in between," I suggested. This would make doing this myself a little easier. "It's fine if you throw up, relax," I'm sitting on the bed holding J.R. up the best I can with one arm while holding a syringe and pushing the plunger slowly with my other hand; she had 100 ml then I had her rest. I'm unable to keep the blankets on J.R., and I feel her shiver as I hold her. She started crying over the situation. I did my best to wrap her in a blanket and making sure it stayed on her before filling the syringe a little. Again, thinking about how humans would call this over the top, unnecessary. I think the other method is excessive if J.R. will only feel this sick for two to three days.   
J.R. pushed my arm away, afraid to throw up in front of me again.  
"A little more, I already said it's fine if you throw up in front of me."  
No way to tell if she's full or has no appetite, but she didn't have much. I know she's uncomfortable and wants to lie down.

Jayce POV  
I was sitting on the bed when Drift walled in. He sat on the bed next to me and hugged me.  
"Why are you worried about J.R.?" He asked.  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
I already went through a panic attack this morning and deal with several at night. I don't want to go through another already.Drift didn't ask again; he just continued to hug me. What can they once they know? Nothing, so why bother telling them. 

Crosshairs POV  
"All right, that's enough for now," I say as I lie J.R. down and cover her with the other blankets. I Told J.R. I will check on Jayce, but I'll be back.  
Drift is with Jayce, which tells me she was difficult, and Hound couldn't get her to calm down. That's what Drift tells me as he's rubbing Jayce's back. She's laying in her side facing the wall.  
"I don't understand why she's like this," Drift sighed, "seems she can't decide if J.R. will be ok or not."  
"Looks like the girls' extensive medical knowledge is causing a problem. I'd think it would help them understand J.R. will be fine."  
"It's strange, but their mental state doesn't help."  
With Jayce calm, Drift and I went into the hallway so I can tell him how J.R. finally had a nutrition drink, though a tiny amount, and how she's freezing. He tells me to stay with J.R. though she'll be asleep. As I walked into the medbay, it dawns in me, is Drift thinking I will have to help J.R. get to the bathroom? Ugh, I don't know how I feel about that.


	46. Very Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cade and the Autobots are not likeing how sick J.R. is or how Crosshairs has to feed her, but they aren't sure if a feeding tube is a good idea or too invasive.

Cade POV   
Crosshairs informed me what he had to do to get J.R. to eat and his concern that we might need to consider tube feeding to feed her. It's understandable if I.R. can't sit up or hold much down, but for now, we don't need to do put a feeding tube in yet. The infection hasn't spread since I checked two hours ago. Not sure how often I should check it, but the wound needs to be cleaned more than twice a day. The problem is J.R. can't tolerate any touch of the wound while she's feeling like shit.   
"What are you three doing here?" I asked as Bumblebee, Drift, and Hound walk into the room.   
"Jamie and Jayce are asleep, figured we better talk about this morning's events," Hound replies; Bumblebee and Drift nod.   
Crosshairs tells Bumblebee and Hound how he fed J.R. and how he'd continue that method instead of a feeding tube. They agree a feeding tube is too invasive to use if J.R. should begin to feel better in two to three days. We didn't expect Crosshairs to tell us he thinks this is what Jayce needs to see to start recovering mentally and stop trying to end her life. We agree it's a theory, but he may be right.   
"She hates how distraught Jamie is over J.R.'s infection. Though her response is unusual, it seems to be enough to get Jayce to realize the pain Jamie and J.R. would be in if they watched her die," Crosshairs explains.   
"Problem is she will struggle a lot more before she gets better," Hound points out.   
"She already is, she sleeps for an hour before she wakes up, terrified," Crosshairs tells him. Bumblebee and Hound rush out of the room.   
"Why do things have to get much worse before they get better?" Crosshairs sighed.   
Drift looked at him as if he wanted to say something but didn't want to add to Crosshairs' troubles, though, and it seems Crosshairs didn't want to tell Drift something. Can't be about J.R. 

The rest of the afternoon and night is uneventful. Jamie either doesn't want to ask how J.R. got an infection or Drift already told her. Jayce still can't relax about this, Drift told me he's already tried to get Jayce to talk about it, but she refused. He helped Crosshairs with J.R. I watched to get an idea of how bad she's struggling to keep anything down. J.R. is afraid if throwing up in front of Crosshairs and Drift. Crosshairs tries his best to keep a blanket wrapped around J.R. as he held her. She's still cold, even with the blanket. Crosshairs comforted her before lying her back down.   
"I hope she feels better soon. She hates how she feels and what we have to do to help her," Crosshairs comments before leaving medbay. Drift stayed and continued to comfort J.R., who is agitated. Once she relaxed, Drift left the room. Bumblebee comes in ten minutes later and tells me he'll stay here with J.R. 

J.R. POV  
Two in the morning and I'm awake. It's strange; I feel like shit, but I sleep for three hours before waking up, but I can't stay awake for long; maybe an hour. The lights are on but dim. Bumblebee's holoform sleeping by the wall close to the bed. I see the pain relief infusion finished, and Cade didn't start another. It's fine; the pain and discomfort is tolerable. The door opens, it's either Cade or Crosshairs checking on me even though Bee is here. No, it's Jamie, shit. She stands by the bed and reads the monitor before lying in bed next to me, careful not to hit the IV tubing.  
"I'll be fine. Why are you so worried?"  
"I don't know," Jamie says in a sad tone, "how did you even get an infection? You can't just get one, especially this type."  
Crap, I don't know if They want me to tell her.  
"Jamie? what are you doing here?" Bumblebee asks before getting his phone out; I assume he's texting Drift. Once he finished, he sat down by the bed. He must think Jamie will be difficult. The room is quiet for two minutes until both Crosshairs and Drift walk into the room and stand on either side of the bed.  
"She wants to know how I got sick," I say before either of them even ask. I doubt Drift would just pick up Jamie and leave the room. The two mechs look at each other, I can tell they're not sure if they should let me tell Jamie or not, but they both tell me to go ahead.  
"I was stupid while trying to clean my dagger and fucking cut myself."  
"You know now, let's go," Drift says, trying to pick Jamie up. Sure enough, she pushes down right on my abdomen where I cut. I bite my lip, trying not to make a sound.   
Get off, get off, get off   
I sighed once the door closed. Now I can't ignore the pain.   
"She put pressure on the wound, didn't she?" Crosshairs asked though I can tell he's not sure if he should be concerned or not.   
"Oh yeah," I say as he looked at the wound. I know he was trying to be careful, but even his light touch hurt. I watched him go to the cabinets, take out a small syringe before going to one of the small fridges on here used for the nutrition drink. I know what he's doing, I hate it. Sure enough, Crosshairs tells me he wants me to have more of the nutrition drink since I can't have much at once. He prepared the large syringe as he waited for the pain medicine to kick in. Didn't expect Bumblebee to say he'd leave or that Crosshairs would be fine with that.   
"It's not easier with two of us. I have to do this slowly, or she'll throw up," Crosshairs explains. With that, Bumblebee leaves the room. I don't feel pain, but I feel nauseous and dizzy as Crosshairs sits me up. How can he say this is easier than Bee helping him?

Crosshairs POV  
J.R. is leaning on my arm; I don't think she can sit up, which means she feels very weak. I might just be asking to be thrown up on, but I want her to have a little. Small amounts seem to decrease the chance that J.R. will throw up, but I'm still taking a chance. Anything to avoid putting in a feeding tube. After putting a blanket around her, I give her 100 ml. What should take not even five seconds takes thirty seconds, then she will rest for two minutes. J.R. takes it though she's afraid she will throw up. The door opens, and Cade walks in.   
"I didn't tell Bumblebee to get you," I tell him, trying not to get angry, "he should know I can tell you how she did in the morning."   
"It's fine, Crosshairs."  
Cade looks at the monitor and infusion pump before looking at J.R. Not sure if he's concerned or not. He sits on the chair by the table.   
"Well, Jamie came in here," I say as I put the syringe on the table to let J.R. rest. I tell him the lie J.R. told her.   
"Well, it's not a complete lie-."   
We are interrupted by J.R. throwing up, and she starts tearing up over it. I was prepared, and she didn't get it all over herself. I don't know if I can deal with bathing her, nor do I think she'd like it since she does not like how I have to feed her. I wanted to ask Cade if J.R. is worse than we thought, but I don't want to scare her.   
"It's ok; we're done for now."   
She threw up what I just gave her. I lay her down so I can clean up the mess. Cade starts another infusion of the medication to help her not feel nauseous and reduce her fever, tells me the antibiotics infusion will finish in a half-hour, and he'll do another round of antibiotics infusion in the morning before going back to bed. I looked over the medical binder we have, a quick reference for things related to Jamie's care, though we have very detailed records in the system. I found what I wanted; the section on feeding options we use during different stages of a flare-up. As I thought, even the minimally invasive nasogastric tube seems extreme if J.R. will feel like this for two to three days. Still, I worry she's not getting enough. I'll try again later after the infusion finishes. J.R. fell asleep ten minutes later, just as Drift walks in. He's not pleased to hear what happened in the last fifteen minutes. Both of us are unsure if we should continue what we're going or give in to an invasive, yet better, method. Drift then tells me about Jamie how she was calm when they returned to her room and went back to sleep, no problem. Drift sits on the chair next to me. 

J.R. slept for four and a half hours; she was not happy about still feeling like shit. She was feeling a little better, enough for her to eat a little. J.R. was not pleased that I wanted her to eat a little even though she just woke up. I explained to her how I want to avoid IV options, and since she can't eat a lot at once, I want her to eat when she wakes up. J.R. was not happy hearing how much I want to do to take care of her. 

Drift POV  
Looking at the monitor as Crosshairs took care of J.R., only good is her temperature went down but slightly. Not enough to not make J.R. feel like shit.   
At least you're getting better.   
I watched how agitated J.R. is getting. J.R. will feel this way for a few days, but she hates the care she needs. It makes me wonder how often Jamie thinks about what's needed to care for her during a flare-up? Even minor ones require a lot of care. Might be J.R.'s personality. Our friend who keeps emotions bottled up, thinking It's a sign of weakness to show emotions, now needs help even to eat. I don't know if she's too weak to argue or agrees this is better since it's just for a few days...we hope. J.R. was able to eat. Though Crosshairs worries about giving J.R. enough, he also wants to be careful not to give her more than her stomach can handle, so he only gave her 100 ml.   
"All right, enough for now," Crosshairs says as he hugged her. I stroked her forehead, not liking how warm she feels. We hear the medbay door open and close.   
"How is she doing?" Cade asked.   
"Still feeling like shit but able to keep a little bit of the nutrition drink down," Crosshairs tells him, "I'm just not sure how often to feed her. She gets upset when she throws up."   
"She seems to agree though a feeding tube is uncalled for," I add.   
"I've been told Jamie found out. How'd that go?"   
"She knows about the infection but not what I have to do."   
"She understands J.R. will be ok," I tell him as he looks over J.R. and works on the antibiotics infusion, "Bumblebee is with her," I added.   
Once Cade started the infusion and left, Crosshairs tried to get J.R. to eat a little more. She still won't relax and is afraid to throw up in front of us. We assured her once again that it's ok if she does, and she'll feel better soon. 

1/21 7 am 


	47. Everything Will be OK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of nightmares and several nocturnal panic attacks, Jayce goes to see J.R. in the medbay, along with Cade and Hound but hates what Crosshairs has to do to make sure she gets a small amount of nutrition drink. Jayce tries to leave with her motorcycle, but Drift and Hound stop her. Drift takes her out for breakfast, hoping time away from the base will help her. Drift also takes her to the lake close to the property to get her to talk about what's been bothering her. He finds out something new has been bothering her. Once Jayce is asleep, Drift returns to base, puts her to bed, and goes to the medbay to tell Crosshairs what Jayce told him. He's unable to hide how worried he is about Jamie by the end of their conversation. A few hours pass before Crosshairs and Drift suggests they move J.R. out to the main area to watch T.V. J.R. hates all the work needed to get her on to the couch. Jayce comes by a half-hour later and starts apologizing though J.R. has no idea why. As she's apologizing, Jayce ends up having a seizure, scaring J.R.

Jayce POV  
Another night with nightmares, panic attacks, and little sleep, but I have to see how J.R. is doing. Hound doesn't even insist I go back to bed and check on her later, nor does he stop me from going down to the medbay. Instead, he follows me. Cade doesn't stop me as we pass each other. I didn't look back to see if he's now following me.  
I went right to Drift when I walked into the room. I was aware this could be a dumb move as he could tell me to leave, but he put me on his lap and hugged me as we watched J.R. try to eat, hoping she could eat more today. Cade and Hound stood by the door.  
"Thanks for the audience," J.R. sarcastically says when she finished; everyone but J.R. laughed. "They followed me," I say, pointing to Cade and Hound.  
"Ok, J.R., I'll be back in a bit," Cade says and leaves the room with Hound.  
Crosshairs waited two minutes before giving J.R. more nutrition drink. I hated watching him as he added a small amount of the liquid to the syringe. Not as bad as seeing J.R. feel weak that Crosshairs has to hold her up.  
"I'm sorry," I mumble before getting off Drift and leaving the room.

No one is around, so I walked to the garage and got my motorcycle. I have to get away from the property before starting the engine, or someone will hear me.  
"Where are you going?" Drift asks as I started walking my bike out of the garage.  
Shit. I can't just jump on my bike and ride out of here. Drift's alt mode is behind me. He'll be able to catch up to me. Hound runs into the garage, about to run towards me when Drift stops him. The two walk up to me, I can't get my legs to move.  
"What's wrong?" Drift asks as he removes my helmet, putting it on the hood of Crosshairs' alt mode. Hound walks past me and moves my bike to the spot I had it. Why even tell him what's bothering me? I know him too well, I know what he'd say, "I think some time away is what you need," Drift says, "but not alone."  
Great, I know he'll make me talk about what's bothering me.

Crosshairs POV  
"It's ok; you'll feel better soon," I assured J.R. while moving in a slow rocking motion as she cries. She threw up again, and it upsets her. The slow rocking seems to help calm her, but I need to be careful so she doesn't throw up again. Cade comes back in the room, not liking what he's seeing. Didn't think he meant he'd be back in fifteen minutes. He sits on the chair by the bed but says nothing. My phone vibrates, but I can't retrieve it from my pocket. I suspect it's Drift telling me something about Jayce since he followed her out of the room. J.R. is calm enough that I can lie her down. I lay with her and rub her back until she falls asleep ten minutes later.  
"You sure this is ok?" I asked Cade as I cleaned up the table.  
"Yeah, but if you want, I can-."  
"Disgusting, Cade."  
"ok, fine, I'll send Bulma a message," Cade says as he takes out his phone. I forgot I had a message. As I thought, it's from Drift. He took Jayce out for breakfast though he's thinking of keeping her away from the base all day.  
With J.R. asleep, I went to Jamie's room. Bumblebee sat at the desk. I told him I'd stay with Jamie since J.R. is asleep.

Drift POV  
Something new is bothering Jayce. She already has enough on her mind, and not telling any of us what else is bothering her isn't good. I know she will end up crying, so I will wait until after breakfast to talk to her. She said nothing as we ate and on the drive to the lake. The problem is Jayce is afraid to talk about what's on her mind, afraid she'll end up with a panic attack or pseudoseizure. Unfortunately, even not talking about what's happening n her mind causes a panic attack. Either way, she will be distraught, but talking about it will help her more. Since I don't know how she'll respond to the conversation, I need to make sure she'll be safe if the response is a seizure. Easy enough since it's cold out.

She tells me she feels responsible for J.R.'s current condition as she has been thinking Jamie will kill herself, and J.R. found out and how Jayce herself wants to die. I don't know what bothered me more; What she's been thinking the past twenty-four hours or how she told me she still wants to die. I loved her onto my lap and hugged her as she cried, hoping she doesn't have a seizure.  
"Shh, it's ok. Everything will be ok."  
What are we going to do about this?

Figured Jayce would fall asleep. After I put her back to bed, I went to the medbay. J.R. is also asleep. Good, now Crosshairs and I can talk about what Jayce told me.  
"Unbelievable, these two are struggling. Funny, the one we worried about has been doing ok," Crosshairs laughed.  
Crosshairs tells me about J.R.'s struggle to have more than 200 ml of the nutrition drink before throwing it all up. He worries we'll have to resort to tube feeding.  
"What can we do at this point?" I ask while feeling how warm J.R. is, "how long before Jamie struggles like Jayce and J.R.?"  
"I don't think Jamie will be as bad. She's been dealing with this shit for years."  
"What if she thinks about suicide?" I didn't even bother hiding how terrified I am.  
"You still have that nightmare?' Crosshairs asks, concerned.  
"Yes," I say in a sad tone.

Crosshairs POV  
I'm not sure what to think about this besides have I not been paying close attention? I've been focused on J.R. Drift can't be too concerned if he's leaving Jamie with one of the others.  
"You want to stay here for a while, and I'll stay with Jamie? J.R. will be asleep for at least two hours."  
Drift agreed; I left the room and went upstairs, stopping in Jayce's room. Hound is in the room. He wasn't pleased no one was in the room though Drift just came back with her twenty minutes ago.  
"I don't care; you know what she can do in that time?" He snapped.  
He's right, but Jayce wouldn't fake sleeping to be left alone, she's too exhausted to do that. With that, I left the room and went to Jamie's room. Jamie is still asleep. I lie on the bed beside her, leaving a little space between us. Thinking about how worried Drift is about her. It's understandable considering how Jayce and J.R. have been in the past three months.

Fifteen minutes pass before Jamie wakes up. I waste no time telling her Drift is with J.R. I wanted to spend time with her since I have been focused on J.R. and that J.R. is asleep. After what Drift said, I'm now focusing closely on Jamie. She doesn't seem bothered by not waking up to Drift next to her though that's been the routine the past three months. I know she's concerned about J.R. and knows J.R. needs more attention right now. I'm a little bothered by how Jamie doesn't ask how J.R. is doing. Strange yesterday she was distraught over finding out J.R. has an infection to not asking how she is. I left the room to give Jamie privacy as she got dressed, taking the time to text Drift, asking if I should let Jamie go to the medbay if she wants. He said to let her. J.R. is doing a little better, and we can avoid Jamie finding out J.R. can't keep much down. I let Jamie decide what to do. She wanted to do some recording, which is good. I left her alone and returned to the medbay.

I did not expect Drift would be concerned I came back to the medbay.  
"Would I be back here if there's a problem?" I pointed out, "Jamie wanted to do some recording. She didn't seem too bothered that you weren't there when she woke up. I don't know if I should be bothered that she didn't ask about J.R."  
"She knows about this type of infection though I suspect J.R.'s inability to keep anything down isn't related to the infection. Cade has informed Bulma, and she hasn't said this is a concern, at least not yet."  
Everything is fine, J.R. is slowly getting better, but the fear she could get worse sits at the back of my mind. We're not sure if this scared Jayce that she won't try to end her life.

Drift would check on Jamie every twenty minutes until J.R. woke up two hours later. Though I told him there's not much he can do to help me with J.R., Drift wanted to stay. I think he wanted to see how much she could eat. J.R. refused when I said I wanted to feed her though she knows what we'll have to do.  
"I already told you, I don't care I have to do this or if you throw up." I sat on the bed and held her; she wasn't crying, but tears rolled down her face.

J.R. POV  
This is so embarrassing. I am a warrior and shouldn't need help like this. I can't do anything but cry. Even though this is embarrassing, I agree with Crosshairs; I don't need a feeding tube, nor do I want it. If this is how Jamie feels, knowing how much care she needs during any level of a flare-up, she does a good job hiding it.  
"Wait a little while," Drift says as he wiped the tears from my eyes, "but Crosshairs is right; none of us care if we have to take care of you, Jayce or Jamie like this. You know how much we have to think about Jamie's illness. Optimus Prime could have limited her involvement in the war."  
Drift is right. Optimus could have told her she can't be on the battlefield, knowing how unpredictable her illness is. He knows he risks her going through a flare-up in the middle of battle.  
"Let's bring her to the couch so she can watch T.V.," Crosshairs suggests, "doubt Cade will be mad. Just have to be careful with the IV."  
"You want to go watch T.V.?" Drift asked.  
Though I'm not sure how I'll feel as I'm being carried to the area, I nodded in agreement.

I hate the amount of work needed to get me to the couch and position the IV Pole and line. Sure enough, once they got everything right, I had to throw up. Crosshairs sat me up so I could throw up in the bucket Drift brought. I didn't even eat anything yet. Now I'm getting worried, but any damage to my organs would have been discovered soon after they found me in my room. The cut would be deeper, and I'd have internal bleeding. Crosshairs moved me to his lap once I stopped throwing up. Drift left to clean the bucket.  
"It's ok," he says as I cry.  
"What happened?" Cade asked. He didn't sound bothered that Crosshairs and Drift brought me out of the medbay. Crosshairs tells him what happened.  
"Let me look at the wound," Cade insisted. I pushed his hand away.  
"No," I cried.  
Cade walked away as Drift sat next to Crosshairs and asked if I was in pain. I lied and told them no. Being moved caused pain through it's barrable. I know Cade touching the wound will worsen the pain. Cade comes back with an IV bag with medication for pain and fever.

Jayce comes by a half-hour later and sits next to Drift. I'm still on Crosshairs' lap, my head resting in a pillow that's on the couch armrest. I think the IV Pole with two different medications is scaring her though she should know what they are. Drift had to tell her what the drugs are. "I'm sorry, I did this to you," Jayce says as tears roll down her face.  
"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused, and hoping Drift would stop her. I worry she will get distraught and have a seizure, but Drift let her continue.  
"If you didn't know I wanted to die, if you weren't worried about me to the point of thinking of trying to die first..."  
What I didn't want to happen is happening. Drift carefully positioned Jayce, so she's lying on the couch and knelt on the floor to keep her from rolling off the couch. Crosshairs sat me up in a hug as I cried. It's scary watching these seizures. What else is she keeping bottled up? Why does she have these damn seizures, but I don't though I keep things bottled up a lot more than she does? "Shh, she'll be ok," Crosshairs tried to comfort me.  
"Why does she have these fucking seizures, but I don't?" I sobbed.  
Crosshairs said nothing; he tightened his hug and rubbed my back. I watch Cade walking over, but he turned around and headed to the direction of the medbay.  
This seizure lasts two minutes, and as I feared, Jayce didn't wake up right away. Saying nothing, Drift picks Jayce up and takes her to the medbay.  
"What happened?" I hear Hound ask.  
"Not now, help me," Crosshairs demanded.  
Hound wheeled the IV pole as Crosshairs carried me back to the medbay. I tried to get Crosshairs to put me down so I can get to Jayce's bed.  
"Stop, she's ok," he says as he walks towards the bed, Hound following. Drift is sitting by the bed. He has Crosshairs put me on his lap—crosshairs sits on the chair beside Drift. Hound leans on the wall by the chairs. Drift makes me look at him.  
'"She'll be ok, worrying about her isn't helping you."  
Afraid I might have a seizure myself, I didn't repeat the question I asked Crosshairs, I leaned on Drift and hugged him. Why do we have to deal with this shit? Not as bad as watching Jamie fight for her life, but this is still shit. I fear Jayce will have to stop going on adventures with Jamie and me.


	48. Terrifying Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. waits, worried, for Jayce to wake up after her seizure. Jayce wakes up, but both her and J.R. fall asleep. Jayce's terrifying nightmare has her screaming, which wakes up J.R. all J.R. can do is listen to the scream and cry until Drift walks in and tries to wake Jayce up. J.R. is unaware Crosshairs has come in to comfort her as she's too worried about Jayce. Once Jayce is calm, Crosshairs and Drift decide she should be in her room, though J.R. doesn't agree with the idea. Once Drift and hound leave, Crosshairs tried to feed J.R., reminding her that it's either he gets thrown up on, or they have to put a feeding tube in. Hound stays with Jayce while Drift ends up napping with Jamie.

Cade POV  
J.R. became more anxious as we waited for Jayce to wake up. She woke up fifteen minutes later, but as we all thought, she's exhausted. I had her on a monitor, not taking the chance I might be wrong, and something is wrong; everything was fine. I asked Crosshairs and Drift what they wanted to do since J.R. has been anxious as we waited for Jayce to wake up. She asked them to keep Jayce here though she knows Jayce will be asleep soon, and I think J.R. will fall asleep. Drift laid J.R. on the other bed. The two girls looked at each other but said nothing as Crosshairs and Drift covered the two with blankets. Either J.R. is no longer dealing with being cold, or she is distracted by Jayce. Then I realized, how are we going to explain this to Jamie? I brought this up when Jayce and J.R. fell asleep.  
"Jamie should still be working for at least two more hours," Drift points out, "I'd take Jayce to her room, but I'm concerned about J.R.'s reaction. The seizures are terrible to watch, but she's seen them before. I wasn't expecting bee to react the way she did."  
"I know, I can't believe that's what Jayce has thought since we found out J.R. has an infection."  
Ok, I missed something important. I asked the two to repeat what Jayce said.  
"...I think she feels terrible, and she might not try to end her life," Crosshairs finished.  
"Maybe, but we can't assume."  
I went over to J.R.'s bed and carefully lifted her shirt. The infection isn't spreading, but the area around the wound is still red. It must still be warm to the touch as J.R. still has a fever.  
"Well?" Crosshairs asked.  
"The infection isn't spreading, but I don't think she'll be well enough for oral antibiotics in the next day or two," I trailed off.  
Crosshairs sighed but said nothing. Drift didn't look pleased I'm bringing this up. The three of us didn't want to come to this decision, but eating very little will not help J.R. get over this. With the two girls asleep, we left the room. Crosshairs and Drift went for a Drive. Hound and I went to tell Bumblebee what's been going on.

One hour later

Jayce's nightmare  
I'm sitting in my room when I sense two fading energy signatures, fuck. I rushed out of my room, the weapons room. As I feared, one energy signature is J.R.'s. she stabbed herself in the chest, I can't pull out the weapon, and I can't do CPR with the weapon in her. She's fading fast. No one can hear me even if I scream. I don't want to leave J.R., but I have to get help. That's Terrifying enough, but the second energy signature is fading faster and in the medbay.

"Jamie!" I screamed as I rushed through the doors. Bumblebee stopped me from getting to her. Drift is on his knees, terrified, watching Cade and Hound try to revive his girl. Crosshairs tries to comfort him though he's having a hard time since he's terrified himself. They don't know I'm here, and I can't get them to help J.R. Two minutes pass before Cade says Jamie is gone. Bumblebee still won't let me go; all I can do is scream.

J.R. POV  
A scream wakes me up. For a second, I thought it was Jamie looking at my wound. Shit, even worse, it's Jayce screaming in her sleep and tossing around. I can't get to her. Sure, I can rip the IV out, but that's dangerous. I don't have my phone with me to text Drift. I start crying, hating how I can't help Jayce. The door opens, Drift comes rushing in. I don't think he heard the screaming from out there, nor did Drift expect to find Jayce screaming and tossing around. I was focused on her, though my vision is getting blurry from the tears, I didn't know Crosshairs came in until I felt myself being moved. He must be sitting on the bed, and I'm on his lap. I know he'd take me out of the room if he could, but he can't carry me and push the IV pole.  
"Wake up, you're ok," Drift says, trying to be calm, but I can hear the panic in his voice.  
"I need to text the others to help," Crosshairs says as he moved his arm. I wrapped my arms around him, trying to ignore how dizzy I am feeling. He texted as fast as he could. The room goes silent for a few seconds before I hear Jayce cry. A damn seizure and having a hard time realizing she's dreaming, fuck.  
Cade and Hound walk in, not sure what to think about what they're seeing.  
"I want to stay here," I say before Crosshairs could tell Cade or Hound anything. He tells them what he wanted to do but forget it now. Drift is holding Jayce, moving in a slow rocking motion as she cries.  
What was it this time, Jayce? I don't think it wasn't less terrifying than usual; she's exhausted. I watched Cade and Hound leave the room, but I doubt they're going far.

Cade POV  
"I knew she'd get worse mentally but not like this," I started.  
"It's not the first time she's done this. The fucking nightmares are too real to her."  
"You haven't told Crosshairs, have you?"  
"He knows about her poor sleep but not how intense the nightmares are. I'd just be adding something for him to worry about."  
We went back into the room. Jayce is frightened and has a tight hold on Drift. J.R. had to lie down, and Crosshairs is laying with her. This is a disaster. I fear J.R. is right; Jayce will have to discontinue going on adventures with her and Jamie.

Crosshairs POV  
Already two in the afternoon, and J.R. has had little to eat, or nothing sincel she threw up. She's too focused on Jayce. If Jayce talks about her nightmare, I don't want J.R. to hear it. Drift looked over at us, not sure if he should take Jayce to her room. I nod, knowing how J.R. will react, but it's better for both girls if Jayce is in her room.  
Sure enough, J.R. tried to break free from my hold. I think she forgot she's on an IV.  
"Stop, she's fine. She should sleep in her room."  
"She'll be ok," Cade says as he takes J.R.'s hand.  
We might be lying but, even though it's been three months, we think it's too soon to know for sure if Jayce will struggle like this for an extended period.  
The room is silent for a few minutes.  
"Has she had anything today?" Cade asks.  
"Sort of."  
Cade knew what I meant. He got up and left the room. I don't know if he's informing Bulma or not.  
"You know what I'm about to do."  
J.R. said nothing as I laid her down and went to the counter to prepare what I needed.  
I hope Bulma doesn't tell us we have to put a feeding tube in. I suspect she'll want samples and can do a test to see if J.R. is getting better though not sure if she is in just twenty-four hours. Just another problem we're dealing with.  
I got a bottle of the nutrition drink, poured 300 ml, though I doubt J.R. will finish it.  
Placing the cup, a 100 ml syringe, an emesis basin, and some paper towels on the table and rolled it to the bed. I sat on the bed and moved the table closer to me, and prepared the syringe before sitting J.R. up.  
"I don't care how I have to do this, and I don't care if you throw up. You know what the alternative is."

Drift POV  
"You done yet?" I asked Jamie as I sat on the bed.  
"Yeah," Jamie laughed as she sat next to me.  
I moved her onto my lap and hugged her. I still feel guilty for what I did on New Year's Eve, but I still have terrifying thoughts. I started moving in a slow rocking motion for no specific reason. A few minutes of this and Jamie is rubbing her eyes. Well, I guess we're taking a nap together. Jamie didn't object as I laid on the bed and covered us with the red blanket. Jamie is asleep within five minutes.  
You didn't just do recording, did you? Sleep well.  
I kissed her forehead and went to sleep myself.

Hound POV  
I fear Jayce will struggle a lot more before she gets better. I hope this doesn't mean seizures will be more frequent.  
Could we have prevented this if we knew how bad the nightmare situation affected Jayce and J.R.? Doubt it, but maybe we could have done enough that they wouldn't be thinking about death. Maybe Jayce's seizures wouldn't be back, maybe Jayce's nightmares wouldn't be as frequent or intense, and she'd be like J.R. Though I know J.R. has had a few intense nightmares. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here waiting for Jayce to wake up frightened by a nightmare, hoping it's not as bad as two hours ago.  
Jayce wakes up fifteen minutes later but stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling. I'm leaving her alone for now. She rolled to her side, five minutes later. I'm staring at her back, but I know tests are rolling down her face.  
"Is she ok?" Crosshairs asked as he walks in.  
"I'm not sure," I say as Crosshairs laid on the bed.  
"What's wrong?" Crosshairs asked. Jayce didn't answer. He moved closer to hug her. He's going to be here for a while. I'm going to see what the others are doing.  
I didn't think Drift and Jamie would be sleeping, but I knew J.R. would be. Bumblebee said he's staying with J.R., so I went for a drive.

Crosshairs POV  
Well, I think I can say no way J.R.'s condition is going to get Jayce to change her mindset. Not sure if the seizures influence her decision, but I know the nightmares do and after the one she had today. What do I even say to her?


	49. Getting Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce is unhappy about what Cade had to do to help J.R. even if was for two days. With Bumblebee staying with Jayce and Crosshairs with J.R., Drift decides to take Jamie our for lunch. both Crosshairs and Jayce joke that it's a date.

Cade POV  
We had to give in and put a nasogastric tube in. There was concern that J.R. wouldn't cooperate; with Bulma's feedback, we also sedated J.R. just enough to keep her relaxed, so we didn't have to worry about taking the tube out. We did this for two days; when J.R. could drink a bottle of the nutrition drink without throwing up, I removed the tube. We know we may need to put the tube in again, but this is good. J.R. still feels like shit, and we;re keeping her in the medbay, but she's getting better. Jayce continues to worry about J.R. We can tell she still feels like this is her fault, but we can't tell if she is still suicidal. Bumblebee or Hound keep a close eye on her.  
Drift has kept Jamie out of the medbay; she is unaware of what we had to do.  
J.R. tried to hide how much pain she's in as I took care of the wound, it's healing well, but with the infection, any touch hurts. Crosshairs and I noticed the tears rolling down her face.  
"Ok, I'm done, the wound is healing well," I say though I think only Crosshairs is listening. I hate leaving the room while J.R. is distraught, but Crosshairs says it's fine.

Bumblebee, Hound, and Jayce are sitting on the couch, watching T.V. Jayce still won't eat. Glad she doesn't refuse drinking nutrition drinks. We still can't tell if she's pass trying to end her life. Unfortunately, she's still dealing with nightmares and panic attacks. Won't be long before she goes to take a nap.  
"How is she?" Jayce asks as I sit next to her.  
"She's getting better, but still not feeling well. She's able to drink the nutrition drink and take oral antibiotics, but she's still bedridden."  
Even though I said J.R. is getting better, Jayce hated hearing how she's still feeling like shit.  
"It's only been four days. At least J.R. stopped throwing up every time she tried to have a little if the nutrition drink."

Jayce POV  
I'm happy J.R. is getting better, but still guilty, I caused all this. I ran upstairs to my room, hoping to close the door and lock it before anyone can get in, but Bumblebee was quick.  
Head his way into the room and got me to sit on the bed. Cade and Hound walk into the room.  
"No," I said before leaning onto Bee and cried. I don't want to talk about my nightmares or thoughts. It always ends badly. I already have several panic attacks every night.

Bumblebee POV  
I've watched Crosshairs and Drift enough to know what works to comfort the girls. Moving Jayce to my lap and hugging her as I move in a slow rocking motion.  
"She's tired of talking. We know what happened yesterday scared her," Cade sighs and walks out of the room with Hound.  
"Everything will be ok."  
That's all I'm going to say since she doesn't want to talk. We all can figure out what's troubling her anyway.  
Ten minutes pass before Crosshairs comes in. I assume J.R. is asleep, but I have everything under control.  
"She doesn't want to talk," I tell him.  
Crosshairs crouches down in front of us, takes Jayce's hand, and repeats what Cade and I told her in the past thirty minutes before leaving the room. Once Jayce felt better, she got off me and sat at her desk.  
I'm not leaving, if that's what you're hoping I'll do.

Drift POV  
Damn it, Jayce isn't having a good morning.  
I hated reading the messages Cade and Crosshairs sent me. With everyone worried about one of the girls, we stopped our nightly discussion about them. We sent texts about anything important that just happened that we would have talked about in the evening. With Jamie still asleep, I wanted to see Jayce but Bumblebee says she's fine and playing a computer game, and J.R. is asleep.  
How long is this going to last? Are you going to think like them soon, Jamie?  
Things can get bad that I feel like I have to text everyone that I want to take Jamie out when she wakes up. Crosshairs wasn't happy I told him it's just Jamie and me. Then he started teasing about this being a date.  
I laughed in a low tone before putting my phone away and laid in bed with Jamie on top of me.  
Jamie woke up a half-hour later. I told her I wanted to go out for breakfast.  
"Can't we stay here?" She asked.  
"No, come on," I say as I sit up, but instead of getting off me and getting clothes, Jamie hugged me.  
You know I can't resist this, don't you?  
I hugged her for five minutes before getting her to let go and trying to get her to get ready. I left the room to give her privacy.  
"You're taking her on a date?" Jayce joked.  
"You think she'd count this as a date?"  
"Doubt it."  
I could hear how happy Jayce is; hopefully, she'll be happy the rest of the day. I hugged her and told her everything will be ok before Jayce went back to her room.  
Jamie came out and told me she wants to go out for lunch.  
"Well, the Ninety-nine should be open by the time we get there."  
"Can I see J.R.?"  
"She's sleeping."  
We go downstairs to the garage. I'm not keeping Jamie away from J.R. though I'm still a little concerned Jamie will still get upset seeing J.R.

Jamie POV  
Did my panic about J.R. cause Drift to keep me away from her? He wouldn't lie to keep me away, and I know J.R. has been very ill.  
"J.R. is getting better," Drift says, "but still feels very sick and exhausted. We'll go see her if she's awake when we get back."  
I put the music on and looked out the window.

"You forget your tablet? Well then, guess you have to talk," Drift joked, smiling.  
"About? You're with me most of the day."  
He wanted to know what's going on in my Sims L.Ps though I think he watches the videos when I'm watching the live stream at night. I tell him what's been going on in the two save files I'm playing. Drift loved hearing how I'm incorporating the team into one of the saves though it's very inaccurate.  
"So, are we together in that save?" He asked.  
I must have been blushing for Drift to laugh.  
Glad the food came so I can avoid the question.  
Drift wanted to go to Panera Bread when we finished. I remembered there's clam chowder there that I wanted to try. Drift said he'd get it to go, but I can wait. I'll take my half dozen cookies instead.

Drift POV  
Jamie fell asleep on the way back to the base. I went to the medbay while carrying her.|  
"What did you do that she's asleep?" Crosshairs teased.  
"She was up until three A.M. again. She wanted to see J.R. How is J.R.?"  
"She can have a good amount of nutrition drink and oral medication. Cade has said nothing, so I doubt he'd object if I took J.R. to her room, but I'm keeping her here."  
"Hmm.. how much of a problem would we have if I let Jamie sleep here?" I say, looking at the other bed.  
"If she was just sick, it wouldn't be a problem, but with her mental state, bad idea."  
I was about to leave when Crosshairs asked how my time out with Jamie was.  
"Lacking romance," he teased when I finished telling him. I elbowed his arm.  
"You know how she is. I don't care if she considers our outing a date or not; I love her."  
With that, I walked out of the room and went up to Jamie's room. I laid on the bed with Jamie on top of me.

J.R. POV  
Waking up from a nightmare, but I'm not panicking-or at least not like Jayce, but enough to alarm Crosshairs. Then I realized as I tried to sit up, I'm still on the monitor. Even though I'm not having a severe panic attack like Jayce, my heart rate is slightly elevated. I'm feeling dizzy; forget sitting up.  
"You feeling ok?"  
"No," I say as I closed my eyes. I should run to the bathroom, but I'm too dizzy to move. Next thing I know, Crosshairs is sitting me up, getting me to lean over the bedside table.  
"That's what I thought," he says as I throw up in the tray.  
"It's ok," Crosshairs says as he hugged me. Well, at least throwing up caused Crosshairs to forget about asking me why I was panicking. The way Jayce reacts to talking about what bothers her, I'm afraid to. He laid me back on the bed and covered me with the blankets. I'm still dealing with being freezing.  
"It's ok; you're still getting better."  
He left to dispose of the contents in the tray.

Crosshairs POV  
Something happened in J.R.'s dream to cause her to panic. Can I say it was a nightmare since she wasn't terrified? It seems she didn't know it was a dream for a few seconds. Doubt that's what caused her to throw up.  
Cade wasn't pleased to see the tray in my hand. Instead of asking what happened before J.R. threw up, he followed me into the medbay.  
What are you even going to do, Cade?  
He asked J.R. if she wanted IV medication for nausea since it'll work faster than oral medication.  
Guess it's a good thing you kept the IV in.  
Cade left once he finished, and I.R. fell asleep ten minutes later. With J.R. asleep, I went to see what Jayce is doing.  
Bumblebee tells me she's been playing a computer game for the past three hours.  
Good, something to distract her. If she's still this distraught over J.R.'s infection, I'm not sure when she'll get over her terrifying thoughts about J.R. and Jamie. J.R. seems to be doing a little better with that.


	50. A Setback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. is starting to feel better but is still dealing with dizziness and nausea. Jamie suggests she try a bath at the house. Crosshairs comes along in case he needs to help the girls. I.R. ends up dizzy and needs help getting out of the tub and on to a bed. Jamie adds more to J.R.'s discomfort by drawing blood before helping Crosshairs dress her. Drift is not pleased to hear what Jamie did and how uncomfortable J.R. is. Jamie finds nothing new in the blood sample. A little time passes before Drift finds out Bumblebee and Hound struggled to help Jayce deal with a panic attack while he was helping Crosshairs with J.R. Crosshairs and Drift worry Jamie us getting too stressed about J.R. She doesn't even know everything that's been going on.

Crosshairs POV  
Two days pass before J.R. feels well enough to rest in her room. She's still feeling dizzy and can't sit up for long, but Cade says it's fine. With Jamie's family out of the house, Jamie suggested J.R. go to the house and take a hot bath since there's only a shower at the base.

Jamie comes with me and J.R. to the house. Jamie and I play with the cats while waiting for J.R. I was questioning why Jamie suggested the small bathroom until I heard J.R. throwing up. The toilet is right next to the bathtub. Jamie goes in two minutes later, leaving the door open a little, but I can't see what's going on.  
"You ok?" Jamie asked.  
"No," J.R. said in a sad tone. I know she's trying not to cry.  
I peeked in a little to see J.R. is resting her head on the wall of the tub.  
"I don't think you can stay here until the dizziness passes," Jamie says, worried.  
"I'm going to have to carry you," I tell her, still behind the door. I knew she'd say no, but this will not pass soon. Jamie and I worked fast but had to be careful not to cause J.R. to throw up again.  
"Oh yeah, you could have waited," I sarcastically said as J.R. put all her weight on me. I have to hold her up as Jamie wrapped her in a towel.  
"Done," Jamie tells me since I'm not looking.  
I pick J.R. up and take her to the bedroom. It's a short fifteen-second walk, but it's still enough to upset J.R.  
"It's ok."  
"Don't tell her that now," Jamie says.  
"Why?" I asked, concerned.  
"Cause I'm about to do this."  
I didn't know what she meant until I.R. started crying and trying to sit up. I looked at Jamie; she  
is drawing blood from the wound.  
"Stop!" I yell.  
"Done."  
She pulls out the needle, disposes it in a bag, and puts a cap on the vial. I want to yell at her for such a move, but I need her to help me. Though I'm not sure how well this is going to work with my eyes closed. I don't know how distraught J.R. will be so, do I calm her down now or wait until we finish?  
"I can't leave you in a towel. There's no way I'm going to be able to help Jamie get you dressed with my eyes closed," I tell J.R., she's too uncomfortable to answer, "ok, Jamie, ready?"  
J.R. cried as we dressed her, which concerns me. Is she getting sicker?  
"Get help, Jamie. I don't think I can carry her back to base."  
Jamie Leaves the room; I hear the back door close a few seconds later. I'd leave J.R. here to rest but, I don't know when Jamie's family will be back. Explaining why Jamie has a very sick friend in the house will be a challenge. I hate having to have J.R. distraught as we get her to her room. Hoping a stretcher will be better than me carrying her.  
"What's going on?" Cade asks as he, Drift, and Hound enter the room.

"I doubt it'll make a difference if she's going n a stretcher," Cade sighed, "carry her to the medbay."  
Drift tried to comfort J.R. as we walked to the medbay and continued once I laid J.R. on the bed.  
"What do you want me to?" Cade asks, "you think she can handle an IV being put in?"  
Guess we should have left the IV In though she was doing good with oral medication for nausea.  
"I doubt it, but that works faster than oral medication," I tell him. I held J.R. on the edge of the bed. With J.R.'s arm resting on the table, Cade worked on putting an IV in. She was quiet, but the tears rolling down her face showed us she's uncomfortable.  
I laid her in bed once Cade finished. He started an infusion of anti-nausea medication.  
We waited until J.R. fell asleep before leaving the room.  
"You sure she's not getting worse?" Drift asked.  
"We'll find out soon. Jamie drew blood while J.R. was lying on the bed," I tell them.  
"Why the hell would she do that? Bulma hasn't even asked for a blood sample or anything, and I've been telling her everything about J.R."  
"Unbelievable," Drift sighs before walking out of the room. I doubt he's going to scold Jamie.

Drift POV  
I'm not sure what to think about Jamie's action. She should know Bulma would know if we need to be concerned about J.R.  
"You ok?" Crosshairs asked.  
"I don't know what to think about what Jamie did to J.R. and what she's doing now."  
"If Bulma isn't concerned about J.R. now, then Jamie will likely find nothing that shows J.R. is worse than we thought."  
Jamie comes out of the lab twenty minutes later.  
"What did you find?" I asked.  
"Nothing bad, but," Jamie trailed off.  
I crouched down, making eye contact with her.  
"She's getting better even though it seems she's not. Cade has been telling Bulma about J.R., and she's not concerned."  
"Come on, she's asleep for now," Crosshairs says, taking Jamie's hand. He took her to the main area to watch T.V.

Jayce, Bumblebee, and Hound join us an hour later. I didn't know Hound was also with Jayce. With Jamie distracted, I got up to ask Hound why both he and Bee are with Jayce.  
As I feared, she had a severe panic attack, and both of them had to calm her down.  
"I fear the nightmares and panic attacks are permanent," Hound sighed.  
"Is there even a way to know for sure? Might be six months before she's over this shit. I think she's still distraught over J.R."  
"I just hate the idea that she'll have to stop going on adventures with us."  
"Might, Hound, but we can't say for sure now."  
I tell Hound about the problem we had with J.R. before he went to the medbay though I said J.R. is asleep; I sit back on the couch by Jamie. Jayce is still tired and leaning in Crosshairs, who has an arm around her.  
I tried to watch T.V., but I couldn't stop thinking what if Hound is right?

Three hours pass before Jayce falls asleep. I didn't think she'd be awake this long. Bumblebee takes her back to her room as Crosshairs and I go back to the medbay with Jamie. Though J.R. is still asleep, Crosshairs looks over J.R. as I sit on a chair by the bed and have Jamie sit on my lap. Crosshairs sat on the other chair once he finished looking over J.R.

Crosshairs POV  
It seems J.R. sleeps for four hours at a time before waking up. It's strange since she's exhausted and very ill.  
"You feeling ok?" Jamie asks.  
"No," J.R. says.  
Jamie sits on the bed for a few seconds before lying down beside J.R.  
"No, Jamie, you're not lying here until I get better. That could still take six fucking days," J.R. raged though she wasn't yelling or trying to push Jamie off the bed.  
"Let her stay for a while," Drift insists.  
Ten minutes pass before both girls are asleep.  
"So, is Jamie panicking or not?" I asked as Drift covered both girls with the blanket.  
"She's not, but she's concerned. J.R. was doing better; now she seems she's getting worse."  
We went back to Jayce, who also seemed ready for a nap. This situation is exhausting for the girls.


	51. Witness to a Suicide Attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. wakes up to the sound of things being moved around. She discovers Jayce is searching for a drug. She quickly texts Crosshairs before trying to stop Jayce. Jayce is occupied telling J.R. why she wants to die that she doesn't know Bumblebee, Cade, Crosshairs, and Hound have entered the room. They all focus on Jayce, leaving J.R. to watch alone and frightened. J.R> knows Drift can't leave Jamie to comfort her, so she's stuck relying on texts. Crosshairs eventually turns his attention to J.R. while the others take care of Jayce, who couldn't inject herself before going into a pseudoseizure. Bumblebee comes up with a couple of ideas to allow the medbay to be locked as it should have been and to try to help Jayce. A little time passes before Bee can tell the others his plan. There's no way to know if it'll work, but they will try his plan. After the discussion, Crosshairs returns to the medbay to find J.R. crying and struggles to get her to calm down.

Drift POV  
I had to wake Jamie up ninety minutes later so she could go to the house before shit starts with her family, though it's been getting worse, and anything pisses them off. Crosshairs and I can go with her to the house, which was a bad idea. Crosshairs wanted to start an argument with them, and I think I would have joined in instead of stopping him. We ate and left the house.

We wanted to talk about this, but what can we do? Jamie knows she can tell us she wants to go back to Cade's dimension, and we'd leave. It's not like she's stuck here. As much as it seems like a good idea, we don't want to make her come with us if she doesn't want to. I think Jamie thinks having us here is good enough, but is it?

Jayce, Bumblebee, and Hound are sitting on the couch, watching T.V. I get Jamie to sit with them since I want to see how J.R. is doing, and Crosshairs wants to see if J.R. is awake and can drink the nutrition drink without throwing up; she is getting better and can keep it down most of the time.

Cade is already in the room and gave J.R. a drink. Though she drank it slowly, afraid she'd throw up. She didn't want to be moved to the couch to watch T.V. With Cade with her, Crosshairs and I went upstairs to Jamie's room to vent to each other about Jamie's family though there's nothing we can do about it.  
"You know Jamie will listen to you," Crosshairs points out, " tell her she's coming back to the junkyard as soon as J.R. is better."  
"No, I'm letting her decide. At least she has space away from the shit."  
I know the risk I'm taking, the mindset Jamie could end up with, but she knows she can go to Cade's dimension or other friends' dimensions any time.

Crosshairs POV  
With nothing else to talk about, I went to the medbay while Drift sat with Jamie and Jayce.  
J.R. finished drinking the nutrition drink and is already asleep. Cade tells us she was able to finish what he gave her before needing to lie down. Cade asks if I want to bring J.R. to her room, but I think the medbay is a better place; easier to take care of her, plus she can't tolerate being carried or even walking to the bathroom. We left the room and sat on the couch with the others.

Two hours later

J.R. POV  
I hear things being moved around. I opened my eyes to see Jayce looking in the fridge used for drugs.  
"Jayce!!" I yelled.  
She looked at me before she resumed searching through the fridge. This is what I was afraid of; I know the door isn't locked though I doubt I'll get very sick that one of the others have to rush in.  
Well, Jayce, I'm prepared for this.  
I had Crosshairs give me my phone, so I can keep myself entertained. Crosshairs asked why I didn't want my tablet; now, he's about to find out why.  
Jayce is in here and searching for something.  
Soon after I sent the message, Jayce found what she wanted. She filled the syringe and is ready to inject herself.  
"Jayce, no!!"  
"I can't take it anymore! I waited, hoping the nightmares and panic attacks would stop, but they're becoming more frequent, and the nightmares are terrifying!"  
As Jayce is telling me all this, Bumblebee, Cade, Crosshairs, and Hound walk in.  
Damn it, I think they should have had Drift come, but we also need to keep Jamie from seeing  
this.  
"No, Jayce, I know the nightmares have been terrifying, and you hate the panic attacks," Crosshairs says, calmly, as he, Cade, and Hound walk towards her, slowly. Bumblebee is watching the situation and ready to assist. I thought he was here for me. All I can do is watch, afraid of what can happen. I don't know how well Drift can help via text, but I can try.

J.R.: I'm afraid. Jayce already has a syringe full of a drug and ready to inject herself.  
Drift: It's ok, Cade, Crosshairs, and Hound will take care of her.

I watched, terrified. I don't know what happened as they moved fast to stop Jayce.  
"Fuck," I hear Crosshairs say. I don't want to look, though I don't know what the problem is, I started crying.

Cade POV  
Crosshairs looks at J.R. before looking back at Jayce.  
"J.R. needs you, Crosshairs," I tell him before turning my attention to Jayce. She's in a pseudoseizure and poked herself with the syringe, but she couldn't inject herself before falling to the floor. Still, I'm going to do a blood test to make sure. Hound took the syringe and put it on the counter before sitting on his knees beside me. He said nothing about what drug was on the counter.  
Looking over at J.R., she's panicking, and Crosshairs is trying to get her to lie down, afraid she's going to have a seizure.  
She's trying to tell him something but can't stop crying.

A long three minutes pass before the seizure stops, and I can move Jayce to the other bed, put her on the monitor, and draw blood. Hound watches her as I go to the lab and test the sample. Glad I had to learn a little bit about blood analyzing. Though I thought it would just be for Jamie's care.

I find both girls asleep when I get back to the medbay. Crosshairs tells me he had to use the drug to calm J.R., and Jayce hasn't woken up yet.  
"What are we going to do?" Hound asked, concerned.  
"I don't know," I sighed.  
We're out of options; not even professional help can help Jayce now.  
"She needs a little extra support, like Jamie. I have an idea," Bumblebee tells us but Leaves the room instead of telling us his idea.  
"Ok... Crosshairs, do you know what J.R was trying to say?" I ask.  
"No."  
We both have our ideas about what she was trying to say, and both are depressing.

Jayce wakes up fifteen minutes later, though still exhausted. She looks over at J.R. with a worried expression.  
"Not a word about how J.R. reacted," Crosshairs tells Hound and me before walking up to the bed. I waited for Crosshairs to make sure Jayce would stay calm before going to the other side of the bed and taking her off the monitor.  
"Come on, off to bed in your room," Crosshairs says as Jayce sits on the edge of the bed, looking over her shoulder at J.R., "she'll be fine."  
I watch Crosshairs, Jayce and Hound leave the room before texting Bulma. Though there's nothing she can do now, she wants to keep track of Jayce's seizures.  
Crosshairs returns ten minutes later and tells me I can leave. I wanted to talk to Bumblebee about what he thinks he can do to help Jayce anyway.

Bumblebee POV  
I can't talk to Drift right now with Jamie with him, but I think this will work. Drift is concerned about what I have planned and why I need his help. Even Cade wonders why I need Drift's help. We plan to talk about this when Jamie either goes to sleep or is distracted.

I went back to the medbay to see how the two girls are doing, discovering Jayce is in her room.  
"I don't know, Crosshairs, I think it would be better to have her stay here. She is sick mentally."  
"Not when she's looking for ways to kill herself."  
"Either way, someone's going to have to watch her twenty-four/seven."  
"It's safer to keep her out of here. We need to lock this room but not with J.R. in here."  
" I think there are hidden beds in one of the rooms. Not sure if it's supposed to be like a guest room or not, but it'll be useful now."

I go to the room to see if I'm right. The room isn't set up like humans would have a guest room. It looks like an empty room, but as I thought, there are beds that pull out from the wall. That's Jamie for you; she'd want a multi-purpose room rather than a guest room, but there are six beds. Good, Crosshairs can sleep in here. I know he's been sleeping very little since J.R. got sick. I also found a closet though the doors blend in with the wall.  
You made sure this room could function as a guest room but also used in other ways. Good job, Jamie.

I informed Crosshairs about what I found. He tells me he wants to wait until tomorrow morning since carrying J.R. will cause her discomfort. I suggested a stretcher, and I'd help him, but he still insisted on waiting until morning.

We waited two hours, but Jamie will not be going to bed any time soon, but she's distracted, so Drift can leave her alone for a bit.  
"What's this idea you have?" Crosshairs asks me.  
"Something simple, and maybe we should have done this right when Jayce's problems started. A little more communication and not just when she's distraught it going through an anxiety or panic attack. Sort of like what we do with Jamie," I explained.  
"That could help," Drift says, "but she's afraid to talk because of how talking affects her, it's going to be tricky,"  
"Now I think I know what J.R. was trying to tell me. She's terrified Jayce can't get over this and or that Jayce will end her life," Crosshairs exclaims. We all looked at him, shocked.  
"We're doing all we can to keep her from ending her life, but...can she heal mentally?" Hound struggled to ask, "Jamie has been doing better since Buddy's passing, but Jayce is still having nightmares about Jamie or J.R. dying. She's not even sure why these thoughts even started."  
"Hard to say, she might end up like Jamie. Which we can deal with," Cade points out, "I Know we all hate how there are no sure answers, but it's the best I have."  
"Well, we can try your way, Bee," Crosshairs says before going downstairs.  
"Be careful, you know how Jamie is, and for now, Jayce is the same way," Drift says before going to Jamie's room. Hound still wants to sleep in the hallway, and I go to Jayce's room.

Crosshairs POV  
Walking into the medbay and I hear J.R. crying.  
"I'm here," I tell her as I picked her up to sit on the bed. I know she's not crying because I wasn't in the room, but she needs comfort.  
"What was the nightmare about?" I asked. Holding her on my lap and moving in a slow rocking motion.  
"Jayce...is...," She sobbed.  
"She's ok and sleeping in her room."  
J.R. told me she is afraid Jayce's mental state is permanent. I told her Bee's plan and how we're hoping Jayce will be like Jamie if she can't fully recover. Even after what I told her, J.R. couldn't calm down. Watching Jayce try to end her life and go through a seizure terrified her.  
"It's ok, J.R.," Drift says as he walks towards the bed, "Jayce is asleep, and Bumblebee is watching her."  
This didn't help get J.R. to calm down.  
"Maybe a car ride will help. You know how Jamie ends up falling asleep during drives."  
I took J.R. to my alt mode as Drift went back to Jamie's room.

Tears still rolled down J.R.'s face as I drove to the lake. Doubt she'll fall asleep since she's not relaxed.  
Moving her onto my lap, I feel her trembling.  
I fear her desire to be dead before Jayce is increasing. I made her look at me.  
"Everything will be ok."  
I knew she'd start crying, but she had to hear this. Getting her to calm down and fall asleep is going to take a while. At least the medicine is working, and J.R. isn't feeling like shit, but she will soon. My phone vibrates, at least I'm able to read the message  
Drift: do I need to help?  
I can't text, so I call him, though I don't know how well Drift will hear me.  
"Is she...well, nevermind, I can hear her," Drift says when he answers his phone.  
"She's going to take a while to calm down and get to sleep,"  
"You want me to try to help?"  
"I'm doing everything we've been doing. She's just taking longer."  
Drift sighed, "ok, good luck," he says before ending the call.  
Think I should have picked up the capsule full of camping supplies. It's going to be a long night.


	52. A Rough Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. struggles while dealing with nausea and nightmares. Crosshairs decides J.R. needs to be moved to another room so the medbay can be locked since J.R> is dreaming about Jayce killing herself. For now, Crosshairs and Drift move her onto the couch so she can watch T.V. J.R. ends up falling asleep. When she wakes up three hours later, she hears Crosshairs and Drift talking about Jayce. She unintentionally interrupts the conversation by trying to sit up while dizzy. She's embarrassed when she throws up, missing Crosshairs' boots. J.R. believes she's not getting any better and forgets about the conversation she overheard, which is a relief to Crosshairs and Drift.

Crosshairs POV  
Two hours have passed; the medication for nausea has worn off. J.R. is dizzy and throwing up. Being carried from the medbay to the couch is hard on her; a car ride will be rough, but this will not pass, shit. Add that J.R. is shivering. I might be able to warm her with heat and my trench coat.

"Let's see if this will help," I tell her as I cover her with my trench coat., "We can't stay here. You need medicine, and it's back at the base in the medbay."  
"No," J.R. replies.  
Whether I drive slowly or fast, she's going to be uncomfortable. I start driving without telling her. Even slow is causing more discomfort. Glad it's dark out, and no one can see I'm focusing on J.R., watching for signs that she will throw up, instead of the road. Halfway to the base, J.R. needed to throw up. She is able to wait until I helped her out of my alt mode and on the grass. J.R. starts crying once she stops throwing up.  
"I know, we're almost back to the base."  
I felt how weak J.R. is getting the longer she's standing.

Drift was sitting on the couch when we finally got back. J.R. is uncomfortable and crying. He followed me to the medbay and tried to comfort J.R. while I got the medication ready.  
There's nothing more we can do but let her cry herself to sleep. J.R. falls asleep twenty minutes later.  
"We're screwed, every day there seems to be something to keep Jayce and J.R. thinking death is the answer," Drift says in a sad tone before leaving the room. I don't blame him for thinking there's nothing we can do, and we likely will watch Jayce's, J.R., or both die.  
For now, I fear J.R. will not sleep for long before waking up terrified. All I can do is sit on the floor and try to get some sleep before she wakes up.

Hound POV  
Drift tells me what J.R. has delt with in the past half-hour. I could tell by his voice that he's terrified watching Jayce and J.R. die is guaranteed at this point.  
That's not like you, Drift.  
We're all worried about what might happen and trying to help Jayce and J.R. get over this with the added challenge of keeping this secret from Jamie.  
Eight hours later

Cade POV  
"Rough night?" I ask Crosshairs, seeing him sitting by J.R.'s bed, watching her.  
I was expecting to be told, she slept for a few hours, but every time she woke up, she ended up throwing up. Instead, I'm told she woke up four times from nightmares, and she dealt with a panic attack each time. She's like Jayce now, fuck. Then Crosshairs tells me about his failed attempt to get J.R. to fall asleep and the struggles until she fell asleep. I stayed in the room, waiting for J.R. to wake up. I sent Bumblebee a text, asking how his night with Jayce was. As Crosshairs and I both figured, Jayce had the same shitty night J.R. had. Then Crosshairs tells me he will move J.R. to another room down here so we can lock the medbay doors.  
"You're the one in charge of her care. You do what you need to," I tell him.

four hours later

Crosshairs POV  
J.R. can still drink the nutrition drink without throwing up. Once she finished, I started an infusion of medication for her nausea. After last night, J.R. didn't want to move. Drift is with me to help move her. We are getting concerned J.R. is getting worse even if the redness around the wound isn't spreading Even though Jamie already did a blood test that didn't show J.R. is getting worse.  
"Maybe we move her to the couch for a few hours," Drift suggests.  
Though the move to the other room won't take long, maybe this will help J.R. not feel so sick.  
Cade walks into the room before we're about to move J.R.  
Once J.R. is wrapped in a blanket, I carried her out with Drift wheeling the IV pole. Tears rolled down J.R.'s face as I carried her to the couch.  
Drift didn't ask why I was holding J.R. instead of laying her on the couch. I think he would have done the same if he was the one carrying her. He positioned the IV pole before sitting next to me and wiping the tears from J.R.'s eyes.  
"I'm calling Bulma," Cade says as he walks by. I couldn't tell if he was concerned or just not liking what J.R. has been dealing with. Bulma said at least seven days before the infection clears. For all we know, that could also mean J.R. will feel like this until the infection clears.  
"Jamie doing more recording?" I asked.  
"Yeah, otherwise I wouldn't be here."  
"She knows how sick J.R. is. Should be fine if Jamie sees J.R."

Jayce POV  
J.R. looks awful, but I know Cade has been keeping Bulma informed, and she hasn't told him to change J.R.'s treatment or said she's coming here. Drift asked me if I had anything to eat or drink. When I told him no, he then asked if I wanted anything, not happy I said no. Bumblebee stands at the back of the couch as Drift suggests going out for lunch.

"Go with Drift, Jayce," Crosshairs insisted, "you know J.R. will be asleep soon."  
"Go," J.R. says  
I go with Drift to the garage as Bumblebee sits with Crosshairs.

Drift POV  
"I don't want to go anywhere," Jayce says in a sad tone.  
"How about the lake for now?"  
Jayce agrees to this idea. Hoping to take her to lunch instead of giving her a nutrition drink, I doubt I'll be successful.  
I had Jayce sit on my lap, ready for either negative reaction to our discussion. I know she's afraid to talk due to what might happen, but it's still better for her to talk.

Three hours later

J.R. POV  
"I knew I was taking a chance, but she also talked big mistake,"  
I heard Drift say, sadness in his voice. I had fallen asleep on the couch, and hearing this right when I wake up isn't good. Even with medication, I still feel dizzy, and sitting up is hard. I don't want to alarm Crosshairs if I call his name.  
'what are you trying to go?" I hear Crosshairs asked, but before I could answer, I threw up on the floor, just missing Crosshairs' boots. I didn't realize how dizzy I am until I started falling backward and off the couch onto the hard metal floor.  
"Shit!" Crosshairs exclaims.  
"Help her, I'll take care of this," Drift says.  
Crosshairs sits on the floor and holds me on his lap.  
"I'm scared I'm getting worse," I tell him as tears roll down my face.|  
"No, you're ok," Cade says as he sits on his knees next to Crosshairs, "you know I've been keeping Bulma informed, she says you're getting better." He says as he wiped my face with a wet cloth. I wanted to ask about Jayce, but I couldn't, nor can I make it to the medbay alone. Cade gives Crosshairs the cloth and goes back to the medbay.  
Crosshairs and Drift take me to the spare room, designed to be a guest room when needed. I just wanted to go back to sleep.  
"I'm staying right here," Crosshairs says as he puts the folded wet cloth on my forehead. I'm feeling so dizzy and have my eyes closed.

Crosshairs POV  
We waited fifteen minutes to be sure J.R. fell asleep.  
"She heard you. I don't know if I want to tell her what happened," I sighed.  
"No, don't, she's already afraid Jayce will have to stop going on adventures with her and Jamie," Drift says in a sad tone before we leave the room and go to the medbay.  
Drift, and I sit on the bed with Jayce, who is terrified. Drift, and I look at each other, unsure if we should say something.  
A few minutes pass before Jayce gets up and walks towards the door. Neither of us stopped her. We followed her up to her room but stood by the doorway, watching her take a picture from the nightstand drawer.  
"Almost four months of this shit. Time to face facts; this is permanent. I should go home without telling Jamie and J.R. This shit is worse than Jamie's mental struggle."  
Drift and I looked at each other, unsure of what to do. A few seconds pass before Jayce cries. I think she forgot she left the door open, or does she know we followed her?


	53. At a Standstill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Jayce and J.R. are struggling today. Cade and the Autobots aren't sure what they can do to help Jayce's nightmares, panic attacks, and depression as J.R. struggles with the infection.

Drift POV

We know Jayce will end up crying herself to sleep, so I tell Crosshairs to get back to J.R. before I go into Jayce's room, close the door, sit on my knees by the bed and rub her back. I'm not saying anything after what happened three hours ago. Jayce stopped crying five minutes later and looks at me as I continue to rub her back until she fell asleep. I covered her with a blanket and sat at the desk.  
What are we going to do? Are we going to have to pick which girl to upset? Either Jayce deals with this shit, or Jamie and J.R. end up heartbroken hearing Jayce can't continue going on adventures with them.  
Ninety minutes pass before Jayce wakes up terrified and screaming. These nightmares get worse every day. Getting the calming drug should have been routine, but I don't have a syringe. I quickly texted Hound to get one for me before sitting on the bed, moving Jayce on to my lap and hugging her. I can't believe how bad she's trembling.  
"Jamie...and J.R...," she sobbed.  
"They're ok. What happened?"  
Jayce didn't want to tell me. I have my guesses what the nightmare was about. Hound walked in two minutes later with the syringe but moving in a slow rocking motion has calmed Jayce enough; I don't think I need to use drugs. Instead of leaving, Hound sat at the desk. Jayce tightened her hug as she told me she can't take the nightmare and panic attacks anymore. I don't know if she forgets she's told us already many times, or this is her way of pleading for help. That hurts knowing she's likely pleading for help, and there's not much more we can do.

Ten minutes pass before Jayce falls asleep. I lay her in bed before texting Crosshairs about J.R. She also had a terrifying nightmare and panic attack, which caused her to throw up. She wouldn't tell Crosshairs what terrified her, but it's easy to guess.  
"What are they looking for?" I thought out loud, "Jamie has been doing better the past two weeks, but their nightmares have been getting more intense."  
"I'll stay here, you go for a drive," Hound demands.  
I left the room but went to Jamie's room. Hound didn't seem bothered by this.  
I should go for a drive, but I feel like Jamie's going to need me.

I hate how I am right. I waited an hour for Jamie to come back. Strange she wasn't back sooner since she had things to finish on her computer and she tries to stay away from the family now. Jamie walks into the room, trying to act like nothing is wrong. I don't think she knows her eyes are red and puffy or her facial expressions says something is wrong.  
Why won't you leave if this is how they treat you?  
Sure, I'm her guardian along with Crosshairs, but we will not force her to leave. Though we all think emotional abuse is just as bad as physical. No one in this dimension seems to get that, or at least, no one Jamie knows.  
"What did they do now?" Crosshairs asks, angrily before sitting on the bed next to me.  
"I don't know, and I'm not asking."  
"J.R. is awake; you want to see her, Jamie?" Crosshairs asks.

J.R. POV  
Cade finished checking on me as Crosshairs, Drift, and Jamie walk into the room. Jamie looks like she's been crying.  
I thought you understood I'm going to be fine.  
Though hard to convince her I'll be ok as she watches Crosshairs help me sit up before sitting on the bed behind me, legs between me, allowing me to lean on him.  
"She's getting better," I hear Cade say before he left the room.  
I hope you heard that, Jamie.  
Jamie sat on the bed next to me but said nothing. I noticed her eyes are red and puffy.  
What did they do now? I'm about ready to fight them if I wasn't feeling like shit.

After five minutes of silence, Jamie asks if I wanted to watch T.V.  
"No," I say in a sad tone.  
She says nothing before leaving the room; Drift follows her.  
"Crosshairs, I have to..."  
I couldn't finish, but he knew I needed the bucket.  
How embarrassing, Drift walks in as I'm throwing up.  
"It's ok," he says, and he helped Crosshairs keep me from falling off the bed.  
"No, it's not," I say, hugging Drift as he stood by the bed.  
Drift made me look at him, "Cade just checked on you. He says you're getting better."  
He sits on the chair and puts me on his lap. I'm resting my head on his shoulder. Crosshairs puts a blanket over me before going to clean the bucket.  
"You ok?" Jamie asks, calmly.  
"She's fine," Drift says, and Jamie leaves the room, "guess it's a brief visit, which is a good thing."  
Drift lays me on the bed, making sure the blanket covers me.  
"You'll feel better soon."  
He walks out of the room, closing the door halfway. It's not long before I fall asleep.

Hound POV  
Bumblebee is watching Jayce play a computer game in her room. Watching Jamie on the couch with Crosshairs and Drift, I wonder what does Jayce want to see to know Jamie is not considering suicide? J.R. is too sick to even get out of bed, and from what we can tell, J.R. wants to be gone before Jayce. Then add trying to keep Jamie from knowing what the other two have been dealing with. This is a mess.

The next day

Jayce is still struggling to sleep for long but last night was better. At least she slept for three hours before waking up instead of two hours. She's still tired when she wakes up at eight. I tried to get her to go back to sleep, but she wants to see J.R. I sent a text to Crosshairs, hoping J.R. would be asleep.  
Crosshairs tells me she's still asleep and is coming upstairs. I'm not sure if I should take that as good or bad.

Jayce POV  
I didn't think Crosshairs would come to my room to tell me about J.R. I tell myself he wouldn't if there's a problem, but it's hard to think that way.  
"She's ok," Crosshairs says as he sits next to me and hugs me.  
I asked him how much sleep J.R. got, hating how she's sleeping poorly like me. Add she's throwing up.  
"Then Cade is lying, she's not getting better," I said in a sad tone before crying.  
Crosshairs had my lay on the bed with him.  
"She's getting better. You should know this infection can take ten days to clear up."

Crosshairs POV  
Jayce's fear is making it hard for her to think.|  
I don't think she's afraid J.R. could get worse. However, she's still dealing with the same terrifying thoughts about Jamie and J.R. Being careful, I tried to figure out why she's still dealing with these thoughts.  
"I don't know," Jayce sobs.  
I assured her we'll get through this as I rubbed her back, getting her to calm down, and she soon fell asleep.  
"Is there even anything we can do?" Hound asked as I moved to the edge of the bed.  
"No," I say with sadness in my voice as I stood up and left the room.

"What happened?" Drift asks, seeing me sitting on the floor across from Jayce's room twenty minutes later. I sighed as he sat beside me.  
"The fact you know there's a problem for starters. Jayce thinks Cade is lying about J.R. getting better since she keeps throwing up. I tried to get her to tell me why she's been having these terrifying thoughts, which led to the nightmares. Jayce still doesn't know why, which doesn't help when we're trying to figure out what to do to get this shit to stop."  
Drift says nothing. I sat in the hallway for ten minutes before going back downstairs to J.R.

Cade leaves the room as we approach.  
"How long did you leave her?" He asked.  
I don't even answer him before rushing into the room. J.R. looks awful and is breathing heavily. She doesn't even realize I'm moving her into my lap as I sit on the chair.  
Shit, don't tell me you're getting worse? But after six days of treatment?  
"What happened?" Drift asked, concerned as he stood next to me.  
"Severe panic attack and with how sick she is already, not a good combination," Cade tells us as he checked J.R.'s vitals, checked the wound, and drew blood. Drift and I watched, concerned that J.R. didn't react as she has been to the wound being touched.  
Something has to wrong for her to be like this, Cade. She's not even bothered by how cold she has to be considering how cold she feels.  
J.R. fell asleep in my arms as Cade finished what he was doing. I wanted to continue holding her, but I laid her on the bed and covered her with the blankets.

We are about to leave when w see Jamie standing at the doorway. She had been watching us, shit. Yet, she doesn't appear scared about the poor state J.R. is in. Drift is able to get her to leave the room.  
"That went well," Cade observes.  
"Yeah," I replied, looking at J.R., "something doesn't seem right."  
"That's why I did a blood test. I could be right, or J.R. is getting worse, but it's been six days."


	54. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce tries to figure out why she's been dealing with terrifying thoughts about Jamie since Buddy passed, unaware Drift is in the room. Drift tells her how worried the Autobots and Cade are terrified she will be successful in trying to end her life, and they'd watch her die. Crosshairs tells her J.R> is getting better, and Jamie is doing better. Drift suggests going out ant, which turns into Crosshairs, Drift, Jamie, and Jayce going out. While Cade takes care of J.R. Jayce checks on J.R. when the four et back, not liking how she looks or that she's on oxygen support. Crosshairs takes her out of the room and tries to keep her from panicking. By ten PM., Cade Crosshairs and Drift are beginning to worry about J.R. Concerned sleeping for twelve hours is more than resting. Crosshairs checks over J.R. before Drift tells him to go to bed, even if it's on a bunk in the room. Drift does the same two hours later.

Jayce POV  
Sitting on the bed, trying to think of why I'm still dealing with this shit. Jamie is past Buddy's death, or at least she's no feeling depressed about it. She's dealing with her usual emotional struggles. J.R. wants to be first to die before me but is too sick to try anything. I don't even know why I would have the terrifying thought that Jamie would think about suicide. She loved Buddy, but she has many friends and other pets. Did I contact Cade and the Autobots to help her or me? Even if that's why I contacted them, it doesn't answer why I'm thinking this way. I need to know to stop thinking this way. If I don't, I will have to tell Jamie and J.R. I can't go on adventures with them. It probably would be better if I went home instead of staying here.

I didn't realize Drift was sitting at my desk; great, I will not get far with him here.  
"What's wrong?" He asks.  
I realize I started tearing up. Drift moved to the bed and moved me onto his lap.  
"I know you're tired of crying, but it's good to cry," He says as he hugs me.  
"No, I'm tired of this. I want to go home."  
"How's that going to help? You should know we would have let you go home by now if we thought that would help you. Do you understand how terrified we are you will kill yourself? Or we'd watch you die?"  
I let myself cry after hearing that.  
"You know I've been with Jamie, making sure she doesn't find out what you and J.R. have been dealing with. She's not showing signs of thinking suicide."  
Crosshairs comes in and sits at the desk as Drift is talking.  
"Jamie is ok, and J.R. is getting better, though getting her stomach kicked," he tells me.  
I hate how bad the infection is making J.R. feel. Shame, Jamie can't use her healing power to take care of it.  
"Well, Jamie is busy, and J.R. is asleep. I think time out of the base helps you," Drift suggests.  
Crosshairs come with us, knowing J.R. sleeps most of the day and Cade can take care of her.  
Jamie catches us as we go downstairs. Drift suggests she comes with us. I get a feeling both mechs want us out of the base because something is wrong with J.R.

Cade POV  
With Crosshairs going with Drift, Jamie and Jayce, I sat in the room J.R. is in. She started whimpering in her sleep.  
"it's ok, everyone is ok," I whisper, unsure if this will work. Once she's quiet, I checked her vitals again. The fever went down a little, but her oxygen saturation is also going down—nothing I can do now but watch that closely.  
J.R. wakes up as I wiped her face with a wet cloth. She is still tired, and I doubt she'll want to drink a bottle of nutrition drink.  
"You'll be ok," I assure her as I get up. My phone vibrates as I leave the room.  
Bulma: everything looks good  
Sure with the blood test, but now I have to tell her that J.R.'s oxygen saturation is going down. Which makes little sense if the blood test is showing she's getting better.  
J.R. had fallen asleep when I returned to the room with a resoaked cloth. I folded it and put it on her forehead. I'm not sure if it's helping the fever, but the warm water helps with the chills.

Four hours later

Jayce POV  
We had a fun time out, but it's just not the same without the others. It's been a long time since I've seen Jamie happy and smiling. I know I've been staying in my room, but I know she's just starting to feel like herself since Buddy's passing. She went upstairs to do some work before having to go to the house. I wanted to see how J.R. is doing, unprepared for what I saw. There's worse like J.R. being on a ventilator, but it's upsetting seeing she needs oxygen. A little concerning she's still asleep.  
"... she's still getting better," I hear Cade say, his voice getting louder, meaning he's walking towards the room. He's talking to someone.  
"Jayce, what are you doing here?" Cade asks as he walks towards me, "she's still getting better, see," he takes out his phone and shows me a few pictures from Bulma. Her notes showing J.R. is getting better. Damn, I was hoping she didn't have to deal with complications regardless of how minor this one is.  
"Come on," Crosshairs takes my hand and leads me out if the room as I continue to look at J.R.

He held me on the couch, moving in a slow rocking motion and saying everything will be ok. I noticed Bumblebee and Hound walking in n from the garage. Do they know what's going on?  
"I can't take it anymore," I cried, though I know there's nothing they can do.  
"I know."  
Crosshairs rubs my back. Damn, he's really trying to keep me calm.  
"Take her to her room," Drift insisted.

Crosshairs carried me to my room, closing the door before sitting on the bed, with me on his lap.  
I can't take the emotional pain. I don't know if this is how Jamie feels or worse, but this hurts.  
Crosshairs moves to the back of the bed and moves me, so I'm not lying flat on the bed before grabbing my tablet and putting a movie on. He knows I don't want to do anything.

Seven hours later

Cade POV  
J.R. has been sleeping the past twelve hours, which is a little concerning since she's been sleeping two to three hours before waking up even though she doesn't stay awake for long. I see how concerned Crosshairs is as I walk into the room. She's still on oxygen though she doesn't need much. We continue to use the cloth with warm water on her. Crosshairs is checking over J.R. with the stethoscope, which doesn't bother me. I know he's not double-checking I'm not missing anything. I head upstairs to bed. Crosshairs knows to wake me if there's a problem. Drift walks by me as I walk down the hall but doesn't stop me.

Crosshairs POV  
Everything sounds fine, Cade isn't worried, but something doesn't feel right.  
"You're worried?" Drift asks, standing next to me.  
"Cade has said nothing, so it's likely nothing, but she's now sleeping longer after sleeping for two to three hours at a time the past five days. Now she's unable to keep her oxygen level up without oxygen support."  
"I think Jamie's illness and almost losing her has made us worry a little too much," Drift says, smiling, "go sleep in your quarters. Bumblebee is with Jamie."  
"No, I'm fine," I lie, hoping he doesn't know I haven't slept in two days.  
"Will you at least sleep on a bed in here like I thought you've been doing?"  
I agree and pull out a bunk from the wall on the other side of the room. I didn't expect a made bed. Drift watched to make sure I go to sleep.

Drift POV  
Funny Crosshairs didn't like how I wanted to stay up when this all started four months ago, and now he's been staying awake, watching J.R. I'm going to stay up a couple more hours before going to bed myself. We'll be able to hear J.R. if she wakes up.

Midnight and J.R. hasn't woken up. I go to bed, expecting to be woken up in a couple of hours.


	55. Embarrassed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. still hasn't woken up, which concerns Cade, Crosshairs, and Drift. Drift insists he and Crosshairs see how Jamie and Jayce are while Cade takes care of J.R. Crosshairs is relieved when J.R. wakes up though it's concerning she slept for so long. The day's problem arises when j.R. throws up on herself, and Crosshairs would rather not see her nude. J.R. hates the idea because of how uncomfortable she'll be, and she is embarrassed of all the care she needs. She thinks she's not getting better though Cade tells her she is. By the end of the long day, Jamie discovers how sick J.R. truly is and is worried even though Jayce tells her J.R. is getting better.

Cade POV  
How long did they stay up before deciding to go to sleep?  
Looking at Crosshairs and Drift sleeping. J.R. is still asleep, shit. This is not a typical complication, but any life-threatening complication would have been detected in the blood test. The good news is Jamie and Jayce are doing fine with Bumblebee and Hound.  
Didn't know Crosshairs and Drift woke up and have been watching me until I heard Crosshairs speak.  
"Come on, wake up," he whispers, but the room is quiet that I heard him.  
"Come on, let's go see how the others are doing," Drift insists, but I hear concern in his voice.  
Sleep is good for J.R., but this long is concerning. I have been checking in her vitals while she's been asleep. Everything is fine this morning. Her oxygen level is as it should be. I can take her off the oxygen and check her in a couple of hours, but I'm going to sit here instead once I finish what I'm doing. Her wound is healing, and I can take the stitches out, but I'm not going to until she wakes up, and Crosshairs is here. I put the oxygen condenser and mask to the side before wetting a cloth and wiping her face.   
J.R. finally wakes up as I'm wiping her face. I'm not sure if I should say she just slept for a long time or entered a short coma since I wasn't aggressive as she slept. Her green eyes stared at me, but she said nothing.  
"Still out of it? That's ok."  
I sent a text to Crosshairs telling him J.R. is awake but to be quiet when he comes in.

Crosshairs POV  
"Leave her alone for a while," Drift insists when I told him the text Cade sent.  
"Says the one who couldn't leave his girl alone for long," I teased.  
"Couldn't, now she keeps me out of the room all day."  
Drift opened the door to Jamie's room, just a little that we hear Jamie, but she doesn't know. It's funny listening to her commentary, but we can't stand here all day.  
"See? You know she does that for hours."

Drift wanted to stay with Jayce and give Bumblebee a break. I went back to J.R. though Drift said to leave her for awhile. I want to ask Cade why J.R. slept for so long, but I don't want to hear she was in a coma. I'll be happy she woke up.  
Good to hear J.R.'s fever went down. I joke how we should have tried the wet cloth sooner. Doubt that's what got the fever down from 39° to 38°. I waited thirty minutes before trying to get J.R. to eat, but before I could get her to sit up, she threw up all over herself. Like she's not embarrassed enough about how much we're taking care of her. Damn it, and I don't want to have to help her with a bath.

Crosshairs: you think Jayce will be ok hearing J.R. threw up all over herself? She needs a bath after that.  
Drift: you've already seen both her and Jayce nude.  
Not the reply I was looking for, Drift.  
Drift: will be down to help

I tell J.R. what we're going to do, she does not like it knowing how uncomfortable she'll be, and she hasn't had the medication for nausea.

Cade puts the blankets in a trash bag to carry to the house. I have to take her shirt off. She's not liking how freezing she is more than I'm seeing her half-naked.  
"Maybe the stretcher would be easier?" Cade suggests, "it'll at least keep her warm."  
The layout of the house is terrible. I'd still have to carry J.R. to the bathroom, but It'll make the walk to the house easier.   
I explained to Jayce what I wanted to do. I knew J.R. wouldn't like what I wanted to do. Even with her fever going down, she still feels like shit.  
"Get a chair and put it in the shower," Jayce suggests, "you have to, J.R., you threw up all over yourself."  
Good, you help her, Jayce.

Jayce POV  
No matter what we do, J.R. will be uncomfortable, even if she just had to change her clothes - or more like Crosshairs had to.   
Good thing you kept the IV in, Cade.  
I covered it to protect it from the water before taking the rest of her clothes off and wrapping her in a towel to limit how much Crosshairs has to see her naked. J.R. is getting agitated as I'm doing this.  
Damn, this infection made her very sick.  
"I know, a tough warrior like you hates this. Hey, maybe this will teach you getting help is good."  
I can't believe how limp J.R. is. Feeling dizzy and nauseous isn't helping.  
"Come on, help me, you're heavy."  
"Put me down," J.R. cried, tears rolling down her face.  
Sorry but you need a shower. A bath might have been better if we had a tub here. No way she'd like the quick trip to the house.

One hour later

"You sure she's fine?" I asked Cade once we finished with J.R.  
"I showed you the last blood test Bulma did, that was yesterday. She would have found something."  
This is true, but why is J.R. this sick? Unless all this time, the infection has been in her blood, damn it. How could we miss that? Cade must know but decided not to tell the rest of us. It's not the worst, but still worse than an infection under the skin.

J.R. POV  
This is so embarrassing; I'm too dizzy to do anything without help and keep throwing up.  
"Cade lied, I'm not getting better," I mumbled.  
"You are," I hear Cade say before he sits next to Crosshairs, "the fever is going down. At least you can drink a nutrition drink without throwing up."  
He gets up and leaves the room.

Jayce comes in ten minutes later with a bowl with a little oatmeal.  
"After this morning, I don't think food is a good idea," Crosshairs tells her, "you know I'll take care of her."  
Jayce stays and eats the oatmeal. I can tell by Crosshairs' expression he's wondering if Jayce ate before she came in or not.  
I'm feeling dizzy, but I don't want to move even though lying down helps with the dizziness.  
"You thought I wouldn't notice you're feeling dizzy?" Crosshairs says as he stands up and lays me in bed and covering me with the blankets.  
"Come on," Crosshairs has Jayce leave the room, and I soon fall asleep.

Jamie POV  
I heard J.R. was moved to the sort of guest bedroom. She's asleep when I walk in.  
You've been sleeping a lot. Am I not being told how sick you are? Jayce will know.

"She's getting better. You remember sometimes you'd feel dizzy and nauseous pretty much until your cold passed. Course, how we're on the unusual side of things medically doesn't help."  
Jayce isn't lying, though I don't throw up like J.R. is when I'm sick. With that, I leave the room and go back to work.

Five hours later

We're all watching T.V. though I worry J.R. makes herself feel awful to spend time with us. Crosshairs doesn't seem too concerned though she looks awful from where I'm sitting. As far as I know, she's had nothing and slept all day. The others don't seem concerned. J.R. lasted an hour before Crosshairs noticed she was uncomfortable. No one stopped me from going with him. Instead, Cade and Drift went with him. I know J.R. does not like how much help she needs. All this from an accident, damn. Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped. Could I have prevented an infection? Hard to say if the blade was dirty.

Drift and I stood by the door as Crosshairs tried to get J.R. to drink.  
She's that sick that she can only stomach nutrition drinks? Damn.  
She's fighting Crosshairs cause she hates throwing up in front of him. Maybe my being here isn't  
helping.

"What's wrong?" Jayce asks, seeing me walk back to the couch. I tell her how I might keep J.R. from drinking since she's embarrassed as I sit beside her. I know she's getting better, but damn I can't believe she's that sick.


	56. Let's Try to Have a Good Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crosshairs and Drift decide to take the girls out during the afternoon, which turns into everyone going out, hoping this will help Jayce recover mentally.

Crosshairs POV  
Three days pass before J.R. feels better. The infection has cleared, and the wound has healed, and Cade has removed the stitches. We got through another hurdle. Back to focusing on Jayce. She might have been distracted by J.R. to try suicide again, but she is still dealing with emotional pain and tired of it. She’s still waking up at night, and the panic attacks have been bad. I stayed with her last night; she woke up five times, and every panic attack was terrible. She kept saying she can’t take it anymore as she struggled with breathing. It was hard to get her to calm down and control her breathing. I’m worried J.R. will go back to dealing with the nightmares and panic attacks.  
Drift comes in the room, asking how bad last night was, not liking the answer, before suggesting we take the three girls out even though he knows Jayce will be exhausted.  
“Just a short outing, Jamie has comics to pick up, and we can get lunch. Maybe go to Panera Bread before coming back. It’s a good hour between the two towns, Jayce could take a nap then,” Drift explains.  
“What about J.R.? Doubt she’ll want to eat and risk needing to throw up in public.”  
“Maybe, take a bottle of nutrition rink. It should be fine if she has that at the restaurant.”  
Jayce interrupted us; Drift insisted on staying even to watch if he couldn’t help.  
Why, Drift? You know how bad these panic attacks are.  
Just our luck, this one was bad that Jayce had a seizure.  
“You don’t think she’s dreaming J.R. tries to end her life again?” Drift asks.  
“That has to be it,” I sighed, “was she dreaming J.R. would die from the infection the past ten days?”   
“Damn it, what are we going to do?” Drift asks as he holds Jayce on his lap as she cries.  
Damn, we are likely back to the shit we’ve been dealing with before J.R. got sick.

One hour later

J.R. isn’t sure if she wants to go out or not, it’s understandable. I told her we have a plan if she’s not feeling up to ordering food at lunch. She’s also worried about the car ride.   
“You’re not feeling dizzy, you should be fine,” I assured her.   
I know you’re tired of throwing up in front of me, but you’ll be fine.

The two girls sat on the couch, drinking a cup of the nutrition drink. Glad it looks like iced coffee. Jamie wouldn’t like hearing these two refuse to eat. The refusal to eat seems to reflect how tense they are, and they relax when out of the base. We know the reason could be they’re away from Jamie, and we may have a problem with Jayce refusing to eat. 

J.R. POV  
So glad to be past the infection. It wasn’t fun feeling like shit, and embarrassing Crosshairs had to take care of me. Wonder how Jamie feels knowing all the care she needs during a flare-up? Is she hiding she’s embarrassed? I’m still not sure if I’m going to be able to eat good food and would instead not find out at a restaurant I decide to try a little oatmeal. If I can’t keep that down, I might have to tell Crosshairs I’m not going with them later. I don’t want to sit there as the others eat.   
“You don’t have to eat food if you don’t think you’ll be able to keep it down,” Crosshairs says, watching me sit at the table with the bowl with a little oatmeal.  
“I’d rather find out now if I’ll end up throwing up instead of while we’re out in public.”   
“I told you we’re prepared. You don’t have to get anything if you don’t want to.”   
I tried to eat anyway, as I thought, I can’t keep anything down. I know Crosshairs hated watching me rush to the bathroom. He comes in five minutes later, not liking I stayed in the bathroom to cry.   
“You thought after the infection you had that you’d be one hundred percent now? Going to be a few days.”   
“At least I’ll be over this, but Jayce will never be over her emotional struggle, and it’s a lot worse than Jamie’s. I knew she’s delaying telling me and Jamie she can’t come on adventures with us. You think she knew this would happen but lied telling me she’s contacting you and the others to come help Jamie?”   
“No, I don’t think she thought she’d be dealing with the crap she’s been dealing with. She doesn’t know why she’s been thinking this way.”   
Damn it, hard to help her if she doesn’t know why she has nightmares and panic attacks. 

Jamie wanted to do some work, so now instead of lunch, we’ll be going to dinner, since it’s already two in the afternoon, and the others are coming. Wonder how long Jayce will last? She’s already tired. I suspect she’s going to fall asleep on the ride to the comic book store. Bumblebee had to have known since he insisted she ride with him. That’ll allow her to have a two-hour nap assuming she falls asleep soon after we leave the base. 

Though Jamie is just picking up comics, Crosshairs and Drift always go in the store with her. I went with them to watch the debate over Crosshairs getting several Dragon Ball Super figures and Jamie telling him no. I know she wants them, but she doesn’t want Crosshairs to spend the money. She even said no to Drift. The two mechs give up, and we leave. As this all happened, Jayce is sleeping. Bumblebee stayed in his alt mode, which might have been a better choice. Cade also stayed in Hound’s alt mode.   
“So, how cranky do you think she’ll be?” Jamie asks, smiling.  
“She shouldn’t have come with us; she’s exhausted.”  
“She should be fine. A good two-hour nap by the time we get to the restaurant,” Crosshairs says before getting in his alt mode.   
“Bee, what are you going to do if she has a nightmare?” I ask, worried.  
“I’ll have to pull over, should be fine,” he tells me. I’m not sure if he’s right, but nothing I can do. 

Ninety minutes later

Jayce POV  
“Jayce, wake up,” I hear Bumblebee say.   
I look at the time; I’ve been sleeping for two and a half hours but didn’t have a nightmare or wake up terrified? If only that meant I’m done dealing with this shit. The others are waiting for at the door.  
“Can’t you pick another place, Jamie?” I asked sarcastically.   
“No,” she replied, not understanding I’m joking.  
We had to wait for a table for our large group.   
“You going to be ok?” I ask J.R.   
“Crosshairs brought a bottle of the nutrition drink. Just sucks, I can’t eat anything without throwing up. I couldn’t even eat a small portion of oatmeal.”   
“It’s ok.”   
I hugged her before we are led to a table.   
Jamie worked on her story as we waited for food. It’s not like there’s anything to talk about. J.R. ordered nothing. I asked Crosshairs if we could get J.R. her favorite. Maybe she’ll be able to eat tomorrow. J.R. tried to tell us not to, but we did anyway. Cade and the Autobots decide Cade would go to Panera Bread and get cookies while everyone else headed back to base. They know I’m tired. Unbelievable, I ruined a day out. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Crosshairs POV  
Since I’ve been focused on J.R., I noticed she wasn’t feeling good. Cade told me she’s fine but agreed she should go back to the base, and Jayce is exhausted.   
Maybe it was too soon for an afternoon out. Though J.R. is not as uncomfortable as she has been, she’s still noticeably uncomfortable. I had to help her to my alt mode. The poor staff at the restaurant thought she had food poisoning.   
Jamie wasn’t bothered seeing Jayce and J.R. being carried to their rooms. She didn’t question why Jayce is exhausted. 

Jamie is watching a movie with Bumblebee, Drift, and Hound. J.R. wanted to join them, but I think she’d fall asleep.   
“You’re definitely feeling better,” I joked after J.R. yelled at me to help her downstairs, “but still need my help, and I can refuse.”   
“I don’t need your help.”  
I watched her amble towards the stairs, hand on the wall for support. I stopped her before she started walking down the stairs.   
“You’re such a pain,” I say as I picked her up and carried her downstairs.   
She leaned on me once I sat down with her sitting on my lap. 

Cade POV   
I returned to the base to everyone but Jayce watching a movie.   
Couldn’t even wait for me?   
After I put the cookies on the counter, I went up to Jayce’s room. She’s still asleep, but for how long? Bumblebee and Hound can use a break anyway.   
Maybe Jayce needs time away in her dimension, but I guarantee she’d still worry about Jamie and J.R. Are we just denying that Jayce can’t get over this? It doesn’t help she doesn’t know why she’s thinking this way. Jamie is past Buddy’s passing. Unless Jayce thinks the shit Jamie is dealing with will lead her to consider suicide? Drift would know if Jamie is thinking suicide, I know he watches Jamie closely after watching his girl fight for her life.   
I’m interrupted by Jayce’s moaning that turned into crying. She’s twitching in her sleep. I sat on the bed by her and whispered what we’ve been telling her, hoping she’ll wake up calm, but this didn’t work. I can’t believe how bad these panic attacks are. What worries me is Jayce saying she can’t take this anymore. I worry she’s going to try to end her life again or tell us to give up on her. I do my best to calm her down and try to get her to think everything is ok.   
Not even a good day is helping her, fuck. 

J.R. POV  
Crosshairs and I watched Cade try to help Jayce. I walked into the room towards the bed, expecting Crosshairs or Cade to stop me, but they didn’t. I might not be much help, but I have to try.   
“Jamie is fine, you know Drift is with Jamie most of the time, he’d know if she’s considering suicide.”   
What else can any of us say? We might have to tell Jamie about this so she can talk to Jayce. At least Jayce calmed down. 

“We might have to tell Jamie about this so she can talk to Jayce,” I tell Crosshairs once we’re back to n my room, “I know the risk we’d be taking, but what else can we do?”   
“It’s too risky. You told me how Jamie might react if she found out what you and Jayce have been dealing with.”   
“Then, we’re out of ideas, and Jayce will be like this for good.”   
Crosshairs hugged me as I started crying. 


	57. Jamie finds out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce tries to go back to her dimension, but Crosshairs catches her, causing a disaster of a situation, and Jamie is watching it along with J.R. As soon as Drift gets to them, Cade tells him to take Jamie and J.R. away from the situation. Bee joins the three in Jamie's room. J.R. tries to get back to Jayce, but both Bee and Drift stop her. Jamie continues to be quiet as Drift tries to get J.R. to bed as she begs him to let her sleep in Jamie's room, worried Jamie will have a nightmare, and she wants to help Jamie. Eventually, the three girls are asleep. Everyone worries Jamie will find out everything Jayce and J.R. have been dealing with and how much of a problem that'll be.

Jayce POV  
Midnight and no bot is in the room with me. My room is close to the stairs. There’s also the window. I have to get out of here somehow. Even if I’m caught and say I was going to the bathroom, one of the bots will follow me.   
I tried my best to walk out of my room and downstairs quietly, but I was caught. Might as well run now.  
“Get back here!!” Crosshairs yells, panic in his voice.   
I trip and fall halfway down the stairs. Crosshairs is able to stop me before I get up.   
“Get off me!!” I yell as Hound helps Crosshairs and puts a tight hold on me.   
“Stop, you’re ok,” Crosshairs says, but I see the fear in his eyes. I know everyone is afraid I’ll never get over this shit but won’t let me go home. They know what I want to do. Looking at the top of the stairs, I see J.R. and Jamie, fuck. Then everything goes black. 

J.R. POV   
Fuck, this isn’t good. Jayce trying to get back to her dimension is bad enough now Jamie sees Jayce go through a seizure. She’s not freaking out...yet. I catch Bumblebee running to Jamie’s room.   
Bad night to be in a deep sleep, Drift.   
I don’t know who to focus on, Jamie or Jayce.   
“I’m here,” Drift says, pulling both Jamie and me towards him.   
Maybe he wasn’t in a deep sleep, but he e didn’t hear Crosshairs yell earlier?   
“Get those two out of here,” Cade says, which scared me, but Jamie is still calm unless she’s shocked at what she’s seeing. Bumblebee and Drift took Jamie and me to Jamie’s room. H

Jamie didn’t say anything about Jayce, and Drift didn’t seem concerned. He had her sitting in his lap. She was leaning on him as he hugged her. I have to see if Jayce is ok.   
“Let me go, Bee,” I tried to hide my fear but failed. Drift pulled me to the bed and had me sit next to him before putting his arm around me.   
No, Drift, let me go. I don’t think I can avoid crying, and it’ll be bad if Jamie sees me cry.   
All I can do is bite my tongue. 

Crosshairs POV  
I carried Jayce to her room, laid her in her bed, and covered her with the blankets. She’s half out of it, but I see the sadness her blue eyes. I take her hand and tell her everything will be ok, even if she thinks it won’t be.   
You’re going to fight sleep, aren’t you? I wanted to talk to Cade, but I’m not leaving you alone. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.   
I slid her to the other side of the bed and laid on the bed next to her. I texted Cade, unsure if he went to bed or waiting to talk to me, telling him to go to bed, and we’ll talk tomorrow. Then I texted Bumblebee telling him the same, and that Jayce is back in her room so J.R. can go to bed before asking him how Jamie is doing after seeing Jayce go through a seizure. Not sure if it’s good that she’s been quiet. 

Drift POV  
“I want to sleep in here,” J.R. says, trying not to cry. It’s amazing she hasn’t yet.   
“Take Jamie, Bee.”   
Bumblebee takes Jamie from my lap, though I was expecting her not to like the idea. She is quiet, and I can leave the room with J.R. 

“You know what will happen. I know you haven’t had nightmares the past ten days, but it may be sick. Jamie will be fine. I’ll be with her.”   
You want to know what she’s thinking after seeing Jayce, don’t you? I’d rather not talk about it with her if I don’t have to.   
“Come on, J.R., you know how Drift is with Jamie,” Hound says. Didn’t know he was standing by her. He took her hand and led her to her room. J.R. didn’t refuse but looked back at me during the short walk. 

Bumblebee POV  
Jamie is quiet, which is strange considering what she witnessed.   
Are you that shocked about it?   
We all thought she’d be distraught, J.R. thought Jamie would blame herself for how Jayce is. At least for now, she knows Jayce had a seizure but doesn’t know why. Is that why you’re quiet, Jamie? Are you trying to figure out why Jayce had a seizure? I laid her in bed, hoping she’d fall asleep. I’m sure Drift would be doing the same once he comes back.   
Jamie is still awake when Drift wakes in. Saying nothing, I leave the room as Drift lays in bed with Jamie.  
Hound is with J.R. in her room, but J.R. refuses to go to sleep. Hund tells me Drift got her to lie in bed and use her tablet, hoping she’ll want to sleep soon. He tells me to go to sleep, whether in my quarters or the hall. I look in Jayce’s room before sitting in the hallway. Jayce is asleep, but Crosshairs had to lay with her; he’s also asleep.  
I sat in the hallway, wondering what can we do? I know the other Autobots and Cade have been thinking the same and come up with nothing, but we all refuse to think we’re out of options.

Seven hours later

I’m not sure when I finally fell asleep or how much sleep I got, but I thought of a feasible way to help Jayce. Seems silly but perhaps time together with Jamie and J.R. out of the base is what she needs. The three of them are always happy when we go out. Though I doubt this is something that makes you think ‘you didn’t think of that months ago?’ Jayce needs to see Jamie is happy... or happy as she was before Buddy’s passing or before her parents brought it up. That couldn’t have been done until now. Jamie is getting back to something she loves doing. She’s starting her mental recovery, but Jayce needs help with here. J.R. seems to be more worried about Jayce, but the same strategy applies; she needs to see Jayce is happy. It’s complicated though outings seem like a simple solution.  
“What are you thinking?” I hear Crosshairs.  
“Doubt I can wait to tell the others, but you’ll tell Drift later,” I start.   
This worried Crosshairs. Crosshairs wasn’t sure what to think about my idea. He agreed it might be what Jayce needs but with her poor sleep and being exhausted by the afternoon, it will be challenging. Plus, Jamie is dedicated to her work since she took time off.  
“Drift can convince her to take a break,” I joked; we both laughed though this is true.   
I was going to stay in Jayce’s room, but Crosshairs insisted he goes back to her room. He didn’t say I couldn’t follow him. I say at the desk as Crosshairs laid back on the bed and moved Jayce on top of him. He tells me this makes it easier to calm Jayce. I see what he means by easier a half-hour later.   
Jayce is more vocal during the panic attack though it’s just a way we can tell how much she can’t take this shit.   
I know you want to go home, Jayce, but we have to keep you safe.   
That’s what Crosshairs tells her, along with everything else we’ve been telling her during a panic attack. He’s right; having her lay on him does make calming her a little easier. She fell asleep, so I left the room and sat in the hallway, hoping to talk to Drift before Jamie wakes up. 

Hound POV  
J.R. slept all night if only I could say she’s done dealing with this shit. The only good thing is she’s up early and not tired. What I didn’t like is how she’s already worried about Jamie and Jayce. She went to take a shower. It’s hard not to worry she’s going to hurt herself as Jayce did weeks ago. Bumblebee tells me about an idea he has and that he’s already told Crosshairs. We agree to let Crosshairs and Drift decide how these outings will work, even if it means we don’t join them. We have to focus on helping Jayce recover. This is when the three girls’ domino effect is a good thing. We have to focus on Jayce, and J.R. will also recover. We don’t know if Jamie had a delayed reaction to what she saw last night or unusually calm about what she saw. Though we don’t want the reaction we thought she’d have, it’s odd she’s not concerned. 

I wasn’t sure if J.R. would eat or if Crosshairs would want me to try to get her to eat. She chose to make a little oatmeal, but I could tell she is worried about throwing up.   
You don’t have to eat now if you don’t want to.   
J.R. ate and returned to her room once she took care of the bowl. She laid on her bed and covered herself with a blanket. Saying nothing, I sat at the desk.   
It’s fine if you want to go back to sleep. 

J.R. falls asleep ten minutes later as Crosshairs texts me, asking how she was overnight. He wasn’t sure what to think about J.R. going back to bed but relieved she can eat without throwing up. 

An hour pass before Jamie and Jayce are up.   
Oh boy, is Jamie going to find out Jayce isn’t eating?   
We have a little time while Jamie is in the bathroom to get Jayce a bottle of the nutrition drink and pour it into a cup.   
Cade comes down as the two girls sit on the couch. 

Cade POV  
How long can we keep all of this secret from Jamie? I’m hesitant to ask Drift how she was overnight, though he doesn’t appear troubled. Bumblebee tells me about an idea he has to try to help Jayce. He might be on to something.   
Well, at least Jamie wants to eat breakfast.   
Drift is able to leave Jamie to talk to Crosshairs. I assume they’re going to talk about how they can put Bumblee’s plan in motion and tell each other about how Jayce and Jamie were overnight. Just by their facial expressions, I can tell neither girl had a good night. Please don’t tell me we have Jamie to worry about now, though we thought she’d be the challenge since this all started. 

Drift POV  
Even though Jayce has been dealing with this for just shy of four months, I still hate hearing how bad of a night she had. At least having her lay on him makes it a little easier to calm her. As Crosshairs tells me about Bumblee’s plan, I think what if this doesn’t work? I can at least give Crosshairs good news though I’m not sure if we should expect her to become distraught over Jayce.   
“You think she will be distraught?” Crosshairs asks.   
“I don’t know if she’s ok or terrified thinking why Jayce could have a seizure but not showing she’s distraught, but we know Jamie can’t hide her emotions. Still, I worry I’m going to miss something-.”  
“Drift! She’ll be ok. All three of them will be ok.”   
Crosshairs has seen more than me, and worse yet, he still thinks Jayce can get through this. He wouldn’t lie if he had any doubt she could get over this. As for J.R., she might be recovering mentally. We have to ask Hound.  
Though we have a plan that’ll be good for both Jayce and J.R., we’ll plan on s outing tomorrow since J.R. is still asleep, worrying Crosshairs. We were able to ask Hound how J.R. was overnight. He tells us she did wake up, ate a little oatmeal, and went back to sleep, but she didn’t look sick. Crosshairs decides to let her sleep for a bit. 

Jamie finished breakfast and went back to her room to do some work. Jayce asked me how Jamie was overnight, with fear in her voice.   
“Jamie is fine,” I tell her.  
This isn’t enough; I had to tell her Jamie slept all night and is doing recording. Jayce knows Jamie wouldn’t do that if she’s not in a good mood. I could tell Crosshairs worried she’d panic, but Jayce took care of her bowl and went upstairs. Crosshairs and I followed. As we thought, she’s going to bother Jamie.   
She opened the door a crack and listened to Jamie’s commentary.   
“What are you doing? GET OUT!!” Jamie yells.   
Jayce closes the door before Jamie closes it on her.   
“I told you, she won’t even let me in the room when she’s recording.”   
I followed her to her room, and Crosshairs went to J.R.’s room. 

Crosshairs POV  
Hound said J.R. went back to sleep an hour ago.   
In a depressed mood today after last night, huh? Don’t tell me you’re thoughts are getting worse.   
I laid next to her, though I suspect she’ll be mad when she wakes up. 


	58. It's My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a rough twenty-four hours with all three girls having nightmares and Jayce and dealing with panic attacks. The Autobots and Cade hate watching them struggle but Crosshairs and Drift hate that Jayce blames herself for this disaster of a situation.

Crosshairs POV  
I will never get used to watching Jayce or J.R. sleep and relaxed, then waking up terrified or panicking.   
J.R. woke up, terrified. I feel her tremble as I sit on the bed and hug her. She told me her nightmare was about Jamie finding out about everything she and Jayce have been dealing with. How Jamie reacted the way we thought, blaming herself, then J.R.'s dream skipped to Jayce and Jamie dead.   
You dreamt that, and you're not panicking?  
This reaction doesn't mean J.R. isn't scared her dream will happen. She knows we're doing all we can to keep Jamie and Jayce safe. I can't tell if J.R. will no longer harm herself or might think suicide like Jayce.   
J.R. starts crying as Drift walks in. Talking about her dream upset her, and I won't have her repeat what she told me. Drift knows that and will wait until later to ask what J.R.'s dream was about this time. I think Drift knows since he told J.R. how Jamie was overnight after seeing Jace.  
"... she'll be ok, but you know I'm with her most of the time. I will know if she's more bothered by what she saw."  
Damn, Drift, I can't believe you're lying. You told me your afraid you'll miss a sign Jamie is more troubled by what she saw. The door opens a little.   
"Hey, J.R., are you awake yet?" Jayce asks in a low tone. However, Jayce didn't open the door enough even to see if J.R. is awake or not. Jayce wasn't expecting Drift to be the one opening the door. She had an expression as if she did something wrong. Drift took her hand and led her to bed. Jayce sat next to J.R.   
J.R. told Jayce she's fine though Jayce asked why she went back to bed since it's strange for her to do that. J.R. wasn't sure how to answer, so I tried to change the subject by suggesting we go downstairs and get lunch.   
J.R. waited for Jayce and Drift to leave.  
"You're still afraid you'll throw up?" I asked.  
She nods, "it's embarrassing,"  
"You're over the infection, don't think you'll throw up."   
I take her hand, and we go downstairs. I see either Drift or Jayce prepared J.R.'s lunch; a little bit of the takeout we got her last night.   
"I wasn't sure if she's still throwing up," Jayce tells me once J.R. is eating.   
"It's fine. Now, I want you to eat," I tell her. Drift and I both watched her get some food.   
Finally, sorry if you feel forced, Jayce; you need to eat food even if the nutrition drink we have has everything a human needs. 

Two hours later

With her poor sleep schedule, by two in the afternoon, Jayce is ready for a nap. Drift tells me Jamie is also sleeping. We both go to J.R.'s room. No way she's sleeping since she woke up two hours ago. She is lying in bed, on her stomach. It's clear she's in a depressed mood, but she won't tell us why.   
Is she afraid she'll end up going through a panic attack or seizure? 

Drift POV  
I know J.R. is afraid to talk like Jayce, but it's important they tell us what's bothering them. We got her to tell us what's bothering her. She cried while telling us she's terrified Jayce will attempt to kill herself now that Jamie knows a little of what Jayce has been dealing with. Worried Jayce can't recover mentally.   
"It's going to take time, but Bumblebee has a plan."   
I tell her Bumblebee's idea. I want to ask her if she's thinking if killing herself again but she could tell me no and try again tomorrow. This is why we watch Jayce and J.R. closely.   
J.R. is still crying; Crosshairs insists I go back to Jamie's room. I look in Jayce's room first, relieved she's still asleep. Bumblebee is with her, so I return to Jamie's room, lay on the bed, and move Jamie on me, trying to think positive, but it's getting harder to. 

Fifteen minutes pass before Jamie is moaning in her sleep.   
No, don't tell me she's going to be having nightmares like Jayce and J.R.   
"Jamie, wake up," I say as I rub her back.   
She wakes up, looks at me, and starts crying. I sit up with her on my lap, hugging her with one arm and rubbing her back with my other hand.   
"Shh, it's ok," I assured her though I'm not sure what's scaring her.   
"What happened?" I hear Crosshairs ask bed before sitting next to me on the bed.   
"She had a nightmare," I sighed.  
This might be the only one she has, but the thought that Jamie will now be like Jayce and J.R. concerns me. Crosshairs stayed though there's nothing he can do but watch and listen to Jamie cry. 

"Jamie!" Crosshairs and I hear Jayce exclaim five minutes later as she runs into the room.   
She crouches down and in front of me and takes Jamie's hand.   
"Jamie, look at me," she says.  
I'm not sure what Jayce wants to say, but o get Jamie to look at her.   
"Why are you worried about me? I'm ok."  
She wipes the tears from Jamie's eyes with her sleeve though Jamie is still crying. Crosshairs has Jayce leave the room.   
Good, she's getting upset seeing Jamie cry.  
I have to get her to calm down, though I wonder if she'll end up upset dealing with her family tonight? 

Crosshairs POV  
I took Jayce back to her room, Bumblebee is following us. He was standing at the doorway, watching Jayce and is probably thinking he caused this. The three of us sat on the bed, and I hugged Jayce.   
"I terrified her, and now she'll be like J.R. and me," Jayce says before crying.   
"Too soon to tell, Jayce, but everything will be ok," I assure her and move her onto my lap. A few minutes pass before Bumblebee suggests he takes Jayce for a drive. Time away from the base seems to help her when she's distraught. I stood in the hallway, waiting for Jamie and Drift while listening for J.R. to stir in her sleep.   
Drift carries Jamie out of the room ten minutes later. She's quiet, resting her head on his shoulder, but tears still roll down her face.   
"She has to go to the house soon," Drift sighed.   
"They bitch she's an adult and should cook her own food but get pissed she's not at the house before dinner is even done. Bunch of assholes," I raged.   
Jamie knows how much I'm not too fond of this.   
"I'm going with her besides; I don't think she's going to let go yet."   
I watched Drift head downstairs before going to sit in J.R.'s room. 

Three hours later 

Jayce POV   
It's been a long time since we all sat on the couch and watched T.V. together. Jamie is still upset, sitting in Drift and leaning on him. I don't want to ruin the moment, so I'm trying not to think about what happened today and last night. I need to get away, but I'll upset Jamie if I run but if I can't keep myself from crying and she sees me crying, damn it. Next thing I know, I'm being carried upstairs.   
Crosshairs sits on the bed with me on his lap, unable to say anything before I begin bawling. Crosshairs says nothing as he hugs me and moves in a slow rocking motion.   
Crosshairs stayed quiet for five minutes as I cried. I can't stop either. He laid on the bed with me, lying on top of him, and started rubbing my back. I stopped crying ten minutes later. 

Crosshairs POV  
Either Jayce needed a good cry or something new is troubling her. Doubt she would have lasted long if I didn't take her to her room.   
Sitting on the edge of the bed, moving in a slow rocking motion and listening to Jayce's breathing since her nose is clogged up with snot. I can stand up, still holding her, and get the box of tissues from the desk. I gave Jayce the tissues once I sat down. Should have grabbed the trash bin.   
"Shh, it's ok."   
Damn, she's doing terribly and is already having a hard time keeping herself from crying.   
I'm able to text while hugging Jayce. 

Crosshairs: Jayce is in a terrible mental state.   
Drift: fuck, I don't know if I can step away from Jamie.   
Crosshairs: I'll hold off trying to get her to tell me what is troubling her. 

Doubt I can go down to the garage without Jamie noticing. We have found a car ride helps calm Jayce. At least I can do the second method for keeping her calm, moving in a slow rocking motion, and rubbing her back. I want to get her to tell Drift and me what's troubling her, but it's fine if she falls asleep before we can talk to her.   
Maybe I should have her fall asleep.   
I laid back in the bed, trying to get Jayce to lay next to me, but she tightened her hold on me.   
"I'm not going anywhere. It'll be more comfortable laying on the bed than on me."   
Jayce moves onto the bed next to me. I cover her with the blanket. 

Crosshairs: take your time, Jayce will likely be asleep soon.   
Drift: I'll come to her room once Jamie and J.R. are asleep.   
Crosshairs: Jayce might be awake by then. You know if that's the case, she'll be going through a panic attack?   
Drift: yes ☹️ 

I give Jayce her tablet to keep her distracted from whatever is troubling her.   
I hope Bumblee's idea will work. That's our last option before letting Jayce tell Jamie and J.R. she has to stop going on adventures with them. 

Three hours later

Jayce is asleep by nine. I didn't think she'd last as long as she did though she fought sleep for an hour.   
I left the room as J.R. walked upstairs. She rushed to me once she saw me and hugged me. I got her to follow me to her room. Just as we enter, Drift walks out of Jamie's room. He walked into J.R.'s room and closed the door.   
"What's wrong?" I asked J.R.   
We are relieved there's nothing new troubling J.R., but she still had the same fears; Jayce will try to kill herself again, or Jayce can't recover mentally and will have to stop going on adventures.   
I worry she's still thinking if trying to end her life first, and I know Drift is thinking the same. J.R. tells us she's not. Though she wouldn't lie to us, we're thinking in her mental state, and what we're asking, she might be lying, but there's no way to tell. I know she's afraid to sleep tonight after the dream she had today. Drift insists on staying until J.R. is asleep. He left to get the two sleep aid options we have.   
"These keep you asleep all night," Drift says, showing J.R. the pills. She hesitates but takes the pills. Drift holds her and moves in a slow rocking motion.   
Damn, she's getting worse mentally. I know others who don't understand the situation or the girls would say they're acting like children, but we know what they've been through, their old emotional Wounds and fear. Still, this hurts watching the pain they're in. Especially J.R., who would hide her emotions now, she's a wreck.   
With Jamie and Jayce asleep, I go downstairs and sit on the couch, waiting for Drift. 

Drift POV   
J.R. is out within a half-hour. After laying her in bed and covering her with the blanket, I left the room and checked on the other two before having Bumblebee come down with me. Hound refused to leave Jayce alone even if it's just for ten minutes, even though I planned on sitting with her tonight.  
"Then I'll leave when you come back. We can talk about what you have talked about with the others."   
I'm not disturbing Cade if he's asleep. We'll tell him about Jayce and J.R. tomorrow. 

I couldn't believe what Crosshairs told Bee and me.   
"J.R. is getting worse; she's lying when she's telling us she doesn't want to try to end her life," I say in a sad tone.   
"And if my idea doesn't work," Bumblebee trailed off.   
"Add whatever is bothering Jayce. I don't think it's just how Jamie watched her have a seizure," Crosshairs sighed.   
No one said a word as we all tried to figure out what else we can do if Bumblee's idea doesn't work. We might have to stop delaying the inevitable. I just can't hurt Jamie more than she's hurt now.   
"Drift, you know none of us want to think that way, but we might have to," Crosshairs tells me, sadness in his voice, "you know J.R. is struggling with the idea."   
With nothing else to say, the three of us go upstairs. Bumblebee goes to Jamie's room as Crosshairs, and I go to Jayce's room, tell Hound about our brief discussion before having him stay with J.R.   
"Odd Bee didn't tell you to stay downstairs after our conversation," Crosshairs observes.  
"Even if he told me, I'd refuse." 

An hour passed before Jayce moans in her sleep.   
"Every night, two hours of sleep before this, then she'll wake up terrified. She might scream," Crosshairs warned.   
"What?"   
Damn, the emotional pain she's in. No wonder Hound doesn't want to leave her alone. I asked Crosshairs if I should get a syringe, but we wanted Jayce to tell us what's troubling her. He tells me to get one since she's going to be distraught.   
I worked as fast as I can while being careful.   
I returned ten minutes later to an unpleasant situation.   
Jayce is having a hard time getting air as Crosshairs is on his knees over her, trying to help her get her breathing under control. No matter how many times we deal with this, even with a procedure in place to help Jayce, we can't get used to this. Always have to remind ourselves oxygen won't help her. I tell Crosshairs I'm back with the syringe as I sit at the desk. It's better for one of us to help her at this stage. Three minutes pass before Jayce has her breathing under control. Crosshairs moves her onto his lap and sits on the edge of the bed. I sit on the bed next to him. I'm not sure if Crosshairs wants to get Jayce back to sleep or will attempt to get her to tell us what's bothering her.   
"It's my fault," Jayce says.   
"What do you mean?" Crosshairs asks.  
"I worried Jamie would struggle with Buddy's death, but I'm the one who's been the problem and caused J.R. to be terrified, which caused her problems. Now I made Jamie terrified like J.R."  
"No, Jayce, you were right, Jamie had a hard time with Buddy's death. However, she started with delayed grieving. You were right about her having a hard time come Christmas. She started struggling and ended up crying at night. You know she'll always feel sad he's gone, but she can continue what she loves doing. She's doing better," Drift explains.  
"I don't think we'll be able to figure out why you started thinking terrifying thoughts, but we can help you get over them. Jamie is doing better. As Drift said, Jamie is pass Buddy's death and doing what she likes to do. You know she's been struggling emotionally before Buddy's passing. It's not your fault all this happened," I explained. All this time, Jayce is able to keep herself from crying. Drift, and I tell her about Bumblebee's idea of how we might be able to help her. She thinks she's a lost cause and nothing will help, afraid we must tell Jamie and J.R. she can't go on adventures with them. This causes her to cry. Drift, and I get her to calm down and fall asleep.  
"It would be great if she could sleep for more than two hours again," Drift comments as I closed the door, leaving it open a little.  
"We'd all like that, for the nightmares and Panic attacks to stop. I had to make her eat food at lunch, and you saw she had the nutrition drink for dinner. No way she's not thinking of ending her life. She's just taking the nutrition drinks, so Jamie doesn't find out," I explain.  
'So, who's staying with her?" Hound asks.  
"I will," Drift says and goes into the room before either Hound or I can object.  
"Its fine, Hound. Bumblebee knows to get Drift if there's a problem with Jamie. I'm going to stay with J.R."  
Hound goes back to the same spot he's been sleeping in the hallway. We stopped telling each other to get a proper recharge in our quarters when someone was left to sleep in the hallway.   
I laid on the bed beside J.R., thinking of anything else we can do to help Jayce if this idea doesn't work until I fall asleep.


	59. Just Let Us Die

Hound POV  
Crosshairs and Drift plan to take the three girls out this afternoon. With the three girls still asleep, the rest of us can talk about how the night went and the plan to try to help Jayce. Jayce had another shit night even after the conversation Crosshairs, and Drift had with her. Drift hated how Jayce kept telling him to give up on her and let her go home. We know what she'd go if we let her. No way it's just to get away from the situation. She tried that during the nightmare situation, and it didn't help. She wasn't happy Drift followed her either, so there's that issue if we thought the time away would help.

J.R. comes down as we finish talking and sits next to Crosshairs. We can tell she's in a depressed mood.  
"What's wrong?" He asks.  
"Four months now. How long are you going to avoid the dreaded conversation?"  
We all know what she's talking about.  
Bumblebee tells her his idea, and Crosshairs tells her today's plan.  
".... going to take a while, and this might not help her, but it's better to try," Crosshairs finished.  
"How long before you decide this idea isn't working?" J.R. asked.  
"A month should be long enough to see any progress," Cade suggests. Everyone but J.R. agreed. She sat quietly; we know she's thinking, 'what if this doesn't work?'  
I suggested Crosshairs and Drift take her out for breakfast. We can handle Jamie and Jayce.  
"Hmm, this idea of yours might be what J.R. also needs, Bee," I observed, "though she's not as bad as Jayce."

Bumblebee POV  
Jamie comes downstairs a few minutes after Crosshairs, Drift, and J.R. leave. I tried to do what Drift does, but she pushed me to the side.  
"You think I'd ruin the tea?"  
"Yes," she joked.  
"You forget I've been around longer than Drift but fine."  
I sat on the couch and turned on the T.V. before texting Drift.

Bumblebee: you're girl thinks I can't make tea  
Drift: 😆

Jamie sat next to me with her cup of tea and watched T.V. for an hour before cleaning the cup and going to her room to do some recording.  
I followed her upstairs but went to Jayce's room.  
Shit.  
Jayce is having a severe panic attack.  
"These are getting more frequent, which is unusual for any human," Hound tells me, concerned.  
"I can't breathe," Jayce gasped, I can hear the fear in her voice.  
"I know. You have to calm down," Hound says before doing what we've been doing to help her control her breathing. I worry something else is wrong for Jayce to say she can't breathe. I waited two minutes before texting Cade but watched for obvious signs this isn't a panic attack. Even though she's been dealing with these for four months, it's wrong to assume that's why she's having a hard time breathing.  
"Fuck," Hound exclaimed as Jayce became unresponsive.  
I sent Cade a text telling him what happened. He replies telling me he's coming up.  
Cade runs into the room thirty seconds later with a portable vital signs monitor. Jayce wakes up before he could do anything.  
"Easy, Jayce. You're ok," Cade says as she tries to push him away.  
"She needs to throw up, Cade," I exclaimed and grabbed the trash bin. Jayce threw up, laid back down, and cried.  
"You're ok, it's going to be ok," Cade Tried to assure her.  
The worst so far, I hope this isn't how it's going to be until she recovers. That is if she can recover. Do I dare text Crosshairs about this?  
"No need to text him. We can wait until he gets back to tell him," Cade tells us while comforting Jayce.

Two hours later

Crosshairs POV   
"You're kidding?" I ask in disgust, skidding a hand down my face. Jayce is getting worse mentally, and we're running out of ideas to help her. She's awake when Drift and I walk into the room and sit on the bed with her. She hugs Drift and starts bawling. He moves her onto his lap and hugs her.  
"I can't take it anymore," she cries.  
"Shh, I know," Drift says as he moves in a slow rocking motion.  
We both hated how she said she wants to die. Damn, was she distracted with J.R. being sick, or did the panic attack today terrify her? I tried to take Jayce from Drift, but she wouldn't let go.  
"I don't think she wants to go anywhere even if a car ride helps her," I hear Drift say over Jayce's crying, "I'll be here for a while. You better check on Jamie and J.R."  
"Everything will be ok, Jayce," I say before leaving the room. I suspect she'll be asleep soon.

Jamie is still in her room, working. J.R. walks up to me as I walk down the hall.  
"Jayce is having another shit day."  
This wasn't a question. I don't know what to say anymore. J.R. runs to her room, closes the door, and locks it, fuck.

J.R. POV  
I'm sorry, Crosshairs, but I want to be alone. Doubt I have any other weapons in here anyway. All I'd be doing is terrifying Jamie, Cade, and the Autobots. Then they'd watch Jayce die. What else can we do? Doubt Jamie will continue all this once she's told Jayce can no longer be apart of the adventures. She'd continue being friends with everyone unless...fuck. What if Jayce has been right, but she's been missing details? Damn it... I...I don't think I can watch both Jamie and Jayce die. That's it, any other weapons in here?  
I searched everywhere but found nothing. I don't feel any better knowing there's nowhere else to get a weapon and the medbay is locked.  
There are other ways if Jayce flies away. I don't know if Jamie would think that way. As for me, I have a belt on...

Crosshairs POV  
I grabbed a lock picking tool, instructed Hound and Bumblebee to come with me with the portal vital signs monitor and the capsule with the oxygen therapy supplies. Next, I had to force myself to tell Cade to get the ventilator ready. No time for questions, Bee, Hound, and I rushed to J.R.'s room.  
"J.R.!!"  
I'm too late.


	60. At Death's Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crosshairs rushes J.R. to the medbay, hating how she is pleading for help while gasping for air. This is the beginning of a disaster of a night. Cade watches Crosshairs and Drift deal with Jamie and Jayce, wondering what pushed J.R. this far? She worried this would happen if Jayce was at death's door, but now she is. The next twenty-four-hour is challenging for everyone.

Crosshairs POV

"Help me!!" I yelled, Hound helped me get J.R. down onto the floor. She's awake but gasping for air.  
Doubt she'll be awake for long.  
"Forgot about the capsule we need to get her to the medbay," Bumblebee tells us. I picked J.R. up and rushed down to the medbay. J.R. is still gasping for air.  
"I can't breathe, help me," she pleads.  
Fuck, this has to mean she's worse than Jayce during a panic attack.

"She's going to pass out, I'm putting her on the ventilator," Cade says. He's right, J.R.'s oxygen is dangerously low.  
"You'll be ok," I tell J.R. as Cade injects the sedation drugs.  
"Don't let me die," J.R. struggled to say before closing her eyes.  
I watch Cade put the tube in, hoping I was in time. Though in time means I stopped her, not she's at death's door.  
"They're going to sense this, we're screwed," Hound points out.  
"And with Jayce's mental state, fuck. Did J.R. just set off a chain of events?" Bee asks.

Not even five minutes pass before Jayce runs in and screams. Drift walks in afterward, and we watch Jayce fight him as he tries to get her to leave.  
"Go! This means Jamie is sensing the change in J.R. energy!" I yelled at Drift as Bee and Hound got Jayce to the ground. Drift runs out of the room.  
"You've got to be kidding me," I say, watching Jayce in a seizure.  
If that's her response to this, we're fucked.  
Jayce is crying when she's out of the seizure. I sit on the floor and hold her on my lap.  
"Shh, you're ok."  
"J.R. is dead," Jayce sobs.  
Fuck, is that how low her energy is? I can't see the monitor from here.

Cade POV  
Shit, we didn't plan for this situation though we should have. I'm texting Bulma about this, though I doubt she'll be much help, as Jamie comes in and screams.  
Oh, fuck, please don't tell me she's going to respond like Jayce.  
Drift rushed in and gets Jamie to sit on the floor with him.  
Damn J.R., you worried this would happen if Jayce tried to kill herself. What happened that now you're at death's door?  
I tell Jamie and Jayce that I.R. will be ok. Her oxygen level is low, but she should be ok in a day or two. Though knowing J.R. will be in a coma scares them. The two girls don't want to leave the room. Crosshairs and Drift carried the two girls out of the room.  
"Nothing you two can do here. Go help Crosshairs and Drift," I tell Bumblebee and Hound.  
"Damn, J.R., you have no idea what you just caused. This wasn't the way."

The next day

J.R. recovered faster than I thought. I took her off the ventilator early this morning. She woke up as Crosshairs walked in. He sits by the bed and takes her hand. I know he'd like to lecture her but not now. She's half out of it and still needs a little oxygen support.  
"You're going to be ok," Crosshairs tells her as I put the oxygen mask on her.  
"Go ahead," I tell him.before leaving. I know he wants to hold her, and J.R. wants him to.  
She's scared and needs you.  
Jamie and Jayce are still asleep. Hound tells me it was a rough night for both the girls.  
Fuck, now Jamie has nightmares.

Jayce POV  
I can't believe she tried to kill herself.  
You weren't showing all of your emotions, were you J.R.?  
Sitting at the edge of the bed, feeling lost like J.R. died.  
I walked past Bumblebee, who's sleeping at my desk, and walk out of the room.  
Drift walks out of the room, carrying Jamie.  
She looks at me when Drift stops next to me.  
Damn, she's been up all night, crying.  
Jamie is exhausted, and her eyes are red and puffy.  
She can't concentrate on J.R.'s energy.  
Drift gives me a look as if he's saying, 'this is how she'll be if you try again.'  
We go downstairs to the medbay.

J.R. hates how awful Jamie looks. It's a brief visit before Drift takes Jamie out of the room.  
"You see what you did, J.R.? What would happen if you try again, Jayce? Crosshairs asks us.  
"Four months of this, it hurts, I can't take it anymore."  
Crosshairs said nothing; he put me on his lap and hugged me.

Five hours later

J R. Is out of medbay; we stay on the couch to not worry the Autobots and Cade.  
"I don't know what to do. The pain hurts worse than physical wounds. Four months of this, I will not recover."  
"We're going to have to give in. Drift can help Jamie better this way than if we're dead."  
Sure enough, Crosshairs and Drift heard us.  
"No, stop repeating yourselves. It's not working," I beg before crying. Drift does what he always does to comfort me as Crosshairs sits next to J.R. Jamie comes back ten minutes later and sits with us. The others join soon after, and we all watch T.V. like we used to.

Six hours later

Jamie fell asleep; it's cute seeing her asleep on Drift. I left my phone in my room.  
"Aww, look at the cute couple," Crosshairs teased. J.R. and I both laughed.  
"Here, I have my phone," J.R. says, handing me her phone. Drift knows I love taking pictures of him and Jamie. I take the picture and send it to my phone before Drift carries Jamie to bed.

Drift POV  
How long are you going to sleep? I worry you're like Jayce and J.R. now.  
I sit on the bed, still holding Jamie. Jayce and J.R. walk in two minutes later. Crosshairs comes in soon after. The two girls have a concerned expression.  
"She'll be fine," I assured them though I might be lying. I get a good look at J.R.'s neck.  
Damn, you're lucky Crosshairs didn't take longer to get to you.  
Bumblebee and Hound come in to take the two girls out of the room.  
"So?" Crosshairs asks.  
"I don't know if last night was rough because of what happened or she's like them now," I sighed.  
"Damn it, so are we going to try Bee's idea?"  
"What else can we do? Just going to be a challenge if the three girls can't sleep. Dealing with Jayce being exhausted has been easy, but all three of them."  
We told each other how terrified we are Jayce or J.R. will kill themselves. Crosshairs insists on staying here tonight as Bumblebee comes in telling us Jayce us afraid to leave J.R. though Hound is staying with her.  
Still carrying Jamie, I go with Crosshairs to J.R.'s room.  
"No, I'm not leaving her alone," Jayce cries, unaware J.R. is getting scared and trying to leave the room. I'm standing at the doorway. I take her hand and take her with me to Jamie's room.  
She knows what could happen.  
"You know you'll wake her up when you wake up from a nightmare," I hear Crosshairs say as we leave.

J.R. watches me put Jamie to bed, scared what might be going in Jayce's room.  
At least I can try to get her to fall asleep in here. Trying my best to keep J.R. quiet and get her to fall asleep, but she ends up crying. I take her out of the room and sit in the hallway by the room. J.R. is asleep ten minutes later.  
Damn it, most would give up on them since they're becoming more of a challenge, and it's exhausting, but we will not give up.  
Crosshairs walks over to me five minutes later.  
We made plans for tomorrow, depending on how the three girls are. We might be going out, or we'll have three depresses girls.  
"We're running out of ideas, but I will not give up on them," Crosshairs says before taking J.R. from me and carrying her to her room.

Crosshairs POV  
Things may get more challenging and terrifying before they get better, things might not get better, but I mean it; I will not give up on the three girls, and I know the others won't either. Still, we want to help Jayce and J.R. get over this... somehow.


	61. A Challenging Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce and J.R. have another rough night. Crosshairs and Drift plan on an outing later in the afternoon, even though Jayce is exhausted, knowing she'd still go if they let her chose. The night is a challenge, as always. Hound insists Crosshairs and Drift go to the lake and destress once Jayce and J.R. are asleep, but they end up talking about the girls while at the lake.

Hound POV  
No one wanted to sleep after what happened in the last twenty-four hours. We had a hard time convincing Cade to go to bed. Though we’re going to have a problem if Bumblebee, Crosshairs, Drift, and I don’t sleep for days.   
Crosshairs comes in and tells me he’s already checked on Jamie and J.R.   
“She won’t be asleep for long,” I sighed, looking at Jayce, “she’s been asleep for three hours.”   
The room is quiet for ten minutes, enough time for Crosshairs to get a syringe, before Jayce wakes up.   
Damn it, another severe panic attack.   
She fought me as I tried to get her to lie down.   
“I think laying down scares her when she’s gasping for air, but that also helps her,” Crosshairs guesses before taking over, getting her to lie down. We both worked to calm her down.   
“J.R.-“   
“She’s ok, I just checked in her. Both J.R. and Jamie are asleep,” Crosshairs assures her.   
Interestingly, she’s ok with Bee or me with her until she has an anxiety or panic attack.   
Regardless of who’s trying to help her, Jayce is having a hard time calming down, and she’s getting scared the longer she’s having a hard time getting air. Crosshairs sits her up, hoping that’ll help.   
“Shh, you’re ok, you need to calm down,” Crosshairs tells her.  
“I.. can’t..breath,” Jayce struggled to say, tears rolling down her face.   
“I know, you need to calm down,” Crosshairs hugs her. He looks disgusted by what he’s feeling, “she’s shaking, and her heart is racing. I don’t know if moving her is a good idea.”   
Crosshairs tries to get Jayce to control her breathing. Ten minutes of this, I worry she’s going to faint. Drift walks in and goes right towards Crosshairs to try to help. My spark hurts watching this, but when Jayce said to give up and let her die, even though she’s said this several times, it still hurts hearing her say that.   
Another twenty minutes pass before Jayce is calm and relaxed. Crosshairs takes her for a drive.   
“These are getting worse and scaring her add the nightmares that scare her,” I tell Drift.   
“I know,” he says in a sad tone. 

Crosshairs comes back two hours later, carrying Jayce, who is asleep. He tells me he’s staying with her. Drift has been when J.R. 

Drift POV  
I tried to get some sleep even on the floor in J.R.’s room, but my mind kept replaying what Jayce went through and what she said until I hear J.R.   
“Jayce!!” She screamed before getting out of bed. I stopped her before she could run out of the room. I was expecting Jayce to dream about J.R. being dead after what she tried. Either way, I hate how terrified they are.   
“Let me go!” She begs. I can hear concern and fear in her voice.   
“Stop, they’re both ok,” I say as I hug her.   
“No, Jayce..she-.”   
“Listen to me; it was just a nightmare. She’s sleeping.”   
J.R. said nothing more; she leaned on me as I hugged her.   
I waited fifteen minutes before laying on the bed with her. I figured she’d fall asleep, just in time for Crosshairs to text me.

Crosshairs: Jayce woke up again. Another severe panic attack.   
Drift: J.R. woke up from a nightmare about Jayce. She just fell asleep.   
Crosshairs: so, what’s the plan today?   
Drift: we can try to take them out today. Let’s try dinner. That way, Jayce can take a nap and won’t be too tired.   
Crosshairs: ok

“Bumblebee, you could have laid on the bed,” I say, seeing Bee sitting at the desk as I walk into Jamie's room.  
“I thought you’d be mad..or Jamie would be. Not sure if we can say she was just scared after seeing J.R., but now that I.R. is ok, she doesn’t have nightmares.”   
“I don’t know,” I say in a sad tone as I lay close to Jamie. The door closes as I get comfortable. I didn’t wait long before moving Jamie onto me.   
I hope Bumblebee is right, and you won’t have nightmares. I hope his idea works. I don’t want to have the conversation with you and the others, to watch how upset you’ll be. 

Two hours later 

Bumblebee POV  
Jayce is awake but still exhausted. I tried to get her to eat food, but all she’d take was the nutrition drink.   
“What the hell!” I hear Cade yell ten minutes after I stepped away from Jayce. I left her on the couch. I turned around and saw she was slumped over and asleep.   
“She’s exhausted and fell asleep,” I tell him, “I tried to get her to go back to sleep, but she insisted on getting up.”   
“She didn’t want to go back to sleep, shit.” Cade picks her up and takes her back to her room. I follow him upstairs and head towards J.R.’s room.   
Once I told Crosshairs what happened, he left to tell Drift. I suspect they’re going to talk about what to do about Jayce.   
Please let her recover. We don’t want to have the dreaded conversation.   
I know J.R. is struggling, but I think she needs to see Jayce is recovering to start recovering herself.   
Ten minutes pass before Crosshairs sends Cade, Hound, and me a text;

Crosshairs: the current plan is Drift, and I will take the three girls for dinner, hoping Jayce won’t be exhausted by then.   
Cade: you sure you two can handle the three of them if she’s still tired?   
Drift: you guys can come, but if Jayce is still exhausted, we’re not going anywhere.   
Crosshairs: we’ll see how she is come late afternoon. 

We all agreed; crosshairs then texts me that he’s going to watch Jayce. I think everyone but Hound has watched the three girls for some time overnight. The day is likely going to be uneventful.

Cade POV   
The day was eventful, and we’d have a problem if Jamie didn’t spend the day in her room, recording. Jayce has her usual shit sleep schedule and routine. We told her the plan and asked her if she was up for it. She said yes, but she’s still exhausted.   
“She will not last long even if we’re just going to get dinner,” Hound observes.   
“I’m giving her sleep aid when we get back. I’m tired of watching her deal with this,” Drift tells us. We agree she needs help with sleep. 

Jayce is asleep as we get ready to leave. Crosshairs carried her to his alt mode to allow her to sleep on the way to the restaurant. Good thing she thought to get dressed before going back to sleep. Now she can sleep an hour longer.   
Please let her recover mentally. 

Crosshairs POV   
It would be great if there is a long way to our destination. Though I’m not sure if a little more sleep would help Jayce. She’d refuse to leave early, no matter how exhausted she is.   
Well, Jayce, I tried to give you more time. Even getting stuck in traffic didn’t give you much additional time.   
“Jayce, wake up.”   
She wakes up, not in a pissed off mood but still tired.

“Oh yeah, she will not last long,” Drift observes as we’re waiting to be seated, “good thing we have a plan for if she has to go back to the base early.”   
I can hear the sadness in Drift’s voice.   
I know this isn’t how we’d like things to go, but hopefully, Jayce will get better. 

Jayce is quiet the whole time, but she lasted longer than I thought though I can tell she hated how exhausted she is, and I know she feels like she’s ruining everyone’s time out. By the time we got to my alt mode, she was ready to cry. I say on the passenger side, holding her.   
“I got this; you can’t stay here with Jamie,” I tell Drift, who came to my alt mode to help me. He went back to his alt mode and drove off with the others.   
I didn’t even say anything before Jayce started crying.  
“Shhhh, it’s ok. We’ll go back to base, and you can go to bed.”   
I know she’s not crying over how exhausted she is, but I’m trying to quickly calm her down.   
Jayce takes five minutes to stop crying before I can move to the driver’s side and head back to the base. 

:: Is she ok?:: Drift comms me.   
:: She’s quiet and will be asleep by the time we get back.::   
:: I’ll have the sleep aide ready:: 

Drift is waiting in the garage when I get back.   
He got her bed ready before waiting for us in the garage. Jayce wakes up as I lay her in bed and cover her with the blankets.   
“You’re ok; we’re back at the base. We’re going to give you something to help you sleep.”   
Drift injects the drug as I laid next to Jayce. She’ll be asleep soon, but I’m still staying with her.  
“Alright, now you’ll get some good sleep, good night,” Drift says before leaving.   
Jayce moved to her side to look at me.   
“You want me to stay here?” She grabbed my hand, “I’ll take that as a yes.”   
Jayce fell asleep ten minutes later. I noticed Bee texted me, telling me J.R. is asleep, and he’ll stay with her. 

Drift comes back an hour later. He tells me Jamie is watching T.V. in her room.   
“She’s afraid to sleep alone even though she knows the sleep aide will keep her asleep all night.”   
“Damn it; you know what that means,” Drift sighed.   
Silence filled the air until Hound came in and insisted Drift and I go for a drive.  
We did as he wanted though he must know we’ll be talking about the girls. 

Drift POV  
We went to the lake and sat on the hood of my alt mode. We both know we have to talk about the girls but hate half of the topics we need to discuss.   
“You know we have to talk about what we’re going to do,” Crosshairs says, but I can tell he does not like what we have to talk about either.   
“There’s not much we can do. All there is to decide is how long we will keep trying to help Jayce and when we will have that dreaded conversation,” I don’t bother hiding my sadness.   
“I think we should give Jayce sleep aide. I know we risk her becoming dependent on the drug, but a week should be ok. She won’t be exhausted, and we can plan longer outings.”   
I nodded in agreement, “hopefully she’ll start to recover mentally and won’t wake up from a nightmare every two hours. Doubt she’ll stop having nightmares and panic attacks, but it would be progress in the right direction. She and J.R. still need to be watched to make sure they don’t try anything. J.R. seems to have nightmares, but she’s calm when a nightmare wakes her up.”   
“It would be great if we could get Jayce to eat food. You watched how I forced her a few days ago. I hate doing that.”   
“We all do, even Cade though he told us it’s not good to force her to eat. Glad J.R. will eat again.”  
After talking about the girls, we felt we had to get back to the base. 


	62. Challenge to Help & Terrifying Event

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crosshairs and Drift return to find J.R. terrified from a nightmare and afraid to go back to sleep. They hate they need to use sleep aid to get J.R. to sleep. Crosshairs and Drift talk about how this is affecting them, but Drift doesn't tell him everything. The next morning, Drift tells everyone what he didn't tell Crosshairs; though everyone hopes his fear doesn't happen, they're glad he told them. Drift tries to assure Jayce she'll get over this, but Jayce is having a hard time believing him. He realizes now that she's not exhausted; she's dealing with physical pain caused by emotional pain. The day is rough for Jayce and J.R. Late in the afternoon, Jamie comes downstairs, seeing Jayce upset, and asks if she's ok. J.R. watches Jayce yell and Jamie before slapping her. Drift thas Jamie leave the base with him before A fight breaks out, unaware Jayce will attack J.R.

Crosshairs POV  
We were right to come back. J.R. has slept all night before waking up from a nightmare early in the morning, not terrified; we knew she could still have a terrifying nightmare that scares her awake.   
“She woke up five minutes ago,” Hound tells us though it’s hard to hear over J.R.’s crying.   
“She’s terrified but not having a panic attack,” Drift observes.   
Sitting on the bed, I moved J.R. onto my lap as Drift sits next to me. J.R. hugged me, burying her head on my chest.  
“She won’t talk about her nightmare,” Hound tells us.  
“It’s not hard to figure out what she was dreaming about,” Drift points out.   
J.R. told us she can’t take this anymore, the fear Jayce will end her life or will have to stop going on adventures. She didn’t say it, but we know she wants to be dead first. I made her look at me.  
“We’re doing all we can to keep her safe and help her.”   
You’re the one who’s been the challenge. One good thing about Jayce being exhausted all the time, but we’d still like to take care of that.   
I tried to get J.R. to lie on the bed with me, but she tightened her grip on me, and I couldn’t move.   
“Ok, J.R., what else is scaring you?”   
“I don’t think something else is scaring her; she’s afraid to have that nightmare again,” Drift guessed. I know what Drift is talking about. Nightmares about Jamie or Jayce killing themselves.   
“Damn it, we have to give in,” Drift says before leaving the room.   
“Now both of them can’t sleep without sleep aid, fuck,” Hound sighed.   
I tried to get J.R. to lie down before Drift returned, hating how she said she doesn’t want to sleep.   
Drift comes back five minutes later.   
“This will help you,” he says as J.R. tries to fight him. Hound had to help restrain her, “this will help you sleep and not have nightmares,” Drift explains as he injects the drug, hands the syringe to Hound, gets the box of tissues, and sits on the bed by me as Hound leaves to take care of the syringe.   
“It’ll be ok,” Drift assures J.R. as he wiped her eyes and nose. 

Drift POV  
Every day Jayce and J.R.’s emotional pain grows. Every night I’m haunted by the thought that the three girls would be dead by now if we weren’t here. Both Jayce and J.R. have tried twice. Crosshairs would hate hearing how I get little sleep.   
Ten minutes pass before J.R. is asleep. Crosshairs puts her to bed, and we leave the room.   
“Unbelievable, this isn’t good,” Crosshairs frets.   
“No, we’ll have to use sleep aide on both of them,” I sighed, “hopefully, they’ll both respond the way we want them to.”   
We went to Jamie’s room and sat on the bed.   
“What do you do all night? I know you aren’t sleeping all night, even if you aren’t tired.”   
“Until a couple of days ago, nothing.”   
“Besides thinking about the usual.”   
“Yes.”   
“Then we’re both getting little sleep,” Crosshairs sighed, “doubt the others are getting much sleep either.”   
“Well, the other two will be asleep for eight hours, no need to worry about them. Go to your quarters and get some sleep,” I suggested. Crosshairs stood up, looked at Jamie and around the room before leaving.   
Crap, you know what else I worry about.   
Crosshairs knows I keep some medical equipment in here for when Jamie has a minor to mild flare-up. She often requires only oxygen support and to be monitored. Only when she needs the ventilator or to have a feeding tube placed do I take her to the medbay. Though after the feeding tube is in, I can take her back to her room.   
I worry about Jayce and J.R.’s response if Jamie has any level of a flare-up. A month ago, Jayce might have panicked, but she would have been easy to calm. Now, I’m not sure if we could calm either of the girls. Now Crosshairs will worry about this. I doubt Bumblebee has figured it out, which is good.   
I got into bed, hoping to fall asleep. 

Seven hours later

Cade POV  
I hated hearing both Jayce and J.R. needed sleep aid. Crosshairs and Drift tell me their plan; they know the risk of using a sleep aid. Even if the girls aren’t exhausted, we don’t know if they’ll be depressed. We’re talking suggestions around taking the girls out than planning. This is complicated and could take months.  
“What else is bothering you two?” Hound asks.  
It’s good Drift brought this up, even though we might luck out and not have to deal with Jamie going through a flare-up and dealing with Jayce’s poor mental state. We made two plans for this, first without drugs and with drugs. We’d do this with J.R. if needed. I know Drift worries a lot more than the rest of us, Jamie could go through a severe flare-up, and he’d watch her fight for her life. 

Both Jayce and J.R. come down ten minutes later. Both not in a good mood, but they will drink as Crosshairs and Drift sit with them. A few minutes pass before Drift leads Jayce back upstairs, J.R. tries to follow, but Crosshairs stops her. I go upstairs to see what’s going on. I hear crying and Drift talking. Damn, Jayce was trying not to cry while downstairs.   
“I know it seems like you can’t get over this. It’s going to take time.”   
I got my answer before going into the room.   
Standing by the door, I watch Drift calm Jayce down. She’s getting harder to calm down. I walked into the room and tried to help before things got worse.   
“We don’t care how much we need to do to help you, Jamie or J.R.,” I tell her while holding her hand. She’s in a lot of emotional pain, and there’s little we can do until she gets over her terrifying thoughts and nightmares.   
I think she’s in physical pain because of the emotional pain, or the pain is getting worse and she can’t hide it. Drift tells me to leave; he’s going to get Jayce to go back to sleep. 

Drift POV  
I laid Jayce down, but I’m not laying with her yet. She’s calm enough that I can sit at the desk and watch her. As I thought, she’s in physical pain. She’s dealing with a constant stomach ache. She’s not exhausted, so she can’t ignore the pain.   
Damn it, what the hell can we do now?   
A few minutes pass before I lay on the bed beside Jayce. I can see the pain in her eyes. She moved closer to me and hugged me as she started crying. I did what has helped her though I don’t know if it will now. She falls asleep ten minutes later.   
Didn’t know Cade and Crosshairs have been watching.   
“Damn, so we either let her be exhausted it in physical and emotional pain,” Crosshairs says in a sad tone.   
“Recovery is going to be a challenge. She’s going to keep trying what she thinks is the solution,” Cade comments.  
Crosshairs walks out of the room.   
“Fuck,” he says.   
Cade and I leave the room to see J.R. on the floor.  
“Fuck, she heard us,” Cade frets.   
“Terrified enough to cause a seizure.”   
I walked over to Crosshairs and crouched down close to her head. Crosshairs was cupping her head. This seizure lasts two minutes.   
“You’re ok,” I assured her as Crosshairs put her in the recovery position. There’s sadness and fear in her eyes. We waited five minutes before Crosshairs took her to her room.  
“Don’t even say it,” Cade says before I can say anything.   
How can we not think things can get worse?   
I rushed to Jamie’s room though Bumblebee is with her. 

“Do I even ask?” He asks.  
I tell Bumblebee what happened in the past ten minutes.   
“...things are getting terrifying. We’re out of options to help Jayce.”   
“There’s no way a psychiatric hospital will help her.”   
“I don’t know, Bee.”   
He leaves the room as I sit in the bed by Jamie. I might be paranoid after what happened this morning, but I checked over her. The monitor chip and portable monitor can tell me what I need to know, but I wanted to listen to her heart and lungs.   
She’s fine, but my fear is still around.   
I cleaned the equipment and laid in bed by Jamie, kissing her before attempting to go to sleep.

Crosshairs POV  
Damn, you didn’t just bring up Jamie possibly having a flare-up while we’re trying to help Jayce and J.R. so we could prepare for the possibility, you’re afraid she’s going to go through one. Though I doubt Drift checks on Jamie every night. After this morning, it’s clear, with Jayce and J.R.’s current mental state, even a minor flare-up will cause severe distress.   
I returned to Jayce’s room and tried to think of something we can do. Bumblebee tells me he’ll stay with J.R. and text me if he needs help. 

Third-person   
Three days have passed. Crosshairs and Drift continue to use sleep aide on Jayce so she can sleep all night. Even though she sleeps all night, Jayce stays in her room most of the day. She won’t talk to anyone about what’s troubling her, afraid of what happens when she talks about it. Drift spends most of the day with her since Jamie is working. Jayce now has a severe panic attack during the day. Crosshairs stays with J.R. in her room. J.R. continues to tell him what’s bothering her though it’s been the same things since this all started; he wants her to keep talking about it. Her nightmares are frightening, but her panic attacks aren’t as bad as Jayce’s. She is afraid everyone has given up on Jayce. 

J.R. POV  
“No, J.R., we’re not giving up on Jayce,” Crosshairs assures me.   
“How’s just using drugs to get her to sleep all night and letting her stay in her room all day helping?”   
I didn’t give him a chance to answer before leaving the room and going to Jayce’s. I know what I might walk into. 

I hate how I'm right, and she’s having a severe one. I hate hearing her gasp for air. I stood by the bed, expecting Drift to tell me to leave, but he didn’t even though we both know what can happen. I don’t think this will work since I’m on the side of the bed, but what else can we do? Dritt answered my question by putting me on the bed with him.   
Good, now she’s looking at both of us. Damn, I hate seeing the fear in her eyes.   
“Listen to me, Jayce; you’re ok, Jamie is ok. You know the Autobots made sure you can’t kill yourself. Jamie wouldn’t be able to if she’s thinking that way. You know Drift is with her most of the time. She’s safe and doing better.”   
I don’t know if this will help her, but I have to help, or at least try. Considering what happened next, I think I made things worse for Jayce and myself. 

Crosshairs POV  
What J.R. told Jayce might have helped her, but it just triggered a severe panic attack for J.R. I laid her on her bed and sat on my knees next to her on the bed.   
“I can’t breathe,” J.R. struggles to say, tears rolling down her face just like Jayce,   
“I know you’re ok.”   
Damn, just like Jayce, struggling to breathe is scaring her, making this worse.   
“Shit, I thought so,” I hear Drift say, “Jayce is ok, she’s sleeping,” Drift says, taking J.R.’s hand. We helped her get her breathing under control but hard a hard time keeping her from crying.   
“Now she’s frightened she’s like Jayce,” I observed.   
“You’re ok, we’ll help you and Jayce,” Drift tells J.R.   
Come on, J.R., you know Drift hates lying even if it’s for Jamie’s good.   
“Let me take her for a drive,” Drift suggests, “Jayce will be asleep for a while.”   
J.R. is hesitant about leaving Jayce even though she’s asleep but goes with Drift.   
I found Cade and told him what happened, both to figure out if we need to change our plan and because I know he’s telling Bulma all this or keeping notes himself.   
Every time we talk about the girls, our fear that we can’t help them grows. J.R.’s fear has intensified after her panic attack. 

Drift POV  
The five-minute drive to the lake was rough. I hated I had to let J.R. cry since it’s day time. Few people live around here; I’m not taking the chance of being discovered. Though it’s too cold to sit in the hood of my alt mode, going to the lake, away from the base, helps the girls. I move her to my lap and hug her.   
“Shhh, it’s ok, it’s going to take time. I know it feels like things won’t get better.”   
“I hate how things are getting terrifying,” J.R. sobbed.   
“I know.”   
How long before she deals with physical pain?   
“Jayce won’t be able to handle Jamie going through a flare-up, even if it’s minor, she’ll panic.”   
“How long has that been on n your mind?”   
“A few weeks. It’s one of the many things I often think about.”   
And that’s part of the problem, these two think of their terrifying thoughts and what if they happen constantly.   
“We have a plan for everything, though that doesn’t mean we won’t run into problems, we’re as prepared as we can be. I know you don’t like how long it’ll take before you and Jayce recover mentally, none of us do, but we can’t rush things. The tricky part is figuring out how to help Jayce and you.”   
I knew this would cause her to cry.   
Yet another shitty day for both girls, mentally.

I waited for J.R. to fall asleep before going back to the base. I found Crosshairs waiting in her room. This is becoming routine that he got her bed ready.   
“It’s bad when you know I’ll be bringing her back, asleep,’” I tell him as I laid J.R. in bed and covered her with the blanket.   
“It’s bad she’s like Jayce. How long before Jamie finds out? How long will it take for Jayce and J.R. to recover mentally if they even can? Or are we going to have that conversation?”   
“I don’t know,” I say in a sad tone as I sit at the desk.   
“What did she say?” Crosshairs asks, concerned. I hated repeating what J.R. said, knowing Crosshairs would hate hearing it.  
“...I told her we are prepared the best we can be. Though I don’t think hearing this helps either of the girls,” I finished.   
“Damn it, more problems with no solutions,” Crosshairs sighed.   
I hate I added to his fears even if he asked. 

Cade POV   
I couldn’t believe what Drift told me. I’m trying to think of several plans to help the girls. We know this could take a month or even longer, but we also feel like we don’t have a month. The two girls can’t take their emotional pain; now, Jayce is dealing with physical pain.   
Drift and I stayed in Jayce’s room. Drift doesn’t want to step away from Jayce while he doesn’t have to worry about Jamie. I want to talk with Jayce when she wakes up, aware I’ll be watching her go through a panic attack.   
We waited two hours for her to wake up. While we waited, Bumblebee, Crosshairs, and Hound came in to talk about the plans I came up with. Crosshairs stayed when we finished talking about my two plans. 

“No, help her,” Jayce cries in her sleep.   
Fuck, I already hate this, then she screams before waking up, hyperventilating. The two mechs said nothing to each other before helping her. I stayed out of their way, watching. I could say I lucked out of seeing the worst, but it’s still not great she has these panic attacks. Nor is great she’s getting worse as Crosshairs and Drift are trying to help her. Now I’m seeing the worst and recording this for Bulma, though I doubt there’s anything she can suggest we try. Jayce takes ten minutes to get her breathing under control, in that time, I feared she’d pass out. Drift held Jayce on the edge of the bed as she cried, Crosshairs sitting next to him, the two of them helping the best they can.   
“She’s shaking, and her heart is still racing,” Drift says. He moves in a slow rocking motion as Crosshairs takes her hand. I think they do a good job figuring out how both of them can help the girls through a panic attack.   
A few minutes pass before she’s calm. I’m about to stop recording when she throws up. I’m amazed they know how to tell she’s about to throw up and able to make sure she doesn’t throw up all over herself. Jayce is still upset she threw up. All right, I’ve filmed enough. I send the video to Bulma and put my phone on the desk to help Crosshairs and Drift. Drift tells me I can try to talk to her like I planned. Try meaning she might be afraid to talk to me after going through a panic attack. I went to get her water first. After all the crying she’s done, she’s going to need it. 

I returned five minutes later, hearing how she can’t take this anymore. Drift told me he thinks it’s her way if pleading for us to let her end her life. Hearing her say it myself, damn I hate that’s what it sounds like she’s saying.   
“Everything will be ok,” I tell her, handing her the water before retrieving my phone and leaving the room. She’s not in a good mental state to talk right now.   
I mentioned what Jayce said, describing what it seems like she’s saying, and now she says this several times a day in my texts with Bulma.   
She texts back, telling me to call her when the Autobots and I talk about the girls tonight and record J.R. during a panic attack.   
Jayce isn’t ready for a conversation, but I can’t stay away from her.   
“There’s will not be a good time, Cade. Talking about this upsets her, but she needs to hear the plans,” Crosshairs says before leaving the room, walking towards J.R.’s.   
Drift gets Jayce to go downstairs and watch T.V. She leaned on him, trying not to cry. 

Crosshairs POV  
J.R. wakes up fifteen minutes after I went into her room. No nightmare or panic attack this time, but she repeated what she told Drift, unaware he told me already. Though I’m amazed, she doesn’t know everyone tells the others about their time watching one of the girls. She also told me everything else she and Jayce have been thinking though we already know.   
“Shh, calm down, it’s going to be ok.”   
I hugged her, hoping she wouldn’t cry but was unsuccessful. What’s worse is she’s saying she can’t take it anymore. Both Jayce and J.R. are saying this more frequently. She tried to break free from my grip.   
“No, J.R., I know you’re in pain emotionally, but that’s not the way to deal with it.”   
My fear Jamie and Jayce will watch her die, or J.R. and Jamie will watch Jayce die intensifies, but I can’t let her know. She already thinks we’ll give up on her and Jayce.   
Ten minutes pass before she calms down, and I can take her downstairs. She sits on the couch on the other side of Drift. Both girls are leaning on him while he has an arm around both of them. 

Jamie POV  
I’ve been working for four hours, time for a break. Jayce and J.R. aren’t in their rooms. They must be watching T.V. J.R. is taking a shower, and Jayce is watching T.V. with Crosshairs and Drift. Something seems to bother her.  
“Are you ok?” I asked.  
“I’m fine,” Jayce hissed.   
“No need to get angry.’  
“Shut up!” She yells before getting up and slapping me. I fall to the ground, watching her walk away. I got up and tried to follow her, but Drift stops me.   
“Leave her alone. Come on; it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together,” he says and leads me to the garage. 

Jayce POV  
“What the fuck was that about?!” J.R. yells.   
“At least she doesn’t know what’s been going on.”   
“Really? That’s your idea to keep this shit secret from her?!”   
She’s pissing me off. Crosshairs won’t be able to stop me alone. I grabbed J.R. and threw her across the room; she hits the wall before landing on the floor.  
“What are you doing?” Shep asked, fear in her voice. I ignored her and started punching her. She tried to protect herself and screamed.   
“What the fuck? Jayce, stop!” Crosshairs yells as he tried to stop me, but I pushed him away. 

Crosshairs POV   
What the fuck is going in with her? How the hell is she able to ignore J.R.’s crying. Starting a new group conversation, I text Bumblebee, Cade, and Hound.   
Crosshairs: I have a situation here. It’s going to be ugly.   
Cade: shit, we’re coming. 

Didn’t know they were doing something together. Don’t know what project they’d have out of the base in the winter. I watch J.R. lose consciousness before Bee, Cade, and Hound rush in. Jayce still attacked J.R. even though she’s unconscious. Cade rushed to the medbay as the rest of us rushed to get Jayce onto the floor. Once Jayce is drugged, Cade and I look over J.R. as Bee snd Hound watch Jayce.   
“I need to get her to the medbay,” Cade says, urgency in his voice.  
Fuck, Jayce, what did you do?   
Cade had a medical capsule with a stretcher. It’s a ten-second walk, but we don’t know what Jayce did until Drift texts us saying Jamie senses J.R.’s energy fading, and they’re on their way back.  
No, Jayce, you didn’t just kill J.R.?


	63. What Have I Done?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.R. has serious injuries; everyone can't believe Jayce attacked J.R. Jayce wakes up five hours later, hating the state J.R. is in. She walks out of the medbay; Crosshairs tries to comfort her as Jamie is ready for a fight. Even knowing this, Jayce walks towards Jamie as Jamie walks towards her before losing consciousness. Jayce is terrified though this is a minor flare-up. Drift and Cade take care of Jamie in her room before Drift helps Crosshairs calm Jayce down. It's a rough week before J.R. is healed enough to be taken off the ventilator and have the chest tube removed. Crosshairs and Cade think she's in pain from the chest tube incision, but they later make a horrifying discovery after finding her on the floor.

Cade POV  
While the portable x-ray machine is typically only used to check tube placement when Jamie has a flare-up, it’s a good thing we have it. What’s not good is what I’m finding. True, there can be worse, but a broken collar bone, arm, and four ribs aren’t good. Jayce caused severe injury to J.R.’s left lung. That explains why her energy is fading. Now I have to tell the others the bad news. Didn’t expect Drift and Jamie to be back this soon or for Jamie to take charge.   
“Jayce attacked her, didn’t she?” Jamie asked, pissed.   
I know she’s sensing if I’m lying. I have no choice but to tell her everything. 

Jamie POV  
Why Jayce? What did J.R. do to provoke you?   
Looking at the x-rays, I can heal most of the injuries but damn not the punctured lung, and treatment isn’t pretty. Explains why J.R.’s energy is fading.   
“I can’t tell them, but we can’t keep them out of here,” I tell Cade.  
“When you think about it, they’re used to this shit. They’ve seen you critically ill. We’ll tell them when we’re done.”   
J.R. is having a hard time breathing because of air collecting in the chest cavity,  
A breathing tube and chest tube, fuck. Hope you’re happy, Jayce. 

Two hours later 

“It’s ok, J.R. will be ok,” Drift tries to comfort me as we sit on a chair between our two unconscious friends. The sight at J.R.’s bed is horrible with the IV pole with several drugs, the ventilator, chest tube, and nasal cannula. At least I didn’t have to put in a more invasive feeding tube.   
“You ok?” Drift asks   
I lie and tell him I’m fine. I feel weak, I know what’s going on, but I have to take care of J.R. then kick Jayce’s ass when she wakes up.   
“How long do you think J.R. will be out?” Crosshairs asks.   
“Five days,” I sighed.   
As much as I don’t want to leave J.R., I have to go to the house.   
“Go with her,” Cade tells Crosshairs and Drift, “it’s ok; I’ll watch them.” 

Five hours later 

Jayce POV  
Waking up in the medbay, I remember what I did, but I didn’t know I hurt her this bad. I ran out of the room and found the others on the couch. Crosshairs rushes to me when he sees me.   
“Calm down, J.R. will be ok,” Crosshairs says.   
“You fucking bastard!” Jamie yells before rushing to me, ready for a fight.   
“Jamie, stop,” Drift urges as he follows her.   
Though she’s looking to attack me, I slowly walk up to Jamie. Something is off with her.   
“You have no idea what you did...”   
I caught her as she falls to the floor.   
“Jamie!” I exclaimed. She’s unresponsive.   
Damn it; this is all my fault. I know Jamie can sometimes feel the chemical level rise and tries to ignore it. Kind of like when blood sugar levels change in a person with diabetes or someone who hasn’t eaten in a long time. However, we can’t figure out why she can only sometimes feel the increase in the chemical. Not like it helps, she always fights the effects, resulting in a worse flare-up. She was too worried about J.R. and me. I watched Drift move his wrist to where the monitor chip is in Jamie’s throat, waiting for the terrified expression to appear on his face. All the Autobots have smartwatches though theirs were made by Cade and Hound using some Autobot and Capsule Corp. technology. Not sure if there are advanced features.   
“It’s ok, Jayce, you know what happens,” he says, calmly.   
Drift takes Jamie up to her room, Cade following him. I lean on Crosshairs and cry.   
“Shhh, it’s ok, they’ll be ok.”   
“This is all my fault.”

Drift POV  
“That went better than I thought,” Cade comments.   
“She’s distracted by guilt for what she did to J.R.,” I tell him while checking Jamie’s vitals, “well, two of our friends are going to be down for at least a week.”   
“How bad is it?”   
“Not too bad, 30% oxygen.”   
I get the oxygen condenser and mask.  
“I’ll wait until tomorrow morning to put a feeding tube in.”   
“I’ll stay here, Jayce is going to be difficult for Crosshairs to help.” Cafe suggested more than told me. I know Jamie will be ok but just watching her go through a flare-up scares me. I kissed her forehead, “I’ll be back; I love you.” 

Jayce is a mess when I get downstairs. I sit on the floor to Crosshairs.   
“I’m sorry,” she sobs.   
“Jayce, you couldn’t have prevented Jamie’s flare-up,” I remind her, “let’s go to her room.”   
Crosshairs agrees and carries Jayce up to her room. I asked Bee to get a sleep aid syringe before going upstairs.   
“Twice in one day, this isn’t good,” Crosshairs frets.   
Jayce is asleep an hour later. We tried to avoid using drugs but had to give in.  
“It’s going to be a long week,” I fret before we go to Jamie’s room.   
We tell Cade what happened before he goes to check on J.R. before going to bed.   
“She’ll be ok, you know it’s rare for this level of flare-up to get worse.”   
I laid on the bed beside Jamie, unable to hold back the tears. I know Crosshairs left when I heard the door close.   
Thus is a mild flare-up, but it can get worse. After watching my girl fight for her life once already, I can’t help but think it could happen again. 

Crosshairs POV  
Damn, I know it’s not just Jamie going through a flare-up that’s upsetting him; it’s everything that happened today and the past four months. There’s greater concern about Jayce.   
It’s bad enough seeing Jamie on a ventilator, but it’s painful seeing J.R. on it and a chest tube. Add Jayce is the one who hurt her.   
Come on; please let these who heal.   
Like Drift, I let tears lose. 

Three hours pass before I check on Jayce and Jamie. I know Jayce will be asleep all night, but I still want to check on her.   
Drift laid close to Jamie, holding her hand.   
Good, I worried you wouldn’t sleep. What a fucking disaster. 

Bumblebee POV  
It’s been a rough week for all of us. Jayce has been harder to take care of; two severe panic attacks a day. She hates she can’t take care of J.R. because of the panic attacks. Crosshairs and Drift try to help her the best they can. She’ll still drink a bottle of nutrition drink, but she takes all day. J.R. is healing well; taken off the ventilator and chest tube removed yesterday. I’ve been staying with Jamie while Drift tries to help Crosshairs with Jayce. We used Jamie’s phone to tell her family she’s staying with us for a while. I told Drift I’d help since I know he wants to stay with Jamie, but he insisted that I stay with Jamie, and he helps with Jayce. After Drift takes care of Jamie. I didn’t know Crosshairs helped though Drift does most of the work.  
Standing at the doorway, I hear Crosshairs talking to Jamie. We still haven’t figured out if she can hear us, but I think talking to her helps those two. Glad we have the equipment to allow Jamie to be in her room unless it’s a severe flare-up. Then she has to be in the medbay.   
“She’s getting better. Might wake up today,” Drift tells Crosshairs.   
Might being the keyword. Even though we’ve been dealing with this for years, we know there’s no way to be 100% sure. After cleaning up, the two tell me how Jamie is doing before going to Jayce’s room.   
Looking at the portable vital signs monitor; Jamie’s breathing is improving. I see Drift has lowered the amount of oxygen Jamie needs.   
I don’t know if I like that you’ve been unconscious all week, unable to see what Jayce has been dealing with or not. True, part of it is that you’re going through a flare-up, but she’s beating herself over what she did to J.R.; thankfully, she’s not physically hurting herself over it.   
I waited an hour before going to see how Jayce is doing. Hound walks in before I can leave the room.   
“Not a good time to see Jayce; it’s awful in her room. Only nine in the morning, fuck,” Hound tells me before sitting at the desk.   
“You think we can get Crosshairs to go to the medbay? J.R. was taken off the ventilator and should wake up soon.”   
“I don’t know, Bee, but I know J.R. will want him. Not all of her injuries will be healed, and she’ll be in pain.”   
I went down to the medbay. 

“Already?” Cade sighed when I told him Jayce is already going through a panic attack. I nodded before sitting by J.R. and taking her hand. Cade has her on pain medicine, hoping the pain will be minor when she wakes up. 

Another hour passes before she wakes up.  
“Bumblebee?” She says, her voice hoarse.   
“It’s ok, you’re healing,” Cade assures her.   
I don’t know if he wants to tell her the extent of her injuries, but he has to tell her why she had to have a chest tube placed. She tells us that’s where her pain is. Glad Jamie was able to heal the broken bones. As I thought, she wants Crosshairs. Cade texts him, but we tell J.R. we don’t know if he’ll be able to come here. We said nothing about Jayce, but J.R. figured it out and starts crying. 

Crosshairs POV  
Damn, are you in that much pain?  
I hated hearing J.R. cry as I walked into the medbay.  
“It’s alright, I’m here,” I assured her as I took her hand. Saying nothing, Bee leaves the room. Cade tells me about J.R.’s pain and how she’s on pain medication.  
“The infusion will be done in a couple of hours. You can take her to her room when it finishes.”  
With that, Cade leaves the room.  
“Crosshairs, why’s Jamie’s energy low?” J.R. asks, a little concerned.  
Not even awake for ten minutes, and she’s checking on the other two the only way she can while in bed.   
“Just a minor flare-up. Jamie should wake up today.”  
She didn’t ask about Jayce. She asked me to lie with her. I’m able to, just have to be careful of the IV tube, but I don’t think J.R. knew how much pain she’d be in from the chest tube incision. She ended up crying over the pain.  
Did you just start the infusion, Cade? Or does she need a stronger dose?  
“It hurts, Crosshairs,” she cries.  
“I know.”  
I text Cade asking when he started the infusion, telling him J.R. is in a lot of pain.   
He returned to the room and suggested a heat patch until the infusion finishes, but J.R. doesn’t want to be touched besides my hug.   
Nothing I say is going to get her to stop crying. She’ll either cry herself to sleep or quiet down to whimpering until we can take care of this. 

Jayce POV  
I still can’t believe what I’ve done, add I couldn’t take care of J.R. Doubt Drift would let me near Jamie. It’s not like this is the first flare-up since the nightmare situation, but he still worries he’ll end up watching his girl fight for her life. One reason Jamie won’t make it official and say he’s her boyfriend. Though she knows Drift treats her as his girlfriend, knowing her limits. You just had to pick a complicated girl, didn’t you, Drift?   
“What’s so funny?” Drift asks.   
“Nothing,” I lie.   
“J.R. woke up.”   
So that’s why Crosshairs had to leave. Wonder how she’s taking hearing Jamie is going through a flare-up?   
I don’t know if I should see her now. Maybe wait a few days.   
“Come on, let’s go watch T.V.,” Drift suggests.   
I ask to see Jamie first. He takes me to her room. A few minutes pass before Bumblebee walks on, insisting on taking me downstairs so Drift can stay with Jamie. 

Three hours pass before Crosshairs leaves the medbay without J.R.   
I thought she woke up.   
“It’s ok, Jayce, she fell asleep,” Crosshairs tells me as he sat next to me. 

Drift POV  
I could stay here holding Jamie until she wakes up, but the others wouldn’t like it even if we didn’t have to take care of Jayce.   
Crosshairs: how is she?   
Drift: I took her off the oxygen.   
Crosshairs: good, J.R. woke up in a lot of pain. She cried herself to sleep.  
Drift: ☹️  
Crosshairs: Bee is with Jayce, I’ll be up in a sec. 

“You didn’t have to come in,” I tell him as he walks in, “I’m not going anywhere.”   
“I know, I want to see her,” Crosshairs replies as he sits on the bed beside me. We sat in silence, waiting for Jamie to wake up.   
I waited fifteen minutes before needing to check her vitals and feed her.   
Jayce walks in as I’m checking Jamie.  
“Come here,” Crosshairs says as Jayce gets on the bed. We both see her worried expression.   
“She’s doing good,” I tell Crosshairs and Jayce before getting the supplies for feeding. Crosshairs would hold Jamie at a 30° angle, but I can do this with pillows.   
“Jayce, she’ll be ok. Like I’ve been telling you all week, this isn’t your fault,” I tell Jayce. I don’t think she’s worried Jamie will be pissed at her once she wakes up. Jayce left after I finished with Jamie.   
“I thought she was going to wait until Jamie woke up.”   
“I thought the same, shit.”   
Crosshairs rushes out of the room.

J.R. POV  
I’m alone in the medbay, damn it, Jayce must be a handful again. I thought I wasn’t in pain until I moved off the bed. I scream in pain, quite glad no one can hear me except I fell on the floor from pain. I hate that someone will find me on the floor more than a can’t get up and the pain from lying on my stomach.   
What did you do, Jayce? 

Five minutes pass before I hear a scream. Jayce came in.   
“I need help in here!” I hear Crosshairs yell soon afterward.   
Fuck, he thinks I’m unconscious. Any movement fucking hurts.   
Between the pain and hearing Jayce cry, I end up crying myself.   
Crosshairs moved me onto my back; I tried not to scream from pain but failed.   
“You’re ok,” he says.  
“It hurts so bad,” I cried.  
“Where?”   
I couldn’t answer him. Instead, I’m crying.   
“I have to pick you up to put you on the bed.”  
“No,” I sobbed.   
“I can’t just leave you on the floor.”   
“I’ll have to sedate here,” Cade tells him.  
I’m so worried about the pain and Crosshairs wanting to move me back onto the bed; I forgot Jayce is here. She’s bawling as Bee hugs her. I’m focused on her as the drugs take effect, and I can no longer keep my eyes open.

Cade POV   
Damn it; I should have done an x-ray after Jamie healed J.R. She felt weak, trying to delay losing consciousness.   
As I thought, Jamie couldn’t heal the ribs.   
“Damn it, Jamie will not like hearing this. One broken rib is painful, but four, damn,” I tell Crosshairs.   
Jayce hears this and has a severe panic attack and a seizure resulting in her not waking up.   
“She felt bad enough for what she did, the lung injury now she finds out J.R. has broken ribs,” Hound sighed.   
“It’s like something is deciding Jayce shouldn’t recover mentally, adding to her mental struggle every day,” Bee comments.  
Crosshairs is sitting besides J.R. on his phone. I’m assuming texting Drift about what happened. Seeing Crosshairs’ expression, I’m worried about what they’re saying to each other. 

A half-hour passes before Jayce wakes up, upset seeing J.R.  
“I’m sorry,” she says before crying.  
This is going to be a problem.   
“It’s ok, Jayce, she knows you feel guilty for what you did. Jamie can heal her when she wakes up.”   
I’m trying my best to keep her calm without drugs. Crosshairs comes over and lays on the bed with her, trying to calm her down. 

Drift POV  
Come on, Jamie, wake up, your team needs you.   
Jamie can take up to twenty-four hours to wake up even if the chemical level is normal.   
I still hate thinking this way. Normal should mean there’s no trace of the chemical, not a normal level.  
I didn’t have to wait much longer before I saw her blue eyes. I smiled at the sight until she started tearing up.   
“It’s ok.”   
“I was supposed to take care of J.R.,” Jamie sobs, “if she woke up, she’s in a lot of pain because of me.”   
“It’s ok; you can heal her now.”   
“I don’t know.”   
I have to calm her down. We’ll figure out if she can heal J.R. later. I’m able to get her to lie down with me. Even though she just woke up, she still needs to rest. I sent a text to Cade and the other Autobots. Crosshairs can decide to tell Jayce now or wait. 

Jayce POV  
Cade told me he had to sedate J.R. because the pain was so bad. He’s giving her strong pain medication. She’s been out for an hour. He put a heat patch on my abdomen, but I deserve the pain. Crosshairs is doing something on his phone when he smiles  
Looking around, I see the others are doing the same.   
“Guess who woke up?” Crosshairs asks, still smiling.   
“How is she?”   
“Worried, she won’t be able to heal J.R.’s ribs.”   
Damn it; now she’ll feel guilty knowing how much pain J.R. will be in for weeks. All this is my fault. I have to make a tough decision. It’s better for everyone in the long run.   
“Jayce, what’s wrong? Crosshairs asks. I try to avoid looking at him, but he made me look at him. St this point, I can’t keep myself from crying.  
“Go ahead,” I hear Cade say. Next thing I know, Crosshairs is carrying me out of the room and upstairs.   
He sits in my bed, with me on his lap. He must have texted Drift since he came in twenty seconds later. Jamie must have fallen asleep.   
He sits on the bed on the other side of me.

Drift POV   
“What’s wrong, Jayce?” I asked.   
She wouldn’t answer. I know Crosshairs has talked to her about Jamie and J.R...shit, that’s it.   
“She wants to go home,” I tell Crosshairs.   
He knows why Jayce is thinking about going home.   
“It’s better for everyone,” she says.   
“No, Jayce, it’s not. Staying here or going home, it will be the same; you’ll be dealing with your emotional and physical pain, but you have support here,” Crosshairs tells her.   
“No, I’ll be like this forever, and it’s a problem.”   
Her condition is a problem if she’s going to have more fits of rage, but we’re not giving up on her. How to get her to realize this? 

2/6 8 pm 


	64. Agonizing Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce can't relax while Drift removes the nasogastric tube for Jamie. She rushes out of the room, Jamie following soon after. Jayce tries to get Jamie to leave her room, but Drift ends up carrying her out. Crosshairs stays with Jayce, concerned her abdominal pain is serious. Crosshairs and the others are still concerned. Crosshairs later discovers how Jayce's pain is nothing compared to what J.R. is dealing with. Jayce hates the pain she caused J.R. and believes she'll never get over her mental struggle.

Drift POV  
Jayce wanted to see Jamie when Jamie woke up.  
“Can you take this out?” She asked, pointing to the feeding tube.   
I did as she asked though she didn’t like that she threw up as I took it out. Seeing Jamie fall back on the bed scares Jayce.   
“Will you relax?” Crosshairs asks. Jayce got up and left the room.   
“What did you do?” Jamie asked as I helped her sit up.   
“Nothing.”   
Jamie gets out of bed and leaves the room.   
“You will not stop her?”   
“No, I know where she’s going, and maybe Jayce needs talk to her to start healing. I know the risk we’re taking. Our luck with keeping this secret is going to run out eventually,” I sighed before getting off the bed and leaving the room. 

Jamie POV  
Jayce is sitting on her bed, crying.   
“Get out,” she sobbed before I could say anything. I sat next to her, “no, Jamie, leave,” she urges, fear in her voice.   
Something is wrong if she thinks she’ll attack me as she did to J.R.   
“Get her out of here,” Jayce tells Drift.   
Shit, now she sounds like she’s in pain.   
Jayce ignores I’m still here and lays down on her side, putting pressure on her abdomen.   
“Let me help you.”   
“Get her out, now,” Crosshairs demands. Drift picks me up and carries me out. Crosshairs wastes no time closing the door once we leave.   
“Something is wrong,” I fight Drift to put me down.   
“Stop!”   
I cause him to fall to the floor, but he still kept his grip on me. Using one hand, he moved himself to the wall before hugging me.   
“What happened?” Hound asked.   
“She’s panicking about Jayce.”   
I’m s little pissed Drift didn’t stop Hound from going into the room.   
Jayce’s energy is normal. What the fuck is going on? 

Jayce POV  
“You know you could have lied?” Crosshairs asks.   
I know what he’s thinking.   
“No, that wouldn’t work. Don’t you know that only lasts a few days? Plus, this hurts a lot more.”   
“What?!”   
Crosshairs lays me in my back, moves my hands, and lifts my shirt.   
“It’s the same problem; the heat patch isn’t working.”   
I let him feel my abdomen anyway.   
“You sure?”   
I rolled back to my side.   
Hound comes in and tells Crosshairs Jamie is panicking.  
“You stay here,” Crosshairs says and leaves the room.   
“Are you lying about the cause of your pain?”   
“Any other cause would be deadly if left untreated. What would be the point of Ignoring the pain if it’s a serious problem?”   
I wait a few minutes before sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to ignore the pain.   
“Oh yeah, not obvious at all. Wait here.”   
Hound leaves the room, in time to not see me throw up. This is a reason why I need to go home. 

J.R. POV  
Waking up in the medbay alone again. I see Cade put me on strong medication. It’s going to suck when the medication wears off. There’s still pain, but I can ignore it as I sit up. I won’t be able to get upstairs with this IV pole.   
“What are you doing?” Hound asks.   
“I’m just going to the couch to watch T.V.”   
Hound has me wait for him to grab heat patches for Jayce before helping me to the couch before going upstairs.   
Drift and Jamie come down ten minutes later. I’m happy she woke up. She said nothing about my ribs, but I can tell she feels bad she didn’t completely heal them.

Three hours later 

Jayce POV   
Before we go to bed, Jamie wants to try to heal J.R.’s ribs. She thinks I’m going upstairs, but I want to listen to the conversation. Jamie left the door open enough that not only can I hear the conversation, but I can see what’s going on.   
Jamie tried to heal J.R. for ten minutes before stopping.   
“I can’t heal them,” she said in a sad tone before crying.   
“It’s ok, Jamie,” J.R. assures her.   
“No, it’s not. I know how much pain you’ll be in.”   
J.R. pulls Jamie onto the bed next to her and lets her cry.   
I’m having a hard time not crying myself. I didn’t know the others were around until Crosshairs picks me up and walks towards the stairs. The others were around the medbay door, also not liking this, knowing how much pain J.R. will be in and how distraught Jamie is. 

I let myself cry once we’re in my room.   
This is all my fault. How much more are they going to let Jamie and J.R. go through to try to help me?   
Crosshairs had me lay on the bed next to him.   
I moved to my side and put my arm around him. He put an arm around me but said nothing. Not like saying anything helps.

six hours later

Crosshairs had fallen asleep next to me. By now, the pain medication J.R. is on would have worn off. I better start another infusion before she wakes up in pain. J.R. wasn’t in the medbay.   
I knocked on the bathroom door before opening the door, immediately hearing crying. I’m too late, the infusion finished, but J.R. won’t let herself pee the bed no matter how much pain she’s in.   
“Don’t touch me, it hurts so bad,” J.R. sobs.  
“You can’t stay here,” I tell her as I remove the IV line from her cathheter, “one...two...three.”   
Wow, the scream from J.R. as I picked her up. Glad Jamie’s door is closed and that the doors are metal. I left the door to my room open, which is a good thing right now. Not even ten seconds after J.R. screamed, Crosshairs is downstairs. He takes the IV pole as I carry J.R. back to the medbay. Laying her on the bed is just as painful for J.R. as being picked up.  
“Shh, it’s ok,” Crosshairs tried to comfort her as I prepped another infusion. Drift walks in as I hang the bag and connect the tube to J.R.’s IV. J.R. is still crying from pain. I know she wants Crosshairs to hold her, but she’d be in more pain as he moves her. I moved the chair to the other side of the bed, sat down, and took her hand.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Though she probably can’t hear me.  
“You can’t stay here,” Drift says, standing beside me.  
“Yes, I can, and I am.”  
The two mechs look at each other. I swear it’s like they’re talking to each other, but I don’t hear them. That’s impossible while they’re using their holoforms. They’re also not split spark twins.  
“Fine, at least lay on the bed so you can sleep when she finally falls asleep.”  
I did as he wanted, though I suspect he’ll take me to my room when I fall asleep. He helped Crosshairs try to calm J.R., but I doubt she will stop crying until she falls asleep or the pain medication kicks in.   
“It hurts so bad,” she sobs.   
“I know, the medicine should kick in soon,” Crosshairs tells her while holding her hand and stroking her forehead. Drift is still standing on the other side of the bed, holding her other hand. I could leave the room, and they wouldn’t know, but I can’t leave her.   
Five minutes pass before J.R. stops crying, but tears still roll down her face, and she’s still in a lot of pain. I can’t watch this for six weeks. It might be longer since she has four broken ribs. Another twenty minutes pass before J.R. is asleep.   
“All right, Jayce, she’s asleep. Now off to bed,” Drift says. Guess he changed his mind about letting me stay here. 

Drift POV   
I was going to let Jayce sleep in the medbay, but I think we need to talk again. Maybe we need to repeat ourselves every couple of hours.   
“...I know the risk I’m taking that Jamie might find out and how distraught she’ll be. I hate seeing my girl distraught, but she’d be the same if you left. You know Jamie would tell you to stay, we’ll get through this,” I finished.   
“No, I hurt J.R., I’m getting worse.”   
I get her to lie on the bed, and she cries herself to sleep. 


	65. Emotional valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason why Jamie doesn't say she and Drift are together no matter how obvious she likes him is revealed through Tessa forces Jamie to tell her before flying off to the lake.

Drift POV   
Yesterday was rough for J.R. it was a challenge to get her to move around as she should while healing. Even with the pain medication, she's still on pain, but it's an uncomfortable pain, not unbearable pain. We talked about taking measures to help J.R. though they're typically unnecessary measures. Jayce stayed in her room. We know she wants to stay with J.R. but hates hearing her cry. I was able to stay with her for the day. To help her deal with her emotional pain and guilt for what she did to J.R. Jamie feels bad she couldn't heal J.R., but I was able to get to continue her work. Made the day easier for Crosshairs, and I though I'm sure Bee or Hound could have figured out something to do with Jamie. 

No doubt today will not be any different. Crosshairs tells me he's been keeping a close eye on the infusion and how long the medication should last. Until this morning, since he fell asleep. J.R. is quiet, but it's clear she's in pain and trying not to cry.   
"It's fine, Crosshairs, you need to sleep."   
He smirked at the comment, remembering he said the same with this all started. Standing by the bed, I held J.R.'s hand and stroke her forehead. No words are going to comfort her right now.   
"I'm sorry," she apologizes.   
Before I can say anything, I hear the door open.   
Good, I don't have to say this twice.   
I know why J.R. feels bad. True, part of the reason is she needs more care focused on her again. I have Jayce sit at the end of the bed, to prevent her from touching J.R. in any way that might cause pain.  
"Listen, both of you, I know what today is but you two forget Jamie doesn't care about valentine's day. True, this is the first year we'd be together without having to plan to be together or another conflict getting in the way, but I had nothing planned."  
'What if she has something planned?" J.R. asks.  
"Yeah, she loves you've been here the past ten months. She could change her mind," Jayce adds, and the two girls laugh.  
Am I supposed to be taking them seriously?  
"I hate the ruin the god mood," Cade jumps in, "but Ji can't find Jamie."  
"What?" I ask and run out of the room. Judging by Cade's expression, he was hoping I knew where she was. Jamie was asleep when I left the room. She'd come right to the medbay to check on J.R. even though Crosshairs has been with J.R.

Damn it, where did you go?  
Jamie isn't in her room, but Jamie's backpack is still here. It seems silly to assume that means she'll be back soon, but the pack has important things . Also, her laptop and tablet are here.   
The only place she could go and leave these things behind is Bulma's dimension, and Bulma would text us considering what's been going on.  
I tried texting and calling, but Jamie wouldn't answer. This isn't like her at all.

I returned to the medbay to J.R. crying and Crosshairs holding her.  
"She wanted him to hold her though now she's in unbearable pain," Jayce tells me. She's calm considering the fact that Jamie left, and we have no idea where she is. Cade helps Crosshairs calm J.R. though both he and Crosshairs know she will not relax until the pain medicine kicks in.   
I sit with Jayce on the other bed. She's getting upset hearing J.R. cry but also will refuse to leave. 

One hour later 

The door opens, and Jamie walks on with our friends, Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian.   
I know Cade is happy to see them.   
"I'm sorry, I wanted to have them come at Christmas-," Jamie apologizes.   
"No, it's ok, Jamie," Cade says before hugging her.   
"Oh my gosh, are you ok?" Tessa exclaimed before rushing to J.R.'s bed.  
"Careful, Tessa, don't touch her," Crosshairs warms. J.R. stopped crying, but it's clear she's still in pain.   
"You three, with me," Cade says; Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian follow him out of the room.   
I have Jamie sit with Jayce and me on the other bed.   
"I'm amazed you got Tessa to come without Shane," Jayce comments, and we all laugh. 

Cade POV   
I hated telling them what's been going on, but Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian asked. They didn't know what to say after hearing what's been going on.   
"How long before you and the Autobots decide to have that conversation?" Vivian asks.   
"I will not lie; we've been trying to delay that conversation. It's also hard to know how long Jayce and J.R. will take to recover mentally," I tell the three of them. 

I showed them around the base before they wanted to go back to the medbay. We find out J.R. and Jayce are asleep. Jamie and Drift went to her room.   
"She won't leave J.R.'s side," Crosshairs comments, "go ahead, Cade, we have this under control, and Jamie would want you to spend time with them. She had this all planned."   
"We don't mind if you need to be here," Vivian tells me. Something tells me the three girls don't want to leave anyway. 

Four hours later

Jamie POV   
While J.R. can deal with the pain, she joins Jayce, Izzy, Vivian, and I watching T.V.   
"It's Valentine's day, right?" Tessa asks.   
"I think Cade has plans for tonight," Vivian tells her.   
"I'm not talking about you and my dad. I mean Jamie."   
"Why? I hate Valentine's day," I tell her.   
"Lier."   
"It's true, Tessa. Though you're right, Jamie likes Drift," Jayce adds.   
"You're still holding back on the relationship, aren't you?"   
"Tessa, drop it!" J.R. scolds.   
"You want to know why I don't bother with a relationship with him? To protect him. You know my illness. He's already watched me come close to death. I can't..." I had to get away from the conversation. I left the base and flew to the lake. 

Drift POV  
"Leave her alone for a while," Crosshairs tells me while keeping a grip on my wrist. We were about to go downstairs when we heard the conversation.   
"No, I have to go. She could hurt herself," I break free from his grip and ran down to the garage to my alt mode. 

J.R. POV   
"You see why I said to drop it?!" I scolded.  
"That's not even all the reasons she's not going forward with a relationship with Drift," Jayce adds, "thought you knew already?"   
"Let's go find her," Tessa says.  
"No, leave her," Vivian urges, "Drift went after her. She needs him more than your apology right now."  
"Talk to her later. I'm going back to the medbay. Help me, Jayce," I say as I stand up. 

"What a shitty day. Sucks if Drift had plans for today, they're ruined now," I say as I sit on the bed.   
"I know, he knows how to deal with her, it'll be ok."   
"You two ok?" Crosshairs asks as he walks in.   
"Go find them," Jayce urges.   
"No, let him handle her," he says. 

Drift POV  
I find Jamie at the lake, sitting on the snowy ground, crying.   
"Hey, it's ok, come here," and no picked Jamie up, carried her to my alt mode, and sat on the driver side, holding Jamie on my lap as she cries.   
"Look at me," I made her look at me, "I love you and will help you with your emotional struggle. I take care of you when you have a flare-up. I will never leave you," I promised. I know she can't change how she feels just from what I've said, I've seen showing her my love for six years, but she's getting better showing love towards me. It doesn't help we haven't been together all this time. There's one thing I didn't bring up. Jamie is complicated, but I love her. She continues to cry for five minutes before calming down. I was expecting Crosshairs to come by now.   
Ten minutes pass before Jamie is asleep. I put her on the passenger seat and drive back to the base. 

Again, Crosshairs is waiting for me to come back with a sleeping girl.   
"Our little ladies are too predictable," he jokes.   
"That's a good thing right now. Especially if they won't talk to us."   
"Something is bothering you?"   
"I hate the girls' mental state. Jamie doesn't know everything, but she's stressed. Immediately after waking up from a flare-up. It's impressive she's never been stressed after waking up, but that means no records-."   
"Drift, she'll be ok. All three of them will be ok."   
I know Crosshairs hates how much more challenging things are getting and knows this will take time, but all three girls will get over this, hopefully. 


	66. Life-Threatening Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A horrifying discovery is made about J.R.'s injuries, which upsets Jayce, add that J.R. needs emergency surgery doesn't help. Cade and Crosshairs help Jayce while Drift, Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian take Jamie to Panara Bread, though Jamie is upset about J.R.

J.R. POV  
Jamie comes in to look at my chest three hours later. Even with pain medication, being touched on my chest hurts. Jamie feels bad; there’s nothing she can do. I’m wondering if she weren’t focused on me if Drift would be trying to take her out tonight though I doubt Jamie would call it a date.  
Tessa insists I come out and watch T.V. with her, Izzy and Vivian.  
“Come on, I’ll help you,” he says as he pulls me up to a standing position.  
Any movement still hurts, but I can ignore the pain. Again, I couldn’t help but burst into tears once I sit down even though Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian are watching. Crosshairs sit next to me and hug me. The problem is he can’t say much without revealing be what’s been going on the past four months to Jamie.   
“I can’t stop, I need to get back to the medbay,” I mumbled, hoping Jamie wouldn’t hear me. I feel a panic attack starting.  
“She needs to lie down,” Crosshairs lies and helps me to the medbay as I also hold on to the IV pole. None of the girls question why he doesn’t have me lie on the couch.

We made it to the room, and Crosshairs could lay me on the floor before I hyperventilate, and with my broken ribs, it fucking hurts. I’m having a hard time breathing, but I can’t stop crying.

Crosshairs POV  
Crosshairs: J.R.’s having a severe panic attack, I need help.  
Drift: I’m coming.  
Bumblebee: I’ll try to keep the girls busy. 

Fuck, hyperventilating and crying; not s good combination with her injuries.  
“I. Can’t. Breathe. It hurts,” J.R. struggled to say.   
She’s not getting any air in. Damn, this is a terrible panic attack.   
“I know, you’ll be ok,” I assured her, holding her hands, trying to keep her from moving.  
Cade and Drift walk in s minute later. Drift, and I try to help J.R. get her breathing under control. Things get scary, watching J.R.’s lips turn blue before she passes out.   
“Fuck, she’s not breathing.”   
Cade picks her up and rushes to the bed.   
All five girls walk in, Jamie shoving Drift out of the way to help J.R., but we both see the fear on her face. They had to intubate J.R., and they find out a broken rub punctured her lung.   
“She can’t be moved but we’re going to have to do surgery to repair her ribs. We’re back to square one,” Jamie explains.  
Fuck, I hate how J.R. is intubated, but the chest tube is horrible to see.   
“I’ll see if Bulma can come here,” Cade says as he pulls out his phone.   
Looking around the room, I notice Hound is here, but Drift and Jayce aren’t. I assume Jayce was showing signs of a panic attack coming on, and Drift took her out of the room. Bee is likely helping him with Jayce. Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian have also left the room. 

Bulma rushed here and said they need to do the surgery now.  
Fuck, that’s not a good thing to say to Jamie, Bulma.   
I hate how I couldn’t stay with J.R. Though she doesn’t know if I’m with her or not, I wanted to stay, but they kicked me out of the medbay and locked the doors. I better see how bad Jayce is. 

“She’s dying, and it’s my fault,” I hear Jayce sib as I opened the door. Drift is holding Jayce on his lap, trying to keep her calm. Should have asked to prepare a syringe to calm Jayce before they started the surgery, “and Jamie will blame herself.”   
Jayce cries before she could finish the sentence.   
“Shh, it’s ok, J.R. is being taken care of,” Drift tries to comfort her.   
There’s a knock on the door. It’s Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian.   
“What?” I ask.  
“We want to help,” Vivian says   
“No, you don’t want to be here. This turns ugly fast.”   
“Don’t care, we’re helping,” Izzy says as she shoves me out of the way.   
“I have warned you.”   
She could be right; the more support, the better, but I’d rather not let them see how bad Jayce struggles.   
The room is cramped with five of us in here trying to get close to Jayce to help her. Drift isn’t sure if this is too much for Jayce. Not sure how much help these three will be.   
They  
were helpful enough to keep things from getting worse, but Jayce won’t stop crying.   
“She needs a distraction,” Vivian suggests, “I know the medbay is near the area, but let’s take her downstairs to watch T.V.”  
Drift carries Jayce downstairs. 

He sits on the couch with her on his lap. I found a movie for us to watch before sitting next to Drift. 

Three hours later

Drift POV  
Bulma, Cade, and Jamie finished the surgery. Bulma already left, Cade and Jamie let the rest of us come into the medbay. Whether or not I let Jayce in the medbay, she’ll be a wreck.   
“We repaired the rib that kept puncturing her lung. The other three can heal on their own,” Jamie sighed, “I’m keeping her in a coma for three days.”   
She cries by the end of her sentence.   
“It’s ok; you know what needs to be done to help her heal,” I assured her as I picked her up to hug her.   
Jayce rushes to J.R.’s bed.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.”   
She falls to her knees and starts crying. Crosshairs sits beside her and hugs her.   
“Dad, Is she still dying?” I hear Tessa ask Cade.   
“No, she’ll be ok,” he tells her.  
I don’t know if Cade would lie to his daughter about this.   
No one wanted to leave the room, but we can’t stay here for three days, and that’s just before J.R. might wake up. She’ll still have a long road to recovery. With Hound’s help, Crosshairs takes Jayce out of the room. This upsets Jamie more.   
“No, stay here,” Jamie sobs, knowing I’m about to walk out of the room.   
I know she wants to stay and monitor J.R. for a while, so I sat on the chair by the bed.   
J.R. is stable though she needs breathing support. 

Hound POV  
Damn, I’d like to tell Crosshairs he can go back to the medbay, but I don’t think I’ll be able to calm Jayce though Crosshairs is struggling to get her to calm down as Jayce fights his grip. I have to intervene before she hurts herself. She breaks free from Crosshairs’ grip but after standing up, she falls from a seizure, cutting her head on the desk.   
“These are getting more frequent,” I fret as I cup her head.   
“Crud, a black eye, and a good cut. She hit the desk at the right angle,” Crosshairs sighed in frustration.   
I get tissues to stop the cut from bleeding once the seizure stops. Crosshairs moves Jayce onto the bed and lays with her.  
“It’s ok, you heard Jamie,” Crosshairs says, trying to keep Jayce from crying again.   
“I killed her,” she sobs.   
Cade walks into the room.   
“She can’t calm down,” I tell him as he walks up to the bed, crouches down, and starts rubbing Jayce’s back.   
“J.R. will be ok. Her lung and the rib that’s causing the lung problem have been repaired,” he tells her, “we’re keeping her in a coma to help her recover though it’ll be at least six weeks before she fully recovers.”   
Jayce still ends up crying. Crosshairs hugs her as Cade continues to rub her back. 

Hound: I think you’re going to have to help Crosshairs. He’s having a hard time getting Jayce to calm down.   
Drift: Jamie doesn’t want to leave J.R. yet. Bring her down here. 

Though Cade, Crosshairs, and I aren’t sure about this, we know Jamie wouldn’t say to bring Jayce down if she didn’t think she could help calm Jayce- or at least try to calm her down. 

Jamie POV  
“I don’t know if I can get her to calm down, but we can’t just let her panic,” I tell Drift as we wait for Crosshairs to bring Jayce.   
What the fuck?   
“What did you do, Jayce?” I asked her once Crosshairs say on a chair with Jayce on his lap. Instead of answering me, she cries.   
“I tried to grab her before she ran out of the room and caused her to fall, hitting her desk as she fell,” Crosshairs explained.   
It’s a minor cut, and I can’t do anything about the black eye.   
“Jayce, look at me.”   
“She’s having a hard time calming down even though Cade and I told her J.R. will be ok.”   
Damn, I don’t know what else I can do, but she needs to calm down.   
Crosshairs lays on the other bed with Jayce on him. I don’t think it matters if she’s here or in her room. Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian come in.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know J.R. was this injured. This was supposed to be a good day.”   
“It’s fine. We want to help,” Vivian says though there’s not much they can do to help right now.   
“You’ve done all you can right now, go relax,” Tessa suggests.   
“No, I can’t-.”   
“She’s stable, Crosshairs is here, and I’ll stay here for a while,” Cade tells me.   
“Come on, my dad told me there’s a place you love to go to get cookies,” Tessa urges and takes my hand. I tried to free my hand, but Drift took my other hand.  
“Come on; you need to take a break,” he urges. I give in and let the two walk me to the garage. Bumblebee, Izzy, and Vivian are coming with us. Tessa rides with me. I worry Bee and Drift won’t be able to activate their holoforms without being discovered. 

Tessa POV  
I could tell Jamie is trying not to cry. She needs Drift, but he can’t do anything right now.   
“Drift, I don’t think I can keep her from crying,” I fretted.   
“It’s going to be ok, Jamie,” he says, “you know J.R. will recover.”   
She tears up. Drift puts on Jamie’s favorite music. 

I know Drift couldn’t wait to get to our destination.   
“What happened?” Izzy asked as she stepped out of Bee.   
“She’s concerned about Jayce and J.R.,” I replied.   
Now in Drift’s arms, Jamie let herself cry.   
“Shh, calm down, it’s going to be ok,” he says as he stands up, holding Jamie.   
Jamie had a plan; my dad and Vivian would spend Valentine’s day together, and then he could spend time with her, Izzy, and me.   
“Listen to me,” Vivian tries to get Jamie’s attention, “it’s ok plans have changed. You, Jayce, and J.R. are our friends, and now we’re here to help you three.”   
This got Jamie to stop crying, and we enter the business. 

Jamie is right about the cookies here being amazing. Drift ordered two dozen to go. The downside is how expensive this place is.   
Drift struggled to keep Jamie calm. She’s calm enough not to have people looking at us.   
She doesn’t even know what’s been going in the past four months. Just that Jayce attacked J.R. and J.R.’s injuries are serious. I know she feels bad she went through a flare-up and couldn’t properly heal J.R., which might have caused the lung injury. At least that’s how my dad explains it. Due to her crying, Jamie fell asleep on the way back to the base. 

Crosshairs POV   
I waited in Jamie’s room, hoping to see her walk in, smiling. Drift carried her in and tried to lay her down on the bed.   
“What happened?” I asked as he sat beside me, holding Jamie.   
“She’s distraught about Jayce and J.R. Crying off and on since we left.”  
Damn, she doesn’t even know everything that’s been going on, and she’s this distraught. I hope she doesn’t find out what Jayce and J.R. have been dealing with.  
“Jayce is ok, she’s asleep,” I tell both Jamie and Drift.   
It’s the truth, though I had to use drugs to calm her down, which makes her sleep.  
“Come here,” I take Jamie so that Drift can take a break.  
Drift leaves the room though I know he’d rather stay. He’s likely going to the medbay to sit by J.R. Well, it’s the closest to taking a break any of us are going to do. I laid on the bed with Jamie, and we watched T.V.

Cade POV   
Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian walk into the medbay as I’m taking care of J.R.   
“How were the cookies?” I asked them.  
“Jamie is right, they’re great,” Tessa tells me.  
“But?”  
“Jamie didn’t have a good time,” Vivian says in a sad tone.  
“She doesn’t even know everything that’s been going on, but she’s still distraught,” Izzy adds, “We’re screwed if she finds out what’s been going on the past four months.”  
Well, there goes that plan. I don’t want these three to see everything we’ve been dealing with, but it seems they won’t be going home.  
“We’re staying, cade,” Vivian says, “Maybe we can help.”  
“You don’t want to see how bad Jayce can get,” I warn them.  
“Crosshairs already warned us, and we don’t care,” Izzy informs me.  
“Don’t worry about going out tonight, Cade, you need to stay here with J.R.,” Vivian tells me before the three girls leave the room.  
What a shitty day, a shitty four months.


	67. We Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayce has become a challenge since's J.R.'s emergency surgery. Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian try to help even though they see just how bad Jayce has been struggling. Jayce believes she needs to go home. The Autobots can't figure out if she means for a period of time, or forever as in she'll kill herself in her dimension, but they refuse to let her go home. J.R. and Jamie find out she wants to go home and try to convince her to stay. J.R. worries Jamie is close to finding out all the shit that's been happening.

Bumblebee POV  
It’s been a challenging three days. Jamie has gotten over thinking she failed J.R. and takes care of her with Cade’s help. I doubt she doesn’t think about how she failed J.R. Jayce has stayed in her room, which is a good thing since she’s been a challenge. Not so good that Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian have seen the seizures and panic attacks Jayce goes through while trying to help her, but they still go to her room, hoping to help her and prevent the seizures and panic attacks. Add how Jayce gets very little sleep before having nightmares.   
“I can’t believe that’s what she goes through,” Tessa comments. The three girls, Hound and I, sit on the couch watching T.V. while Crosshairs and Drift deal with Jayce. Jamie and Cade are in the medbay, checking on J.R.  
“Cade and Crosshairs warned the three of you,” Hound comments.  
“The more support, the better, hound,” Tessa tells him.  
“I don’t know, Tessa. Five of us have supported both Jayce and J.R., but they keep getting worse mentally,” I point out.  
“Are you guys delaying that conversation?” Izzy asked though I can tell she doesn’t want the conversation to happen.  
“It’s tricky, J.R. seems to be recovering, but the fear Jayce will kill herself has her thinking she wants to die first. So, we’ve been more focused on Jayce, which is what J.R. wants us to do; we’re not neglecting her. We don’t know what Jayce needs to see or hear to know Jamie is ok. I don’t think the reason she has the terrifying thoughts is Buddy’s passing now. Jayce could recover in a month, six or not at all; we don’t know. We don’ want to assume she can’t recover either,” Hound explains.  
“You know how Jamie and J.R. will be when they hear Jayce can’t go on adventures with them,” I add.  
None of the girls said anything else. I think they were thinking about how they can help.

Jamie POV  
J.R.’s lung is healing well. I’m able to take her off the ventilator slowly.   
“Maybe we’ll be able to remove the breathing tube by the end of the day,” I tell Cade, “but not the chest tube. The lung is still healing, but J.R. should be able to breathe on her own without a problem.”   
“We still keeping her in a coma?”   
“No, but she might need to be heavily sedated, considering how much she struggles with the pain,” I sighed.   
“How is she?” Crosshairs asks as he walks towards the bed. I hated telling him how J.R. is doing, “it’s ok, Jamie. I know you’re doing all you can. Let’s try minimal sedation and the pain medication we’ve been giving her for now.”   
“You know she might still need to be kept on the ventilator. We’re working on slowly taking her off.”   
“It’s ok,” he says as he crouches down and hugs me.   
“I know what needs to be done, Jamie, go take a break for a while,” Cade insists. Crosshairs gets up and carries me out of the room.   
“Cade’s right, you need to take a break,” Crosshairs says as he sits on the couch with me on his lap. Bumblebee, Hound, Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian are already watching T.V. 

One hour later 

Crosshairs POV  
“She’s asleep already,” I pointed out and stood up as Drift walked towards us.   
“Already? Damn,” Drift comments as he takes Jamie from my arms though I still went with him to Jamie’s room.   
“She’s been so worried about J.R.,” Drift comments as he lays Jamie on the bed.   
I tell him J.R. is getting better and might be taken off the ventilator by the end of the day. It’s good news, but we both know she still has a long way to recovery.   
“Just wish we can figure out how to help Jayce recover,” he says in a sad tone, “she’s asleep but not for long.”   
“I’ll stay with Jayce. Go downstairs and watch T.V. with the others for a while.”   
Drift nodded and left the room. 

The day was the same regarding Jayce. Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian tried to help the best they can. Not even telling her J.R. might be off the ventilator today helped her.

By six in the evening, Cade and Jamie decided J.R. can be taken off the ventilator, but it’ll be a few hours before she wakes up. Everyone still wanted to watch and see if J.R. will be ok off the ventilator.   
“You sure it’s ok for Jayce to be here?” Jamie frets.  
“It’s ok, Jamie. I’ll get her out of her if needed,” Drift assures her.  
“Ok, well, J.R. still needs a little oxygen support but not enough to still need the ventilator.”   
I watched her slowly remove the tube and place it in a bag Cade held open before placing the oxygen mask over J.R.’s mouth and nose. Cade left to take care of the bag.   
“All right, the infusion finished. J.R. should wake up by morning. I’ll start the pain medication infusion, but the rate will be slow. Enough to keep J.R. from being in unbearable pain when she wakes up...I hope.”   
Jamie sits by the bed, keeping a close eye on J.R. Jayce looked at Drift, unsure if she’s allowed to go near J.R. Drift holds her on his lap as he sits on the chair at the other side of the bed. I’m able to move Jamie so that I can sit down with her on my lap. We forgot the others are in the room until I looked up and watched everyone leave. 

I couldn’t believe Jamie and Jayce stayed in the room for three hours. The others would come by and stay for ten minutes before leaving, but they’d return. I think everyone came by three times. Now the tricky part; getting these two to bed. Both girls are fighting sleep.   
“Time for bed, you two,” I said, looking at Jayce. As I expected, Jayce refused.   
“She’ll be ok, Jayce,” Jamie assures her.   
“I’ll be staying with her and will take care of her if she wakes up,” I promised.   
Drift carried her out if the room before she became distraught.   
“Damn, I hope I’m right,” Jamie fretts, “J.R. is doing fine. Her lung isn’t fully healed, that’s why she needs a little oxygen support, but I don’t think Jayce will be able to handle a setback. We should have kept her in the dark until I knew J.R. wouldn’t have a setback.”   
“It’s ok, J.R. will be ok,” I say before hugging her as Jamie cries.   
Yeah, it is going to be a challenge getting her and Jayce to sleep.   
I picked her up and carried her to her room. 

“You still think this is your fault, don’t you?”   
Jamie said nothing, but that would be the only reason she’d be this upset about J.R.’s injuries. Should have had Drift take Jamie and I take Jayce. I got Jamie to lie in bed and watch T.V. so I could get Drift to come here.   
Instead, I walked into a situation that’s requiring my help.   
Shit, already.  
The fear on Drift’s face is just as bad.   
Jayce started crying immediately after the seizure stopped. I laid on the bed with her, and Drift sat on his knees.   
“I want to go home,” Jayce sobs, “I hurt J.R., and Jamie is struggling even though she doesn’t know everything that’s been doing on.”   
“They will not like it if you leave. J.R. knows you will not come back if you leave, and we’d have to tell Jamie. Eventually, she’d ask you if you’re coming back,” I explain to her.   
“J.R. almost died from what I did. She’s still going to be in a lot of pain for weeks-.”   
“Everything will be ok. She’s recovering, Jamie is doing better, dealing with the usual crap, but we’re helping her. You know her struggles aren’t going away, but she’s safe,” Drift adds before texting one of the others. We stayed with Jayce until she fell asleep ten minutes later. 

“You think she’d be ok with one of us going with her back to her dimension for a while?” I asked.   
“You know that doesn’t help her. Even though she’s the one who’s sick, she’d worry about Jamie and J.R.”   
With that, we went back to Jamie’s room. She is still watching T.V. I stayed twenty minutes before going to the medbay, waiting for J.R. to wake up. 

Five hours pass before J.R. wakes up. I’ve been sitting by her side, holding her hand.   
“Crosshairs?” She asked, the mask muffling her voice. Her green eyes are looking at me.   
I explained to her what happened after she lost consciousness but not what happened before.   
“...don’t move, the chest tube is still in. You’ll be ok, are you in pain?”   
“No,” she replies, sounding sad and scared.   
Damn, I know what she wants, but I can’t lay with her while she has the chest tube in.   
I comforther the best I can while sitting by her. J.R. falls asleep ten minutes later.   
Good, not sure if the drugs are making her tired, but sleep is good for her.   
I lie on the other bed, hoping to fall asleep.

Five hours later

Jayce POV  
J.R. watched as I walked into the room. Crosshairs is asleep on the other bed. She pointed to the mask she’s wearing then the monitor.   
“If you think you’ll be ok,” I say before taking the mask off, setting it within easy reach, and turning the oxygen off. Then she needed water.   
“Much better,” she said after drinking from her water bottle I filled.   
“Until you have to go to the bathroom,” I laughed.   
“Oh crud, I forget about the damn chest tube. Wait for Jamie to check if it can be removed. I mean..,” she trailed off   
“It’s fine, I know what you mean,” I laughed.   
We watched Crosshairs on the other bed.   
“Oops,” we both said before laughing.   
Crosshairs moves to sit on the bed.   
“What’s so funny?” He asked.  
“Nothing,” J.R. says, smiling.   
I tried to get out of the way but tripped on the leg if the chair landed on J.R.   
“GET OFF!!” She yelled as tears roll down her face.   
“It’s alright, Jayce, just an accident,” Crosshairs says before trying to calm J.R.  
“It hurts so bad,” she sobbed.  
That much pain, even with the pain medication that kept her pain free until now, shit.  
“What happened?” Drift asks as he walks up to the bed.   
“I hurt her again,” I cried   
“It was an accident, Jayce,” Crosshairs repeats himself.  
J.R. doesn’t know what to do. Though she can’t move much with the chest tube in place, I know it hurts to move, but it hurts staying still. Crosshairs can’t sit with her on the bed either. Drift takes me to the front of the room.   
“It’s ok, you didn’t mean to hurt her,” Drift says as he hugs me.   
“This is why I need to go home,” I cried.   
“No, Jayce...” J.R. started, but I can tell talking hurts.   
Damn it; the infusion is just about finished. I can’t increase the rate. Not sure if that would even help. Localized pain relief won’t help. Damn it; she’s going to be in so much pain for at least two hours.   
I started prepping another IV bag of pain relief medication, trying to ignore J.R.’s crying, while Drift helped Crosshairs comfort her.  
Now would be a great time for you to walk in, Jamie. I’m about to sedate J.R. to help her, but I don’t want to do it if you won’t agree with me.  
Crosshairs tells me he and Jamie talked about sedating J.R., and she was leaving it up to him. He permitted me to sedate J.R.  
I injected the drugs, and we watched J.R. fall asleep before I connected the new IV bag of pain relief medication, keeping the settings the same as before.   
“It’s ok, just an accident,” Crosshairs repeated as he hugged me. I’ve been trying not to cry, but I can’t keep myself from crying any longer. Crosshairs laid me on the other bed. I hate how this is routine now. He knows I could end up in a seizure, an anxiety or panic attack. Drift stood on the other side of the bed. 

Drift POV   
Crosshairs is right laying Jayce on the bed, considering her seizure record lately, but she does better sitting on someone’s lap, being hugged.   
“Let me try what usually works,” I tell Crosshairs as he once again pushes Jayce back on the bed every time she tries to sit up.   
Once I sat down, Jayce moved to sit next to me. I put her on my lap and hugged her while moving in a slow rocking motion.   
Damn, she’s crying uncontrollably.

It’s not long before she’s coughing from crying. I got her to drink water as we tried to comfort her and get her to calm down. A few minutes pass before I’m able to get Jayce to lie on the bed with me. It’s not long before she falls asleep.   
“I don’t like this. Not the first time she’s cried for a half-hour but what set it off this time is troubling,” Crosshairs comments as I get off the bed and cover Jayce with a blanket. We sat on the chairs between the two beds, not sure what to do about Jayce. 

Three hours later

J.R. POV   
I wake up to Jamie, looking over me. Behind her, Drift and Jayce are sitting on the other bed. Crosshairs is on the other side of my bed, holding my hand.   
“Oh, good, you’re awake. I hate to do this, but I need you to sit up. I think you are healed enough to have the chest tube removed, but I need to make sure,” she explains.   
Crud, I know what she wants to do.  
“It’s ok, you’ve been in pain medicine the past three hours. Shouldn’t hurt as much if it hurts,” Crosshairs adds.   
Jamie wanted to make sure I’m able to get enough air in and that my punctured lung is healing well. Crosshairs had to keep me from falling over as I did what Jamie asked.   
“Ok, we can take the tube out.”   
I watched her and Cade get what they need. It’s a quick procedure. They finished in five minutes.   
“Good, now I can go home,” Jayce says once she hears I’m doing better.   
“What?!” Jamie exclaims.   
Really, Jayce? Do you even listen to Crosshairs and Drift?   
“I hurt J.R. she could have died because of what I did. She’s still going to be in a lot of pain for weeks.”   
That’s all she could say before crying. Bumblebee walks up to her and hugs her.   
“That’s no reason to go home, even though I have no idea what the fuck made you do such an action,” Jamie tells her.   
“Crosshairs, someone needs to get Jamie out of here. We know what can happen,” I whispered.   
I looked at Drift, hoping he’d get Jamie out of here. The room is silent for what feels like hours. I’m trying to stay calm since I’m still on the monitor. I don’t know if Jamie has it set for an alarm to go off if my heart rate goes up.   
I don’t want to scare her or everyone else.   
Crosshairs carefully moves me so he can sit on the bed and hold me. The head of the bed is at a 45° angle.   
“You ok?” He asked as nice he positioned is.   
“Yes, just a little pain,” I replied. I couldn’t move to hug him.   
“It’ll be ok, relax.” 

“You don’t need to go home over what you did. I don’t know what gave you that idea?”   
Oh no, Jamie knows something is up.   
“Look, Jayce, you don’t need to go home over this, and we want you to stay,” Drift jumps in, “now, come on, Jamie, I want to take you out for lunch.”  
I swear I saw Jamie blush a little as he led her out of the room. Drift technically announced to everyone he’s taking his girl on a date. Jamie may deny they’re together like that, but she’s not fooling us. It was a funny ten seconds before I watched Bumblebee lay Jayce on the floor.  
Fuck, no time to get out of bed before disaster happened.   
Damn, Jamie almost found out what’s been going on, and Jayce was panicking during the conversation. Please, don’t let Jamie find out. Let Jayce heal mentally.   
With the sight I’m seeing and the thought Jayce can’t recover, I started crying. 


	68. Stress & Uncontrollable Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As The situation lingers and J.R.'s recovery from her injuries is slow, Jayce and j.R. deal with uncontrollable crying, which isn't good period, but it's certainly not good for J.R. as her lung heals. Everyone isn't sure what to do and worries they'll have to let Jayce leave the team for good.

Bumblebee POV  
Who can get used to this? It's been four months, but I still hate watching this. Also more troubling is Drift knew this was about to happen and got Jamie out of here.  
"I have to help," I hear J.R. say.   
"How?" Crosshairs asks.   
"Stay in bed, J.R.," I say while keeping my focus on Jayce.   
Three minutes, fuck.   
Crosshairs comes over to help in case she panics again.

Jayce opens her eyes quickly this time.   
"You're ok," Crosshairs assures her.   
"Jamie-," Jayce mumbles.  
"It's ok; she didn't see this."   
Crosshairs picks her up and sits on the chair.   
We forgot about the other three girls.   
I watch them walk over towards Crosshairs, who doesn't look too pleased. I watch Vivian crouch down.  
"You're ok; your friends need you," she says as she takes Jayce's hand.   
"Bumblebee, come help me, please," J.R. requests.   
Cade gets the other chair and puts it by Crosshairs as Hound, and I help J.R. get to the chair. J.R. is noticeably in more pain.   
"I'm good," she tells us once she sits down, "Jayce, I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I know you're afraid Jamie will find out about the shit we've been going through, but you know Jamie will be just as distraught knowing you're leaving and never coming back. We can't lie about why you're not coming back forever."   
Jayce says nothing, but tears rolled down her face.   
I think she understands, J.R., but she can't take the emotional pain, the lack of sleep, the seizures and panic attacks, worrying Jamie will find out. 

We wait fifteen minutes before getting the girls to eat. J.R. wants the nasogastric tube out.   
"Na, I think I'll keep it in to make sure you eat enough," Crosshairs says, half-joking but half-serious, but he takes the tube out anyway and gives the girls a bottle of the nutrition drink. Jayce is ready for another nap after this ordeal. Crosshairs let's her sleep on the other bed. 

J.R. POV   
"Let's go watch a movie," Tessa suggests.   
"No, I'm staying here."   
"She's sleeping," Izzy comments.  
"So? I'm staying here. I just have this feeling that Jayce is unstable and..." I trail off, hating what I think she might end up thinking.   
"No, I don't think she'd think that way," Crosshairs tries to assure me, "come on."   
He takes my hand and pulls me up to a standing position. I still have pain with any movement, but I can ignore it. 

Bumblebee sits next to me on the couch as Crosshairs carefully positions the IV pole before going back to the medbay.   
"She'll be ok," Bee says as he puts an arm around me. I tried to enjoy the movie but kept thinking about how this situation could end in disaster. 

Drift POV   
Jamie was easy to distract. I took her to lunch and Panera Bread. Crosshairs sent me texts about Jayce and J.R. I'm able to read them while Jamie is in the bathroom. I knew Jayce would be a challenge as soon as Jamie and I left the room. I had to carry her to the garage once we were ready to leave. I know she's thinking about Jayce wanting to leave. It was a good two hours out with my girl, but this is as long as she wants to be away from the base, considering what happened this morning. However, she fell asleep on the way back. 

"She's tired already?" J.R. asks, not happy I'm carrying Jamie, sleeping in my arms.   
"You know car rides make her fall asleep," I remind J.R. as I sit on the couch.   
"More like she's comfortable falling asleep while she's with you."   
J.R. wants to go back to the medbay and lay down. As she stood up, she caught Jamie twitching in her sleep.   
"Shit," she mumbled.   
"It's fine, J.R., I can take care of her," I assure her before I got up and head towards the stairs. 

J.R. POV  
"Crosshairs, help me upstairs," I requested.  
"She's fine-."   
"Crosshairs help me..." I tried to demand but ended up crying.   
I can't believe things are getting worse.   
I was unaware Crosshairs is sitting on the couch, holding me on his lap, hugging me.   
"I told you three things go downhill fast," he tells Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian.   
"Let's leave them alone," Bee tells them, and they walk away.   
"J.R., everything will be ok."   
"No, this will end badly," I sob.  
Damn it, I'm like Jayce; I can't stop crying. That's no good period, but with my lung still healing, this might become a serious issue.   
"Help me," I hear Crosshairs say before he stands up and starts walking. My vision is blurry from crying, but there's nowhere I can be taken but the medbay in my current condition. 

"Stop, you need to calm down," Drift says as he wipes the tears from my eyes. I hear the concern in his voice.   
"Should we do it now? Who knows if she's causing more damage."   
"Let me try the method that seems to work. Get the syringe ready just in case."  
"Five minutes," Crosshairs tells Drift before going to the counter.   
Drift moves me onto his lap and starts moving in a slow, rocking motion.   
Two minutes pass, I'm getting more upset that I can't stop crying.   
"She will not stop, do it, Crosshairs." 

Jayce POV  
They don't know I hear the whole situation. Hearing J.R. is crying uncontrollably is bad enough, but her breathing once the drug kicks in isn't good. I have to help.   
"That's not good," Crosshairs observes, worry in his voice.   
"It's not," I tell them as I grab the stethoscope. I know they're watching, worried as I listen to J.R.'s lungs, "sounds fine, but I'm putting her on a little oxygen."   
I also put her on the monitor.   
"That's not good," Drift frets.   
J.R.'s heart rate is elevated, and she's breathing a little fast. I do a chest x-ray.   
"She didn't cause more damage to her lung. This is because her lung is still healing."   
With that, the two mechs insisted I eat, but I can't stay away from J.R.   
"Then I'll get Cade," Crosshairs says and pulls out his phone.   
"No, leave her, Crosshairs."  
I watch Drift get a nutrition drink from the fridge, thinking the only reason Drift is doing this instead of trying to get me to eat food is because of my uncontrollable crying. He thinks it's something new we'll be dealing with.   
"It's ok," he says after I lunge myself onto him as he tries to hand me the bottle. He has me sit on the floor with him; Crosshairs sits next to him. Bumblebee and Hound walk in soon afterward. Without asking what's going on, they sit on the floor with us. The four of them try to comfort me to keep me from crying.   
It's embarrassing I've gotten to this point even if some adults struggle this bad mentally and say the more support, the better. 

Hound POV  
Damn it, I can't believe how bad Jayce is getting. This isn't just her terrifying thoughts, she's getting stressed, but she doesn't want to leave J.R. alone.   
"Jayce, look at me," I start, waiting for her to look at me, "I know we've said this so many times, but we'll get over this. You need to stop stressing; we've thought of everything. We have everything taken care of, so Jamie won't find out," I assure her.  
"You see how stressed she is after what I did?"   
"It's ok; I've been making sure she relaxes after taking care of J.R.," Drift assures her.   
We didn't know the three girls were at the door until Vivian stood next to me and spoke.   
"I think leaving the base for a while will help you," she says.   
"No," Jayce cries.  
Crosshairs requests Izzy, Tessa, and Vivian to come with him out of the room; something happened to J.R., and it's not good. She didn't fall asleep on her own. Bumblebee and I follow the four of them out of the room. 

"... they're both dealing with uncontrollable crying, and with her lung injury, Drift and I had to use drugs Instead of trying to calm her the usual way. She was breathing fast, and her heart rate was elevated. Though Jayce sounded calm while making sure she was ok, I think she was panicking in her mind," Crosshairs explains.   
"That's worse than having a panic attack. The uncontrollable crying isn't good either," I fret.  
"You're not giving up, are you?" Izzy asks   
"I don't know," Crosshairs sighs, "do you know she tried to end her life several times? She's distracted with J.R.'s injuries, but when J.R. heals..."   
"In two months, I know it's exhausting taking care of the three girls, but I think we can help Jayce and J.R.," Tessa tries to be encouraging though her tone was more demanding. She's right; we can try harder to help Jayce while she's distracted worried about J.R. I hate how we unofficially set an end date to help her. Though I'm certain we'll keep going past the two months period, it still sucks. We agreed to wait until Cade and Drift can join us to talk about what we could try to help Jayce, but there's very little we can do. 

We all walk back into the room, alarmed by what we're seeing.   
"Did she have another seizure?" Crosshairs asks, alarmed.   
"Shh, no, she fell asleep," Drift whispers.   
No one asks why he's still holding her while sitting on the floor. Everyone but Crosshairs leaves the room. 

Crosshairs POV  
Sitting by Drift, we both look at Jayce and J.R., wondering what else we can do? That dreaded conversation seems to get closer to happening.   
"These two will be asleep for at least two hours. I want to see if holding Jayce will help keep her calm."   
I know Drift is getting worried about Jamie seeing all this. Without saying a word, I leave the room and head to Jamie's room. 

Bumblebee is already in the room, sitting at the desk.   
"I thought you'd stay in the medbay. I knew Drift would worry about Jamie, so I came here, though she's likely going to go to the medbay and check on J.R. when she wakes up."  
"I don't know what we're going to do about that. If Jayce and J.R. cry uncontrollably now. I don't want her seeing that."  
"Good luck with that; even with Cade being able to take care of J.R., she's going to insist on making sure J.R. is healing well."  
With Bee sitting in the room, I return to the medbay.

J.R. is doing better, heart rate as it should be, and breathing normally though she still needs oxygen. Hard to say if she caused more damage or this is just because she's still healing. What's going to be tricky is her uncontrollable crying. We can't keep her sedated either. She needs to move around as her ribs heal.   
By now, Drift is laying on the other bed with Jayce. I sit on the chair by J.R.'s bed, waiting for her to wake up or either Cade or Jamie to walk in. 

Five hours late

Jamie POV  
I waited until after dinner to check on J.R. I know Crosshairs has been with her and would have gotten Cade or me if there's a problem he's not sure how to handle. What bothers me about the Autobots' medical knowledge is they had to learn all that stuff because of my illness, not because they thought it would be a good idea.  
J.R. is doing good but needs a little oxygen. For now, it's not a complication. She might even get off oxygen tomorrow. Even if that's not the case, we have an oxygen condenser, so J.R. isn't stuck in bed. Good for her as her ribs heal, though it means more work helping her to the couch, which J.R. will not like. 

Everyone but Jayce wants to watch a movie. Drift goes with Jayce up to her room. I can't believe how bad she's beating herself over J.R.'s injuries. I try to follow them, but Crosshairs stops me and has me sit with him. 

Drift POV   
Jayce is dealing with abdominal pain while she's upset. Her pain has gotten worse, than her emotional pain no longer masks it.   
She let me feel her abdomen, nothing felt wrong, but I better tell Cade.   
"You're going to deal with the pain, aren't you?" I asked.  
"Nothing will help with this," she replies as she moves to lie on her stomach.   
I should have grabbed a bottle of nutrition drink before following her up to her room. Cade comes on ten minutes later with one.   
"She let you come upstairs without trying to come with you?" I asked.   
"Crosshairs kept her distracted. Are you ok, Jayce?"   
"Yes," she replies, but it's clear she's in pain.   
"There are no obvious signs something else is causing her pain," I inform Cade before getting Jayce to sit up and drink the nutrition drink.   
"You need to relax; we have everything under control," Cade says before leaving the room.   
"He's right; we have everything under control; there's no need for you to be this stressed. You're giving yourself unnecessary pain."   
I couldn't hide how upsetting this is to see.   
It's not long before Jayce has to lie on her stomach. I hate there are no signs she's recovering mentally. Instead, it seems she's getting worse, and the dreaded conversation is getting closer to happening.   
Please let this end in a good way. 


End file.
